I honestly gotta say the last thing I expected to see at my door the next morning was Kadota. He was alone, of course. That other bastard was probably too ashamed to face me again. He should be.

Putting aside any thoughts of HIM that unwillingly popped in my mind, I decided to let him in. We had our morning coffee as usual. Well, as usual only surrounded by utter silence. We soon finished and headed for my car. In utter silence.

This was annoying. If it was going to be like this I'd rather he just left me alone and went back to his best buddy... What? I mean, come on, he pretended to be gay because of him for eight freaking years! And now he comes to me. Did he suddenly choose to be on my side or what?

He finally turned to me while we were waiting at a red light.

"He's suffering a lot, you know."

Now that I think about it, that silence wasn't so bad.

"That's his fucking problem."

It was. That day, regardless of having lied to me or not, I told them I didn't want them messing with me that way. He ignored it and did anyway. He should face the consequences.

"Wow, are you seriously being that much of an ass?"

"What did you expect?"

"He doesn't want anything from you, Shizuo. All these years he's endured everything - your constant homophobic behaviour, having to see you with a bunch of different women and not being able to say a thing. He's never intended to start a relationship with you because he knew from the beginning that it would never happen. It was just too much to bear. At least let him be your friend. You owe it to him."

Gripping the steering wheel I stepped on the gas as the green light finally flashed.

"Owe? I owe him nothing. I didn't make him have those feelings for me. Besides, if I continue to be his friend after something like that happened, I'd just give him hope."

"Eh?... Could it be you're worried ab-"

"Yeah, I'm worried that if he keeps looking at me that way I'm seriously going to rip his head off."

Kadota just frowned and turned to look out from his window.

I pulled out at the usual spot and whoopty-fucking-doo, guess who was there. Couldn't he have just waited in front of their office?

I tried my best not to look at him as I turned to Kadota while he was getting out.

"Is he gonna be there during lunch?"

"...Maybe."

"Fuck."

I hardly waited for him to close the door before speeding off down the road. I just wanted to be as far away from Izaya as possible for now.

Even if I said that, though, I was seriously pissed that I had to look for another place to eat at. Or maybe I didn't have to, I could just sit at a different table. But then I'd still be in the same room as him. But then again, that place was really good. Fuck it, if I convinced myself he wasn't really there it'd be somewhat tolerable.

I entered the diner and immediately started searching for an empty table, trying my best to not spot those two. It was unsucessful, though, as I soon caught sight of Kadota, who was making an order. But he was alone?

I continued to look around for an empty one, just in case that guy had gone to the bathroom and was surprised to see him, sitting on another table on the other side... What? Why?

Approaching the table I slowly took a seet opposite of Kadota.

"Hey."

I eyed him suspiciously for a moment.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"...He knew you wouldn't sit on the same table as him."

"That's a given. What I'm asking is how the hell are suddenly fine with the situation?"

"I'm not. That idiot's just making decisions on his own."

I glanced at Izaya from the corner of my eye only to see he had been doing the same, although he quickly looked away.

"What the hell? You still have the guts to look at me, bastard?"

I made sure to say it loud enough for him to hear. He still acted like he hadn't, his face all calm while he looked at his cellphone. That made my blood start to boil.

"Shizuo, don't make a scene again."

"Screw it! I knew I shouldn't have come. To hell with this place!"

I shot up from my seat and left quickly, lighting a cigarette before getting in my car.

Why the hell was this happening? Couldn't he have just kept his goddamn mouth shut like he had until now? Too much to bear? How does blurting it out make you feel any better?... Gah, what am I thinking? Living in that secret any longer would've been worse.

I was angry for so many different reasons I didn't even know anymore. Angry, of course, because of those feelings he had for me. I mean, why me? What the hell's so special about someone like me? Fucking nothing! How could he just fall for someone he's known for such a short period of time? And not to mention a man! You don't fall for someone of the same sex just like that, dammit! I was angry because even though right now I sincerely wanted to kill him you can't just stop giving a fuck for someone who's been one of your closest people for so long, and just thinking of the only way I could... help him left me frozen on the spot every time. Saying he doesn't really want anything from me... Of course that was a fucking lie. "Yeah, hi. I just wanted to tell you I'm in love with you. I don't really expect anything though, no, no, just thought you should know, kthanksbye." Bullshit.

Sigh. Did I honestly have to say goodbye to my two best friends? That'd totally suck. But it looked like there really wasn't any other way.

Later that day I sent Kadota a text telling not to come to my place the next morning.

"You alright?" Kadota asked as he moved to his friend's table.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Izaya countered while he smiled and waved at a woman that was still looking at him, having heard Shizuo's outburst, probably curious about what was going on.

"Izaya..."

"What? Did you honestly expect anything different from him? Because I sure didn't."

"Then why did you come?"

"...I guess I just wanted to make sure that he completely hates me."

"Come on, there's no way he hates you. You know he doesn't just throw away people that easily. It was just a shock. Once his empty head cools down-"

"Nah, Dotachin. That's something his pride can't handle. There's no way he's gonna forgive me...Haha, why the hell are you looking even sadder than me?" he teased as he slapped Kadota's cheek. "It's fine already, I'll get over it."

"I don't think so..."

"Hmm?"

"Nothing. Let's eat."

It was already a week after all that shit happened. I hadn't heard anything from Kadota, just like I asked. Now that the rage-filled mist I was in was starting to clear up a I had to admit it felt kinda… lonely... No, what! Pull yourself together, Shizuo! Quit acting all girly, it's not like you don't have any other friends... Well, it's not like they were exactly friends, either. Damn.

I grunted as I got out of my bed, prepared to mutilate whoever it was that was obnoxiously ringing my door bell at 1 am. I opened it and stared for a few moments. I coudn't deal with this right now or I was sure the next day I would be asked to leave the building. I moved to shut the door only for it to be stopped by Kadota, who I'm sure had never felt more sorry in his life about putting his foot somewhere.

"Owwwwww... Fucking bastard, don't you dare close that door in my face!" He growled as he tried to push it back open.

"I'd nevet thought you to be tupid enough to come asking for your own death." I retorted as calmply as I could, not for anything else, but not to wake the neighbours. Especially that old hag next door. She's had her eyes on me ever since I moved in, just waiting for me to fuck up.

"Pfffft."

What? Laughter? Did that bastard next to Kadota just dare to laugh at me?

I flung the door open and looked at him with the wildest look I could put on, which in most cases would've been enough to make him bleed, but the only thing he did when he finally fixed his gaze on me was to quickly turn away and bury his face in Kadota's shoulder and start giggling again in the most annoying way possible.

"Nnooo, whatcha doin', bringin' me here, Dotachinnn! See, y'made Shizu-chan angry! He's so scaryyy~"

He was totally wasted.

"Take care of this!" he yelled as he shoved Izaya in my apartment.

"Fuck no!" I barked back, immediately grabbing him and shoving him back. "It's his fucking problem if he's decided to drink his ass off. Or are you gonna say he went and got himself wasted because of me?"

"Noo way! !" the moron interrupted, struggling to keep his balance. "I just went to have fun with sum buddies from work!~"

"Yeah, they had to wrestle him in order to wrench the bottle out of his grasp. Since they got worried they took his cell and called me, telling me I should go pick him up since it looked like something was wrong with him." Kadota explained, his tone very annoyed while he took hold of Izaya by his shoulders.

"Quite wrong."

"Shut up. Look, goddammit! This can't go on anymore, it's the second time in this past week. Talk to him properly before it starts getting worse."

"Yeah, well I don't think talking would do much right now." I shot as I glared at the bastard, who was now just staring blankly at the wall.

"Then you'll just have to wait until morning!" With that he pushed him again, this time with enough force for Izaya to crash into me hard. While I struggled not to fall over, not expecting the sudden collision, Kadota quickly grabbed hold of the handle and shut the door, his hurried steps quickly fading down the hall.

While still trying to process what just happened my attention was suddenly drawn to Izaya who now moved his head so he could face me as he stared at me for several moments.

"...What?" I asked annoyed, averting my gaze and turning to my left, when a finger started poking my cheek.

"You." Poke. "Are." Poke. "Shi-zu-chan." Poke. Poke. Poke. He grinned sheepishly and then quickly buried his face in my neck.

I was ready to send him flying through the wall when I suddenly felt his body going limp against me. He fell asleep?

...Why the hell was this happening to me?

The next morning Izaya woke up cursing the headache that was violenlty probing at his temples. He sat up and froze when he looked around only to see that this wasn't his bedroom. It was familiar but he couldn't quite put his finger to it. Looking at the nightstand on his left his eyes became as wide as saucers when he noticed the familiar keychain that he had seen so many times. Almost every morning. No way, he was...?