Title: I Call Out Amidst of All the Fallout (Chapter 3/4)

Author: Taya

Pairings/Characters: Eventual Dean/Castiel, Sam, Bobby, Balthazar

Spoilers: Up to 6.22. Some plot points are based loosely on future spoilers and comments made by the cast.

Warnings: No beta, so all mistakes are my own. Creative use of commas.

Rating: R (just to be safe)

Word Count: WIP (4300 for this part)

Author's Note: The title is from the Steve Carlson song "Love You or Leave You." Jensen wrote the line, "In spite of it all I call out amidst of all the fallout." Steve said it's his favorite line in the song. It's mine as well.

Summary: Dean puts his plan to save Castiel into action.

Chapter Three: Be My Savior, and I'll Be Your Downfall

"Anything?" Sam asked Dean, as his brother came stomping in from outside. Dean just glared at him and banged the summoning bowl down upon Bobby's desk, before retreating into the kitchen.

"Guess not," Sam said quietly to Bobby.

It had been a couple of weeks since they had decided to try to talk Castiel into falling—"they" being Sam and Dean. Bobby was being deliberately unhelpful. They had tried praying to Cas, praying to Balthazar, and praying to God. No dice. So then they had moved on to summoning spells. Nada.

"I don't know what to do, man," Dean said, returning from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. "I keep calling, and they just keep hitting the 'fuck you' button."

Sam shrugged. "I don't know what else we can do, Dean."

"I gotta few ideas," Bobby mumbled, not looking up from his book.

Sam turned to glare at him, but Dean moved towards the door.

"Where are you goin'?" Sam asked.

"Out," Dean replied. "And I'm not comin' back 'til I have a plan."

And Dean was true to his word.

He returned early the next morning. Sam was still asleep, so he relayed his idea to Bobby. To say that it didn't go over well would probably be the understatement of the century.

Bobby had screamed at him until he was hoarse, and then stormed outside to "blow off some steam".

All of the yelling had woken Sam, who didn't take to Dean's plan much better.

"No fucking way," Sam said loudly.

"Sam…"

"Dean, no. I am not letting you do this."

"I don't need you to let me do anything," Dean fired back. "We don't have another option, Sam."

"This isn't an option," yelled Sam. "Dean, I am not going to let you kill yourself just to go talk to Cas!"

"Don't say just to go talk to Cas. In case you've forgotten, the fate of the whole freakin' planet depends on me talking to Cas."

Sam just shook his head angrily and turned away from his brother. Dean took a few calming breaths.

"Look, there's no point fightin' about it," he began. "I'm doing this, with or without your help; but it'd probably be a lot safer if you had my back."

Sam turned slowly back to face Dean, a look of sadness in his eyes.

"Sammy, if it was me you know you'd do it in a heartbeat."

Sam couldn't argue with that.

After some time spent thinking it over and even more time spent "blowing off steam" with Bobby, Sam (reluctantly) agreed to help his brother.

At first, Bobby flat-out refused to let them use his panic room for their "suicide mission". However, when he realized that Dean was determined to go through with this no matter what, he conceded that the panic room probably was best.

It didn't take long for Sam and Dean to gather up everything they needed, and by the time the sun had begun to set, the boys were getting everything in order.

Bobby had been giving them the silent treatment all day, and was currently pouting upstairs as Sam and Dean readied the panic room.

"Alright," Dean said, rolling up his sleeve. "Give me forty-eight hours."

"What? No, I said you got one day," Sam complained.

"Okay, thirty-six hours then," said Dean, exasperated. Sam nodded, as he wheeled over the heart monitor. Dean took a seat on the cot.

"Alright. So I'm just gonna pop upstairs, call Balthazar, have him take me to Cas, and then convince Cas to fall," Dean said, shrugging.

"Yeah," Sam said with fake enthusiasm, "It's practically fool-proof."

Dean just glared at him, as Sam pushed him down on the bed and began attaching the monitor.

"What's wrong with it?" asked Dean.

"Where do I start?" Sam replied. "What if you can't get in-touch with Balthazar?"

"Aha," said Dean, smugly. "I thought about that. Remember Ash's angel radar?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he found me pretty quick last time, he could probably do it again; and then he can help me find Cas."

"And once you find Cas, how're you planning on convincing him to fall?"

"You just let me worry about that."

"How are you going to get back?"

"Cas," said Dean. "Or Balthazar." He smirked at his brother, apparently satisfied with his answers. "Anything else, Debbie Downer?"

"What if you don't go to Heaven?"

Dean opened his mouth to respond, but stopped short, raising his eyebrows. "Okay, I think that's enough talk," he said. "Let's do this."

Sam turned and filled a syringe up with morphine.

"Alright," Dean said seriously. "Thirty-six hours. If I'm not back by then, you start prayin'. Cas first. Then Balthazar. Then God."

"And if no one answers?"

Dean sighed. "Then you're just gonna have to get creative. Maybe try Tessa. Or Death. But Sammy…no deals with demons. No selling souls. Got me?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly, staring down at the syringe.

Silence hung heavy in the air.

"Sam, I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was all going to work out."

Sam nodded again, even though he knew it was a lie, and scooted his stool closer to Dean.

"One more thing," Dean said, propping himself up on his elbows. "After you make sure I'm gone, I want you to get outta here. Go upstairs and wait for me with Bobby."

"Why?"

"Because I know what it's like to sit in a room for thirty-six hours with your dead brother, and I don't want you doing that, okay? So promise me."

Sam looked at his brother sadly. "Okay. Yeah, I promise."

Dean nodded and lay back down. "Alright," he said. "See you soon."

"See you soon," Sam said, and he emptied the syringe into Dean's vein.

Next thing Dean knew, he was standing in the panic room looking down at his prone form.

"Weird," he said.

"You're telling me."

Dean spun around.

"Tessa," he said, smiling. "We've gotta stop meeting like this."

The reaper did not return his smile.

"Dean, what's going on?"

"One sec," he said, holding up a finger and turning back around.

Sam was just sitting there, staring at the flatline on the heart monitor.

"C'mon Sam," Dean whispered.

Sam let out a long, slow breath, before getting to his feet and leaving the room. Dean let out a breath of his own, and turned back to Tessa.

"What's going on, Dean?" Tessa asked again.

"I need you to take me upstairs so I can speak with the Big Man."

Tessa's eyes widened as she scoffed. "Wow. The ego on you," she said. "First you summon me because you want to talk to Death, and now you're trying to get a one-on-one with God?"

"He's not God," Dean said angrily. "He's my friend, and he needs my help. So you can say that killing myself to try and do that is egotistical, but I'm doin' it anyway, so are you going to beam me up or not?"

Tessa let out a frustrated sigh, throwing her arms up as she stepped closer. Dean closed his eyes and felt Tessa's arms wrap around him.

Dean opened his eyes to find himself sitting in the Impala, Ramblin' Man playing on the radio. The sun was shining brightly and the highway seemed to stretch out infinitely ahead of him.

He kept waiting for it to sink in—that he was dead and in Heaven. Dean didn't feel any different. He let out a sigh as he opened the door and stepped out into the sunlight.

Time to call Balthazar.

"Dean?" Balthazar said before Dean even had the door shut. He spun around to meet the angel, who was standing in the middle of the road.

"Hey. I was just about to call you," Dean greeted. "I need you to take me to Cas."

Balthazar just stared at him, astounded.

"My word," he said, smiling. "You are truly a special brand of crazy." But there was fondness in his voice, and maybe just a hint of admiration.

Dean shrugged. "It's been said," he replied, stepping closer to the angel. "Now, take me to your leader."

Sam sat quietly on Bobby's couch, staring up at the night sky. He was unaware that Bobby was studying him just as intently.

"You know what I don't get?" Bobby asked, causing Sam to look over at him. "How you can just forgive and forget so easily."

Sam shifted on the couch so that he was facing Bobby fully. He rested his elbows on his knees. "It's not about that," he said. "Cas is a part of Dean's life. He always will be. We're just gonna have to accept that."

"Well I don't know if I can, and you shouldn't have to either," said Bobby. "Sam, you have more of a reason to hate him than any of us."

"I don't hate him," said Sam, shrugging.

"Why the hell not?"

"Because," Sam began quietly, letting his eyes wonder around the room, "it wasn't too long ago that I came this close to cutting your throat. Right over there," he pointed.

"That was different," Bobby said stubbornly.

"Yeah," said Sam. "It's always something different. That's my point."

Bobby just shook his head. Sam went on.

"Look, you and me have seen enough in this job to know that sometimes things happen that cause us to do things we wouldn't normally do. Sometimes it's physical—like a bunch of Purgatory souls, or no soul, or demon blood. Or maybe it's something emotional—like losing faith in the one person you thought you could always count on."

Bobby sighed and looked down at his desk.

Sam knew when he had scored a win, and turned back to the window as he let Bobby mull that over.

His face turned towards the stars, Sam offered up a silent prayer, to whoever was listening, for his brother…

…and Cas.

Dean didn't know what he had expected the House of God to look like, but it certainly wasn't this.

He and Balthazar were standing in a massive garden—the most beautiful garden Dean had ever seen. Soft, green fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, spotted with thousands of cherry blossom trees. Flowers bloomed all around. A million different varieties, of every color. And in the center of it all, a large house that looked like something out of seventeenth century England.

As they approached the house, Dean filled Balthazar in on his plan. The angel listened intently, nodding his head.

"Get Cas to fall," he said. "That's not bad."

"Yeah, except for the monster thing," said Dean.

"Leave that to me," Balthazar said, as they neared the house.

Dean raised his eyebrows questioningly, but Balthazar had come to a halt in front of him.

"Something you should know," he said, turning to face Dean. "He's in pretty bad shape."

"What do you mean?"

"The souls. It's like they're…eating away at him."

Dean felt the blood drain from his face. He swallowed thickly.

"How's he acting?"

"Bipolar," Balthazar stated bluntly. "Emotional."

"Really?" Dean asked. "'Cause last time I saw him, he was a freakin' robot."

Balthazar shook his head. "He's become erratic. Prone to fits of anger, paranoia, or depression. I don't know if it's just the effect the souls are having on him, or if maybe it's our Cas struggling to break free."

The angel turned and continued walking towards the house.

Please let it be the latter, Dean thought, as he followed Balthazar.

Upon reaching the door, Balthazar paused with his hand on knob. He took a breath, and turned slowly back to face Dean.

"There is every possibility that these could be our last few moments, and there are things that should be said," Balthazar replied, seriously.

"Oh jeez. We're not really doing last words, are we?"

"Just be quiet, and let me say this," he went on. "When I first met you, I despised your filthy human guts."

"Wow, good start," said Dean, crossing his arms.

"I didn't understand," the angel continued. "I didn't get what he saw in you. Why he was willing to risk everything for you. Why he did risk everything for you. I didn't think that you deserved it." Balthazar looked Dean directly in the eyes. "I was wrong."

Dean shifted uncomfortably, as he stared back at Balthazar. He didn't know what to say to that. Thankfully, Balthazar spared him by clapping his hands and turning back to the door.

"Well, that's enough with the 'chick flick' moments. Shall we?" he asked, opening the door and retreating inside.

Dean just smiled and followed him over the threshold. Heaven help him, but he may actually be starting to like the guy.

Once inside, Balthazar led him up two flights of stairs and to a room on the top floor. They paused outside and shared one last glance, before stepping into the doorway.

Cas was standing in front of a large window, his back to them.

Balthazar knocked lightly on the open door.

"Castiel? There's someone here to see you."

Dean felt himself tense up, as Cas turned around to face them.

Balthazar hadn't been lying when he said Cas wasn't doing well. His skin seemed stretched tighter over his slight frame, and it appeared to have a slightly yellow tinge to it. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes, but the mask he'd been wearing last time Dean saw him was still firmly in place…that is, until he saw who Balthazar had brought with him.

The mask slipped as his eyes settled upon the hunter.

"Dean?" he asked, surprised; and God, he sounded so much like the Cas that Dean knew that it was hard not to get his hopes up that this might actually work.

"Hey Cas," he said, stepping into the room.

Cas just stared back at him, his eyes wide. He looked Dean up and down, like he couldn't believe that he was really here.

"You're dead."

"Yeah," said Dean, offhandedly. "Temporary condition…I hope," he added, glancing back at Balthazar. When he looked back at Cas, the angel had schooled his expression and was staring at Dean coldly.

"Why are you here?" he asked suspiciously.

Dean took a breath and refused to look away from those hard eyes that were oh so familiar.

"I thought about what you said, and well…I'm ready to do it."

Cas tilted his head slightly. "You've decided to profess your love and devotion to me?"

"Yeah," Dean said meekly. "Yes."

Cas raised his eyebrows and inclined his head, clearly telling Dean to 'go ahead then'.

Dean took a breath, and walked towards Cas. He kept walking until he was right up in the angel's personal space. Cas stiffened and looked as if he wanted to take a step back, but he held his ground.

"Cas," Dean said sincerely. "I love you." A muscle twitched in Cas's cheek. "And that's kind of a big deal for me to say," Dean continued. "I've only ever said that to two people my entire adult life—Sammy and my dad—so you should feel pretty special." Cas appeared to be having an emotional tug-of-war going on inside his head. Dean just ploughed on. "As for devotion…I've always been loyal to you, Cas. Whether you realized it or not. I was loyal to you in the beginning, back when you were just a warrior of Heaven. I was loyal to you after you rebelled…to fight beside me."

"Stop it."

"I was loyal to you when you were losing your grace and I was loyal when you were human." Dean went on forcefully. "Hell, I was even loyal to you all last year when you were being a total dick!"

He heard Balthazar groan behind him, but he just kept on.

"Now I'm sorry that I've done a shitty job of showin' it, but I'm here now."

"Dean," Cas warned.

"I would die for you, Cas. Christ, I have died for you!"

"Enough!" bellowed Cas, throwing Dean across the room with a wave of his hand.

Dean hit the ground hard. He hadn't known it was possible to experience pain once you were already dead, but his back was throbbing from its contact with the floor.

When Dean finally managed to drag himself back to his feet, he was surprised to find Cas clutching his head, his eyes shut tightly in pain.

Dean spoke softly, and tried not to let Cas hear the pain in his voice.

"Cas, look at yourself. Those souls are tearing you apart. You gotta get rid of 'em or they're going to kill you, man."

"Don't pretend like that isn't what you want," Cas said as he leaned back against the window, his eyes still closed.

"How could you say that?" Dean asked gently. "I know there's a lot of bad blood between us, but guess what? We're stuck with each other, and I'm not giving up on you. Look at me!" yelled Dean. Cas's eyes flew open and he sucked in a breath. Balthazar stepped a little further into the room.

Dean took a calming breath before going on. "Cas, you saved me. Without you, there is no me," he said. "You pulled me outta my Hell, and now I'm gonna pull you outta your's."

Cas shook his head and turned back to the window, but he wasn't seeing the garden below. His brow was wrinkled in confusion, and his breathing had sped up.

"We can fix this, Cas," Dean said, taking a couple of steps closer.

"Don't," pleaded Cas, turning sharply and raising his hand.

Dean stopped and raised his arms in surrender, but kept speaking.

"We can fix it," Dean repeated, "but you have to choose to fall, Cas. You have to become human."

Cas was just shaking his head, staring up at the ceiling. "The things I've done…"

"We've all done shitty things, Cas. It doesn't mean you deserve to die."

Cas looked sharply at Dean. His breathing seemed to have stopped. He was looking at Dean like he was seeing him for the first time. His eyes widened slightly and he tilted his head to the side. Dean felt his heart leap.

"You're dead," Cas said again, only this time with less confusion and more sadness. "You died."

"I had to," said Dean, taking another cautious step forward. "You weren't answering my prayers, and I had to talk to you."

"You shouldn't have done that," Cas said sadly, his breathing increasing once again, as he turned away. "I don't deserve your pity, Dean. I don't deserve your forgiveness. I deserve whatever it is that's going to happen to me."

Dean saw that he was getting close, and pushed ahead.

"You don't get off that easily, you son of a bitch. You fucked up, and now you gotta take responsibility and make things right."

Balthazar shifted nervously next to him.

"I don't deserve the chance to make things right," Cas said quietly.

"Why? Because you've made some mistakes?" Dean asked. "Cas, after all the evil shit that I did in Hell, you still pulled me out. You still thought I had somethin' worth fightin' for. You don't think you deserve to be saved?"

Cas suddenly went very still, his back turned to Dean. Balthazar took a few steps forward, placing himself protectively between Dean and Cas.

Cas turned slowly and stared at Dean. His breathing became shallow and his hands began to shake.

"Cas?" Balthazar asked worriedly.

"Get Dean back home," he said tightly, not taking his eyes off the hunter.

"Whoa, wait a minute," said Dean, making a move towards Cas, but Balthazar stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"What are you going to do?" Balthazar asked Cas.

The brothers shared a long, wordless exchange. Balthazar just nodded, and raised his hand to Dean's head.

"No, wait!"

The last thing Dean saw was a million pin pricks of light growing larger and larger inside of Cas, and then…

…darkness.

Dean woke with a start in the panic room, alone and gasping for breath. He took a second to get his bearings, before quickly disconnecting himself from the heart monitor, and running out of the panic room and up the stairs.

Dean ignored Bobby and Sam's shouts of surprise, as he ran past them towards the door. He yanked it open, bolted outside, and stopped dead.

The night sky was lit up like a firecracker. Millions of bright lights were descending swiftly to Earth, like falling stars, as far as the eye could see.

"What is that?" Sam asked, behind him.

Dean stared at the sky, horrified.

"It's Cas."

Five Months Later

It was coming on Christmas, but you certainly wouldn't know it from the look of Bobby Singer's home. There was no tree, no lights, no stockings; just piles of newspapers and books scattered all throughout the house. And to say that the holiday spirit was lacking from its three current residents would have been a gross understatement.

True to his word, Balthazar had seized control of Heaven and immediately sent every single angel down to Earth to eliminate the Purgatory souls. They were able to get most of them before they went underground, but the three hunters still found themselves with plenty to do.

Which left Balthazar to search for Cas, while Sam and Dean kept an eye out for any sign of his grace. So far, they had nothing.

Balthazar seemed certain that Cas was still alive, though he couldn't affectively explain to Dean how he knew this.

The angel had been spending all of his time looking for Cas, only popping in to check if the boys had located his grace yet.

"Maybe if there'd just been one report of a meteorite crashing to Earth that night, I'd have something to go on; but there wasn't just one, there were millions!" yelled Dean, jabbing his finger towards a stack of newspapers.

Balthazar just huffed in frustration, and flew off.

So when Dean heard a flutter of wings, he didn't even look up from the article he was reading.

"We haven't got it yet," he said, annoyed.

When Balthazar didn't respond after a minute, Dean looked up at him.

The angel was smiling.

"I've found him."

TBC