Chapter 12

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"Can I join you?" Rogue looked up in surprise from her dinner to see Storm standing in the kitchen doorway.

"Uh, yeah, of course." She liked Storm, but the two of them rarely interacted outside of mission or school work. Storm pulled a sandwich out of the fridge and sat down at the table across from Rogue. "What's up?"

"Same as always. People stirring up trouble where there doesn't need to be any. But how are you, Rogue? It's been three months since we beat Magneto, and you've been working like crazy. You used to go out all the time with Remy or your other friends. Now it seems like you're as tethered to this place as I am." Rogue should have been annoyed by the questions, but it was impossible to be annoyed with Storm, who was always reasonable.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You know I'm not with Gambit any more."

"Yes, I know."

"There just always seems to be something more important going on. Now that I have powers again, and powers I can actually use, I feel this huge responsibility. Don't you feel that?"

"I used to," Storm said, after thinking for a few moments. "Now, I guess I feel like I've paid my dues. I'll do what I can to protect innocent lives, but I'll also look after myself. If you don't do the same, you'll burn out."

"I won't burn out."

"Maybe not yet. Or any time soon. But you've been pushing yourself pretty hard, and you can't do that forever." Rogue sighed.

"I just don't know what else to do." And as she said it, she realized that was the heart of the problem. The X-Men team was now her life. Before, she had been an outsider, just a human who pitched in wherever she could to help the others defend mutants and save lives. Now she was the one saving lives, but she felt like more of an outsider than ever. Now that she was one of them, she realized that the X-Men were really a team of loners, aside from Jean and Scott.

"Yeah. I hear you," Storm responded.

"What do you think I should do, Storm?"

"Please call me Ororo, won't you?" Rogue tried not to wince visibly. She preferred calling mutants by their chosen names, now that the human world was blocked off from her. But she couldn't very well disregard her request.

"If you insist."

"I do."

"Then, Ororo, what do you think I should do?"

"Honestly?" She waited for a response, so Rogue nodded. "I think you should talk to Remy." Rogue felt her defenses shoot up, and she turned away. She would not talk to anyone about Gambit. She tried to think of some clever reply, something dismissive and light that would change the topic, but she couldn't get her thoughts to focus.

"Forget it," she muttered.

"You asked my opinion."

"I know. And that's the only reason I'm not walking away right now, so just forget it." Storm raised her eyebrows and picked up her sandwich, letting Rogue stew in her own aggression. They sat for a couple of minutes like that, tense, and Rogue thought she should just go.

"It's hard to know how much people can handle," Storm said suddenly, softly. "I know you have your own reasons for breaking things off with him. And I bet they're good reasons, too."

"They are." Storm nodded.

"Mystique escaped from prison last night." Shocked, Rogue set down her fork deliberately and looked straight at Storm, trying to stay calm. She didn't understand why Storm had changed the subject so abruptly, but she wasn't sure she cared. Her heart was racing.

"Are you kidding?"

"Of course I'm not kidding. She's MIA. And you know what else?"

"What?"

"She's Kurt's mother."

"What?" Rogue thought she might get whiplash from this conversation. She'd never realized it, but Storm was a woman with secrets.

"His mother. And that's what I think about when I say that we don't know how much a person can handle. You broke things off with Remy to protect him. I understand that. I haven't told Kurt about his mother because I'm afraid of what he'll do, of what this will mean to him. But don't we owe it to these men to give them a chance? Haven't they earned our trust?" That was about as much as Rogue could handle. She'd been avoiding other people's company for the past three months or so, and while she liked Storm, this was just too much. She stood up and dumped the rest of her food.

"Look," she paused while standing over the sink. Storm turned in her seat to meet her eyes. "I appreciate the pep talk. I do. But I left Gambit because I knew I couldn't handle being with him. Whatever you're going through with Kurt is totally different. Sorry."

"If you say so."

"Good night, Ororo."

"Good night." Rogue stalked out and went to her room, wishing this didn't feel so much like running away.

When she woke up the next morning, she realized she had dreamed of Mystique all night. She cursed as she got ready for the day ahead. During the morning meeting with Xavier, her thoughts wandered to what Mystique might be doing, where she was hiding, and with whom. Rogue didn't know whether she was interested because of Gargouille's influence, or for her own reasons. But she'd given up trying to work out that equation weeks ago.

"I'm leaving." Logan's baritone interrupted her thoughts, and Rogue finally tuned into the meeting. "I thought I should tell you before I go, Professor, and the rest of you, too. I've got a lead on someone who used to work with Stryker, and I'm going to follow it. It's time I found out exactly what happened to me."

"How long will you be gone?" Jean asked, sounding a little upset. Like she had reason to be upset, Rogue rolled her eyes.

"A while. As long as Magneto's put away and things are calm around here, you probably shouldn't expect to see me for a long time."

"I would ask you to reconsider, Logan, but I know how you are when your mind is made up," Professor Xavier said. "In that case, I hope you will stay until tomorrow, at least, so we can work out passing along your responsibilities to someone else." Logan nodded tersely, and that was it.

That was it. They went on with the meeting as if everything hadn't just changed, while Rogue sat there and tried to find her breath. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes, trying not to scream or cry or attack someone. He was leaving. Again. And while they hadn't been talking much lately, she didn't know what she'd do without him. She could see Gambit staring at her from the corner of her eyes, but she ignored him. She tried to keep her cool, but it was no use. Finally she jumped up and rushed out of the office, shaking Gambit's hand off when he tried to stop her.

Rogue ran down the hallway and out of the building, needing some air. She walked out to the front lawn of the school and tilted her head back, shutting her eyes. She felt two annoying tears drip down the sides of her cheeks, and wiped them off brusquely.

"Marie."

"That's not my name," she snarled, whirling around to face Wolverine. She surprised herself with her ferocity, and realized that she wasn't just sad, she was pissed. "My name is Rogue, and you would know that if you gave a damn about me. But you don't." He walked closer to her, an apologetic look on his face. She looked away.

"You're still Marie to me. You're still the kid who snuck into my truck up in the Yukon, and then got herself kidnapped by Magneto."

"Am I still a kid to you, Logan? After everything that's happened, is that still all that you see? An annoying child you have to take care of?" The tears were flowing, now, but she didn't care. She hoped they hurt him.

"You've never been an annoyance—"

"Then take me with you." She brushed the tears away and sniffled, standing tall to look at him. "That's all I've ever wanted. And I have powers now, I can help you."

"No." She just stared at him, at his unmoving, unyielding face. He stared back, and she wondered what he saw when he looked at her.

"Do you love me at all? In any way?" Her voice was small, and void of emotion. She had never felt more vulnerable. Logan's head snapped back slightly, and a look almost of panic came across his face. He looked completely baffled, and she couldn't help but laugh. "I'm sorry," she said, giggling helplessly. "I shouldn't have asked you that. I know you better than that. But here's the thing, Logan. I love you."

Saying it was like releasing a binding that had clenched her heart tight for years. Rogue felt immediately lighter, and her smile widened.

"I love you," she repeated. "And you probably can't handle that. You wouldn't know what to do with those words even if Jean said them to you." His eyes narrowed at that. Like it was some big secret that he cared about Jean Grey. "But that's how I feel, and I'll still love you no matter what you do or however you feel about me. So let me go with you, damn it. I won't ask anything of you. I just..." She hesitated, suddenly afraid, but she had already bared her heart to him. May as well go all the way. "I just need to be with you. Be around you. You're the only person I can be myself with, and the only person I trust. I know you, Logan. And I need you."

She waited. If this didn't convince him, nothing would.

He reached out, and took her hand in his. Her heart skipped about a thousand beats, and she held her breath. He turned her hand and placed a kiss right on her gloved palm, and her eyes fell shut.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. Her eyes flew open and met his, and she saw what his answer was. She tore her hand back. "I'm going to find out about my past. And that's something I need to do by myself. It's not about you, Marie. If I could take anyone with me, it would be you. But I can't. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, alright. I get it." All of her energy left in a rush. The adrenaline, the nervousness, the anger; it was all gone. He had rejected her, and there was nothing she could do to change that. Nothing would ever change how he felt, and her feelings weren't enough to make up for that. "Goodbye, Logan."

"Rogue, I will come back," he said as she turned and started walking away. She stopped but didn't turn back.

"It doesn't matter. You'll just leave again." He didn't respond, so she walked on, letting her tears fall.