Hello! It's me again! Sorry for the long wait, I had a few issues I had to take care of and I wasn't feeling too happy for a while. I'm doing a lot better though! Here's another round of madness!
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Quest VIII or any other series mentioned or hinted at. They belong to their respective owners... Man I sound like a broken record.
Day Two: One Knight Stand
Into the early hours of the morning Joey led the odd party consisting of a former bandit, a green midget monster, and a horse princess to anywhere and everywhere BUT the cave hidden by the waterfall, which was where they were supposed to be heading to in the first place. It would have been a little bit more bearable if Joey could have at least learned to shut up for a longer period of time instead of being quiet for only five seconds.
"So Munchie here kept on sniffing my stash so I thought, 'should I let him have some? I've never seen a stoned mouse before.' Then I was like, 'why not?' so I let him have a few puffs of a joint. Afterwards he was trippin' balls while looking at the patterns on the carpet and he felt like it was swallowing him and tried to run off of the carpet when he was actually was dashing around in circles. Then he got a really bad case of the munchies and stumbled his way into the kitchen and ate EVERYTHING! Since that incident I changed his name to Munchie."
"That mouse in your pocket used to 'ave a different name? Wot was it?" Yangus asked.
"Snake Bait."
"Wot!" Yangus visibly flinched. "That seems a bit mean naming it that if ya ask me."
"It gets worse," King Trode started, recalling the memory. "Joey named the poor creature 'Snake Bait' hoping that a man named Solid Snake would visit him, at the cost of the mouse becoming a snack of course, and leave presents under the tree in his room."
"I feeling that some type of wall has been illegally broken somewhere," Yangus commented to no one in particular as he narrowed his eyes and scratched his chin.
Ever so curious, Joey wandered into a large cluster of trees, a distant vision of their destination behind tree trunks and a bit of a light mist sprayed by the cascading falls as they went up the descending slope. The rest of the group nearly rejoiced at having finally come closer to finishing Valentina's favor. They were heading straight for the cavern, increased the pace of their steps (other than Trode, who was sitting in the driver's seat of the wagon Medea was pulling of course) … and halted in their parade as Joey ran off to the right wielding his sword in hand towards a chibi suit of knight's armor riding a huge pale green Slime. Yangus sighed as he pushed his odd spiky hat in place and reluctantly followed Joey to back him up.
Noticing the sudden advance, the monster (or in this case was it two monsters?) hopped towards the former bandit and the idiot that was one of Trode's palace guardsmen and prepared to attack.
"Stop!" the variant of a Slime Knight bellowed, flapping what was supposed to be the faceguard while speaking. "…In the name of love! For I am One Knight Stand!" Apparently the monster could talk, unlike some of the others that only immediately attacked them.
"What does love and a one night stand have to do with each other?" Joey questioned, confused by the concept.
"It fools drunk girls to get into the sack with you! It even works on some intoxicated men as well!"
"Well Mr. One Knight Stand, you're about to get effed in the ay!" Joey sneered with a goofy grin plastered on his face.
"Oh my Goddess, this is soundin' lame!" Yangus complained, annoyed by the level of corniness he was hearing, and covered his ears.
"Behold my long powerful sword and tremble in anticipation as I penetrate you with glorious sonic thrusts!" One Knight Stand announced in dramatic fashion.
"Bring i-"
"Surprise butt secks!"
Instantaneously Joey was down for the count as the monster attacked him with his gleaming sword while his guard was down. Yangus immediately ran over to Joey's limp form, grabbed his hands, and ran backwards towards the direction of Farebury as fast as his short legs could carry him and the deadweight that was Joey.
From afar, One Knight Stand shouted tauntingly to the fleeing party, "Haha! Suck on that ya pussies!" Shortly afterwards the monster bounced off on his noble Slime and disappeared from view. Yangus, Trode, and Medea had to get Joey to the church to revive him before he started decomposing, but the act of doing so seemed to be harder than first thought.
"Blimey this bloke's 'eavy!" Yangus complained as he dragged his friend on the ground. "Can't we jus' stick 'im in a box or sumthin'?"
"There's a coffin in the back of the wagon," Trode chimed in.
"I ain't gonna ask why you 'ave one a' those," Yangus said as he as he dropped Joey to retrieve the coffin that he was informed about.
"I have four of them actually."
"FOUR! 'Ow the hell did you fit that many in this dinky lit'le thing?"
"I thought you weren't going to ask. Didn't you say that not too long ago?"
Trode was really starting to give Yangus the heebie-jeebies, not that he would admit that out loud and risk his own skin just because he stuck his nose where it didn't belong. Reaching in and sliding a coffin out of the carriage, he dragged it until it was parallel with Joey's lifeless form and popped off the lid which had a trident-like design on it, the insignia if the church. Then the former bandit lifted the dead body into the coffin and carelessly let it fall in place, finishing the process of stuffing Joey in his temporary death box by slamming on the lid a dozen times until it clicked. Not wanting to end up like his friend, Yangus ran back to Farebury as quickly as he possibly could on his short legs with the king and the horse princess following not too far.
Shortly after the urgent sprint towards Joey's revival, Yangus busted through the gate of the local town. He hurried on in… but stopped when he realized he left the coffin outside the walls with Trode and Medea. Turning back and passing through the gate in a much calmer manner than earlier, the former bandit was met with exasperated gazes from the green midget king and the horse princess. He then looked down only to see a floating coffin. What the hell?
"Cool! I'm like a Vampire from Ogre Battle: March of the – "
"Joey, shut up! You're supposed to be dead," Trode barked as he kicked the death box, prompting an "Ow!" from the dead Joey and the floating coffin to shake.
"Well, let's get in an' get this over wiv." Yangus motioned to the flying corpse container to walk through the gate again.
Once they were back within the walls of Farebury, Yangus ignored the first flight of stone stairs that would have been a quick route to the church. Instead the ex-bandit was strolling toward the town square. Puzzled, the recently deceased Joey raised his voice to escape being completely muffled by the coffin he was currently occupying, "Why are you going that way? It's quicker to go up the stairs we just passed."
"We need some herbs," Yangus replied.
"You smoked it all! You bastard! You're supposed to share!"
Yangus thought that for a moment he was about to have an aneurysm because, face it, Joey was a frustrating nuisance, living or dead. He was about to say something when said nuisance lighten his voice in a forgiving tone. "Weeell, since you are going to buy more; I shouldn't get mad and let this one slip. Just don't forget that we need some money left over for reviving me."
Seeing no reason to drag the conversation on any longer, the two once again went towards the square. That was until Joey somehow noticed the smoking pile of ash from his coffin.
"Smores!" Joey elatedly shouted, floating away from the path to the town square and to the burning debris.
Yangus turned around, grabbed Joey's coffin with two arms and hoisted it over his head, and chided, "You're dead! You can't 'ave any!"
"Aww!" Joey whined.
The former bandit was tired of Joey's constant complaining so he changed his mind and decided to drop Joey off at the church first. He ran up the other set of stairs near the burnt house and past the overlook of the town, as well as a few buildings surrounding the bar, while carrying the coffin over his head and finally arrived at the entrance of the church of the Goddess. As he entered, Joey cried, "Why'd ya have to be so damn rough!"
The ex-bandit ignored Joey and was more focused on nodding to the priestess in blue robes and speaking with the old priest in red robes.
"Can you please revive my friend 'ere. He kinda 'ad a accidental encounter wiv a strong monster."
In a wobbly ancient voice the priest replied, "Bring the poor soul over here."
Yangus walked over and set the coffin containing the ever-annoying Joey on the church podium. Looking at the elderly priest once more, Yangus asked, "So 'ow much is it goin' to cost?"
Lifting the lid and intensely, even creepily observing the suddenly deathly quiet Joey, the old man gave the former bandit his answer. "Ten gold coins." He then put the lid back down, struggling a bit to do so but eventually closing it.
"Ow, I think you broke something you fucking bastard!" Joey's voice boomed. "I can't feel one of my arms now! I need that… anyway, how much is it gonna cost?"
"Ten gold coins," Yangus parroted what the old priest had said earlier.
"What!" Joey incredulously shrieked. "I'm worth more than ten gold coins! I'm not some random ho!"
"Guv, you're missin' the point. We want to pay less gold coins! The prices get ridiculously high if we make a habit outta diein'!" Yangus tried to reason with him.
"Fine! I still think my life ought to be worth more…"
The priest's and the priestess who was eavesdropping eyes widened in shock at what they were hearing. Coffins were definitely not supposed to talk.
Noticing the unnerving attention Joey attracted, Yangus yanked the lid off, thus cutting Joey off in the middle of his rant. Sweet silence was present once more.
Yangus gave the required amount of gold coins to the priest and then questioned, "So do I have to stay 'ere while you bring 'im back from the dead or can I go do an errand or two?"
"You may leave. It will be a few minutes anyway." The priest sent Yangus off with a wrinkled smile as the ex-bandit walked out of the church.
The priest lied about the revival taking a few minutes. In a magical flash of beautiful pale yellow light, Joey was lifted out of the death box and back onto his feet in a matter of seconds.
"Yangus where are you?" Joey panicked as he woke up coming out of his previous rant before the lid was taken off. He couldn't remember anything when he heard the lid come off; at that moment he felt like he slipped out of existence.
The old priest glanced at the priestess that was standing idly by. "Fellow priestess, would you kindly go outside to tend to any others seeking the Goddess' guidance? I want to give this newcomer a… special tour of our faith."
"Gladly!" the young priestess complied, her doe eyes hinting at her naivety. She walked out of the church and the doors suddenly and hauntingly closed, sounding as if they also locked themselves.
Hairs stood up on Joey's neck, as the air seemed to become more foreboding. Whatever the universe was trying to tell him, he did not like it.
He looked toward the old red robed priest, who was suspiciously turned around and fidgeting with something.
"Um, what are you doing?" Joey questioned.
The old man spun around smugly and purred, "Do you want a popsicle?" while shrugging off a part of his robe.
The doors of the church splintered open and caused a hail of small wooden stakes as Joey screamed and made a mad dash to get out of town, not caring to search for Yangus even as he passed by him.
The ex-bandit whipped his head around in his friend's direction, catching a glimpse of him before disappearing under the archway leading to the burnt house and the town's inn. Seeing as he no longer had any business going up to the church, Yangus turned around and followed Joey out the gate.
Upon bolting through to the outside of the gate Joey quickly jumped into the back of the carriage to hide. Bewildered as to his palace guard's frantic actions and shaking so much that it vibrated the whole horse driven vehicle, King Trode shouted, "What's wrong Joey! Joey? Get a hold of yourself!"
Yangus ran up to Joey's hiding place within the wagon to help Trode calm the normally outgoing yet ridiculous palace guard. "Wot 'appened, guv!"
Joey then gradually stopped shaking as he became stiff like a statue in order to speak. "My eyeballs have ruptured and I'm pretty sure I pissed myself. Yangus, whatever you do, be a pal and do not leave my dead body in a church with a suspicious old man EVER AGAIN!"
"Well noted, guv."
"This is why I don't trust churches! I seriously didn't need to see a wrinkly old nipple! It looked like it was winking at me – "
"Joey, stop givin' us details! We're gonna get the bloody hell outta 'ere and never come back again!" Yangus assured Joey.
"Thank you for understanding! You're a good friend!" Joey cheered as he jumped out of the carriage and hugged Yangus.
"Let go, guv!"
"Ahem," King Trode cleared his throat, calling Joey and Yangus' attention to himself. "Well, if we are done hanging about here then I suggest we go back to the waterfall cave…" Joey went to get a head start before Trode then added, "Without any detours this time."