Chapter 11- What Do You Want From Me

"Yeah, it's plain to see, that baby you're beautiful
and it's nothing wrong with you, it's me, I'm a freak, yeah
But thanks for lovin' me 'cause you're doing it perfectly

Yeah, there might have been a time, when I would let you step away
I wouldn't even try, but I think you could save my life
Just don't give up, I am workin' it out, please don't give in,
I won't let you down, it messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around, hey, whataya want from me?"
What Do You Want From Me by Adam Lambert

It had been three years since Rylee had killed the Arishok and was named Champion of Kirkwall. As Rylee's notoriety grew, Anders anxiety over her safety intensified. People on the streets regularly called out her name in greeting and she was always courteous to each one of them, while Anders eyed them with growing suspicion. Everyone wanted something from the Champion and those who didn't want something, wanted to make their own mark by taking the Champion down. At times, it seemed like the only two people looking out for her were Varric and himself. Rylee certainly wasn't taking the threats against her serious enough as she continued to offer assistance to anyone who came to her with a bleeding sob story.

As they headed down the dirt path toward the city gates, Anders looked over at Nathaniel Howe, who at Rylee's insistence was heading back to Kirkwall to rest at the Estate before heading back to Ferelden and sneered to himself. Nathaniel who was normally stoically quiet and brooding was now a budding conversationalist as he chatted with Rylee about her fleeing Ferelden, the Deep Roads, and the Arishok. Rylee's enchanting laugh pulled him out of his dark thoughts. He looked up, her face was radiant with amusement as she gently touched Nathaniel's arm. Wonderful, not only had the stoic rogue become an excellent communicator, but he was now also a comedian. Suddenly jealousy coursed through his body like a flame licking rapidly at a dry piece of kindling… MINE! His mind growled. OURS! Justice replied.

She smiled at the Warden, purred her replies and flirted shamelessly with him.

Vixen!Tease! Whore! How could she be so brazen in front of us like that?

Justice's harsh words snapped him back to reality and broke the chains of envy and jealousy.

Shut up! You know she isn't like that at all. She is flirtatious by nature. That is who she is and what drew us to her in the first place. She could not change that about her nature any more then she could change the color of her eyes. She loves me!

Are you so sure about that, Anders? You haven't actually been the charming mage she fell in love with, the tender apostate that she committed herself to. Lately ,you have become a self absorbed, self centered bastard.

That's sodding priceless coming from you since it has been you and your demands eating away at my brain that has made me that way.

So, can you blame her for seeking comfort in the arms of another? Would you deny her the solace that you can no longer provide her?

Anders watched Rylee as she interacted with Nathaniel. He hadn't in such joy in her face in a long time. Her body language was relaxed and so carefree and as she joked around with the rogue it was as if he was seeing a burden being lifted off of her shoulders as the lighthearted, cheery Rylee that he fell in love settled over her demeanor.

She loves me! Anders said more to reassure himself than Justice.

You keep telling yourself that.

She loves me!

Maybe you will actually begin to believe it.

SHE LOVES ME! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Nathaniel stayed with them for almost a week and during that time a constant battle waged in his mind as his paranoia about Rylee's faithfulness to him, his fear of losing her and his struggle to hold onto her love threatened to consume him. He thought when Nathaniel left that his suspicions and mistrust would ease, but they only intensified. At least when Nathaniel was here, Anders could keep an eye on him, watch to make sure that his Warden brother didn't try to take advantage of Rylee, didn't try to play on her loneliness in order to seduce her, but now every time she left the house without him, anxiety saturated him like a wet blanket, making his skin crawl. He imagined Rylee being held by Isabela or caressed by Fenris and on very bad days his imagination would invoke images of Knight-Captain Cullen, who Anders knew had a thing for Rylee, between her legs as he moved in and out of her. To Anders, Rylee being with a templar would be the greatest betrayal of all and when Justice was feeling particularly sadistic, he force feed Anders this scenario. The only way he could make the Spirit relent was to work on his manifesto.

He needed to finish it and present it to the Grand Cleric. It was the only way Anders was going to save his sanity and find peace. Justice drove him relentlessly to finish it, forcing Anders to go days with little more than a few hours of sleep. He could see the worry and concern in Rylee's eyes. She tried desperately to reach him, to force him to connect with her, but he couldn't allow himself to take comfort in her, no matter how much he ached for her. If he gave into the connection that they shared, the paranoia would swallow him whole as Justice preyed on his insecurities, driving him back to the manifesto, forcing Anders to bend to the Spirit's will.

Now, surrounded by hundreds of crumbled up sheets of paper, Anders sat hunched over the desk in the library, working on the revisions to his manifesto. Tomorrow Anders had a meeting with the Grand Cleric to present his proposal to her and he needed it to be perfect. Rylee had asked him to the Hanged Man with her tonight, but he was unable to tear himself away from this critical argument. She had been disappointed and Anders could see the pain in her eyes as he continued to pull away from her.

Just bare with me, Love. Let me present this to the Grand Cleric and everything will go back to the way it was.

No matter what the outcome of tomorrow is Anders; things can never go back to the way they once were. Progress is only made by moving forward.

Please save your self-indulgent lectures for someone who is actually listening.

Despite Rylee's frustration and disappointment with him she had agreed to go alone –that had been hours ago. He had been too absorbed in his work that he hadn't even heard her come in, hadn't even noticed she had entered the room until he felt her arms slip around his shoulders, her lips graze his neck and smelled the scent of sweet lavender on her skin and brandy on her breath.

Without taking his eyes off of the page, he patted her arm, "Rylee, not now. I can't be distracted from this right now."

The warmth of her arms quickly retreated from his shoulders as she let out a long sigh of frustration. As his mind grabbed hold of his next argument as he heard her flop down on the sofa across from him, but he was too consumed with this line of reasoning to even glance up at her. His quill fiercely flowed across the parchment as his thoughts poured out of him, filling page after page. He knew these were excellent arguments and his excitement began to escalate when he heard a low moan. Without lifting his head he glanced up at her through hooded eyes and his heart leapt into his chest. Rylee was lying on the sofa completely naked; her one leg rested on table in front of her while her other leg was bent up towards her thigh. Her hand had been caressing her breasts as she squeezed the taut nipple before gliding down her toned stomach toward the dark curly mound between her legs. Anders felt all the blood rush to his groin as she pulled her knees toward her, his breath hitched as her hand slipped down between her slick pink folds. Every thought in his head floated away as he was mesmerized by what was taking place in front of him.

Even from across the room her musky scent inundated his senses, his mouth watered as he imagined his tongue gliding over her swollen pearl and sliding deep into her tight center. They both groaned together. Anders bit down on the quill as he watched her fingers stroke the tight nub.

"W-what are you thinking about?" Anders groaned.

"Mmmm, y-you and the way your head looked between my legs that day we spent at the beach."

Oh fuck, that was one of the most memorable sexual experiences of his life. "T-tell me what you liked best," He said in husky voice as he watched her stroke herself.

"The f-feel of your tongue as it l-licked and sucked at me before sinking deep inside of me," Rylee moaned.

Oh Maker, she was killing him and this was sweetest torture he had ever experienced, he watched her body respond to her own touch as she fantasized about him. Rylee was doing everything in her power to bring Anders back from the brink of insanity; she was relentless and never gave up in her quest to try saving him from himself. Maker, he loved her and he missed her desperately.

He knew it wouldn't be long before he would be on his knees in front of her. She never ceased to amaze him… he couldn't believe she was still his. As obsessed as he had become with the mages plight she refused to let him go, refused to let him slip over the edge. No matter how much he hurt her or ignored her, she rejected the notion that he was a lost cause and continued to find new and creative ways to keep him grounded and rooted to her.

His eyes widened and he nearly came of the chair as she plunged her fingers deep inside her core. His groin ached as he imagined pushing those luscious thighs apart as he slid into her hot, wet center. His body trembled at the mere thought. How long had it been since he had allowed himself to be with her, to connect with her as their souls entwined with each other… he couldn't remember, because anytime he had even thought about making love to her, Justice would inundate his mind with images of Rylee with Isabela, Fenris and Cullen only adding fuel to his delusions. He knew she had never been unfaithful to him. He knew she loved him and was frantic to save him, but the only way to escape the mirage of pictures in his head was to give in to Justice's will.

He watched with fascination as she effortlessly moved her fingers in and out and across the throbbing bundle of nerves before thrusting back inside. She looked magnificent – her body flushed with excitement, the deep red color of her center, her back slightly arched as her mouth gapped open. Seeing her like this in the throes of ecstasy overrode the visions that Justice tried to throw at him. Desire, hunger and an all consuming need to reconnect with her overpowered the Spirit's demands and Anders shut him out completely as he gave into his yearning for her.

He heard her breath quicken as a moan tore from her throat, "A-anders!" She panted his name.

The sound of his name falling from her lips broke his will completely. He was instantly on his feet and falling on his knees in front of her as he slipped his hands under her bottom and pulled her to the edge of the sofa.

"I want to finish you," he groaned just before his tongue replaced her fingers. She writhed against his mouth as he licked, sucked and nipped at her until he took her over the edge. Feeling her tighten around his fingers as the wave of pleasure crashed over her.

"That's it, Ry, come for me," he ordered.

Her body shuddered as she lifted her hips and pressed against his mouth. She cried out as she came with such a strong intensity that she shook from head to toe.

He pulled back and grinned up at her, "You have been a very naughty girl. Do you have any idea how fucking hot that was?"

She gave him that roguish grin of hers, "Do tell."

"I am so hard for you, it aches," Anders moaned as he slid his pants and tunic off, sat down and pulled her onto his lap. The feel of her wet center against his bare skin caused a moan to slip from his lips. "Justice was right, you are distraction, but Maker, Ry, you can distract me like that anytime." Anders groaned as he leaned over and took her already hard nipple into his mouth. He rolled it around his tongue as he sucked and nipped at it. She moaned as she arched into his mouth. His hand slid between her legs to her slick folds. His fingers glided between her curls till he found her throbbing nub. He stroked her as his mouth teased the sensitive buds on her chest to the point she was gasping for breath, crying out his name.

"Are you ready to feel me inside of you? Because Ry, if I don't get inside you soon, I swear I'm going to die," Anders moaned against her chest.

She answered him wordlessly as she turned and straddled him. She leaned forward as Anders adjusted himself at her wet core; she slowly eased down as he sank deep inside her tight walls. Anders looked at where they were joined and groaned at the sight of him moving in and out of her.

Her full beautiful breasts swayed as she rode him, he clasped his hand around them and drew a nipple into his mouth while his thumb caressed the other one. She moaned into the side of his neck as her tongue and lips nipped and sucked at his ear lobe. He thrust harder and deeper into her; she clung to him as he felt her racing toward her climax.

He reached up and cupped her face, forcing her piercing blue eyes to settle on his. "Keep them open, Ry. I want to watch you."

He grabbed her hips and pressed her against him as he plunged faster and faster into her. Their eyes never left each other's and his name on her lips as he pushed them over the edge.

She fell against his chest, panting as she tried to catch her breath. Anders entwined his fingers in her hair as he whispered, "I love you, Ry."

Rylee slowly lifted herself off of Anders and looked into his eyes. His heart clinched in his chest at the agony that he saw there. How long had it been since he had uttered those three precious words to her. He couldn't remember.

Tears weld up in her eyes as her lower lip quivered. "I-I thought you had s-stopped…" the heartbreak in her voice prevented her from going on.

Anders own eyes filled with tears at the pain he had caused the woman that was bound to him, heart, soul and mind. "I'm so sorry, Love. No matter what happens, please never doubt my love for you." He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. "You are flesh of my flesh, heart of my heart, soul of my soul. I know that I have caused you great pain, Rylee, and for that I can only beg for your forgiveness, but please know, till I breathe my last breath. I will never stop loving you."

The dam of emotions that she had been holding broke and she clung to him as she cried for the two of them and he held onto her tightly knowing he didn't deserve her, but thanked the Maker for giving him his salvation, however temporary it might be. When no more tears could be shed, he gently wiped her face dry and kissed her once again. When he finally pulled away he asked, "Ready for bed?"

She gave him a sly grin as she slipped off of his lap and moved down his body. Her lips and tongue did the most delicious things to his body as she cut a path to his already hardening groin, "Did I forget to mention the punishment for ignoring me?"

Anders laughed as she took him her mouth and delivered her version of justice.

xxXxx

Anders sat on the dirt floor with his back pressed against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest. He hadn't been home in days, not since the Grand Cleric had completely rejected his manifesto without so much as glance at the words he had poured his blood, sweat and tears into. He knew he looked like hell. He hadn't bathed nor shaved, his hair was out of its tight ponytail, stringy and greasy, and his eyes were red and puffy from lack of sleep and crying. If Rylee had been home, she would have been panicked at his appearance and his behavior, but luckily for him, when Justice had revealed his grand plan for the Sela Petrae and Drakestone, Rylee had been in Sundermount helping Merrill with something that had to do with that damn mirror. Anders knew that when mixed properly, those ingredients could create a powerful explosion. When he had asked Rylee to help him collect them, he wasn't sure what Justice intended to use them for; he knew it wouldn't be good, but never in a million years would he have thought that the Spirit would devise such a diabolical plan as to blow up the Chantry, to kill Grand Cleric Elthina and all of those innocent people. Two days ago, after Elthina's rejection of his manifesto, Justice had revealed his final plan, and Anders had felt as if someone had repeatedly slammed a boulder against his head as he struggled to comprehend what the Spirit told him.

Why the Chantry? If you want to blow up something, why not the Circle?

Because the Circle is controlled by the Chantry; Elthina had her chance to end this madness, but she snubbed the manifesto that you and Rylee spent years working on, without even a glance, and she refused to take sides as Meredith has grown even more out of control.

Murdering an innocent woman…

She isn't innocent, Anders, and you know that. The templars grow more and more abusive and the mages rebel but only by resorting to forbidden magic. It has to stop… it must stop! The only way to achieve that is to compel not just Kirkwall, but all of Thedas to re-examine their beliefs about how mages are treated; to force them to see that oppressing and mistreating a group of people because you fear them is not acceptable behavior. It is inhuman. It will take a radical act for them to make that type of mind shift.

You will cause them to fear mages even more, Justice.

Not when you're willing die for the cause; when you become the martyr, the rebels will have someone to rally behind.

Anders felt the air being sucked out of his lungs as his stomach retched. Justice expected him to die for this cause, to become the symbol for the mage rebellion that was sure to ensue.

Martyr!

You and I both know that Rylee cannot and will not let you live. Her sense of justice is too strong and because of her political station and her relationship with you, it will be demanded of her to execute you.

That is why you allowed me to continue in this relationship with her; so that you could use her to fulfill your own goals.

That was never my intention in the beginning, but you refused to listen to me. Even when I warned you that pursuing a relationship with her would destroy her, you insisted….

If you had just told me what your plans were, I would have listened…

You've always known, Anders, that this wouldn't end peacefully.

But you are asking me to destroy her. It will kill her if she has to take my life.

I warned you. You should have listened.

I can't do this, I can't do this to her. You ask too much. Take my life, make me the sacrificial lamb, but don't make me do this to her.

You will and you must, and if you can't do it then I will take you over completely until the act is done.

NO!

Then find a way, Anders!

Anders buried his head in his arms and cried himself to sleep. He felt a soft gentle caress against his arm as a tender voice whispered against his ear, "Anders, my Love. Wake up."

He didn't know how long he had been asleep, but by the stiffness in his neck and limbs, it had been a while. He looked up into Rylee's beautiful face and he saw the distress flicker in her eyes, but she quickly reigned in her fears. "Love, come home with me."

Anders threw himself in her arms, clung to her and wept for the both of them.

A/N – Thank to everyone that has as added this story to their alert and favorites list. Also that thank you those that have added me to their favorite authors list. I am honored by such a wonderful gesture. I also want to thank those that have left such amazing and thoughtful reviews. I love hearing your thoughts both good and bad so please continue to share those with me.

*Last, but never least I want to thank Jinxy for working her wonderful betalicious magic on this chapter. Thank you, my dear for your help, insight and friendship.