She thought she was avoiding Brittany. She thought she was doing a pretty good job at avoiding the tall girl with the long blonde ponytail and longer legs. She thought that by avoiding Brittany, she was avoiding thinking about the softness of the girl's lips. Avoiding the fact that although the kiss had been short, she could still feel it; still recall it as if it had been burned onto her skin. She thought she was doing a good job – until she realized it didn't matter if she was sitting next to Brittany or if the girl was on the other side of camp. The fact that Brittany had kissed her was still on Santana's mind.
Santana also noticed that Brittany seemed to be avoiding her. The girl rarely came down to the waterfront for a quick swim when she had an hour to spare anymore, and she made sure to distance herself at every social gathering and meal. In fact, most meals Brittany would sit somewhere else completely. The few meals she did sit with the regular group, she sat away from Santana and never spoke to her directly; barely even looked at her.
Santana watched her at dinner a few nights after their day off; Jen and Samantha were already talking about what they wanted to do on their next one. Brittany poked at her food, taking small bites here and there.
"Britt, what the fuck is going on?" Samantha asked suddenly.
The blonde looked up, taking her time chewing her food before swallowing.
"Nothing's going on. I'm just tired," she replied.
"Bull – you've been acting weird since our day off. What's up?"
Santana kept her eyes trained on the blonde, forgetting about the bite of food she had on a fork halfway to her mouth.
"Guys, nothing's going on. I've just been super busy working on this dance routine for the girls and it's exhausting."
Samantha looked at her skeptically but let it drop. Santana returned her gaze to her plate but could feel Brittany look at her before getting up abruptly to bus her tray.
"Uch Samantha now look what you've done" Jen chided as she watched Brittany walk briskly from the dining hall. She got up to go after her.
"Jen, I got it," Santana heard herself say.
The other girl raised her eyebrows before shrugging her shoulders.
"Go for it," she motioned towards the door.
Santana found Brittany on the same bench they had shared in the beginning of the summer. It was starting to get dark out and a weird sense of déjà vu settled over the darker girl as she approached the bench. She felt nervous and was annoyed with herself for feeling that way.
"Hey"
Brittany couldn't mask the surprise on her face when she turned and saw Santana sitting down next to her. She bit her lip and turned to look back out at the lake. Santana played with a loose thread on the hem of her shorts, focusing intently on it as she rolled it between her fingers. The silence continued to grow in length and tension and finally Santana looked up at the blonde, who was watching a speedboat tear across the lake.
"Why are you avoiding me?"
Brittany met Santana's hard brown eyes but stayed quiet.
"I mean, I should be avoiding you," Santana continued. "Like," she paused before lowering her voice. "You kissed me" The words felt bizarre coming off her tongue and out of her mouth.
"I did" Brittany replied simply with a small shrug.
Santana stared at Brittany, waiting for her to continue. Brittany met her questioning eyes, her own light blue ones calm.
"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I just…I dunno. You're cute. I guess I was feeling confident after a few drinks. It was silly of me, and I've felt too awkward to be around you, hence the avoiding." Brittany finished sheepishly, blushing and looking away from the Latina's fierce gaze.
The wash of different emotions running through Santana only served to fluster her more. A girl had kissed her and just called her cute – no one's called me cute since the 6th grade – and the girl was kinda cute herself and –
"Am I interrupting something?"
Santana looked up at the foreign voice bursting through her train of thought. Dan walked up to the bench and stood by Brittany, his eyes questioning.
"Nope! Santana and I were just talking about how awful this camp food has been" Brittany said a little too cheerfully, standing and taking Dan's hand.
"Oh yeah, the stuff has been totally gross" Dan agreed, making a face. He looked at Santana. "You alright there sport? Looks like the food's gotten to you the worst" He joked tentatively, noting the look on the girl's face.
"Uh huh" Santana's mind played catch up with her mouth as she tried to figure out what was going on in front of her.
"Well go get some rest. Maybe go keep Samantha company tonight – Brittany's bed will be empt– ow!" The blonde smacked him on the shoulder with her free hand and rolled her eyes. Dan laughed heartily and shrugged. "See you later, Santana" he called as he gently tugged Brittany in the direction of boys' housing. The blonde's eyes flickered across Santana's once more before returning to Dan.
What the fuck is going on, Santana thought to herself, remaining on the bench. Just a few days ago, Brittany had kissed her. Two seconds ago she said she was cute. Now she's fucking Dan? Santana remained on the bench and turned the information over in her head before heading back to her room.
The next morning at breakfast Brittany sat with Dan. Jen and Samantha grinned to each other and made numerous references to "dance lessons". Santana rolled her eyes at them. She wished she could join their playful teasing but as she watched Dan wrap an arm around Brittany's shoulder, she didn't feel up to joking.
Her confusion had dissipated but its replacement was worse. A combination of jealousy and fear had settled in Santana's gut since last night. The fear was mostly a result of the jealousy. She had spent the night staring at the ceiling as she lay in bed, thinking about Brittany and Dan heading back to his room – the things they would do in his room – and she felt the green-eyed monster stir. And it had freaked the hell out of her.
She told herself it was over Dan. She was still pissed that he had moved on so quickly. She told herself it was over Dan. He was tall, dark, and handsome – and good with kids, which was adorable. Pressing her fingers to her lips she felt the kiss she wished she could get rid of, and she knew it wasn't about Dan. She told herself it was about Dan. Santana had cursed softly to herself as the digital clock on her dresser turned to 3 a.m.
She barely knew Brittany. The affect the blonde had on her was another cause for concern. Sure she was gorgeous and an awesome dancer and funny in her own weird way and pretty damn cute when she blushed and – she's a she, a voice in Santana's mind reminded her.
"San!"
Santana snapped out of her thoughts as Samantha waved a hand in front of her face.
"C'mon space cadet, it's time to clean up"
She stood up slowly with her dishes. Samantha watched her carefully.
"You ok? You were in another galaxy this morning."
"Yeah I'm fine. Just didn't get much sleep last night" Santana explained, giving Samantha what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
"Well you better be awake soon," Jen chimed in. "Some of my campers are coming down to the lake today, and they're growing on me. I'd prefer to have an alert lifeguard to keep them around" She smiled, prodding Santana's sides gently with her elbow.
This time a sincere smile crossed Santana's face. Eager to focus on her job she promised Jen that all her campers would return to the cabin in one piece. The girls bussed their trays and headed out the door to start their days. Santana's eyes swept the dining hall as they left and, to her relief, didn't see the girl she was looking for. Once again she turned her mind to the long day of lifeguarding ahead of her as she walked down towards the beach.