Santana let out a loud laugh before Tom quickly clamped his hand over her mouth, muffling the rest it. This only caused Santana to laugh more and Dan shook his head, grinning at the girl. Santana was drunk, and that was putting it nicely. She sat on the floor of a deserted bunk (it was so desperate for repair the camp had decided to keep campers out of it this summer) with Tom, Samantha, Brittany, Dan, and Jen. It had been a few uneventful days after her excursion out of camp with Brittany and she was happy to be hanging out with the crew, especially since they were drinking.
The bunk was on the far edge of a cluster of other cabins, but they still needed to be quiet lest someone came investigating. Tom removed his hand from Santana's mouth after the girl slurred something about being quiet. Now his arm rested around her shoulder and she leaned into him, her head resting on his chest. Jen sat next to Dan holding his hand between them. After making sure Brittany wouldn't be upset, Jen had made a move and they had been hooking up now for about a week.
An empty bottle of shitty vodka sat in the middle of the group. It had been half full when they started and although they had all drank heartily, Santana could claim responsibility for most of it. With every shot or swig Santana had glanced over at Brittany, looking for a reaction, almost daring her to say something; do something. Brittany had barely paid attention; too busy laughing with Samantha about god only knows what. Tom was all laughs and encouragement, as he was drunk himself and hoping to get into Santana's pants later that night.
The group talked about how they only had a few weeks left and how it felt like camp had just started yesterday. Santana quieted down and watched Brittany as she talked about dance recitals she still needed to help put together. The blonde had let her long hair down and was wearing her favorite pair of baggy sweats with a baseball tee. Brittany felt Santana's eyes on her and shot her a small smile all while keeping up with the conversation. Santana wished she could reach across the small circle and kiss Brittany full on the lips, her stomach tightening at the thought. Instead she slipped from Tom's embrace and turned to pull Dan close to her so she could whisper in his ear.
"Isn't she great?" she asked. Dan smiled a small, knowing smile at Santana, who didn't see it because her attention was back on Brittany. When he didn't respond Santana looked at him. She saw his smile and frowned before a memory hit her.
"What'd you say to her about me during staff week? When you guys were walking up the beach to go swimming with everyone else?"
Dan paused, recalling the tiny memory that had rooted itself in the back of Santana's mind since it happened.
"Oh! I just said that you were hot. She agreed. Too bad you don't swing that way, right?" He smiled, probably picturing the two of them if Santana "swung that way". Jen called his attention back to her and Santana looked over at Brittany again. She shook her head slightly and stood up, dizzying instantly.
"Whoa there," Tom stood after her, helping her steady herself. "Okay, I think it's time to get you to your room."
Santana just nodded mutely, flustered when the group chuckled at her unsteadiness.
"Party hard, Santana!" Dan pumped a fist, grinning at her as Tom led her out the door. Santana threw the middle finger over her shoulder and smiled when that got another round of laughter. Tom guided her back to her room and topped her after she lay down on the bed. He kissed her clumsily, his hands fumbling with the small buttons on her shorts.
"Tom, no, not now" Santana mumbled, pushing at his hands.
Tom kept kissing her. "C'mon,"
"Uch no Tom, not tonight" she groaned, now pushing back on his chest.
He let out a frustrated sigh and stopped, sitting up and moving towards the end of the bed. He stayed for a second, his hands on his knees, before standing up.
"'Kay. I'm done. I'm done with this. Fuck Santana, you're hot and all, but I want someone that actually wants to hook up."
"We've had sex before!"
"Yeah, a while ago, and it felt like you would have loved to have been anywhere else during."
"Fine. Get out then." Santana half shouted, rolling over onto her side, wishing the room would stop spinning. She heard the door open and close roughly as Tom left and closed her eyes, not drunk enough to ignore what the ramifications would be. There goes your beard, an evil little voice whispered in her ear. Fuck off, she thought back angrily. A few minutes later she heard the door open again.
"Go away Tom," she said dully, not rolling over.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," Brittany's voice surprised Santana. She rolled over to face the blonde standing by the door. Brittany took a few steps into the room. "I saw Tom leave in a hurry so…"
"So you came to see what? If we had a quickie? If I passed out? What?" Santana asked gruffly.
"Santana."
The darker girl turned over to face the wall again. She felt hot tears cloud her eyes, threatening to fall and burn down her face. She closed her eyes and brushed away the stray drops that got through. Her head continued to spin and suddenly she felt her mattress shift as Brittany lay down next to her, slipping an arm over her stomach and pulling herself closer.
"Tom and I are over" Santana said softly.
"I'm sorry" Brittany murmured against the back of Santana's neck.
"No you're not" Santana accused, lacking venom.
"I am," Brittany insisted quietly. Santana didn't say anything. "I am." Brittany repeated, a sadness in her voice that made Santana believe she was sorry for something else. Santana just shifted her position, choosing not to respond for fear of inciting more tears. She sighed with relief as she felt drunken sleep press down on her, giving in to the comfort and warmth of Brittany's body against hers.
"Santana. Hey, Lopez!"
Santana rolled over with a whine. Sam stood over her, pulling her covers towards the foot of the bed. "What do you want?"
"To let you know that you slept through breakfast."
Santana shot up in bed. "Shit!" She put her hands to her head as the room spun violently and the throbbing in her head doubled. Sam chuckled and went to get some Advil from Santana's bathroom. Santana scrambled to get dressed and gulped down the pills Samantha handed her with her water bottle.
"Calm down, no one noticed. Just don't be late to the lake."
"Where was Brittany?"
Samantha cocked her head at Santana's question. "At breakfast?" she responded, the answer obvious to her – the only question in her tone wondering why Santana asked. She couldn't have set an alarm for me? Santana thought bitterly, her building annoyance broken by the chirping of her phone. She flipped it open and found that an alarm had been set but had gone to snooze 3 times already. Of course.
"Well then," Samantha said, her eyes still watching her friend closely. "I've gotta get going, just wanted to make sure you were up."
Santana was already rubbing sunscreen on herself. "Yeah, thanks Sam."
Sam nodded and opened the door, her mind churning.
The days rolled along mindlessly and Santana was thankful for it. It had been a few days since their little get together; since Santana and Tom ended things. Or since Tom ended things. She tried to play it off as a mutual break to keep her rep up – she couldn't have anyone thinking she got dumped. Santana Lopez didn't get dumped. Either way, they remained cordial at best for the sake of working together, but outside of the waterfront their interaction was minimal. When Jen and Samantha asked if she was okay, if she wanted to talk about it, Santana just shook her head and smiled. She was fine, she said.
She didn't mention that every night since then, Brittany had knocked gently on her door before letting herself in and sliding into Santana's bed with her. At first she had just laid there, her arm snaked around Santana's torso, breath falling on the nape of her neck. Until one time when Santana rolled over in her embrace to face her, their noses almost touching as scared brown eyes searched strong blue ones. Santana had closed her eyes and leaned carefully into Brittany, her fingers threading through blond locks as their lips met. Nightly kisses became urgent and desperate, deeper and more breathless, turned into layers of clothes being peeled off, turned into hands and mouths exploring bodies. Conversation fell to the wayside and Santana took refuge in the sounds of heavy breathing, moans escaping lips; throaty growls. She lost herself in Brittany, in her lanky, strong limbs, in her wild tangles of blonde hair.
Now, after a long day, Santana sat on her bed, running her hand over still rumpled sheets, the previous night playing in her mind's eye. She watched Brittany bite her lip as Santana's now practiced hands worked her body. She could almost hear her breathy curses, the way she exhaled them sending shivers through the darker girl. She saw the blonde getting dressed in the early morning, tip toeing quietly, unaware that Santana was awake and hating herself for being too much of a coward to ask Brittany to come back to bed.
A familiar knock shook her from her thoughts and she moved to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She heard the door open and close and rinsed her mouth, returning to find Brittany sitting on her bed. She flopped down belly first next to the blonde who hesitated before straddling Santana's hips and kneading her hands into her back. Brittany smiled as Santana sighed, but her smile faded quickly as she remembered what she came over to tell the darker girl. She continued massaging Santana's back as she opened her mouth, picking her words carefully.
"Sam asked me where I've been sleeping the past few nights." She said as casually as she could. "She must have heard me come in super early…"Brittany felt Santana tense underneath her.
"What'd you tell her?" The question was terse but filled with anxiety.
"Just, out."
"Out." Santana echoed, muscles still tense.
"Yeah. She let it go but – Santana, what are we doing?"
Santana rolled over, forcing Brittany to slide off her to the side. The Latina looked up at the blonde, then down to the foot of her bed where she wiggled her toes, needing to focus on anything but those somber blue eyes.
"I hate lying to my friends. Or just not telling them things." Brittany added when Santana remained silent, watching her polished toe nails with disproportionate interest.
"I'm not gay." Santana stated, her face hard, still unable to meet Brittany's gaze.
"Neither am I," Brittany responded, not defensively, but simply, as if stating the weather forecast for tomorrow. "Santana, hey – look at me." The command was soft and gentle which made it harder to ignore than if it had been harsh. Brown eyes met blue. "I don't care about labels or any of that crap but I just can't stand the sneaking around. The pretending that this doesn't exist." She motioned between herself and Santana and it made the darker girl's chest constrict. It was too much.
"I can't." Was all Santana could say. "I can't. Not yet. I just –" She groaned and slid her hands around Brittany's legs, pulling the girl back over so that she was straddling her again. Her hands trailed up Brittany's legs, pushing at the short skirt she was wearing. Brittany licked her lips, still watching Santana expectantly.
"Brittany," it sounded as if Santana was battling – something, whether it was tears or something greater, or both, Brittany wasn't sure. "I really like you. I just…need time." Santana knew she was only pushing off something that grew scarier with time, with time to think and analyze and overanalyze until she needed to ask for more time. She dragged her nails up Brittany's inner thighs under her skirt, causing Brittany to inhale sharply. Santana paused.
"Please tell me you'll kiss me now," she added, sounding desperate and hopeful and charming all at once
Santana could see Brittany thinking and she hoped whatever conclusions Brittany came to fell in her immediate favor. The blonde's face was still serious when she leaned down to kiss Santana, but she smiled when Santana murmured an earnest "thank you" into her lips.
That night, to make up for it, Santana told herself, she let herself breathe Brittany's name into her ear as she came, her hands wrapped tight around the dancer's back.
Santana woke before her alarm the next morning and turned it off so it wouldn't wake – Brittany, Santana's heart jumped. She looked at the blonde still sleeping peacefully next to her. Fuck. Adrenaline coursed through her body as she deliberated between waking the girl up and getting her out of her room before camp was alive with campers and staff or letting her sleep. Brittany was on her stomach, mouth open slightly on the pillow, her only movement the slow rise and fall of her back as breathed. Santana raised a hand to shake the girl gently, but could only place it lightly on her bare back and trace down her spine, hitting some freckles along the way.
"God you're beautiful," Santana whispered as she moved her hand up to brush some hair from Brittany's face. Brittany rolled over with a yawn and pulled the covers up over her chest, snuggling into the blanket. Santana pulled her hand away and felt annoyed with herself, hoping Brittany didn't hear her. She found her t-shirt at the foot of the bed and pulled it on before getting out of bed. She started getting dressed when she heard a knock at the door.
Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Santana worked to get more than expletives through her head as she scrambled to come up with some course of action. To cover up the fact that a girl was naked in her bed. Fuck. The darker girl stood frozen in her room, looking back and forth between the door and the sleeping Brittany in her bed.
"Santana?" The door opened slowly, maybe even in slow motion as Santana stood rooted to the spot. Brittany mumbled something sleepily and rolled over. Sam was halfway into the room when her eyes caught Santana's, frozen like a deer caught in the headlights. Confused, Sam looked at the person who she thought had been Santana in her bed and her eyes widened. Brittany was starting to stir, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.
"I – uh – sorry" Samantha sputtered awkwardly before backing out the door and closing it.
Santana looked from the door to Brittany and back at the door. She put her hands to her face before running them through her hair. Why can't people just wait until breakfast to talk to me?