Chapter 4

Lightning drove back home in a depressed stupor. She felt as if her heart had been torn out and stepped on. Tears wouldn't stop flowing from her eyes as she drove. Serah had made her decision and her decision was that she wanted to be with Snow. There was nothing Lightning could do back at the wedding, but stand back as she watched Serah walk off with her new husband. Fuck! Lightning thought as she berated herself for being too slow at revealing her true feelings for Serah. If only she had shown her earlier, Serah would have been with her, not Snow. But there was nothing she could do about it now. She would just have to accept it.

Meanwhile, Snow and Serah had arrived at their honeymoon suite in Palumpolum. Serah was still pondering whether what she had done was the right thing to do. Something inside her told her that it wasn't.

Snow placed their luggage down after carrying it all the way up to the tenth floor by himself. "Isn't this is a sweet place?" he commented while taking a good look around the hotel room.

Serah looked around also. She had to admit - it was nice. Snow must have spent a fortune on this suite, she guiltily thought.

Snow made his way towards the edge of the bed where Serah sat deep in thought.

"Hey," he said softly as he lifted Serah's chin up gently to look at him. Serah felt her heart beating nervously. Snow inched his face closer to hers, a look of want plainly showing in his eyes. Serah felt paralyzed with fear at how fast Snow was moving. What did you think was going to happen? This is your honeymoon," Serah's thoughts informed her. But she never had sex before (not counting the non-penetrating tryst she had with Lightning) and she was scared - scared that it wasn't Lightning comforting her through her first time.

Snow was quickly closing in the gap between their lips as he grasped Serah's arms to pull her closer into him. He finally made contact with her lips and kissed her - his beard bristles roughly scratched at her skin. He was more rough and clumsy than Lightning. As he continued to kiss her, he could feel Serah trembling with fear. "Serah?" he stopped kissing her and stared worriedly into her eyes. "You okay?" his eyes searching hers for an answer.

Serah stared back with doubt in her eyes at his confident, grey-blue eyes. Serah didn't feel if this is what she wanted. She was so confused and torn. She had loved Snow so much, she had agreed to marry him, but that was before she realized that her love for him was because she only needed a replacement. Lightning was gone all the time at work, and she needed somebody to fill up the void whenever her sister wasn't around. She loved him for filling that void, but she didn't love him the way she loved Lightning.

"Serah," Snow whispered as he hugged her tightly. She could feel his body begin shaking with sobs. "Serah, I love you so much," he finished as he gazed at her with tears in his eyes. Serah felt her heart break with guilt at what she was doing to the man who loved and cherished her dearly. I at least owe him this one night, Serah thought as she pushed the thought of Lightning from her mind.

"I love you too, Snow," she finally said as Snow smiled widely and kissed her again. He pushed her back into the bed and made extra careful not to crush Serah with his much larger body. He balanced himself on top of her carefully as he deepened the kiss while taking off his tuxedo and eventually his shirt and slacks. Serah could feel her mind wanting to drift off to thoughts of Lightning, but thinking about her would only make Serah even more sad, so she pushed Lightning as far away from her thoughts as possible. Snow had now moved on to removing Serah's wedding gown while voraciously grabbing at her breasts. Serah felt her body involuntarily moan at the touch. Snow's drive only flared further at Serah's moan - his actions became more rough and needy. They were both now completely naked as Snow laid on top of her panting.

"Serah, this may hurt a little," he whispered while kissing the top of her head. "Please, just bear with me, love," he said as he put on a condom.

He kissed her lovingly before Serah felt something hard and hot prodding at her entrance as she braced herself for the pain. Snow was making extra sure to ease into her carefully; not wanting to hurt her too much. Once the head of his erection pierced her hymen, Serah squealed in pain. Snow kept kissing her forehead and reassuring her that it will feel better soon as he pumped into her slowly. Serah soon felt the pain ease as Snow continued with his rhythm. She felt her body become hotter and hotter by the second as Snow thrust in and out her while grunting - his thrusts becoming more harder and harder. Serah felt the pleasure welling up inside her body, but she felt as if her heart wasn't fully in the act. Snow was near climax - she could tell by his urgent thrusts and grunts of pleasure. She couldn't deny it, she was coming too.

"S-serah," Snow panted. "I-I think I'm coming!" Serah then felt Snow shake violently on top of her as he came, grunting and groaning from the waves of pleasure coursing through his body. Serah had come too as her nails dug into his wide back. Snow then toppled off of Serah and laid beside her, his energy spent. He kissed her lovingly on the lips. "I love you Serah," he repeated and then quickly fell asleep from exhaustion.

Serah laid there listening to Snow's soft snoring. No matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to say she loved him back. She never would have thought that after making love, one could feel so devoid and empty.