Author's Note: Hi, everyone! How are you all doing? I have had a tiring week, mixed with a little weirdness, but s'all good :D I'm sorry I kept a lot of you in suspense, but it took a while to formulate a definite idea for this new update. But it's finally here, I hope you'll all like it :D

Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or its beautiful cast. Just my own taste for weirdness.

Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow…

Ow!

Ow!

OW!

Ok, now I have a migraine. Banging your head against a wall is only practical in theory, if you'll excuse the overt oxymoron.

But it kinda feels good to bring myself a little pain. I deserve it after everything that's happened lately…

Great, now I sound like Jade, revelling in sick masochism. And that's mainly because I can't do or say anything that isn't about Jade these days. I'm like a hamster running in a crazy big wheel, the squeaking of the metal repeating her name over and over again in my head, like the thudding of my heart in my chest.

Jade.

Jade.

Jade.

She's all I can think about now. Before, it used to be about the bad things, because she was being mean to me yet again for no apparent reason. But now, it might actually be because of something good, at least I think so. It feels like it's been building up to this massive crescendo of verbal assaults and teasing the line non-stop for days. After that incident in the tent, I thought that Jade would try avoiding me like she had been before. It made me pretty sad thinking about it.

And then Saturday happened. I was tempted not to go to Carnivale. What was the point if I was just gonna focus on how miserable I am about how things currently stand with me and Jade? But after a lot of nagging, Trina finally convinced me to go. I actually had a lot of fun picking out a fun and super cute costume. I chose a gypsy costume because I love 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame' and Esmeralda's one of my favourite characters. She's just so strong, beautiful and confident – she doesn't take any crap from anyone. After everything that's happened with Jade lately, I just wanted and needed one night to feel good about myself again and do things the old Tori would do.

Like having fun with her friends at a super cool party.

Of course, that didn't happen, not exactly anyway. I saw Jade long before she saw me when she came into the Black Box that night. So I tried to look busy and started talking to one of my classmates just so Jade wouldn't catch me staring. She was dressed in black (go figure), but she looked really good. It took all of my restraint not to go over to her, even though it tore me up inside to do it. I couldn't get that look on her face out of my head when we were in the tent. But if Jade wants anything from me, then she's gotta have to start coming clean about how she really feels.

I must've looked really depressed and deep in thought because Beck was suddenly by my side and asking me to dance. I still didn't know if he suspected about me and Jade, but he was being so sweet to me, it made me feel even guiltier about everything. Of course, Jade had to go ruin it by cutting in and dragging me away again. Why can't she ever just let me be?

But then everything changed when we got into the hallway and I saw that Jade had been crying. I didn't know what to do, so I just stopped her from leaving and touched her cheek to try and make her feel better. Then she shivered against my hand and it just made me lose control altogether, thinking about when she made that exact same noise when I touched her intimately in her bedroom a few days ago. The memory was seared into my mind and it made my stomach throb with pent-up desire. Then I just started kissing her because the need was just too strong and intense, overwhelming my senses completely.

Jade and I actually had sex. In a hallway. At school.

Oh my God, somebody could've seen us at any time!

Oh wait, somebody already did. And not just some random stranger or even Sinjin begging me to demonstrate one of his kissing fantasies, no-ho. It just had to be Beck, my good friend and Jade's ex-boyfriend, whom she may or may not have broken up with just so she could fuck me in a public place.

My life is over.

I'd be lying if I told you I actually regretted it. Up till the moment when Beck saw us, things were going pretty darn well for me and Jade. When she kissed me and touched me at Carnivale, it was different. It wasn't like in the janitor's closet when she'd clearly been pissed off at me for not letting her leave. There was something more here, like she was finally ready to tell me how she really feels about me. The fact that we kissed again and that she took me right there against a wall was the most thrilling thing that's ever happened to me. The fact that I have this kind of effect on Jade West of all people is kinda empowering in a weird way.

And the way she looked at me afterwards, when she tucked my hair behind my ear…chiz! If I hadn't just had a mind-blowing orgasm right before then, I probably would've exploded just from that look alone, like those X-ray blue eyes of hers were trying to melt my bones into a puddle. Thinking about it now just made my stomach clench with pleasure-pain all over again. And it makes wanna do crazy things, like walking out of my bedroom right now, finding Jade somehow and…

Goddammit, Tori! You can't keep doing this! Beck knows now and everything's changed. I'd love it if things could be simple and I could be mad at Jade for leaving me leaning against a wall sweaty and satiated when she went after Beck after he saw us together. But I can't even bring myself to do it because I know why she did it. Beck's her boyfriend, or he was up till about two weeks ago, before everything got so unbelievably screwed up. She needed to explain or at best, drive him out to the desert and make sure he didn't tell anyone about what he witnessed.

I was kinda thinking the same thing on the last part, but I'm not proud of it though.

God, I'm being so selfish. But I can't help it; my desire for self-preservation kicks in big-time when I'm royally screwed. Like when I thought Jade was actually gonna swing on me for real during stage fighting. Beck's probably still in shock and really pissed with both of us and all I can think about is what'll happen if this ever gets out. What will my friends think of me? What does Beck think of me now?

He probably hates me with the fire of a thousand suns and honestly, I can't blame him. Maybe I didn't start any of this in the first place, but I'm just as much a part of this. Not just by default, but because of how I'm beginning to feel about Jade.

God, it sounds totally insane even to say it loud. I think I may be falling for…Jade West.

And hard too.

It's not because of the sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex was…yowza for lack of a better word. It's not even for everything that led to Jade trying to have her way with me in a janitor's closet a few days ago. It's the little things in-between that are making me think that just maybe, Jade cares about me, even just a little.

Tori, who the hell are you trying to fool here? I don't even know what happened between Jade and Beck after he saw her and me together. For all I know, they could've talked things out and she's realised that she'd rather be with him instead of with me.

Well, whatever happened, I didn't stick around to find out. I put my panties back on and got the hell out of school. For a moment, I toyed with the idea that Jade might've been looking for me afterwards, but that's just a crazy fantasy. Trina was pretty mad at me for forcing her to get a ride home with Robbie and his Mom on Saturday night, but I didn't care. I didn't answer my cellphone or post anything on the Slap dot com on Sunday after 'Carnivale'. I just couldn't deal with anything, but that didn't mean that my mind wasn't running on hyper drive thinking about Jade. Like the way she wraps a strand of her black hair around her little finger when she's pretending to be bored, the way she rolls her eyes in that comical way when someone's acting like an idiot around her, the way she looked at me when I touched her cheek on Saturday night right before we -

Gah – I can't take this anymore! I have to do something, anything! I can't just sit here and think. I can feel people calling out to me inside my head and I don't know where to turn, who to focus on.

Is it Beck?

Is it Jade?

Who is calling me?

"Tori Vega!"

I can suddenly hear people laughing and giggling all around me. And then my breath catches in my throat when I see my English teacher, Mrs Crackheart (you can't make this stuff up) glaring at me from behind her cat glasses.

I thought I was still in my bedroom banging my head against a wall. How am I suddenly in school right now? I don't even remember driving here…

Am I having a nightmare? Ok, calm down, Tori. Look down slowly and check if you're naked…

Look down, look down…

Damn, I'm wearing clothes! This is really happening! God, how embarrassing…

I really must not have been paying attention when Trina drove us to school this morning. And Trina is a terrible driver, it's hard not to notice. She swerves on the road, she honks on her horn at other cars and pedestrians and she's incredibly loud to top it all off. On a bad day, I'm tempted to swing on her if I wasn't concerned with killing the both of us in a car crash.

It didn't help that I lost all concentration and interest in whatever was being taught simply because Jade had cut school today…

Shit, Mrs Crackheart just asked me a question – think!

"Uh…42?" I heard myself ask stupidly, which just elicited more laughter from my classmates.

Great, now I'm the laughing stock of the entire student body and Jade' s not even here to rub it in and make me believe that everything's back to normal again.

Awesome.

"I'm afraid that's incorrect, since I was talking about 'The Great Gatsby', Tori…" Mrs Crackheart drawled with a 'why do I even bother?' look on her face before moving back to the white board.

To my intense relief, the bell started chiming a few seconds later.

"Ok, people. That's it for today. Don't forget – your papers on 'Othello' are due tomorrow!" Mrs Crackheart yelled over the sounds of teenagers getting up from their desks and trying to leave the class as quickly as possible to get to lunch.

I was one of them, getting to my feet and stretching out the stiff muscles in my neck and arms. I was just about to sling my bag over my head when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. I whipped around and found Cat's brown eyes staring at me.

"Heeeey, Cat…" I greeted with an uncomfortable grin on my face, unsure of what else to say.

"Hey, Tor. You ok?" Cat asked me with obvious concern in her voice, which threw me a little.

"Uh, sure. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked back, playing for time as the two of us left the classroom and started walking down the hall.

"You seem sad. And Jade's not here either. I thought that might be the reason." Cat pointed out, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Uh…why would I be sad that Jade's not here?"

Then Cat's mouth opened into that adorable grin of hers that seems to light up an entire room without even trying.

"Because everything's better when Jade's around." Cat answered with that radiant smile of hers.

Ain't that the truth?

Damn, no wonder she's had so many boyfriends in the past few months. One smile from Cat and you'll be signing over your life insurance to her.

"You said it, Cat. I bet Tori would be pretty psyched if Jade were right now, Isn't that right, Tori?"

I couldn't believe that voice dripping with polite sarcasm actually belonged to Beck. Even on those days when Jade was being a total gank to him and everyone else, Beck barely blinked about it. But now…

I didn't even notice him standing walking behind me and Cat in the hallway till he blew right past us and stood in front of his locker. And now he was putting his books away, his eyes totally focused on what he was doing.

"What do you mean by that, Beck?" Cat asked with a confused look on her face.

Beck smirked and shut his locker with a slam. But when he turned to face to me, there was nothing remotely humorous about his expression. His mouth may have been laughing, but I could see the obvious pain in his eyes when he looked at me.

"Oh…just that Tori and Jade seem have to gotten pretty close overnight. It's only natural to miss a special someone when they're not around." Beck answered with that same tone of voice as before, his eyes making holes like lasers through my body.

"Beck, can I talk to you in private please?" I demanded through gritted teeth.

"Why? I thought we were all making conversation. I haven't gotten to the best part yet-"

"BECK! Sikowitz's empty classroom NOW!" I yelled before pulling on his arm and dragging him away from Cat, who watched us leave with a puzzled look on her face.

Damn, I am dangerously good at this! One of these days, Jade and I need to learn the art of subtlety. Meh, too late now…

"Tori, what the hell are you doing?" Beck yelled after I let go of him and shut the classroom behind us and pulled down the shades.

Wait, why does Sikowitz have shades on his classroom door? Oh, nevermind that now!

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" I hissed in a furious voice with my hands on my hips.

Beck glared stonily back at me and I groaned in exasperation.

"What are you trying to do, Beck? Look, I know you're upset-"

"Don't tell me how I'm supposed to feel, Tori!"

"Ok, ok! I'm not trying to tell you how to feel. I just – God, I don't know what to do here!" I stuttered while holding my head in my hands.

"You seemed to know exactly what you were on doing on Saturday night." Beck retorted snidely.

"Ok, fine – I deserve that! But blabbing to everyone about what you saw at Carnivale isn't going to solve anything, Beck."

"Oh, I'm sorry – is that not the appropriate response to this situation? How 'bout I start by congratulating you on having sex with my girlfriend behind my back?"

"Ex-girlfriend!"

"Whatever! The point is that I now know why Jade broke up with me. It was because of you this entire time. I tried to welcome you into Hollywood Arts, even when Jade wouldn't give you the time of day. I was your friend, Tori – how could you do that to me?" Beck questioned.

His eyes were moist and he stumbled over the words like he was crumbling into tiny shards of pain. And it hurt watching him trying to keep it together under the scrutiny of so many watchful eyes.

Who would've guessed? Cool and nonchalant Beck Oliver actually has a heart deep within.

And I just broke it.

"Beck, you don't know that." I tried in an attempt to make him feel better, even though I was crashing and burning like crazy.

"How can you say that? You were with her on Saturday night! The two of you have been sneaking around this entire time!" Beck snapped angrily.

"No! It's not like that. Whatever's been going on with me and Jade…I didn't mean for it to happen, I swear. We…haven't been sneaking around, Beck." I mumbled, unable to look him in the eye.

"You really expect me to believe that?" Beck demanded.

"It's the truth! Nothing happened between me and Jade while the two of you were still together!" I shot back, feeling my cheeks turning red.

"So what? That magically makes everything ok, Tori? You and Jade…you play these games just to get back at each other. Unlike everyone else, I wasn't fooled by either one of your ridiculous bluster. I guess I always knew deep down that you never really hated each other. But this…" Beck broke off, turning away from me and running his hands through his long black hair.

God, I've been so stupid this entire time, both Jade and me. We got so caught up in whatever the hell this thing between us is, we didn't stop to take a breath. We just didn't think at all about who we were hurting. And now our little house of cards is crashing down all around us, burying us underneath in a pile of spades.

"You're right. I guess we have been lying to ourselves and to everyone else. I'm sorry you got dragged into the middle of it, Beck." I stammered, walking up behind him.

Beck turned around again and just stared at me for the longest time.

"So what does this make you, Tori? Are you like a lesbian now or something? Was that jealous tirade over Cat and Danny all just for show?" he questioned in a tone almost bordering on comical.

"Of course not! I still had feelings for Danny at the time – I like guys. But with Jade, it's just…I don't know how to explain it…" I trailed off lamely.

Maybe something seemed to show on my face because Beck started giving me that same look of concentration when Jade and I got into that fight during Sikowitz's 'alphabet exercise'.

"You really like her, don't you?" he asked in a serious voice, moving back again till he towered over me.

Oh my God, what is this? Court TV? I feel like I'm on trial here! What am I supposed to say? Lie and hope that everything goes back to normal, or tell the truth and lose Beck forever as a friend?

Thankfully, Beck didn't leave the choice up to me.

"You're wasting your time."

"I…don't think I am. Maybe there's more to Jade than what meets the eye, a side of her that not even you know about, Beck."

Where the hell did that just come from?

Am I actually defending Jade West?

Instead of getting angry at me, Beck simply shook his head. When it came to really knowing people, Beck was still and always going to be an enigma to me.

"She's just gonna break your heart, Tori. That's what Jade does – what she's good at." He answered in a voice that sounded bitter and resigned to me.

"You're wrong."

Beck laughed again. Then he leaned over me till our faces were just a breath apart.

"We'll see about that. I've got nothing else to lose." He whispered in my ear.

My hands were fisted into knuckles at my sides from Beck's close proximity while he talked to me. Then he moved away and started walking towards the door. But not before he said:

"I wouldn't have told anyone about what I saw. If you really believed that, then I guess you don't know me as well as you think you do, Tori. I guess it doesn't matter anymore."

Then he shut the classroom door behind him with a soft click. But I still couldn't breathe easily. My heart was racing in my chest and my legs felt like they were weighed down with lead balls.

Beck was right about one thing: he had nothing to lose anymore.

It's the total opposite for me now.

And Jade's holding all the cards this time.

Author's Note: Lots more angst this time around, but I hope I did Beck justice with this :D A big thank you to everyone who's been reviewing, favouriting and alerting this story - it's like buckets of love for me. And props to pink-strawberry-lemonade for getting my joke in last week's A/N about Victor dropping a pin. And shame on the rest of you for not watching 'House of Anubis' :P Now Franky say relax, have a great weekend!