Nine Months Alone
Chapter Eight
Desperation
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you, be the one I'll always know
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
It always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
You are so beautiful to me, you are so beautiful to me…
- Look After You - The Fray
"How could you, how could you?"
There he was. Standing in front of her, red paint job to prove he was real. Like he never had a scratch on his perfect frame from the war. He was only a few feet away from her, yet why did it feel like they were miles apart?
They were apart. He was dead and wasn't of this world anymore. And nothing could be done to bring him back. Yet… how come he was in front of her?
"How could you do this to me? You promise you'd never leave… Leave me! How could you…"
Her optics felt hot and began to flow out slow teardrops, her entire being falling to the ground. She was all alone now. No one was with her. They' were all gone. Dead because of her. Tailgate, Cliffjumper, then Knock Out… They were all dead! She was cursed, she was the one who killed them all!
"You'd promise you'd wait…! Wait for me! How could you just leave me like that?"
She continued to sob. Lifeless and without a speck of hope, she was empty. Nothing. What point was there to go on? There was no future…
She then felt his arms wrapping around her, holding her in a tight but generous embrace. Even in tense moments like the one she was undergoing now, the warmth from his person was still as empowering and affectionate. Suddenly, she started to hear a melodious hum from her significant other and made out the words to be part of a Cybertronian lullaby. How it soothed her and made her rock with ease to the gentle tempo…
The red warrior finally broke the silence.
"I have, and will always be with you, no matter how far apart are."
Those words… Those few simple words that came out of his mouth were said so commonly. Yet they were the very spell to end the blazing rage inside of her to a sizzling damp fuse. Primus, what a fool she'd been. An angry, witless, selfish fool…! She knew better than to act they way she did before, but she caved into acting like a child and degraded herself into immaturity.
Instead of tears of rage, sadness took place when they left and rolled down her cheeks. Why… Primus, why did everything good and so happy had to end? Why did it have to come to this?
She felt herself uttering something under her breath.
"Don't look at me, I'm ugly when I cry…"
Fingertips were against her face, the same power and touches of affection seething through them. Optics locked onto each other, his own observing her and absorbing every single detail. He was so careful, not only when it came to mental games, but he also had an optic for noticing the unseen. Maybe that was another reason why she fell in love with him.
The silence was finally broken.
"… Why are you so beautiful?"
First angry tears that turned sad… then a final tear shed out of happiness. She felt her optics closed when he shifted closer to her, their lips finding their familiar positions. It blew her away every time.
"Ich liebe dich…"
Optics slowly opening, her surroundings were spinning and she was seeing three or four of everything around her. Her head felt like it was clamped between a set of jaws, her entire frame throbbing in pain.
"Agh..."
That was just a dream. This was reality. And it literally bit and gave pain. Suddenly, a flinch in her spark gave her an uneasy feeling. Why did it...
Wait.
The sparkling...!
Every single nerve in her body sang in pain as she tried to sit up. She could hear Ratchet's voice trying to sooth her from her sudden awakening.
"Not too fast...!" he whispered. "Easy, easy..."
"The sparkling... is it alright?" It was a full blown effort to speak as she rasped out each word.
Primus, it hurt...!
"Yes, the sparkling is alright... It's a strong fellow, I'll give you that. You passed out from the lack of plasma flowing through your system. Usually it happens when a femme is sparked, but in your case there wasn't enough and that was how you passed out. After all that's happened to you, I'm glad that you survived this far."
"But the sparkling... it won't have any problems because of me?"
"No it won't," replied Ratchet. "But a good night's rest and some test from you to see what you need, I'll have you back in no time."
As she laid back on the berth, the pain and the fury inside of her just froze and turned a smile on her lips. She felt her optics submerging into light, happy tears.
"I saw him… I saw him, Ratchet. He came to me, and I saw him...!"
"... I'm glad." The Autobot smiled in return. "Now, please... get some rest."
Darkness taking her in, the smile was still on her face as she fell to sleep.
"You know, you're gonna have to make up with her at one point or another. You knew her since, like... forever!"
"..."
"She almost died. You don't want this to be the last thing to say to her."
"... Alright, I'll do it. But only because you made me. Even if it's the last thing I do..."