When Prince Zuko first hears of the war meeting in a passing comment from Mai, he is sure there has been a mistake. Why must he hear of it from someone who isn't even going, someone who heard it herself by way of the prince's little sister? Don't they want him there?
"Don't worry about it," Mai tries to tell him, placing both her delicate hands on either side of his face and forcing him to look at her. "Why would you even want to go? Just think of what happened at the last war meeting you went to!"
"I know, I know!" How could she think he could forget, when the memory, his very worst, is burned both into the back of his mind and the left side of his face? But this is his chance to erase all that, pretend it never happened, prove to everyone, especially Ozai, that he deserves to be here, deserves to be the crown prince of the Fire Nation.
Mai, however, remains adamant, even if Prince Zuko's opinion begins to waver after a less than encouraging talk with Azula later that afternoon. By the time it's over he wants nothing more than to firebend the smug smirk off his sister's face, give her a scar to match his. How dare she call him a paranoid child and act like she was better than he was, something he is starting to believe.
Just minutes after the conversation occurs, he storms into Mai's house, fuming.
"Zuko, what happened?"
"Azula got an invitation." he explains through gritted teeth. "She told me to stop acting like a child and just go, even if I didn't get one, too."
"Maybe she's right." Mai says, and Prince Zuko raises his eyebrows, wondering if she's spending a bit too much time with his sister. "You are the son of the Firelord, after all. They won't refuse you."
"My father might."
Mai sighs. "Fine. Then just don't go, and stop worrying about it. It'll probably be really boring, anyway." She says the last few words with a small smile.
"But I want to go!"
"Then, Spirits, Zuko, go!"
"I can't! No one told me about it for a reason!"
"Maybe they figured you already knew."
"You know what?" Prince Zuko says, "Forget it. I'm not going. I don't even think I want to."
Mai rolls her eyes, kisses his cheek lightly, and Prince Zuko is suddenly glad for the extra time to spend with her, even if it is during an important war meeting. "Good thing you're so quick to make up your mind about these things, Zuko. And I'm sort of glad that's what you decided." She swallows, but her face remains expressionless, even though she won't meet his eyes. "Because I… don't hate you."
Prince Zuko smiles. "Yeah, I mean, why should I go to a boring war meeting? I can just learn all I need to know from you. Especially about laying siege to something."
She frowns slightly. "Tell me what I'm laying siege to, again?"
Prince Zuko can feel a blush creeping up his cheeks. Gulping, he says, "I think you know." Surely that's why he can't hear it pounding in his chest, can't seem to swallow it down his throat, because he doesn't have it anymore?
Mai blinks, but she stays impassive, stoic. "Oh."
Suddenly a knock on the door interrupts them.
"Prince Zuko!" the servants shouts, and he pulls open the door. "You're wanted at the meeting; everyone is waiting."
"They… want me there?"
"Yes!" the servant replies hurriedly. "Firelord Ozai would not begin until you arrived, sir." "Told you." Mai breathes, and the prince shoots her an apologetic look. "Do you mind if I…?" he cannot even bear to finish the sentence.
"I thought you didn't want to go." she says, but Prince Zuko cannot figure out what she's saying, what the look in her eyes is depicting.
"Prince Zuko, Your Grace," the servant interrupts timidly, "I apologize, but I must insist that, if you wish to go, you must hurry."
"I'll go," he tells the man. "I'm sorry, Mai. I'll come see you after the meeting is over, okay?" But he doesn't wait for an response.
Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation stands before the curtain that divides the meeting from him. It has been three long years since he last passed it, back when he was still a young boy, and lost everything he thought he wanted.
Thought he wanted? Where had that come from? Of course this is what he wants, regardless of what traitorous Iroh tries to impose on him. Right? Right? His mind says yes, hurriedly, but his heart remains silent.
Taking a deep breath, knowing he is about to walk into the pit of flames, he pulls aside the curtain and slips inside, the scar on his face reminding himself and everyone in the room that he has something to prove.
Prince Zuko watches as his father looks to each of his highest general's in turn for status reports.
"The citizens have been informed of the evacuation plan for the eclipse, Your Highness, and your chamber has been prepared."
"Excellent, excellent." Ozai says. "And what are your suspicions on the leaders of the attack?" "Supporters of the Avatar, Firelord Ozai."
Azula pipes up, "It's a good thing the Avatar is dead."
Prince Zuko stares daggers at her while the rest of the room watches him curiously.
"Yes," says Ozai, his words clipped, eager to move on. "Quite." He turns to another general, further down the table.
"The North Pole is ours, Your Grace."
"As it should be. And New Ozai?" A different man replies. "The city that was once Omashu is prospering, and their crazy old king is still cooperating and imprisoned."
"Good. And the Earth Kingdom colonies in general?"
"All well under your rule, Firelord. There have been a few skirmishes, but nothing we need to concern ourselves with too intently. Just a few Earth Kingdom boys playing dress up. We've managed to capture a battalion and one of their leaders. The boy's name is Sen Su, apparently."
Prince Zuko feels his insides freeze, and wishes with all of his being that he didn't recognize the name.
"Excellent. And what have you done with them?"
"We were awaiting your decision, my lord." Ozai smiles thinly, amused. "Dress them in the finest Fire Nation armor and put them on the front line."
"Sir?"
"Weaponless." The order makes Prince Zuko's blood run cold, but he manages to wrestle off the memory of a dusty Earth Kingdom town before it overtakes him completely.
"And Ba Sing Se?" Ozai continues. "How is the 'Impenetrable City?'" There is a tentative spot of laughter in the room.
"Well under our control, my lord. The citizens have actually…been rather quiet."
"Is that so?" Ozai asks. "They must be planning something. Prince Zuko!" Ozai addresses his son, on his direct right side, unexpectedly. "You've spent a great deal among the Earth Kingdom commoners. What do you gather of them?"
Prince Zuko looks down at his hands, folded in his lap. "The Earth Kingdom is made up of strong and proud people. They are resilient and will survive much of what we throw at them."
"Interesting," Ozai muses. "Princess Azula, any thoughts to add to your brother's statement?"
Azula shrugs, rather blasé. "I don't see why we just don't burn the entire kingdom to the ground."
Prince Zuko is stunned. How can she say such a thing in such an indifferent manner, when the very thought for him triggers painful memories and almost hurts to even think about? After all, she too lived there for a brief time.
But Azula doesn't love, Prince Zuko reminds himself. She is incapable of caring. She didn't know the people the way I did, never lived the way they and I did.
Ozai blinks. "Interesting, Azula. Yes, yes, very interesting… as a matter of fact, why don't we? The comet will soon be upon us; one hundred years ago my grandfather Sozin used its power to eliminate the Air Nomads. Why don't we do the same to the Earth Kingdom?"
There is a general murmur of assent from everyone but Prince Zuko, but no one seems to notice how he's abstained from comment. For inside the teenager, something has broken beyond repair at his father's declaration. To his absolute horror, the prince can already see flames burning and dancing and devouring before his eyes, can see suffocating smoke, black as pitch, billowing into the air. He can hear the screams of the people he has come to know in his travels, can smell the revolting and repulsive odor of the burning flesh of their bodies: Lee. Smellerbee. Song. Longshot. Jin. June. He can hear the triumphant crackling of the greedy flames amongst the screaming as the world he lived in for months on end goes up in the smoke of his sister's and father's flames. Why don't the others hear it, too? Why can't they? Why is he the only one?
Inside Zuko, months and months and months in the making, the fire that once burned so eagerly to please his father, as well as his nation, is finally snuffed out; and Zuko, surprisingly, is not sad to see it go.
When the meeting is over, he stumbles out of the room as if in a trance, and even the fact that Mai came to wait for him doesn't faze him in the slightest.
"How did it go?" she inquires, but Zuko only stares up at the wall.
"When I entered the meeting," he replies quietly after a tense moment, "I found that my father had saved me a seat next to him. I was literally at his right hand. And during the meeting, I was the perfect prince. But I was nowhere near myself."
"And who are you now, Zuko?"
Zuko looks at Mai and is almost surprised to see genuine interest in Mai's eyes, stunned to see her one hundred percent riveted for once.
"Honestly," he answers, "I think I've finally figured it out."