First of all, sorry. I'm very sorry for the extremely long periods between updates and I'm sorry the chapters aren't longer. I'll try my best to update more frequently, but this story is my baby and I don't want to mess it up. Second of all, thank you. Thank you very much for reading and (eight chapters in) continuing to follow and thank you very much for the kind words you leave me in your reviews.

Fear.

Her hands were as soft as he might have imagined; her touch, nicer than he ever dared to expect. All she did was wipe away his tears with her thumbs but there was something intimate about the moment. She was looking straight at him with her earnest dark eyes and before he could help himself more tears fell and soon he was all but sobbing into her shoulder. She let him cry. She didn't even question the reason or meaning behind his sudden burst of emotion. She didn't look at him any different and it was in that moment that Itachi realized that for the first time he could remember there was a person who saw him as just another person and not a concept or an ideal. She had no expectations for him, if she did, she kept them to herself which Itachi was immensely grateful for.

Again she held his hand and led him back out of the complex, not even asking whether or not he wanted to go somewhere with her. Itachi didn't even refuse her silent offer, feeling that if in that moment, he had to be with another person, Hisaki would be the only one he would accept. So he followed her. Walking down the streets, they were just a normal boy and a normal girl, spending time together. Itachi kept his head down and no one looked twice. They walked and walked, holding hands, until his tears subsided and his vision became clear again. When they finally stopped at their destination, Itachi found himself a the forest clearing near the river where people sometimes went to swim or bathe.

He didn't know what they were doing there, so he followed her lead and sat down on the still dewy grass and watched as she lay down beside him, closing her eyes and steadying her breathing. He could have left; he was sure that Hisaki would have done nothing to stop him. Honestly, he didn't really have a reason to stay. His mother and father and Sasuke were probably expecting him. He wasn't even sure that he liked being in her company; every time Itachi was with her, it was a new and generally unsettling experience and frustration of that was that they never did anything out of the ordinary.

He could have got up and returned home to his awaiting family, returning to his life as Itachi Uchiha, who bore all the hopes and dreams and ambitions of the Uchiha clan. However, for just a little while, even if it was only for five minutes, he wanted to be able to be someone who could live without constant worry of the consequences of his actions. He was quickly beginning to realize that regardless of what he did, how well he performed; there would be consequences for someone. Even the thought briefly crossing his mind made him want to throw in the towel, run away and give up but there were consequences for that too.

So he laid down on the grass beside her, feeling the coolness of the ground through his clothes. He put his hand on top of hers –she didn't draw it away- and closed his eyes too. When he did so, his surroundings overwhelmed his other senses. He could hear the rustling of blades of grass and leaves in the soft breeze, the water streaming along, birds chirping, the sound of Hisaki's light breathing beside him. He could smell the grass, fresh and dewy, and the cleanliness of the air and water where they were. He could feel the coolness of the ground, the caress of the breath and the feeling of her hand –significantly softer and smaller- in his.

Konan was melancholy, quiet and deadly thus naturally, of all the Akatsuki members, she was the whose company Itachi most 'enjoyed' for lack of a better term. She wasn't constantly demanding company, threatening retribution, or being needlessly macabre or violent like too many a member in their strange organization. If he had met her outside of Akatsuki, he might have thought that she was normal.

They were sitting together on one of the Shinto shrine in Amegakure, keeping a lookout because they were being tracked by some misinformed rival mercenary group foolish enough to believe that they could take down the Akatsuki to eliminate competition. Really, only one member was needed for the job; one Akatsuki member could have wiped out their entire organization, but the rule was that they always travelled in pairs. So the silent duo stayed atop the Shinto and for the first time since they'd met, Konan spoke to him.

"What was the worst thing you've ever done?"

It was the question that struck him, because he was pulled back to a conversation not awfully long ago that began with that very question. They didn't look at each other, and Itachi wondered why she would ask when she (along with every other person, everywhere) already knew the answer to that question...rather they thought they did.

"You first," he said, polite as a gentleman to a beautiful lady.

"My ineptitude led to the death of the one person that I loved, at the hand of our best friend..."

"Do you ever wish you could go back to the times before that happened?"

"No," she replied firmly. "Before that time, I was stupidly naive of the cruelties of the world."

"And now...?"

"Now I'm fighting to change that."

"Even before the worst thing I've done, I killed a man without thinking. And at that time, I didn't know if there was anything worse than that. Now I realize that worse than that is what I do now; killing even after think about it."

"And what was it...that thing that you did?"

They looked at each other for the first time that day. In one glance, Itachi knew that she had realized his story was more than killing his clan for the sake of testing his abilities. They looked away again, straight out into the distance where a group of men were running through the forest.

"Before that time, there was a girl that I loved, who reciprocated..."

"...Where is she now?"

Itachi never replied to her question, but Konan was smart and he knew she'd understood his silence.

"What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

The question came, not from the general conversation starter of the two, but from Itachi, who didn't open his eyes to met hers but kept them closed not wanting to see her expression now, nor later. She opened the eye closest to him, looking over with it to see him lying serenely on the grass. She looked back, opening her other eye too and staring up at that soft blue skies and the wisps of clouds that took their time floating by.

All he wanted out of the question was to know that Hisaki wasn't perfect or completely good; that even a girl like her could have made a mistake or done something wrong.

"When I was twelve, my grandmother was so constantly bitter about everything. Every day and night she would complain about everything, snapping at the littlest things and she always went on about how I was a disgrace to the family and the clan for choosing not to become a ninja, saying that I was the reason everyone looked down at her. I got so tired and angry of it that one day, I yelled back, and I told her that if she had nothing left her to live for, then she should just die... and it was like I cursed her. Soon after, she fell ill, and never got better."

Itachi looked over at her, opening his eyes and losing his vision for a brief moment to the brightness of the day. Hisaki was lying beside him, looking up at the sky and her eyes were brimming with tears.

"On Wednesday, I killed a man without thinking twice."

A tear slid down her cheek and when their eyes met, he could see that she understood that to be the source of his strange behaviour. There had been a reason he didn't want to see her reaction and it was his worst anticipation made true when he saw the terrified, appalled expression she wore.

Her silence told him she didn't know what to say to that.

"...Are you afraid of me?"

"What do I have to fear?"

"A person who had killed changes... there will be a time, when another situation arises. He'll think to himself: I've done this once, I can do it again, and he will. Then he'll do it again and again, and then slowly the guilt will start to fade and soon he'll find that without it, he's nothing and he'll begin to relish it and want to do it."

"So I guess the answer to your question is no. I am not afraid of you; you are the one that's afraid of yourself."

When she said the words out loud, Itachi realized how true she was. Ever since he was a child, he had been so extremely aware of exactly what he fears and all the time he'd held it so close to his heart and so clearly in his mind that this new strange fear was foreign to him. This fear was like having all the things that had made him lose sleep wrapped up into one package that he could never escape from. It was reminiscent of being deathly afraid of a psychotic murderer only to eventually realize that you are that murderer. A chill ran through his spine.

Hisaki sat up, leaning on her arm for support. Her long black hair fell over her shoulders and nearly skimmed the ground. It shone in the sun, looking so smooth and silky. The urge to touch it, run his fingers through it to confirm for himself play a momentary distraction for Itachi. She reached towards him with her free hand and swept his own growing locks of long hair away from his face and neck.

"If you are afraid of what you'll become, then don't become it."

Six men lay dead on the ground at his feet, another six littered around the nearby vicinity of the forest. Konan gave him a nod which told him that the job was done and he followed in her stride back to the village. As he went, the remnants of both conversations crossed his mind and he realized how extremely ironic it was...

As hard as he'd fought, as different as he'd tried to be and regardless of his personal motivations, he'd doubtless become exactly the kind of person that his four year old self had feared most.