AUTHOR's NOTE – So this is my first attempt at M rated writing…so hopefully it wont be too bad.
This is about Sirius and my OC, Naina, and tells of their relationship with each other…how they each battle their insecurities and the others' too and whether they succeed or not…
PLOT – Sirius and Naina – two souls, two approaches to life and love but they are connected by a thread – a thread of life and love itself. But will the thread hold? Sirius/OC. Rated M for a reason.
Disclaimer - I dont own HP, obviously...but I do own my own characters in this story as well as the plot itself. Using either of these without my permission will not be appreciated AT ALL.
NOTE to ALL those who have ADDED this to their Alert, fav list, REVIEW OR DON'T ADD AT ALL. A writer invests a lot into these pages you read…least you can do is respect them.
There Is Nothing Else
Chapter 6 – Taking pictures off the wall
If someone asked Naina Kapoor how she managed to reach Gryffindor Tower that morning, she would have had no answer. Her eyes were blurred with tears making her vision cloudy and she felt raw and exposed. All she wanted to do was curl up and just be…but she needed her friends…she needed the warmth of their embrace, the sweetness of their words…the comfort of their bond. And so she found herself in her dormitory, eyes red and skin cold, and was instantly made to sit down and asked what had happened…to which she finally cried.
To say the other girls were shocked to see their friend like was an understatement…last time they had checked, she had left for the night with Sirius and whenever she had returned from such 'night outs', she had always been happy and calm…not distraught and incomprehensible. Lily looked apprehensively over at Ressa who shrugged and bit her lip, unsure of what to do, but she needn't have felt bad about it because Alice was already on her knees and was trying to peer at Naina through the arms she rested her head on and sobbed.
"Hey…whats wrong?"
Sobs wrecked their friend's body and no answer came despite numerous attempts to get one and so the girls did the only thing they could, they all put their arms around her and comforted her, their own eyes tearing up a bit – after all they had never really seen Naina like this and even though they did not know what had caused it yet, it didn't matter…she was one of the four musketeers and their motto stood strong as ever – One for all. All for one.
When they did find out what had happened, they were livid and they were surprised and they were sorry and they were livid which was the reason the door to the boys' dormitory was almost blasted open and a very irate Alice Prewett made her way right to Sirius and almost slapped him, almost because Lily held her hand back.
"What the HELL? How could you do that to her?"
The scene had already sparked interest in the boys and this particular line made their ears stand up a bit more…what had happened?
Sirius had expected this, so the mask didn't slip. Rather it fit itself more securely on his face and without batting an eyelid, he said in the same matter of fact voice he had used with Naina, "I am like that, Alice. I have always been."
This time Lily shoved him hard, her face as red as her hair.
Now James was alarmed. Why had his girlfriend shoved his best friend…they had always got along…
"Whats going on?" Peter voiced everyone's doubt.
"What did you do, Padfoot?" Remus' quite voice cut through Sirius like Alice's harsh voice and Lily's shove hadn't done. He knew Remus had an inkling, he knew Remus would know the reasons, he knew Remus knew everything and he felt his mask slipping a bit but he be damned if he let it!
"What Moony?"
"I'll tell you what 'Padfoot' here did! He cheated on Naina!" Alice screamed.
The Marauders with the exception of the one being spoken about were shocked to say the least.
"What?"
"Cant hear properly, James? Sirius cheated on Naina." Snapped Lily.
"Look its not big deal, okay? She will get over it…she should have known what she was getting into when she decided on going out with me…so rela-"
He didn't really get to finish his sentence because at that moment a fist collided with his mouth and that fist did not belong to Alice or Lily.
It belonged to Remus Lupin.
James Potter was at a loss of what to do. On one hand there was Naina, a girl who he had always been friends with – she was the first one of Lily's friend to give him advice on how to woo her and had taken up his 'cause' many a times – who had been hurt so much by his best friend. He knew Sirius truly liked her, he knew Sirius had tried and changed for her and so he found it hard to understand what exactly transpired to make Sirius go back to his old ways…and the fact that Sirius was unwilling to talk about it did not help.
Normally in such situations, James would have sought Remus' help considering he was the quietly burrowing types, the sensitive, the 'trust me…tell me everything' types but he had punched Sirius. He had actually used physical force…if it had not been against Sirius and in such serious circumstances James would have been overjoyed but it was against Sirius and it was in such serious circumstances.
Remus had stalked out of the room post the punch, leaving 6 very stunned individuals, and it was presumed he had gone to find a way to get to Naina. Sirius had stood silent and shocked for a minute before thundering off himself and it was presumed he had gone to the Quidditch field (or to shag some girl, James feverently hoped it was the former…)
So now Peter had gone to find Sirius while James was trying to comfort a distraught Lily – apparently Naina had not spoken a word after telling them what happened but was still sobbing. They sat on the sofa with Frank and Remus (turned out Naina had sent him away from the window where he had flew to be with her), waiting for some report on Naina by Alice or Ressa, both of whom were with her upstairs.
"Why would Sirius do something like this?" Lily exclaimed, "He had seemed totally fine all this time! What the hell happened?"
James looked over at Remus…once he had had time to think about it, Sirius' action and its motive had become painfully clear. That stupid fool, James thought bitterly, that old stupid fool!
"Lily…Sirius is complicated…"
"Sirius is a jerk."
Remus cut in, his eyes ablaze.
He could not believe Sirius had acted on those foolish insecurities. He could not believe that he had not sought advice from anyone before breaking someone's heart!
It had been so clear that Naina had fallen in love with him and he was falling too, Remus could see that, and then what did he do? He ruined it! And he broke that poor girl's heart!
Sirius flew around aimlessly, listlessly. He fought strong urges to fly over to the Gryffindor Tower and lay his eyes on her just once more…it would do no good to anyone. It was best he forgot about her, it was best she forgot about him. If she hated him, it was the best thing to happen…she would never get her heart broken then…he would never break her then.
Remus had punched him and he had deserved it but yes, he expected it from Alice or even Lily…but he should have known. Remus was close to Naina and Remus had tried to talk him out of his decision right at the beginning of it all and he had broken his trust or so Remus felt…but it was okay, he would understand that what Sirius did was for the best in the long run.
James had looked shocked but he knew it was only a matter of a little bit of clear thinking and Prongs would catch on to and he knew that although he would chide him and tell him he did wrong, he would stand by him – after all they were more like brothers than friends. But he did feel sorry for James…he was going to be pulled in a lot of different directions – Lily was Naina's best friend and Naina and James were friends as it were and Remus…Remus was against Sirius at the moment…and Peter…Sirius did not know where he stood…and how did it matter anyway, Peter was not really of consequence the way James or Remus or Lily were…he did not have a strong enough personality to be able to sway someone's stand…
Lily…he truly felt bad when he thought of her. She had trusted him with her best friend…she had always been friends with him, she had told him countless times to 'tell Potter to back off' and then confided that she could see that 'James was changing…' and he had hurt her with his actions, he knew…and he hoped she will understand whatever way she understood this…
Alice…she was one fiery witch and honestly Sirius was a little afraid of her. He knew her to be the protector of the group and along with Teressa (who he hadn't faced yet), he knew he needed to keep a look out for his own safety…but he was glad too…glad that Naina had such great friends, such protective friends…friends who would protect her from the likes of him…Naina would be protected now…
Naina…her name tasted sweet still like a distant pleasurable memory…he wondered what his name tasted like to her now…was it with a bitter thought she would always remember him? A angry thought? A sad one? But how did it matter anyway…she would forget about him, she would shut him up in a box labeled 'Trash of my life' just as he deserved.
Sirius closed his eyes as he felt the harsh wind sweep over him, leaning over his broom. He knew he had hurt her but she would get over it, she would.
The question he should have actually tried to answer was – Would he?
It was nightfall now and Naina stood near the window, having refused to go for dinner but having been promised that something would be sneaked up for her, taking in the darkness…the darkness of a moonless night.
She shivered but made no move to move. She had stopped crying now. She probably couldn't anymore.
So she wondered…she wondered what could have gone so terribly wrong? She had thought that everything was going fine…Sirius and her had been fine, happy, together…hadn't they? Or had she mistaken all of it?
They had been together the night before…and it had been fantastic. She could still feel his hands on her, inside her…his lips on her skin, his scent, his muscles and how they felt against her. She could feel him in such a real way that she felt as if he was right behind her, his arms around her waist, his head in the crook of her neck, his lips on her cheek, his hair falling against her own…
But he was not there.
He wasn't.
He had done all of that with some other girl. He had loved someone like he had loved her…and then it hit her…did he ever love her at all?
And Naina moved from away from the window.
She got under the blankets and she wrapped them tighter around her and she closed her eyes and she closed her heart.
Her room mates found her sleeping when they returned and as Ressa went to switch off her bedside light, her eyes caught a shining silver.
So she scooped it up and she went to the boys dormitory where she found the boys sitting in an uncomfortable silence.
She made her way to Sirius and without a word, emptied her palm next to him and then went back.
Sirius looked at the dog tag in front of him and as he fingered it, turned it around over and over again as if trying to feel the warmth of her skin in it, he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned back to find Remus looking at him, a pained understanding look on his face. He nodded once at Remus and got under the covers of his bed, closing the curtains around it.
His hands closed around the cold silver and that's when his heart (the one that didn't actually exist) answered the unasked question – No he wouldn't, he wouldn't get over her.
And that thought terrified him and he vowed he would never let that answer become obvious to anyone else…ever because he knew that if he did, she would come back to him – she would forgive him in an instant – he had seen it in her eyes. And then she would get hurt again because he was Sirius Black and that's just the way he was.
"Happy New Year, love." He whispered into the darkness, making a promise to himself that he would not let her come back to him, no matter how much it pained him to be without her. He would do this for the girl with the purple eyes…with those enchanting purple eyes.
And he did.
Next morning breakfast found Sirius with his arm around Betty Rice as she snuggled into him and as he ran his hand up and down her arm.
It also saw Naina Kapoor making her first public appearance post the break up. It also saw her walking, dignified and poised, to the huge table and taking a seat next to Allison instead of her usual one and it saw Lily, Ressa and Alice leave their seats and make their way to the opposite end and sitting with their hurting friend.
It also saw James sighing as he took in the scene and Remus sighing as he caught Sirius sneaking a look at the dark haired girl from the corner of his eyes.
"So holidays end tomorrow…whats the plan?" Peter asked, uncomfortable in the loaded silence.
Sirius rounded to look at him, an incredulous expression on his face. He opened his mouth to most probably snap at him but thought better of it and grabbing Betty's hand, dragged her out of the Great Hall…subconsciously wondering if Naina's gaze followed him.
"So…classes tomorrow, eh?" Ressa quipped having spied the scene Sirius just enacted.
"Yeah…wonder what unbelievable homework the teachers plan to pile on us!" Alice joked, her eyes fixed on Naina.
Naina could feel all of their eyes on her, as with most of the other eyes in the Great Hall, and suddenly her resolve to get over all of it swayed it and she stood up from the table, feeling all the eyes following her every movement, every twitch of her face.
"Excuse me guys…I think I should get my Charms homework done…its due in a couple of days…"
"I'll come with you." Lily immediately offered but Naina lightly shook her head at him.
"I will see you all later…I will be at the library. Bye."
And that's where she went. She intended to keep good on her words. But fate seemed to want something else because on her way to get the required book, she ran into Sirius and Betty, wrapped in each other and she stopped short.
Her eyes took in the sight of Sirius making out with that girl, her eyes took in how he supported her against him like he had done with her just a day back. She took in how he placed hot kisses on Betty's exposed shoulder as she arched her head back and a strangled breath came out of her, stopping both of them in mid-action and turn around to look at her.
He helped Betty down and she buttoned up her shirt and tugged on Sirius' hand but Sirius was caught in those mesmerizing purple eyes and he just about managed to nod at Betty, telling her that he would follow her in just a moment.
Betty had left with a last look at the two people whose eyes seem to be boring into each other.
Naina and Sirius hardly noticed her departure, they were both caught up in each other, drinking in each other.
Naina took a few tentative steps towards him, her thoughts occupied by why did it seem like Sirius was looking at her the same way she knew she was looking at him…so fragile that one breath could break the whole moment…maybe there was hope, a story, an explanation and Naina was hungry for it. She did not care how desperate she sounded, even to herself, she loved this man. She loved him, no matter what, and she was going to fight for it…at least once.
"Hey."
Her voice sounded alien to her own self.
"Hi." He replied throatily, still looking at her in that strange way.
Something was wrong with his face. His lip area seemed swollen but hadn't she slapped him…and this looked like a punch…maybe Alice…?
Without even realizing, her fingers were caressing his face, her eyes full of care…so much care that they made Sirius shut his own, just feeling her all around him.
"Alice?"
"Remus."
"Remus?" she was shocked…she had never seen or even imagined Remus to be violent.
"Yeah…he really likes you."
"Hmmm…I am sorry."
"Why?"
"You're hurt."
Sirius opened his eyes slowly, feeling her fingers on his lips, her eyes clear and pure and she was leaning forward…as was he.
"How can I forget you
Memories come and go
You're all I've ever wanted
You're all I've ever known
Can I be happy
Living with your ghost
The pictures tell the story
I took them off the wall
It's hard enough to get through
I still can feel the fall
Do you even think of me at all?
I want you
Only you...only you
I could start it over
And find somebody new
A beautiful distraction
Just a hand to hold on to
But if you ask me
Would that love be true?
I want you
Only you...only you
I wanna taste you again
Like a secret or a sin
Breathin' out breathin in
There is no one else for me
But you
Only you"
~ Only You by Matthew Perryman Jones
So…what do you think? Do you think Sirius will let Naina in? Or will they make a mistake they will both regret forever? Or will Sirius let her go and feel the pain of it forever?
So…you want more? Want to know what happens next? I have seen that this story has got a lot of hits and some alerts but only two people seem to be reviewing...I request the others to please also send in a few words...it means a lot and helps an author come up with better stuff...Thank You.
If you like the sound of Sirius and Naina, please do check out my others stories on them…
Please do make your suggestions… :)
A quick shout out to Cylyste, blackprongsscarletlily for reviewing and asking me to continue…Thank You! You guys are the only two who consistently review and I am so grateful for that! :)
Cylyste – Glad you think so…and glad you like Naina. And yes, Sirius is one complicated dude… :P Thank You for reviewing! :)
NOTE to ALL those who have ADDED this to their Alert, fav list, REVIEW OR DON'T ADD AT ALL. A writer invests a lot into these pages you read…least you can do is respect them.
Thank You for reading (and hopefully reviewing)
KingKhan aka Rae