A/N: I have an assignment for y'all. Go to your refrigerator. NOW. Now grab a juice box, juice pouch, or anything with a straw in a cute little package stuck to the side of it. DRINK the fucking JUICE! Now chew on the straw, I SAY! That's right! Savor it! SAVOR IT, GOD DAMMIT! Join my army of horrible straw-chewing demons! Population: Two...

You will be addicted to straws for life. Comment about your straw chewing experience below so that I know how much my army has grown. Thank you for joining my armada of straw-chewers.

Sorry, I've been reading too much JTHM.

This chapter took a long time. I apologize for my procrastinating. Procrastinating is just how I roll. "Ehhh, I'll do it tomorrow."

This chapter was written in a hurry against my will by a rambling fan demanding for more of my hilarious spoofing of Invader Zim on iScribble. Here you go, shitpotted-hoebag. Just kidding. I love you.

Really, though, I'm so, very, truly sorry. ;3;

Chapter 7

I'm Shakin' My Fist!

Zim stomped around his base, not completely sure of what to do. No. That was a LIE. LIES! Zim knew EXACTLY what to do! He just had to think of exactly what he was doing first! It would come to him, all right.

It was verrry hard to think, though, with the incessant smacking lips of GIR eating tuna and the continuous buzzing of computers. Zim looked up on his latest plan. The Tallest had loved it so much that they were SPEECHLESS. Why, Tallest Red's jaw had even dropped to the ground!

But there was one thing that confused Zim. After that INCOMPETENT FOOL of an advisor pushed the pummel button, The Tallest had promised Zim a very strong weapon. But it had been SIX LONG EARTH DAYS, and the weapon had still not come. All he got was a sandwich. A plooka sandwich. And Zim didn't even LIKE plooka.

"Well, GIR..." Zim sighed. "I think The Tallest were too busy talking about my INGENIOUS plan to remember to send my weapon over."

"TUUUUUUNAAAAA!"

"GIR! PAY ATTENTION!"

GIR looked up from his tuna, blinking to show his attention was there. Zim continued. "I NEED you to watch and make sure the room temperature doesn't goes below EIGHTY DEGREES, okay GIR?" GIR went back to eating his tuna. "I don't want THIS plan to turn out like the last one. My genious brain didn't like that very much."

"Okeeeeeeey," GIR replied, not paying attention anymore.

"Good. Now I need to go upstairs and check the temperature up there."

"I LEIK ME SOME TOONAH!"

Renym flitted around the Massive's main chamber, eyes peeled. The Navigators stared, but ohhhhh, she didn't care what THEY thought. No, they were just complete IDIOTS, was what they were.

The Tallest were out doing "Tall stuff" again, as Red had told her. And Renym was left with alone with the DUMB Navigators, and in dire need of a straw. If she didn't get a straw soon, AAALL her rational thoughts would come to an end. And that would NOT be good.

She could go a day without a straw. But any more than 24 hours was torture. And it had been FORTY HOURS of TORTURE.

While Renym continued to search every corner of the Massive, The Tallest strolled in, sodas in hand. Renym whipped around, eyes wide with insanity. Purple blinked at her. "What's up with YOU?"

She straightened up and coughed a little. "I was just... looking for a straw."

Red and Purple exchanged a glance. "Um, okay," Red said. "You could use mine when I'm done, I guess."

"Thanks Red," Renym replied, smiling widely.

"Hey, Renym?" Purple piped up.

"What?"

"You don't say 'My Tallest.'"

Renym rolled her eyes. "Oh, so what? Do you two really care?"

"Well, we are your superior leaders," he pointed out.

"Yeah, whatever. That stuff is just a bunch of crap," she retorted, eagerly waiting for her straw.

Red sipped his soda. "We can fire you, ya know."

"Or throw you out the airlock," Purple added with a frown.

"So? Just cuz you can doesn't mean you will. I can murder you right here on the spot, but lucky for you, I won't."

"You're crazy."

Suddenly, one of the Navigators shouted out, "Incoming transmission from Earth, sirs!"

"Speaking of crazy," Red muttered and sucked on his straw.

As Red and Purple made their way to their chairs, Zim's face cleared up on the screen. "MY TALLEST!"

"What do you WANT, Zim?" Red spat, annoyed by his voice already.

"I have a new ingenious plan."

"That's wonderful," Purple replied sarcastically.

"And I was wondering if you could visit Earth and check it out."

Red and Purple began to freak out. "Woah, no no no no!"

"This is NOT turning out like last time!"

Zim cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"Um... Er... OH JEEZ WE'RE BEING ATTACKED AGAIN HERE WE GO!" Red shoved Purple, but this time the lavender leader was prepared and regained his balance. While the two simulated an attack, Renym signaled for the Navigators to sign off.

Red and Purple immediately straightened up, laughing. "Haha, another plan. Now I'm a little curious to see how STUPID it is!" Red sneered.

"Will he EVER leave us alone?" Purple sighed. "I just wanna move on with my life, ya know?" The two leaned back in their chairs and each took a big sip of their soda.

"NYMPH!" Red called. "Here's my straw." Renym grinned even wider and stumbled excitedly over to her leader, full of giggles. She eagerly took the straw and shoved it in her mouth. "Jeez," Red commented. "Addicted, much?"

"Don't even GO there, Mr. Coca-Cola," Renym snapped.

"Heeyyy!" Purple whined. "If he's Mr. Coca-Cola, what am I?"

Renym chewed on her straw vigorously. "Um... Mr... Mr. Purple, I don't know!"

"That's a LAME name," Purple replied.

"That's YOUR name, you idiot!" Red said.

Purple paused and thought about it a moment. "... So it is."

"Weeeell, thanks for the straw, Red," Renym told him and skipped away.

"Wow, she really does think the 'My Tallest' thing is a bunch of crap." Purple said to Red, surprised. "I thought she was joking."

"Just letting you know, Purple, but Nymph-worm wouldn't joke about that."

"I HEARD THAT!" Renym shouted accusingly, hearing Red call her "Nymph-worm" again.

"Oh, whatever!" Red replied. "You call us disrespectful names, I call you a worm. Deal with it."

Renym pouted. "I'm just calling you by your REAL names. I prefer you call me by mine, too."

"Well maybe we don't LIKE our real names! Isn't that right, Purple?"

"Yeah, Red."

"See? Purple doesn't like being called his real name either."

"Yeah, Red has a point there."

Renym smacked her forehead and ignored them. She just glumly chewed her straw and looked at the floor, feeling a little offended and very pissed off. Even though they were her leaders, they had problems. Lots of them.

She didn't feel the need to call them by their formal names. Despite the fact that she was basically their slave, she thought that they all had a close-to-friendly enough relationship to at least call each other by their REAL names.

Well, she understood that Red wouldn't admit to being friends with anybody and would probably be calling her "Nymph" for the rest of her life, but whatever. He can stick to that if he wants. But Purple could accept being called by his real name... Or at least, she thought.

Well, screw that. Renym chewed on her straw angrily. She guessed that the formal names and slave-like treatment would never leave the room.

But if she called them by their formal names, she would remain their servant forever. They would never change how they treated her. It would be a living hell.

She slumped down on the wall, feeling defeated.

No matter what she did, she would always be their advisor. There was no way out of it. Calling Purple "Purple" and calling Red "Red" would just simply annoy the crap out of them until they finally started to ignore it.

So whatever. It should all work out eventually. She won't call them "My Tallest" if it depended on her life. She refused to give in. She didn't care if they threw her out the airlock like they always threathened to. She wasn't a Screwhead. She wasn't going to call her superiors her masters.

"Nymph!" Red called.

"What?" Renym's antennae twitched in annoyance.

"Sorry."

Renym looked up, bubbly eyed. She hauled herself to her feet and stared at her leader.

"Me and Purple were talking...," Red mumbled to her. "I guess you could-"

"Sirs, there's an incoming transmission from... From Zim's ship."

Red and Purple whipped around. "What? How?" Purple screeched.

Red waved his hand. "Put him on, I guess."

"Yes, sir."

There was a silence as an image cleared on the screen. "Okay, Zim, what now?" Red snorted.

"My Tallest! I was driving my sh-"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Purple cut him off and pointed a scrawny finger at the screen. "Who is THAT?"

A skinny, blue-eyed female Irken was crouched behind Zim, shivering with fear. "Let me finish my story, please, My Taaallest," he replied eagerly. "I was driving my ship toward the Massive when I-"

"YOU WERE FLYING TOWARD THE MASSIVE?" Red shrieked. "Why were you doing THAT?"

"When I found this PUUUNY Navigator floating in space. I picked-"

"WHY IN THE NAME OF IRK DID YOU LEAVE EARTH?" Purple screamed.

Renym chuckled as Zim kept going. "I picked her up! She looked scared. I saved her! Aren't you so proud?"

"NO!" Red and Purple yelled simultaneously.

"Wh-what?" he stuttered. "Why are you not proud of ZIIIIM?"

Red rubbed the sides of his head. "Did you get that WEAPON yet?"

Zim shook his head. "Actually, no. that's why I was coming to the Massive to pick it up."

"NO, Zim, your pummel-"

"Your WEAPON isn't here," Red cut off his co-leader.

"Okay. I'll just drop off this FEMALE I found then."

Red and Purple began freaking out as Zim signed off. "OH IRK NO!" Purple screeched and ran in circles. "HE'S COMING! HE'S COMING! WE'RE ALL GUNNA DIE!"

Red was on the ground, kicking and screaming and pounding his fist on the floor like a smeet. "WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO US ZIM? WHYYY-HYY-HYY?"

While her leaders threw a temper tantrum, Renym walked calmly over to them and poked Red.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL DOOM DO YOU WANT?"

Renym blinked and tilted her head to the side. "I would like to remind you that I, your advisor, am here when you need me."

Purple held his head in his hands and spun in place. "Huh? Us? Need YOU? That's... That's... REEHEEEHEEDUCCHEWLOUS!"

Red got up in a panic and went face-to-face with a Navigator. "TURN THE SHIP AROUND! TURN IT AROOOOUND!"

"YES MA'AM!"

The ship lurched to the side and donuts went flying. Renym screeched as her straw flew out of her mouth. "YOU IDIOTIC NAVIGATOR!"

Renym grabbed the Navigator by the cuff and growled. Suddenly, the ship rocked and Irkens flew across the main chamber. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Purple screeched.

A/N: This chapter defies all logic and stops abruptly. That's just me, folks. Defying logic and such.