I obviously don't own Invader Zim, just this story and some fan-made characters! No harsh critics please, I am sensitive. Thank you!

Test Stage VI

"This is getting... so so so so hard... I don't know if I'll be able to keep withstanding this... This... cursed mindless society and all those warped smiles... Gnnnn! Makes my organs writhe in agony... What? What the hell am I doing here? This is the worst place to live! Like a giant trash can! If I ever see another of those damned and disgustingly happy kids again..."

Some shy knocks against the restroom cubicle's door, and then Kiki's voice, interrupted the monologue.

"Zal? Are you done already?"

...

The door opened. There was a desk, there was a displeased police officer and there was a girl with a wild hairstyle and an annoyed expression sitting in a corner.

"Is this your kid?"

And then, a while later, he was listening to the ridiculously long and exaggerated story of his -according to the cop's words, insane- daughter, her little adventure in the subway and her -again quoting the guy, psychotic- raving about an, apparently, undead crocodile.

After apologizing an umpteenth time, he sighed briefly and took Den's hand, as both left.

Maybe some years before, he would have asked her lots of things. Maybe he would have wanted to know if she had kept any proof of the crocodile's existence. Maybe he would have begged her to let him show that proof to someone else. But now, now that he was a gloomy adult, whose youth had been violently consumed by the horrific reality, plus tons of merciless therapy, his perspective was terrifyingly different.

"Hum... Are you... Are you mad?" she muttered, sounding quite anguished.

"Not really. I rather would like to know what the hell were you doing there, in a dark and filthy subway station and in the middle of the night, because it's obvious that zombie crocodiles don't exist"

"Well, actually, that was what I thought before the damned thing attempted to swallow me"

"Den..."

"I know, I know, shutting up now! Anyway... I was going to the mall with Kiki to get a pizza for aunt Gaz"

He rolled his eyes tiredly.

"Had to be Gaz..."

"I have had worse nights so I doesn't matter that much"

"No, dear, seriously, I have no idea of what were I thinking when I left you with her. I shall get a new apartment soon, in any better neighborhood, so that we can move once and for all"

Den smiled. That sounded so good, so comforting. She had been wanting to leave that disgusting city since...

But suddenly, her hopeful thoughts were blocked by the image of her neighbor. The alien neighbor.

"NO!"

"...huh?"

"I-I mean, what's the hurry? It's not so bad to live here, you know?"

"I... see?"

How the heck could she forget that? There was a space monster living in front of her, and now she was sure, it wasn't a hallucination, neither any guy in a cheap costume. It was real, freakin' real, and she didn't know anything about him yet, what clearly meant an uncomfortable disadvantage. No, no, no, she couldn't leave, she had stuff to do. Besides, how could she resist the possibility of being taken seriously for the first time in her life?

Nevertheless, she knew perfectly that her father wouldn't understand any of those reasons. So, to not seem suspicious, she decided to lie.

"I... I made a friend at school! And she lives around here..."
"You wouldn't like to separate from her, right?"

"Right..."

"Well, I'll try to find a house near here then" he sighed, with a slight smile.

"Thanks"

"It's okay, dear, you have a friend and that's all that matters"

Later, in the park...

"S-sure, Miss Dandelion! I'd like some cookies too!"

Speaking about friends, there they were, Zal and Kiki, the well-known lolita duo whose unstoppable sweetness was enough to cause diabetes.

"I'm sorry! I couldn't get real cookies this time!"

"I-it's okay, everything's better with plastic!"

"Good to know!"

Giggles.

"Hey, Kiki..."

"Yes?"

"Isn't that your cousin?"

Both turned.

"Oh my, I-I can't believe it! She has just left the attic to come to the park!"

"Indeed, isn't it strange?"

"W-well, let's go to see what she's doing!"

"All right!"

Den was sitting in a bench with her laptop. Both Zal and Kiki approached from behind, staring at the article that she was reading, what inevitably left them perplexed.

In Speculative Fiction stories dealing with the extraterrestrial and otherworldly, the beings from beyond the veil are rarely friendly, and if they are it's usually a pretense so they can eat us or make us mommies less than consensually. The reason is that it makes good drama, it exploits humanity's latent fear of the unknown with implacable and indecipherable menaces.*

"Eeerr... Den?"

"Huh? Oh... Hi, Kiki"

"W-what are you doing?"

"Aunt Gaz told me that my presence was making her sick and ordered me to go out so that she could take a break from my disturbing stuff"

"I-it's good to breath some fresh air anyway, b-but was it so necessary to bring the computer too?"

"I'm not surfing just for fun, mind you"

"T-then what are all those science fiction sites?"

"For now, my only source of information about aliens"

"Oh, you..."

"It's not like I want to bother you while you're... working, but..." interrupted Zal "Wouldn't you like to play with us?"

"No, thanks"

"Oh well, as you want"

"H-hey, Zal, wanna go for some ice cream?"

"Sounds good! Go, I'll catch you later!"

"O-okee dokee!"

Right after Kiki went away, Zal sat down next to Den and sighed tiredly. The freaky brunette, meanwhile, was still focused in her alien research.

"How the hell do you put up with her every day?"

Den startled and turned.

"W-what?"

"That girl, Kiki... Don't you find her irritating too?"

Her eyes widened, in an astonished expression. Indeed, it was Zal. The one who was talking so harshly was Zal.

"Is this a... joke?"

"Does it seem that I'm joking?"

"No, but... Hold on, aren't you supposed to be the bestest friends? I know I'm not very bright at the friendship matter but that didn't sound precisely friendly"

Zal snickered.

"Bestest friends? Seriously?" she inquired.

"Everyone in school knows that, even the dude in the dumpster"

"Well, well, well, that's good to know! Although I'm sure that I'm going to get a serious brain damage if I continue with this"

Den lifted an eyebrow, as she rubbed her chin.

"Sooooo let me get this straight: You dislike Kiki but still stick with her?"

"Exactly. Wow... Who would have thought you would be so clever?"

"And who would have thought you would be so fool? How can you pretend to be the best friend of someone you can't stand? Look! Sounds senseless even when I say it!"

Then Zal sighed and looked down.

"Well... I guess my parents would like to know that I have a friend"

Then Den silenced for some seconds, like processing what she have said and trying to get a smart answer.

"But... But there are better ways! Haven't you tried to find a true one? Like someone with your same way of thinking, your same interests and all that stuff?"

Zal looked back at her, with a quite weird cold stare in her face.

"Where, Den? Where am I going to find something like that when the whole filthy school is full of exceedingly happy automatons? I can hardly see those things as kids!"

"Calm down! There are lots of students, there has to be a normal one somewhere"

"I wouldn't be so hopeful anyway"

"Whatever, that wasn't my real point. If you don't like my little cousin then you should tell her the truth and stop lying!"

"I would but... I don't think she would believe me"

"She would! Trust me, she's not so naive..."

"Think it. If I tell her that right after talking with you while she was absent, who do you think will she blame?"

"..."

"Oh well... What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

"You have a pretty sick mentality..."

"Look who's talking!"

"I-I'm baaack!"

Both turned, to see Kiki bringing three sherbets with her.

"S-since you didn't come I returned and now j-just look! S-seems that you both are getting along!"

"Hehe! I don't think so!" they replied in unison, to then frown and poke each other.

"A-all right, all right, I got it!" giggled Kiki, as Zal got up.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"H-hum... 6 pm, I-I think"

"Oh my! Really? Then we have to go, we're going to miss the cheery pony movie!"

"R-right! L-let's go! See you later, Den!"

"Yes, babai!"

Den watched them leave, narrowing her eyes. That Zal...

"So? How was your Saturday afternoon?"

"Fine! My research has been advancing!"

"Research?"

"Indeed! You know? It's kinda difficult to get good articles about aliens on the internet!"

"Huh? Aliens? I thought you preferred to play exorcist"

"I know, I know, but some certain events came up and... HEY! I wasn't playing!"

"Den... I love your imaginative mind, I really do, but... Wouldn't you like to read about real stuff instead?"

"That's boring! Don't you find all those occult things that mankind always ignores more interesting?"

Silence.

"...dad?"

Suddenly, he started to laugh. At first, it was just an imperceptible chuckle, but then it turned into an eerie guffaw.

"Ah... dear..." he murmured, once he stopped "I'm sorry... I was having another flashback..."

Then he bent down to pet her head.

"It has been happening a lot recently" he added.

Den just stared at him with a worried, scared, lovely, and above all, almost innocent glance. Actually, she was looking like an authentic little girl.

"Are you sure you're okay, daddy?"

He laughed again, but this time gently.

"I was just remembering a kid... A kid who used to think the same as you"

"Whaa? Really?"

"He did everything to make his classmates realize that there was an alien trying to take over the world among them"

"OH MY! And what happened? Did he win?"

"That's what you would like to hear, huh?"

"Well..."

"The truth is that there was no alien"

"I knew it! I knew that... wait, what?"

"It was just a poor hysterical dude with a skin disease"

"But... What about the kid?"

"He had mental issues. Serious mental issues. It was hard as hell to get rid of them, and once he did, he got to understand that he had wasted a great part of his life chasing a delusion like a moron"

"Delusion... That's what Doctor Holzbauer had told me!"

"You could be experiencing those issues then. There should be a term to refer to them, like Alien Invasion Syndrome or something like that"

"And is that... bad?"

"Verily"

"Oh..."

"But don't worry, it's not so late for you yet, I mean, at least you have a friend"

"Friend?"

"The one you told me about earlier!"

"Oh, yes! That friend!"

"So... I know this might be complicated, but anyway, try to forget this harmful delusional obsession and concentrate in more important things"

"All... All right..."

"I would like to meet your friend someday, by the way"

"Sure... She is a bit harsh, but you probably will like her..."

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN...

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*Taken from TV Tropes, since I couldn't find a better description for the "Aliens Are Bastards" topic