I honestly don't know if vodka has a smell.
II
You know what sucks? Waking up in a mush puddle of your own vomit. Ugh, hangovers are the worst. You wake up after who knows what happened the other night, and you're introduced to a mush puddle and the feeling of having been hit by the Keyblade. Now I know what Axel felt after he faced off with Roxas.
Must...find...water...
I stumbled across the dark room, hitting every corner imaginable before finding the door handle. I didn't want to teleport to the only bathroom in the entire fucking castle because then it would just make me even more woozy. Plus it's forbidden. See, the last time someone teleported to the bathroom, I was in there taking a shower. Yes, we Nobodies still get body oder. It's a common misconception. Anyway, I was in the shower, and Xaldin just had to take a crap at the same time. As if! I mean jeez man, it's not that hard to hold it in for a few more minutes. So he telports in the bathroom, and at the same time I was getting out of the shower. I'm sure you can imagine what happened next. I'd tell you, but this headache is killing me.
Since when in the hell is it so hard to turn a knob?!
After a few moments of struggling with the doorknob, I finally got the door to open. But because of my current unfocused state, I stumbled over my own feet and landed on the rather hard floor below me. I grunted in pain, both from the fall and from the bruises forming on my hips after colliding with everything in my room just minutes before.
"Would you like some assistance Number II?"
I looked up, only to look back down again. Luxord was standing in front of me, his hand extended in concern. Or what seemed like it anyway. I could still see some disgust in his eyes from yesterday.
"I'm fine..." I muttered, not taking my eyes off the floor. Luxord didn't seem to believe me and kept his position for a few more minutes before kneeling down to take a better look at me. I blushed lightly, knowing he'd probably pull away from the smell of vomit, sweat, and probably vodka on me. I cursed myself, wishing I had smelled better. Instead he brushed a few strands of hair from my face, his eyes directly looking into mine. I couldn't hide my deepening blush.
"Lying won't replenish your health." he said this with a stern look in his blue eyes. God I wish I could stare into them forever. Before I could get into my fantasies though, he grabbed my arm, hauling me up onto my wobbly feet. With my arm around his neck and his around my waist, he proceeded to take me to the bathroom for a much needed wash. We were silent for a few paces, his eyes never meeting mine. After my head began to stabilize, I decided to strike a conversation.
"...I'm sorry, you know." My voice barley exceeded a whisper, but he still responded. Damn he has good hearing.
"Elaborate, if you will."
I hate it when he has to make things difficult. Swallowing nothing, I kept silent in thought, finding some words to put together.
"I'm sorry for ditching you yesterday..."
"You still recall that? I would have assumed the alcohol would have erased your memory of yesterdays events..."
"As if." We fell silent after that. It was Luxord who continued the conversation again.
"Even though your apology doesn't seem very sincere, I'll accept it."
"Dude, since when have I been sincere?"
"I can't recall a time where you were considerate at all."
"You can't blame me for not having a heart."
"I understand..."
We finally reached the bathroom, and I was well enough to stand on my own. It hurt though, and I had to either lean on the wall or Luxord to keep the pain at a minimum. I chose to lean on Luxord.
"You think you can help me into the tub?" I asked, my shaking hand gripping his coat. He responded by picking me up bridal style, my arms wrapping around his neck in surprise. My head rested against his chest, my hair thankfully covering my blush. That damn thing just wouldn't go away.
Thank God I don't have my hair tie on.
Over the harsh scent of vomit, I could make out the innocent scent of peaches on Luxord, having it calm me to some extent. I inconspicuously snuggled up to him, his breaths rocking my head slightly as his chest moved up and down from the action. The trip in his arms didn't last long however, and he placed me inside the tub without hesitation. He watched me as I sat there with a somewhat disappointed look on my face. I quickly replaced it with a smile.
"Thanks."
"You're welcome."
He then left, leaving me alone in the bathroom. Sighing, I began to undress, hoping Luxord had locked the door.
FUCKING ZIPPER!!
That proved to be a challenge.
-Later On-
I walked into the kitchen completely washed and very hungry. I was still a little wobbly in my steps, but at least I didn't get anymore bruises. I opened up the cabinet, took out a mug and began making coffee. Even though the stuff tasted vile, it still gave me a warm feeling whenever I drank it. I'd drink something that I actually liked, but Axel always got to it first. Taking my fresh mug of black coffee, I wobbled to the table, wafting the scent into my nose.
"You know, for someone who has the upper hand on gravity, you sure have a poor center of it." I sighed, casting a glare at Xaldin whom I had admittedly just noticed was already occupying the table. He was munching on a half eaten bagel, a smirk on his face between bites. I snorted, trying to regain my dignity. I was not going to lose this fight to Xaldin. I took a seat just across the table before retorting.
"As if! I'll have you know I have a damn good center of gravity."
"I'm sure the bruises prove it." I subconsciously wrapped an arm around my waist, thinking it would somehow prove him wrong. I had a "how the hell did you know" look on my face, inviting Xaldin to explain himself. He leaned back in his chair, taking the invitation.
"I heard you this morning while I was walking past your dorm room. Xemnas is gonna be pissed if he finds anything broken."
"As if. Xemnas isn't nearly as worried with the status of furniture than he is with Kingdom Hearts."
"I beg to differ. The last time your stupid ass broke something, he sicked Saïx on you." I sighed.
"I hate it when you win."
"You just suck at arguing."
"At least I don't suck other things." I grinned widely as Xaldin almost choked on his bagel. What I lacked in arguments, I made up for in sexual innuendos.
"You think I'm gay?!" he managed to choke out. I nodded.
"What the hell gave you that idea?"
I leaned over the table, staring deeply into his eyes. I lowered my voice to a whisper, just in case a certain red head was eavesdropping.
"I know you don't just watch me practice out of sheer boredom." He blinked, not bothering to stifle a loud bark-like laugh.
"Please, don't flatter yourself. Even if I was gay, you'd be the last penis I'd even think about sucking."
"What if I was?"
"I'd probably masturbate my own off first."
"And then what?"
"I dunno. Kill myself."
"You're so nice."
"No, just resourceful."
I leaned back, watching him from across the table. He had finished with his breakfast, but had not bothered to get up afterwards. That's what came with our love-hate relationship. We didn't leave each other alone until we knew we'd get the last laugh for the rest of the day. Or at least for the next couple of hours. The one who would get that laugh today had yet to be established. After a few minutes of silence passed by, I decided to distract him with a simple, yet completely honest question.
"So...what happened last night?"
"Don't you remember?" he responded curtly. I shook my head, waiting for the right moment to strike. What I was waiting for exactly, I didn't know. I just knew I had to beat Xaldin today. He folded his arms across his chest, closing his eyes in thought.
"What can you recall?"
"I remember going to the beach, and then sitting around a bonfire with some vodka being passed around. I obviously drank some of it." Xaldin laughed, somewhat irritating me.
"Some? You drank the whole fucking thing and then some."
"You remember?"
"I didn't drink any alcohol if thats what you're asking."
"As if! I saw you drink some."
"I didn't drink over my limit."
I paused, trying to think of a way to comeback him. Instead, I could only think of one more serious question.
"So...did I do anything...weird?"
"Do you do anything not weird?"
"Xaldin..."
"Ok, ok. All I can say is there was a lot of singing, and possible strip poker. Or just stripping in general, depending on which way you look at it." I squeaked, horrified.
"S-stripping?!"
"Mhm."
"With who??" I was seriously freaking out at this point, hoping to God it wasn't with who I thought it was. Xaldin's grin proved otherwise.
"Axel...Luxord...Demyx..."
"LUXORD?!"
"Yeah."
"As if." I replied coldly, hoping it was all some kind of joke. He then pulled out a small photo from his sleeve, holding it up for me to see. All I could do was stare into the photo, the image of bare skin prominent. The image of drunken stupidity.
"The photo doesn't lie." He twirled it around his fingers, finally balancing it on a corner. "Consider yourself lucky though. Since everyone was drunk that night, no one remembers this. I am the only one with the proof. I'll keep it that way, but only if you do something for me."
"I am not going to be your little man whore..." He stuck out his tongue in disgust.
"No you pervert, nothing like that." This gave me some relief but I couldn't help but fidget at the thought of what else he might want. He's Xaldin after all. Doing something for him was like, doing something nice for Axel.
"Then what?"
My question wasn't answered right away, and the painful silence wasn't helping me cope with the wait. After what seemed like forever, he finally came to a conclusion.
"I want you to-"
"Is that PORN?!" Xaldin was suddenly cut off by the loud intruding voice. Before he could even register what was going on, quick hands had swiped the photo from his own. I watched in shock as Axel gripped the evidence that yesterday happened, his back turned to us. Xaldin stood up, obviously quite pissed.
"Axel! That is not porn. Now give that back at once!" Axel ignored him, his eyes taking in every detail of the photo. "AXEL!"
He finally responded, holding up the photo.
"You know, it's totally cool that you have a fetish. I don't mind or anything. Actually, I'm quite flattered."
"I do not have a fetish! I was going to blackmail Xigbar with that." Axel studied the photo again, frowning.
"I'm in this as well..."
"And?"
"...if you blackmail him, you're blackmailing me too. I can't have that happen."
It was then that I was struck with an ingenious plan.
"You should burn it Axel." I said. He looked at me, considering the option. If I got Axel to burn the photo, the evidence would be permanently gone, and Axel would never speak of it because of his part in said evidence. Even if Xaldin did try to prove it, he wouldn't have the physical proof, and Axel and I could simply deny it, claiming the vodka swiped our memories.
Two heartless with one bullet. I'm such a fucking genius.
"NO!" There was a sudden rush of wind, knocking the photo out of Axel's hand and landing gently in Xaldin's waiting one. I climbed over the table, grabbing one of Xaldin's many dreadlocks and yanking it towards me.
"OW! Get off!" he yelled, swinging an arm towards me. I managed to dodge it, my fingers trying to find the photo.
"Not until you give me that!" I said, keeping my grip on his hair firm. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of red and orange come towards me. I let go of Xaldin, falling backward to avoid the fireball. I managed to escape, but Xaldin had been hit square in the face, temporarily blinding him. As he struggled to regain his vision, I snarled at Axel, smoke rising from his palms.
"What the hell was that for?! I thought we were on the same side??!" Axel grinned, plucking the photo off the floor.
"Mutiny my friend. Got it memorized?" I growled, heading towards him. But he backed away casually, explaining himself. "You see...I could probably alter this photograph in my favor..."
Lunging towards him, I grabbed the side of his coat, stopping him from getting away. I quickly let go however, as he proceeded to kick me. His leg didn't go far though, seeing as Xaldin grabbed it. Axel blinked in surprise, shortly before having his foot pulled, causing him to lose his balance and fall right on top of me.
"I'll be taking that" Xaldin said, grabbing the photo and making a run for it.
Where the hell is he going?!
"GET BACK HERE!!" Axel yelled, getting up and chasing after him. I quickly followed suite, and no sooner were we running down the halls like a bunch of raving alcoholics. Xaldin made lefts and rights, ups and downs in an attempt to ditch Axel and I. All the while I had no idea what he was up to, but that was soon made clear at a dead end. The hell, I didn't even know we had those.
"Give it up" Axel said, his breathing freakishly normal after all that running. We had Xaldin cornered, his eyes admitting it. I stopped a few inches behind the red headed freak, leaning over to catch my breath. This running thing wasn't my idea of fun. I prefer warping. Xaldin suddenly summoned one of his lances, aiming it at Axel. In turn, Axel summoned his chakrams, tensing his muscles for what seemed to be a battle.
"I'm taking this to Xemnas whether you want me to or not. And you know how much the Superior disproves of any kind of sexual contact between us comrades." Xaldin said icily. My imaginary heart stopped. At the same time, I thought I heard Axel stop breathing.
"You're not serious are you?" I asked. Xaldin, smiled.
"Oh, I'm very serious. And if I have to kill you both to get to him then so be it." With that his lances shot violently forward, barley catching my arm.
"You son of a bitch!" Axel yelled, responding to the attack by throwing his now flame engulfed chakrams at Xaldin. Dodging them both, Xaldin rushed forward, bowling through us and finding another hallway to go through. Once again, Axel and I proceeded to run after Xaldin.
I quickly got left behind because of my lack in balance, stamina, and overall height compared to the other two. I wasn't completely sober either, so half of the time I either nicked a corner, or just ran full on into a wall. I paused, leaning against a wall to catch my breath. I could hear Axel and Xaldin in the distance, their weapons making distinct noises. Xaldin's would always make a whoosh shink and Axel's would make a swoosh crackle. Regaining some footing, I trucked on ahead, hoping to find them before something bad happened. Or at least before I lost my senses again. As I got closer however, something began to bother me.
Is that...battle music?
Shaking the thought aside, I found the two Nobodies in a large room, most of the interior either incinerated or shredded. Xaldin was missing a few lances, and Axel had a semi bent chakram. Their determination hadn't faltered however. So I decided to join again.
"Hey APE MAN!!" I yelled, hoping to catch Xaldin off guard. He looked at me for a brief second, the hate pouring from his eyes at the horrid nickname. This gave enough room for Axel to make his move and knock Xaldin to the ground. It was then that I made mine. Jumping forward, I attempted to grabbed the photograph from his pocket. But Axel beat me to the punch, his elbow crammed roughly into my stomach. I gasped, the breath rushing out of me. Slumping to the floor, I put an arm around my stomach, hoping the move hadn't given me another bruise to look forward to.
"You IDIOT!" I heard Xaldin say, his clothes rustling as he got up and followed Axel. Still attempting to cope with the pain, I slowly got to my feet. Unconsciously I reached forward, pointing in the direction the two had gone.
"GET DOWN!!" I yelled, oblivious to the reason why. Seconds after the words left my mouth, I heard two distant thuds. Not knowing if it actually had something to do with my recent outburst or if it was just mere coincidence, I struggled after Axel and Xaldin.
When I reached them, the sight before me was somewhat puzzling. Axel and Xaldin were eagle spread on the ground, making no visible attempt to get up. Xaldin was apparently a few feet away from Axel, seeing as he was laying near his feet. I peered into Axel's face, his expression twisted into what seemed to be desperation and annoyance. He peered up at me, his mouth thankfully working still.
"You...asshole."
"Stop this right now Xigbar..." I heard Xaldin say behind me. I stood strait, my hands on my hips.
"Stop what?"
"Make gravity...normal again" Axel muttered. "It feels like...I weigh a ton." I paused, thinking the situation over again.
"So...you're saying I altered gravity, making it heavier than it actually is?" I waited for a response, but their inability to nod gave me nothing. I grinned.
"Dude that is so SICK! I had no idea I could do something like that!"
"Just let us go already!" Axel snapped, ruining my moment of glory. I glared at him, knowing he wasn't going to be able to see it. I was standing above him, his face turned away from me.
"What if I don't feel like it?" I replied haughtily, gaining a snarl from Axel.
"XIGBAR! DO IT NOW OR ELSE -"
"Or else what? You'll kick my ass? As if! There's nothing you can do in that position, even if you tried." I sneered. Bending down, I snatched the photo from Axel's fingers, staring at it distastefully. In one swift motion I tore the photo, putting the pieces in my pocket. I then walked over to Xaldin, sticking my tongue out in front of him.
"Take that bitch. Looks like I have the last -"
"XIGBAR! AXEL! XALDIN!" I jumped, a loud growling voice piercing the awkward silence minutes before. Turning around, I found the Superior , along with the rest of the Organization, walking dangerously towards me and the two bodies behind me.
"'Sup dudes." I said casually, trying to avoid any kind of conflict that seemed to loom over. It didn't work as planned.
The Superior walked right up to me, his face twitching in what seemed to be anger.
"Do you three realize what you've done to my UTOPIA?"
"...No not really" I smiled, playing dumb. "But do tell." His eyes turned to slits. Usually this gave me a clue to apologize but...I didn't feel like it.
"You've ruined the interior of almost every room in here! You've defiled my hallways and you deliberately trespassed into the privacy of the others!" After this statement, the others chimed in with their own complaints. Larxene had all of her spare weapons used and broken, Marluxia's garden was burned, Vexen had his tools ad tubes smashed, Zexion was missing pages from his trashed books, Lexaeus had lancers sticking out of his bed, Saïx's room looked like it was hit by a tornado, Demyx's sitar was transformed to a puddle of boiling water, and Luxord had his massive cards jammed in every corner of his room, most if not all of them burned. The Superior had suffered no damage to his own room, so that saved me the trouble of apologizing for that. I rubbed the back of my head nervously, looking down at the ground.
"Man...that's rough. I hope mine didn't have to go through something like that. I'd totally FLIP if my stuff was messed with." Larxene suddenly advanced on me.
"DON'T try to sugar coat the situation Xigbar!" I waved her off.
"And what if I am?"
"Then you're simply making yourself oblivious to your actions." I stopped, staring at Luxord, his arms folded across his chest. His exterior was calm and collected, but the sudden thickness in the air around him was the contrary.
"You clearly don't realize the damage you've done to our castle. Whatever games you were playing seem to-"
"Hey man, it's not my fault. It was Axel and Xaldin who were fartin' around! I had no part in this!!" Something inside me twinged as I backlashed at Luxord, but I chose to ignore it when Zexion butted in.
"How can you deny something that's so obvious?" I was about to retort when the Superior held up his hand, hushing everyone at once.
"It seems the majority is in favor of blaming you Xigbar. Along with Xaldin and Axel you three shall clean your mess and be exempt from participating in the search for the Keyblade master once we resume our posts in the next week or so. Is that clear?" He disappeared through a portal before I could answer him. This only left me, the other Organization members, and the rigor-mortis like bodies of Axel and Xaldin. Knowing fully well I couldn't get away, even with the ability to teleport, I accepted defeat. Slowly the others advanced on me, their killer instincts setting. Slowly I crouched down, looking blankly at Xaldin.
"You can have the last laugh."
Yeah, I realize that was longer than CH 1 but eh, I hate to rush things. Plus I've been wanting to write this for a while so yeah. Anyway, don't forget to review, good or bad. Thanks a lot dudes.