9 ALREADY! My gosh...

I obviously don't own Invader Zim, just this story and some fan-made characters! No harsh critics please, I am sensitive. Thank you!

Test Stage IX

"BUT CARLOS, I LOVE YOU!"

"LIES! THAT'S ALL LIES! YOU CHEATED ON ME!"

"NOOOOOO! DON'T LEAVE ME!"

"I ALREADY DID, IDIOT!"

"NUUUUUUU WAAAAAH!"

Gir probably had no idea of what was going on in the TV, but anyway, he was crying as hell. Next to the couch, Zal was staring at him with the most flabbergasted grimace ever.

"Eeehm... Master?"

Zim's head popped up from the kitchen entrance.

"Yes, my puny servant?"

"Haven't you considered an update for this device's brain? Or rather, an addition, because I don't really think he has one to begin"

"Whut? Update? ADDITION? Absolutely NOT! Any kind of modification could damage his advanced qualities!"

Zal looked back at Gir, who was humming and licking a piece of tuna, with an empty can in his head.

"...advanced? Seriously?"

"Seriously. For sure"

She sighed.

"Understood, master. I'll pretend you are right. For now"

"You shou- WHAT? What did you mean with THAT?"

But before their intelligent argument could continue, someone knocked the front door, making both turn. It was Kiki, with her lovely homemade muffins...

Meanwhile, in the middle of the city, Den and her dad were getting out of a comic book store.

"Well, I already have the 'Brainwashing Machine' latest issue, so we can go on!" she exclaimed gladly.

"Okay" he replied, staring closely at what she was holding between her hands "And... What's it about, by the way?"

"Psychopath aliens infiltrating in Earth to conquer it with washing machines, although they aren't washing machines for them because they use them for brainwashing instead"

Dib rolled his eyes briefly.

"Had to expect that. Somehow"

"It's awesome! There are lots of great chase scenes, and fight scenes, and confrontation scenes, and technical language that I don't get to understand at all! Just awesome!"

"Hum, Den... I wouldn't like to be a killjoy, but didn't you have nightmares because of those comics?"

"Not anymore, dad, I'm going to turn twelve!"

"Are you sure?"
"Why? Do I still seem insane or something?"

"What? No! Of course not, dear, I was just a bit... worried about you..."

"Don't be! I have been getting better little by little! Really! I assure you!"

"Okay, okay!" he chuckled "I believe you!"

"No-no! I'm going to prove it! You'll see, I'll spend the whole night without saying a word about sightings, abductions, invasions or any other thing related to aliens"

"Fine"

He was smiling openly. That was his girl...

A while later, they went for some sushi, since raw fish was one of the few things that didn't make Den feel sick. Before entering to the mall, she glimpsed a guy eating a muffin. And then she remembered it...

Kiki and her muffins. Wanting to go to see the neighbor. The al... the weird neighbor. Just a weird neighbor. And since he was moody, he would probably throw her out before she could even give him the muffins. Nothing to worry about. Absolutely nothing to...

Then she saw pigs. An enormous sign announcing a special offer in the ham section. Deadly full of pigs.

Pigs. Disaster. Had to act. It was the inexorable fate. It was in her blood. Such a doomed blood.

To make it simple, she was being disgustingly dramatic.

"D-dad..."

"Hmm?"

"I... I have to... I have to go to the restroom! I'll be back!"

And so, she ran away, while he just watched, perplexed.

Once she made sure that she was already pretty far, Den changed her destination immediately and went towards the public phones.

"Hello?"

"..."

"Kiki?"

"Whoever you are, you have just made me get out of my couch. You will pay"

"Huh? Aunt Gaz?"

"Den... Had to be you"

"Where's Kiki?"

"I have no idea and I don't really care. She left a while ago with some muffins"

"Oh, God... She went to see the neighbor! The one who lives in front of us!"

"Good to know, now hang up and don't even dare to call again or I'm going to pull out your eyeballs"

"You have to go for her! I... I don't trust that man, neither his dog... So go for her!"

"That's it, if you're not going to hang up, I'll do it..."

"N-no! Wait!"

But inevitably, she hung up. After letting out a nervous groan and then bite one of her nails, Den returned with her father as fast as she could.

"Den? Is everything okay?"

"Whaa? Okay! Yes, sure! Why not? What's the matter? Are you worried? There isn't anything wrong! There isn't anything wrong with the neighbor! I swear! Why? Is everything okay with you?"

"All right, all right, calm down! I got it!"

"Ungh... Sorry..."

He bent down and patted her back.

"It's okay" he said "You must have had a hectic day"

"Yes... Verily..."

Later, they finally found some sushi place. But no matter of how glad she was since she just loved salmon, Den was still attempting to bear an alarming level of tension, that only got worse when they sat down, since right behind them, there was someone watching a movie in a laptop. About a freakin' alien invasion.

"Where are you going so late, Beeecky?"

"You see, since the neighbor has been a nice guy, I baked him some MUFFINS!"

"Noes! I could be dangerous!"

And Den was still biting her nails, at the speed of light.

"I understand that you're hungry, dear, but don't eat your hands" muttered Dib, astonished.

"R-right! Stupid me! Hehe..."

"So... Do you know why I brought you here?"

"To spend time together?"

"Well, besides that"

"I'm not sure then..."

"Okay, I'll just say it... Remember your grandfather?"

"Grandpa Membrane? The one who loves toast?"

"Precisely... He's going to recognize me as his rightful successor"

"Whaa! Really?"

"Really. Seems that, after all, it was worth to do all what he told me"

However, he wasn't sounding very glad, and Den obviously hadn't noticed it.

"Then you will become a prestigious scientist! Congratulations, dad!"

"Thanks, dear..."

"Although I hope the science lineage doesn't go to me too! Sorry but I'm interested in other kind of things"

"Other kind of things? Like what?"

"Forensics, for example... Or maybe medicine, I always wanted to be a surgeon"

"Wow... Interesting"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"SCOUT MARTIANS! What was that!"

"It's just that guy behind us, I think he's watching a movie... At full blast..."

"S-s-s-seriously? I-I-I see!"

"My God, dear, you are terribly pale... Are you okay?"

"Of course! I'm just hungry!"

"Don't worry, here comes your raw fish"

"Raw fish! G-g-good!"

"MISTER GREEN! YOU HAVE JUST TOOK YOUR HEAD OFF!"

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT MY HEAD! I FOOLED YOU, PATHETIC HUMAN!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WARN ME!"

"GEEZ! I DID!"

"Huh?"

"Ehm... Nothing... I was... remembering a joke... about a cow that... whatever..."

"NOW I'M GOING TO MELT YOUR BRAIN!"

"NO WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"

"AND NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU BECAUSE YOUR DEAREST COUSIN IS BUSY HAVING SOME... SUSHI!"

"WHY THE SUSHI!"

"Den... You are shivering..."

"COLD! It's cold as hell here!"

"Well... There's your salmon thingy, weren't you hungry?"

"O-oh, right! There I go!"

But once she looked down, after taking a chopstick, her face turned into a horrified grimace. She was seeing Kiki's head instead of the sushi. She was seeing a sharp needle instead of the chopstick. And she was seeing Zim's hand instead of hers. She startled abruptly, to then look away and cover her mouth, with the most petrified glance ever.

"...Den?"

"I... I feel sick..."

Dib pounced frantically on his daughter to hold her, although she was already standing up without any trouble.

"There…" she mumbled "I think I need some air…"

"Then let's go out"

"It's okay, it's okay! Just a minute..."

"Den…"

"REALLY! Going to… the restroom! Again!"

"All right…"

Den began to walk away gingerly, step by step, little by little, and then… Then she ran, she ran madly, getting out of the sushi place, then getting out of the mall, to keep running down the streets.

"To hell with sanity! I must know what he's doing with her! GODDAMNIT, I MUST!"

Luckily, she found a boy on a bike in the middle of her way. Without thinking it twice, she pushed him and snatched it, as she began to pedal at the speed of light.

"!"

The kid just blinked confusedly, still lying over the pavement.

"Huh... Weirdo..."

Shortly afterwards, he took a monkey from his pants and mounted it, to then fly away.

With that bike, Den got to get to the space monster's evil lair, or rather the sadistic neighbor's house, in seconds.

She couldn't help it. She was atrociously nervous. Anyway, maybe it wasn't so late yet. Maybe at least her head was intact. Maybe...

So, gulping and shivering, Den led her hand to the doorknob... and then kicked the door because she couldn't keep withstanding all that ridiculous tension. Just screw everything.

Once she entered, a blinding light hit her in the face. And then...

"Shall I fetch more burritos?"

"Yes, please!"

"BURRITOS BURRITOS!"

There they were. Kiki, Zal and the green dog were sitting in a couch, nibbling snacks, laughing happily and apparently watching TV.

"..."

Den's first reaction was just a slight twitch. Den's second reaction was to lift her, still trembling, arm slowly and point at them, as if she was still processing the image. And Den's final and definitive reaction was to... Well, to do what she did so well.

"What... What... WHAT THE FREAKIN' NOODLES, IN THE NAME OF ORION'S BELT, IS GOING ON HERE!"

Everyone silenced. Naturally, both Zal and Kiki were staring at her, and both had very justifiable shocked faces.

"D-den! W-why didn't you tell me that you were going to come too? I-it w-wouldn't have bothered us, but a-anyway, that's not a nice way to come... R-right, Zal?"

"...who the heck is Orion?"

"Where's that alien scum I MEAN the neighbor? And what is she doing here? And why aren't you tied to a stretcher or something like that and screaming pain as any evil device stabs your guts? No, wait, that was just wrong..."

Kiki's eyes widened.

"N-neighbor? ...Zim?"

"EXACTLY! THAT BAST- Whatever, where is he?"

Then Zal lifted her both eyebrows, and looked at Kiki, with a rather upset expression.

"Hold on... Did she just call my dad alien scum?"

"..."

Den's twitch returned immediately, faster than before.

"...dad? D-d-d-d-d-d-dad? DAD?"

"What? Didn't Kiki tell you? I live here! And he is my dad!"

Den was now looking away, more astonished than ever.

"Oh... my... God..."

"And if this has something to do with his mood, it shouldn't surprise you. Do you have any idea of how many psychotic jerks already mistook him with an alien? FFFFFF! Countless!"

"..."

"It's not his fault to look so weird, you know? It's not like he chose to have all those deformations"

"A-and anyway, h-he's not here at the m-moment" added Kiki, shrugging.

"..."

Den was frozen. She wasn't sure of what she was feeling. Could be shame, could be guilt, could be sadness, could be all. She was speechless. The only thing that she could do was to recede, and keep receding, until reaching the door, to then go away, fast as lighting.

"..."

"..."

Thereupon, the two remaining girls looked at each other, thoughtfully, for a quite long moment of silence, that ended up being broken by Kiki.

"W-well... I-I think I should follow her, j-just in case she's planning to s-stalk any other poor g-guy"

"Yes, good idea..."

"S-see you tomorrow!"

"Okay, babai!"

After the door closed, Zal waited, for another while. Once she made sure Kiki was gone and the door was perfectly closed, she got rid of her disguise with a tired sigh.

"I still want my burritooooos..."

Then she glared at Gir. Somehow, he had managed to wag his fake tail.

"Not now. I have to see if my master is okay"

"Whaa? Master? What happened to the master?"

"Nothing, I just... had to make him sleep"

Zal bent down and put her hands under the couch, to then pull Zim out. Effectively, he was unconscious, and something, something that looked like a syringe, was stuck in his head.

"Sorry, master, but I couldn't think in anything else. That revolting larva and her disgusting muffins came too fast"

"Dib-Monkey... get those watery things away..." he grumbled, obviously asleep.

"Wow... The effect was longer than what I supposed. Oh well... Help me with this, Gir"

Both servants held him, so carefully as they could, and then placed him over the couch, where he probably would wake up the next day, without having any idea of anything. Nothing unusual.

"Sleep well, master" muttered Zal, with a scarily sweet tone "I better go to continue with my business. Like planning the most awful masterstroke for that bioweapon that worries you so much..."

"My burritooooooooooooos!"

"GNNN! COMIIIING!"

I think this chapter sucked. Whatever

The good thing is that the next one will bring some serious stuff AT LAST

And with serious stuff I mean, creepy cutie expecting to make master happy...

Run, run for your lives while you can

But review before .w.