Author's Notes: Heyo, folks! I hope you're all having a stellar week so far :D So this took some doing because I thought it would never end, but I finally have a new update for you. Don't know if I mentioned this a few days ago, but in case I didn't, this is another one of Jade's POV's. Then it's back to Tori's POV next chapter. Hope you like this :D
Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious or its beautiful cast. Just my own incessant attempts at unadulterated laughter at any cost.
3 weeks, 21 days, 504 hours, 30240 minutes, 1814400 seconds...
Whoa, that's a lot of seconds!
Have I really been thinking about this that much lately?
What am I rambling on about, you might ask? I'm glad you asked, it's nice talking to someone, even if it's just in my own head.
It's been 3 weeks since I spoke to either Beck or Tori, after our little hoe-down in the hallway.
I've seen plenty of them at school, but it's not the same.
There have been a few occasions in class or at lunch when Beck's caught my eye and looked like he wanted to say something. But then he'd either just stop or I would pointedly look away before he had the chance. I can't decide what I'm more pissed off about: whether he wilfully boxed me into a corner so that I would tell Tori to leave me alone or that I denied everything that had ever happened between us. And just when I start to really get angry at him, it rebounds on me instead. Game or not, Beck didn't make me say or do anything I didn't wanna do. I made my decision right then and there and fucked up everything for all of us.
Beck may look at me occasionally with something that looks like regret.
Not Tori.
She doesn't look at me all these days.
Right after it happened, she avoided coming out to lunch at all. Then she slowly fell back into the routine of sitting with me, Andre, Beck, Robbie, Rex and Cat. But she still wasn't looking at me or talking to me. At first, I made snarky comments just to get a rise out of her, to get anything out of her. And -
Nothing.
For the first time ever, Tori Vega was completely out of reach from me by her choice.
So I stopped and let her get on with it. It's not like I'm allowed to care after everything I've done, right?
Doesn't mean I don't though.
It's still hard to come terms with.
I have feelings for Vega. And just when I'm ready to finally come clean and admit it, she decides that she wants nothing to do with me.
Irony is so not helpful right now.
Oh well, no point wallowing in it now. So instead, I sit in class all day and lay in bed all night and just count.
Count down the weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds till Tori Vega is completely out of my system and I can stop holding my breath.
It's pretty much the same today. I'm sitting in English class and Mrs. Crackheart (you can't make this shit up) is talking incessantly about Jay Gatsby telling Nick Carraway that he can recapture the past with Daisy Buchanan.
Boy, is Gatsby full of shit. Memories get frozen in time, but life moves on and you get left behind. Look where recapturing the past got him – floating face-down in a swimming pool with a bullet hole straight through the chest. I'd never let myself go out that way. And don't even get me started on Daisy – talk about a bad combo of shallow and stupid mixed in one. Stuck between two guys and caring more about the money at the end of it all.
Actually, that's kinda smart…
Tori's sitting right in front of me. All I can really see is her head bowed over the desk, her long brown hair falling down her back, the edges of her elbows standing out at an angle while she takes notes. It's all I have of her now. So I finally stop listening to anything related to 'The Great Gatsby' and just take in all of Tori Vega from a distance, drink her in slowly and feel that delightful buzz in the pit of my stomach…
I'm acutely aware that the bell's ringing somewhere from overhead. I grab my shit together and put it in my bag and I'm out the door in a flash. I get to my locker in record time and start shoving things in. Just one more period to suffer through and then school's over.
Then I hear the weirdest noises behind me and I swivel around on my combat boots. I'm met by the strangest sight. Tori's walking across the floor and pulling – scratch that, dragging Cat along. But this isn't like the time Tori dragged Cat along the floor and into the janitor's closet to talk to her after she kissed Danny. With what I'm sure is a puzzled look on my face, I take a closer look and realise that Cat's holding onto Tori's leg by choice and Tori's trying to pull her leg free from the tiny red-head.
"Cat, let go of my leg!"
"No! Not until you listen!"
What the chiz are these two up to now?
"Yo, Vega. You've got a Cat Valentine stuck to your leg."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious!" Tori retorted in a waspish tone.
"Ah, so you finally realised that there is no 'Catherine' then, huh?" I questioned maliciously.
"Oh, would you give it a rest, Jade-"
"Guys, quit fighting!"
"Quit hanging onto my leg! People are watching, Cat!" Tori snapped impatiently.
"Why are you all over Tori anyway, Cat?" I asked curiously in spite of myself.
"So that I can do this."
Without warning, Cat got to her feet in a flash on massive heels too (how does she wear those?). Then before either Tori or I could do anything, she took us both by the hand and started dragging us forward.
"Seriously, Cat?"
"Valentine, what the chiz?"
"I'm sorry, but I have to do this. It's for your own good." Cat responded in a solemn voice.
Oh no - Cat, don't you even think about it...
Tori started echoing my inward sentiments and protesting as loudly as possible against what Cat was about to do. She and Trina are birds of a feather when it comes to loud and whiny voices.
Seriously, do they come from a family of bull horns?
The door to the janitor's closet is looming straight ahead and in a swirl of movement, both me and Tori fly forward and fall head-first into the small space. While I'm still massaging my forehead where it hit the ground (Mother of God, that hurts!), I hear Tori screaming and the sound of a door slamming shut behind me.
Oh crap…
Then I'm on my feet too, pounding on the door to the janitor's closet right along with Tori, trying to get out.
"Oh my God, we're trapped!" Tori shrieked beside me.
"Cat, what the hell are you doing? Open up this door right now!" I snarled angrily.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do that, guys." Came back Cat's muffled reply from the other side.
"Cat, this isn't funny. You let me and Jade out of here right now!" Tori barked, pounding on the door even more.
"What's all that racket?" Robbie's voice asked from somewhere outside the room.
"Tori and Jade are in there. I locked them in," Cat answered with what sounded like an elated tone.
"You did what?"
"I knew this girl was trippin' off of something stronger than candy…" Rex muttered in an aside.
"Not now, Rex! Cat, why did you lock them in there?" Rex spluttered.
"It's for their own good."
"Cat, as soon as I get out of here, your body's gonna be the same colour as your hair!" I roared while kicking at the door.
"Threatening her is not gonna help!" Tori fumed, rounding on me with this crazy look in her eyes.
"You just threatened her too!"
"Not with bloodshed!"
"Robbie, I'll be right back. Stay here and don't let them out." Cat commanded as her voice got softer and softer.
"Cat, wait a minute!" Robbie yelled after her.
"Hey, where are you going? Cat, you get back here right now! Or I swear to God, I'm gonna hurt ya!" Tori yelled.
"Wow, that sounds an awful lot like a threat mixed with the promise of bloodshot, Vega." I quipped dryly, which earned me an eye-roll from the Latina.
"Hey yo, Robbie. Whatchu doin'?" Andre asked, his voice filtering through the crack in the door.
"Andre, let us out!" Tori begged with another knock on the door.
"Tori, is that you? What's going on?" Andre asked quizzically.
"Cat locked Tori and Jade-zilla in the janitor's closet." Rex offered in a snide tone.
"Just because I'm stuck in here doesn't mean I can't reach through the key-hole with my fingers and rip your head right off, Pinocchio!" I growled vindictively.
"Dude, get me out of here now! Jade is two blinks away from a rage blackout!" Rex screamed in a high pitched voice.
"Just hold on a sec, Rex! Cat said she was coming back, then she can explain what's going on."
"What's going on is that Cat's finally gone crazy and locked me and Jade in a closet!" Tori pointed out impatiently.
"Dude, you can't just leave 'em in there…" Andre protested.
Then things got even more bizarro when I heard more footsteps followed by someone whining and screeching like a hyena in pain.
Now what?
"Cat, let go of my ear!"
Wait…is that Beck?
"Not until you tell them what you did!" Cat yelled in an uncharacteristically angry voice.
"Cat, what is going on? What are you doing to Beck?" Tori demanded anxiously.
"I'm sorry I have to take such drastic measures, Tori. But something weird has been going on with you and Jade for weeks now and I can't take it anymore. Enough is enough, the two of you need to talk things out once and for all." Cat explained in a serious tone.
Holy crap on a cracker, she can't be serious. Are we taping another episode of 'The Wood' that I don't know about?
"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Robbie asked in a loud voice.
"You've gotta be kidding me." Tori lamented.
"If this is about me and Tori, then what does Beck have to do with it?" I demanded in confusion.
"Beck admitted that he knows why the two of you have been fighting lately. And he's gonna make it right." Cat responded brightly.
"What are you talking about, Cat? Beck has nothing to do with – nothing's going on with me and Jade!" Tori shot back defensively.
"Beck, tell Tori right now what you did!" Cat ordered impatiently.
"Girl, whatchu talkin' about?" Andre questioned.
What Beck did? Wait, oh no…
"Ok, ok!" Beck fumed from the other side.
"Beck, don't you dare say another word, or so help me, God…" I breathed in a dangerous murmur, my face pressed against the door.
"Jade, what's going on? What are Beck and Cat talking about?" Tori asked of me, doing a funny dance in exasperation.
"Nothing! Ok, you've had your fun, Cat. Now unlock the door!" I yelled.
"I'm sorry, Jade. But Tori deserves to know that you only said what you said to her 3 weeks ago because of me. Because I made you…" Beck trailed off in a pathetic voice.
"Beck, what are you talking about?" Tori demanded.
"Beck…"
"Jade does care about you, Tori. I was pissed off and confused. I wanted to get back at Jade for breaking up with me, and she took it out on you. I'm sorry, I was wrong." Beck replied in a mournful tone.
"Yo, what's with all this double-talk? This isn't 'Pretty Little Liars'!" Rex called out in an annoyed voice.
"Guys, I think we should give them some privacy." Cat murmured in a soft tone of voice
"Cat, you cannot leave us in here..." I warned through gritted teeth.
"Don't worry, Jade. I'm giving you and Tori 3 hours to talk things out before I let you out. I think that should be enough time." Cat countered reasonably.
"But we have class!" Tori spluttered indignantly.
"Just one more period for the day. I'll make something up if anyone asks where the two of you are. And if you can't think of anything to talk about, then this might come in handy..."
Both Tori and I watched as a pink pamphlet slid under the door.
"Is that what I think it is?" Andre asked in a surprised tone.
I got to it first and laughed humourlessly at its contents.
The pamphlet contained tips for coming out of the closet.
Cat and her warped brain...
"What is it?" Tori asked curiously.
I handed it to her without saying a word. Just like I predicted, Tori started spluttering and gasping like we were in some fucked-up soap opera.
"Cat! Please tell me you're kidding." Tori fumed exasperatedly.
"I never joke about matters of the heart...or the Sky Store. Just...read and talk. I'll be back in 3 hours." Cat concluded.
"Now that I've done my part for the greater good, I'm gonna take off." Beck declared suddenly in what sounded like a dejected tone to me.
"Beck-"
"It's cool, Jade. Cat's right, you and Tori need to figure this out for yourself without any distractions or complications."
"Beck." Tori replied in a sad voice.
"I'll see you all around."
1, 2, 3 steps, and Beck's gone, out of my life.
"I got a question."
"Yes, Rex?"
"If two hot girls are in a closet with that kind of pamphlet, why am I still on this side of the door?"
"Oh, come on, Rex! You're impossible! You and I are gonna have a serious talk when we get home, Mister!" Robbie scolded as his and Rex's voices became more distant.
"I'm gonna head too, see if Beck's ok. See you girls tomorrow, hopefully outside of a closet. Hope you figure out...whatever's going on with the two of you."
And then Andre was gone and the two of us were finally alone.
This is gonna be a long 3 hours...
I don't know how we pulled off, but Tori and I found a way to not talk about anything related to our many trysts and sexual orientation for a good hour. So while Tori paced around, I picked up Cat's silly pamphlet and started reading through it to pass the time. I played it off as being cool and nonchalant, but Tori's presence after being denied close proximity for 3 weeks was beginning to weigh on me, especially with the way her hips swayed as she paced. Is this girl incapable of wearing frumpy, non-hip-accentuating clothing?
I started sniggering at a certain part of the pamphlet.
"What's so funny?"
I could tell Tori only asked because she didn't have anything better to do with her time.
"Listen to this. According to this pamphlet, you have to first know who you are before admitting that you're a lesbian or even bi. Shouting it from the rooftops, even." I sniggered.
If only life was this simple: just shouting the truth out from a rooftop for everyone to hear. This is the real me and I like who I am.
"Jade-"
"I already know who I am. I don't need some stupid pamphlet to tell me who it thinks I'm supposed to be." I retorted scathingly before tossing the book onto the floor.
Something about it was making me exceedingly angry and I couldn't control it. This damn closet is fucking with my head!
"I'm a cold-hearted bitch, gay or straight. That's who I'm always gonna be."
"I don't believe that."
I didn't realise that Tori was so close till she was sitting in front of me with her legs drawn up to her chest and hugging them tightly. Oh, to be those hands holding her right now...
"Believe whatever you want, it's the truth." I quipped shortly.
"That's just it, I don't think it is. What did Beck say to you 3 weeks who when you told me to leave you alone?" Tori asked calmly.
When I finally dared to look up from the ground, she was staring at me intently. Goddammit, why does she have to look at me with those big brown eyes just like fucking Bambi?
Does that make me Thumper in this scenario?
"It doesn't matter." I snapped impatiently, trying to throw her off with a carelessly tossed word or two.
"It matters to me, Jade." Tori murmured in a severe tone, which threw me instead.
I sighed dramatically and rolled my eyes before answering.
"Beck just kinda...basically...sorta...in a round-about way..."
"Just spit it out, Jade!"
Da-yum...
"Ok! We were fighting about him catching you and me...in the hallway...that Saturday night. He was pissed when he saw you coming. So he told me to tell you how I really felt about you, taunted really." I explained awkwardly.
"Unbelievable. That was a pretty assy thing to do." Tori complained in an angry voice.
"It's not his fault, Tori. I'm the one who fucked up with you and him. Beck reacted that way because he's hurt and feels betrayed." I countered calmly.
That seemed to deflate Tori all over again while she began rubbing her arm with her other hand. Then she looked at me with this coy smirk on her face.
Girl, what are you up to now?
"What?" I asked blankly.
"Look at you. I thought that Jade West never apologises for being a gank." Tori answered with teasing laughter.
"Don't let it go to your head." I retorted, but soon I was laughing right along with her.
It felt good to let go of some of that tension I've been feeling for close to 2 months now. But when the silence set in again, and we were right back at square one.
"So if you didn't mean what you told Beck in front of me, how do you really feel, Jade?"
"I...I can't talk about this."
"Why not?"
"Because...I don't do feelings!"
"That's bullshit, Jade - and you know it!"
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Or are you going to tell me that you didn't give a shit about Beck for 2 years?"
"Of course not! But that was...different."
"So are you saying you don't care about me even a little?"
"I never said that."
"Then what are you saying?"
"Aaargh - I don't know!"
Tori groaned loudly too and pinched the bridge of her nose. She recovered pretty quickly, considering how frustrated she must feel right now with my answers. Ironically, I wasn't talking shit just to get a rise out of her. I genuinely didn't know what to think or how to feel about this situation.
"Ok, nothing heavy just yet. Let's start with something simple, ok?" Tori suggested more patiently.
"Ok..." I relented, wondering where she was going with this.
"I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. And I'd like you to try to answer me as honestly as possible in a way that makes you feel most comfortable. But no bullshitting and no mean insults," Tori warned sternly on the last night.
I nodded to show her I understood and she began her interrogation.
"Why did you push me out of the way when Sinjin almost hit me with that fake rock?"
"Because...I didn't want you to get hurt."
"Why?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why would you care about me getting hurt or not? I figured you'd enjoy a little or lots of misery coming my way...literally."
"I'm not gonna lie, it is fun watching you do stupid shit and making an idiot out of yourself..."
"Hey, nothing mean!"
"Would you let me finish? It may be fun to watch you make an ass out of yourself on a regular basis. But with the way that rock was coming at you, that wouldn't have been funny to watch. It was instinctive I guess." I replied with a nonchalant shrug.
"It's instinctive for you to protect me?" Tori asked in a much quieter voice.
She shifts closer and closer to me with every single question she asks – is she even aware she's doing it? I have to fight the urge to back away from her or jump her bones, that's how crazy she's making me.
"Since when?"
How the fuck should I know, woman?
"I guess…I just decided then and there." I answered as truthfully as possible without quite making eye contact.
"But you ran away right afterwards…" Tori trailed, those stupid brown eyes of hers making me want to kill myself for making her look so sad.
"Only because I didn't wanna freak you out." I responded uncertainly.
"I think you pretty much freaked me out when you tried to jump me in a closet – this closet." Tori remarked drolly with a weary look at our surroundings.
"Yeah, kinda spur-of-the-moment with that, my bad."
"And every moment after that?"
"The same. But you also initiated some of that too," I reminded with my favourite smirk in her direction.
I had the satisfaction of watching Vega blush a deep shade of red that would've rivalled Cat's hair colour. Maybe I'm not the only one being tortured out of their minds (and bodies) here.
"Yeah, um…that was my bad too." She mumbled self-consciously.
As weird as this conversation is, I kinda like watching Tori squirm. At least I'm not the only one in the hot seat now…
"And…what about Carnivale?"
Shit, I can't answer that question.
"Next question," I blurted out.
"Jade!" Tori exclaimed.
I got some small joy from the fact that Tori now had her hands on my shoulders while she tried to get me to talk to her.
"Jade, come on! You promised! This is important to me! I need to know about that night." She persisted.
"Why? You were there!"
"Of course I know that! I was there and you were with me and it was…one of the best nights of my night…all craziness aside." Tori blurted out in a flurry.
Oh sweet chiz…
I wonder if it's possible to have a silent heart attack…
I think I was gaping at her because she started frowning at me.
"You seem confused."
"I am, Vega. I mean…that night – wasn't it you know…too rough for you?" I mumbled, wishing I could melt into the floor from pure embarrassment.
"It was, not that I minded. But afterwards when you looked at me and touched my face…"
Oh shit, we're entering unchartered waters here with all this touchy-feely crap! Time to nuke this missile right out of the water…
"Tori, we can't do this!" I spluttered in a high-pitched voice.
"Why not?" Tori demanded, looking hurt by my outburst.
"Because you're Tori Vega and I'm Jade West! We don't do…this." I protested with a wild gesture of my hands at the empty space between our bodies.
"Do what? Be nice to each other?"
"I think it's a lot more than that."
"You're damn right it's a lot more now, more than I've ever felt with anyone else!" Tori snapped angrily.
Now I'm really stunned. If Vega had told me this when we'd first met, I would've taken it as a direct insult. But now…
"You really mean that?" I asked in a would-be casual voice.
"Of course. It meant…a lot to me. It just sucks that the rest of the night was a disaster after Beck found us together." Tori admitted soberly.
This is too weird! I want her to take it all back. And yet, I need her to keep talking.
"I'm not gay." I announced stubbornly.
"I don't think I'm am either, at least not all the way. But I'm tired of analysing it, Jade. I'm tired of fighting this."
"And giving in is the answer?"
Then Tori was definitely leaning in closer to me till she was practically straddling me, our noses just a whisper apart.
"Jade, you gave in the second you realised that you never really hated me to begin with." She whispered seriously, her breath fanning my lips like a humid day.
"And when did you decide to give in?" I asked in spite of myself, trying my best to ignore how good her breath felt on my skin, how the heat of her body seemed to break right through my cool exterior like boiled water on ice.
"When I let you take me – all of me…" she whispered back, resting her forehead against mine.
Shit! How is it possible for Tori Vega to drive me to the brink like this! Time to get some control back! Insult her, slap her – do something, Jade!
Oh fuck it…
I grab the back of her head and pull her to me, my lips moving against her partially opened mouth. My actions took her by surprise, but she still let me in and I started thrusting my tongue in-between of her moist lips, tasting her achingly-sweet warmth, my whole body shuddering with pent-up desire that I'd kept locked away for weeks now. Oh God, I've missed this feeling without even knowing it, I –
What the fuck?
Did Tori just pull away from me?
"Tori!" I hissed.
Tori shook her head and I started seeing red.
"No. Not until you tell me how you really feel, Jade." She declared.
Wow, Vega's better at this game than I thought…
"I don't know if I can give you the answer you wanna hear." I confessed slowly, feeling strangely dejected about the whole thing.
"Try!" Tori pleaded in an exasperated voice, sounding like she was at breaking point.
But I couldn't. My lungs felt like they were on fire from keeping words trapped in them for too long.
Tori surprised me by not moving away from me and trying to pound on the door to get Cat to let us out. Instead, she did something even weirder.
She draped her hands around my neck and relaxed in my lap like she was reclining on a bar stool.
"Fine, you want me to say it first? Ok, I can do that. I don't think you're full of shit, Jade. I care about you a lot and I want this, in whatever shape and form the whole package comes in." she murmured while looking deep into my eyes to get her message across.
I am so fucked right now…
Instinctively, my hands wrapped around her waist like I was trying to make sure that she was real and not just a dream.
"Tell me…" Tori urged, her grip tightening on my neck.
Her eyes said it all: I mean what I'm saying, I'm not bullshitting you. I won't hate you no matter what you tell me. You can let me in.
"I don't hate you and I do want you…whatever this is that we're doing. I want…all of it, I-"
Tori didn't let me finish. But I wasn't complaining a second later when her lips landed on mine, searing right through my skin as she filled me up from head to toe. My idle hands moved further up her back and pulled her right into me until she was pressed up against me, ready to disappear right into my chest. For the first time ever, I kissed her like I meant it, like I'd really wanted to all along. And I definitely don't care who fucking walks in right now…
Then she rested her forehead against mine, grinning with her eyes closed while I tried to calm my heart pounding in my chest.
"See? That wasn't so hard," she whispered happily.
"I think I still might need a little more convincing," I remarked slyly, my eyes raking over Tori's beautifully swollen lips while my hands caressed her back.
"I'm told I can be pretty persuasive…" Tori trailed off in a way that made me want to hear the rest of the innuendo attached to that phrase.
But I'm way too impatient for that, so I just kiss her instead, wanting to repeat the motion until she begs me to stop.
At this point, I honestly don't care if Cat never comes back.
Author's Note: Ah, young love *runs through the field sprinkling fresh flower petals* Anyway...I hope you all liked this, I'm not sure whether I love it or hate it (I'm strange like that). A special thank you to WikiaHow for tips on getting out the closet (in more ways than one in this instance). I'm sure you all have questions about both Beck and Cat's peculiar behaviour in this chapter. Well, I'll just come right out and say it: they're secret fuck buddies :P Up next: final chapter with Tori's POV, which started all this weirdness. Thanks for reading, cheerio!