Chapter 19 – Let's Stay Together
"Ooh, loving you forever, is what I need
Let me be the one you come running to, I'll never be untrue
Ooh, baby, let's, let's stay together
Loving you whether, whether times are good or bad, happy or sad
Whether times are good or bad, happy or sad"
Let's Stay Together by Al Green
Anders had been writing non-stop for the past three days as he took both Lillah and Justice's advice to heart. It was time for him to confront his own demons and to deal with them so that he didn't repeat the mistakes of the past. He had almost a hundred pages and the words still kept coming, flowing out of like an endless river. He poured his heart out about the abuses that he has suffered and seen at the hands of the templars. He ranted about the injustices of the Circle and the Chantry, and when his anger would reach a peak, Justice would show him a memory of the templars from his past that had been kind and offered aid.
Justice showed Anders images of Ser Thrask who enlisted Rylee's aid to help escaped apostates. Ser Agatha, who enlisted Rylee's aid to help deal with citizens that were harboring apostates. Ser Cullen, who supported Rylee in the end against Meredith and let her go free. Justice then showed Anders the mages who had turned on Rylee and fought against her, the list was long and extensive and it was a wonder that she hadn't spent the majority of her time hunting and killing blood mages. The point that Justice was trying to make was that there was good and bad on both sides, and Anders was wrong assume that all templars were evil and all mages were good and just misunderstood.
As Anders looked at the pages of parchment before him, he realized that a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He was far from being healed from the pains of his past, but he was definitely making strides. He would do whatever took not to inflict the type of pain he had on Rylee. He loved her too much to ever do that to her again.
There was a knock at his door and Lillah stuck her head in. "Hey there."
Anders smiled at her, "Hey yourself."
"Still busy working out your issues," Lillah chucked as she looked at the stacks of paper.
"I think I've burned myself out for now."
"Well, if you're looking for a break I could use your help."
Anders stood up and walked over to her. "Of course, Lil, what do you need?"
"I need you and Oghren to escort Neria to Amaranthine and help several mages that need to be smuggled out of the City."
"Neria's back?"
"Yes, she has been back for a couple of weeks. Since Rylee is trapped in Denerim for the time being, Neria had some work to do with the Underground. She has been in Highever. Teryn Cousland had sent word to the Mage Underground that he had been harboring a few apostates, but that the templars had been snooping around lately and it would be wise to move them. She has just returned and needs to take care of the mages in Amaranthine."
"Of course I'll help."
"Good, but before I send you back into the City, we need to come up with a better disguise. There are just too many templars and Starkhaven knights running around to take any chances."
"You aren't going to make me wear a dress and a wig are you?"
She smirked at him, "If you shaved that stubble, you could make a pretty girl."
"Bite me!"
Lillah laughed. "Meet me in my room in twenty minutes."
Anders spent the next several hours while Lillah worked on changing the color of his hair, by using plant dyes and extracts. He was currently sitting in chair with a towel wrapped around his head because the heat helped change the color. There had to be a quicker way to do this.
"Maker's balls, is this what women go through all the time?" Anders grumbled.
"The price of beauty," Lillah said as she pulled the towel off of his head and gasped. "Oh fuck," she whispered.
Anders leapt out of the chair and ran to the mirror. His eyes went wide in horror. "It's fucking pink, Lil. You made my hair fucking pink. I thought the point was to blend in, not draw attention to myself. Maker's cock, it looks like someone threw up cotton candy all over my hair."
Lillah was rifling through the pages of instructions. "I did exactly what it said to do."
Just then the door opened, Oghren and Varric walked in. "Has anyone told you it's polite to knock before entering a room?" Anders asked.
Both of the dwarves eyes went wide before they burst out laughing.
"Oh, sodding hell, you look like a woman!" Oghren snorted
"A very slutty one," Varric added. "Are you going undercover like that? 'Cause I can't imagine anyone spotting you like that."
"Oh no, not at all. We'll blend right in, right alongside the skirt wearing freak with pink hair. Hold on a minute while I go get my clown suit," Oghren cackled.
"Do you have a spare?" Varric asked.
"Zev is going to be pissed if the Broma Brothers make an appearance without him," Lillah stated.
"It will serve that sodding elf right for leaving me while he went off to try and hook up with the Champion. This is what he gets...bros before hoes."
Anders face turned as pink as his hair, "Shut the fuck up dwarf!"
"Hey, who knew you could make your skin match your hair." Varric chuckled before he added, "Why don't you do that blue man thing of yours again? It will look marvelous with your new do."
"Aaah, pink and blue, are you expecting, Anders? When do you think you will begin to show? " Oghren asked as he rubbed his belly.
Anders whirled around to face Lillah. "Change it, Lil! Use magic or whatever you have to do but fix my fucking hair."
"I don't have a 'fix your fucked up hair' spell in my arsenal."
"Well, you bloody well better invent one. It's your fault my hair is pink. How about I make yours purple and green and then we can call it even?"
Lillah's mouth gapped open as she involuntarily reached for her strawberry blond locks. "Don't you dare! I'll give you a nice pair of boobs to go along with your hair if you even think of flicking a finger in my direction."
Through gritted teeth Anders growled, "Fix it, Lil!"
"Fine! Sit down and stop your bitching. I'll see what I can do. Damn, your hair has only been pink for a few minutes and you're already as hormonal as a woman."
The dwarves turned to head out the door as Oghren said, "I'll bet you pitcher he ends up with flaming red hair."
Varric chuckled, "You're on!"
Several hours later, Lillah had corrected the color as best as she could. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and it wasn't bad. She had managed to darken the pink and by adding some kind of brown extract it was now a light mahogany brown. It was similar to Rylee's hair color…maybe a few shades lighter.
Lillah was very pleased with herself. "See, I knew I could do it."
"It only took eight hours. Don't give up your day job," Anders grunted.
Lillah smacked his shoulder. "Hey, a little gratitude would be nice. I could have left you with that pink monstrosity on top of your head."
"Thank you, Lil," Anders said, truly grateful that she had managed to get his hair to a decent color. He just hoped it didn't all fall out.
"I have a fake beard that I am coloring to match with your hair. It will be ready for you in the morning," Lillah explained.
"I'm really a goatee kinda guy," Anders stated.
"I could make you wear a full mustache and make you look like one of those cheesy guys that work at the Randy Stag."
"You wouldn't dare!"
"Don't tempt me, Anders."
"Fine, whatever you want, Lil," Anders said resigned.
She grinned at him, "I'll see what I can do on the goatee front."
He smiled as he headed for the door, "Thanks."
His stomach growled so he headed for the dining hall to see if there was anything left. The cook smiled at him and said, "You're luck, sweet stuff. I was just about to put this away."
She passed him a bowl of stew, handed him some bread and then shooed him out the door.
Anders had just sat down and was about to take his first bite when a young boy ran up to him. "Warden Anders?"
"That's me."
"I have a message for you."
Anders could see Rylee's handwriting on the outside. It had been two weeks since he had sent his letter to her and he had been impatiently waiting for her reply. He tipped the young boy and then ripped the letter open.
My Love,
There is no question that I desire all the things you wished for. From the moment you first kissed me, I knew that with you, I would be a part of the greatest love I would ever know and the worst heartbreak I could ever imagine, and I still chose you. I will always choose you. Our problems and heartbreaks have been very public, there are people that question why we are still together and from your letter I sensed that even you question why I want to be with you. It's because I have come to discover the true definition of love… it's Anders. The time that we shared together was breathtaking. I don't know if you have your memory back or not, but let me tell you about the man I know that no one else does.
It's in his arms that I feel safe; it's his embrace that makes me feel loved. His presence lingers in my mind when we are apart and my very soul yearns to be back in his protective arms where I am loved, adored and cherished. He cares for me in ways that no one can or ever will. When life had broken my heart, he helped me pick up the pieces and he healed me. He was my strength when I felt I couldn't go on, he was my anchor when the storm threatened to pull me under, and he was my refuge when I needed to just shut out the rest of the world. He is the only person in this world that knows who I truly am and still loves me despite all of my flaws.
The time that we have spent with each other was always blissfully sweet. Whether relaxing together on the sofa, walking Taboo, dancing in each other's arms or making love in the moonlight, my life with this man is wonderful, passionate, serene and completely unpredictable… and I wouldn't want it any other way. The short time that we were actually together, we loved more passionately, more deeply and more genuinely then most people do in a life time. Anders is my partner, my love, my best friend. Together we have faced many storms, overcome many hardships because whether we were facing good or bad times, we knew we could survive anything if we faced it together.
Thank you, Anders for defining what true love is for me.
All of my love,
Rylee
Anders had desperately needed to hear these words from her. After reading her accounts of those few months in Kirkwall, he honestly didn't know what she had ever seen in him and why she would want to be him. Her reassurance that she had loved their life together and that he had impacted her life in a good way was exactly the encouragement he needed to keep working to come to terms with his past and to control his anger.
xxXxx
The small party walked through the gates of the City looking for the contact that they were supposed to meet near the market distinct. They saw a woman standing near one of the stalls, dressed in a navy blue traveling cloak with her hood drawn up around her face. They approached her cautiously.
"My garden is full of weeds this year, the herbicide isn't working," Neria whispered.
"Perhaps you should use a shear to clip the weeds," the woman said.
"Shears are too indiscriminate; besides, weeds must be pulled out by the roots. Perhaps you could come and pull them out, for the usual fee?" Neria replied.
"Wait? What? Who pulled what from where?" Oghren asked confused.
Anders couldn't help, but stifle a laugh, "My quill is long, hard and yellow."
"Or the cock is in the hen house, I repeat the cock is in the hen house," Varric chortled.
"You realize that those aren't Underground codes," Neria said.
"Yes, I know. These ones are much cooler. You should consider using them," Anders said.
"How about, Big Monkey has acquired the fat vulture; still needs to obtain the drowning baby. Meet by the Crown in twenty to break your heart," Varric said.
"Ooo, I like that," Anders said.
"How about, does the carpet match the drapes, I repeat does the carpet match the drapes?" Oghren asked.
Neira slapped the dwarf in the back of the head, "Shut up!"
Varric laughed, "That was almost the same reaction Rylee got when she used code phrases."
"Can we use code names too?" Oghren asked.
"I want Plenty O'Toole," Anders stated.
"Well, that wishful thinking," Varric chuckled.
Oghren's brows furrowed, "Hey, it was my suggestion. I want a code name too."
"How about Anaconda Little?" Anders suggested.
"My spy name is Wolf Steele, codename the Storyteller, and I am known in the world of espionage as being an excellent lover," Varrice stated.
"Yeah, only if you're wooden, pointy and named Bianca," Neria said. "I want my spy name to be Claudia Maria Viasquez DeMarco."
"That's a mouth full," Varric chortled.
"Codename Mountaineer and I am known in the world of espionage as being able to talk my way out of anything," Neria replied.
"Naah, Neria your name should be Alotta Fagina," Anders said dryly.
"I think yours really should be Anders Whatadick," Neria retorted.
"Well, he doesn't have a last name. We could give him that one. I think we could make it stick," Varric stated matter-of-factly.
"I do believe giving me any last name would need to be taken up with Mrs. Anders and I also believe that Rylee would kick your ass if you ever called her Mrs. Whatadick."
The woman in the cloak looked at them as if they were all crazy, "Have you all gone mad?"
"Oh, bloody hell," Anders said as he leaned in and whispered, "We are here to help with your magical problem."
The woman glared at Anders then over at Neria, "Next time, could you bring people that are more professional?"
Neria shrugged her shoulders. "This is all that I've got to work with. I know it's hard to believe this is the brilliant crew that helped the Hero and Champion kill an archdemon and defeat the Arishok."
"Maker's breath how is it that we are all still alive?" The woman asked.
"Luck!" They all said in unison.
"And ale…lots and lots of ale," Oghren added.
The woman rolled her eyes and sighed, "Follow me."
She led them down an alley that had several twists and turns before they approached a warehouse door, using a key, she opened the door and let them in. There were hundreds of crates stacked from the floor to the ceiling, so it was impossible to tell the depths of the room. The woman led them through a maze, into the center of the room where Anders stopped dead in his tracks. There were at least fifty mages gathered in the space, huddled in blankets to keep warm.
"Are all of these mages being smuggled out?" Anders asked.
"No, some are just looking for a safe haven while passing through. Some are from Amaranthine and they are just riding out the storm, waiting to see what happens," the woman explained.
He heard several people cough and saw a man grasping his side. "With all of these mages, there isn't a healer among them?"
"We actually had two excellent healers, but both just left this morning on a ship heading for Antiva. There are a few mages here that know minor healing spells, but they become drained very quickly."
"I'm a healer and from what I've been told, I'm a pretty good one. Let me help these people," Anders said.
"You're one of the best, Blondie," Varric said.
The woman's eyes furrowed as she looked at Anders mahogany hair. Anders smiled, "Inside joke."
"Well, if you can help them, I am sure they would appreciate it. By the way, I'm Sophie," the woman said.
"It's nice to meet you, I'm Anders."
Her eyes widened, "The Anders?"
"Aaah no, just Anders," he said as headed over to the group to begin healing them.
Anders spent the next several hours healing as many as he could until he was completely drained. He collapsed onto a cot. Neria came over to him, handed him a cup of tea then sat beside him.
"Thank you," Anders said weakly.
"You're welcome. You did a good thing here today."
"Yes, minor compared to all the bad I've done."
"Anders, some consider what you did as wrong, but I guarantee that every mage in this thinks of you as a hero."
Anders snorted. "I am no hero."
"Yes, you are. You have changed the lives of every mage in Thedas."
Anders looked at the huddled mass in the center of the room. "And can you honestly say it's for the better?"
"Right now, it's not easy, but you have forced the world to see that it's inhuman to treat mages as anything less than human. Once the dust settles, it will be essential for the Chantry to examine its treatment of mages and make changes if it hopes to sustain its power. I know you don't see it as a good thing, but I completely disagree with you."
"I took the lives of innocent people, Neria."
"I know and I know that is eating at you, but in war sometimes there are innocent causalities."
"There wasn't a war until I fired the first shot."
She rested her hand on Anders knee. "And I for one am glad you did. Do I want to see the lives of innocent people taken? No, I don't, but how many innocent lives have we seen destroyed by the abuses of the templars and no way voice to our pain or plight? How many mages have been raped and beaten and no one did anything to stop it?"
Anders felt that old anger stir deep inside of him; the flame licking at the pain, resentment and injustices of it all.
Anders, don't feed that anger. Remember there is good and bad on both sides.
"Neria, not all templars are bad and the Champion has fought against her fair share of mages that were far from good." As Anders spoke the words, he felt the anger subside.
"Yes, mages forced to resort to extreme measures in order to fight against the oppression."
Anders smiled sadly. "You sound like I did not too long ago, but I've come to realize that there is good and evil on both sides and this isn't a black and white situation. It is filled with a lot of grey. You're right, we can't go back to the way it was, but taking more innocent lives will not solve this problem."
Neria was silent for a long moment, "You're right Anders, but I'm still glad if what you did draws attention to the oppression that all mages face. I'm sorry that innocent lives were taken, but if that action changes the way we are treated, then I'm not sorry about the outcome."
Anders nodded. "That is understandable."
The following day, Anders and Neria managed to get the Highever mages out of town completely undetected. Anders decided that he would be of more use staying and helping those mages that remained in the warehouse. Oghren and Neria were going to head back to the Keep, so Anders sent a letter for Rylee with them, informing her that he was helping in with the Underground in the city.
Over the next several weeks, Anders worked long hours healing the sick and injured and helping move mages in and out of the city undetected. He would fall onto his cot completely exhausted and quickly fall asleep. The hectic schedule that he kept had occupied his mind and kept him from dwelling on how much he missed Rylee. For the first time in a long time, he felt that he had a purpose that he was doing what he loved to do, and despite desperately yearning for Rylee, he was happy.
This is what you were born to do. This is why I wanted to help you in the first place, Anders. You have a kind heart and you want to help those around you.
I want to get back to the basics, Justice. I want to do what I love doing and I want Rylee by my side. I just don't know if that is possible now. It's kind of hard to have a healing practice when templars and knights are hunting you at every turn.
You're making a difference now, Anders. Be patient, it will all work out.
Read another fortune cookie, did you?
Anders had just sat down to eat what looked like a very distasteful bowl of soup when both Varric and Neria rushed in.
Anders looked up at them in surprise. "Aaah, what are you two doing here?"
"Lillah, needs you back at the Keep immediately," Neria said.
Anders grabbed his staff and followed them for the door, "Is she injured or sick?"
"No, it isn't Lillah, it's Rylee," Varric said.
Anders felt panic begin to rush through his veins. "What about Rylee?"
"I don't know and Lil wouldn't say until you were back," Varric said. He looked Anders up and down. "Pull up that travel hood and don't make eye contact with anyone. The horses are just outside the city gates."
It didn't take them long to reach the stables and take off towards the Keep. Anders pushed them and the horse hard and they arrived in record time. Anders leapt off the horse and raced through the halls to Lillah's office, without even knocking, he barged in.
"Lillah, what…" The words died in his mouth as he stared at a bloody and wounded Nathaniel Howe. Lillah was examining his wounds and healing him as she went.
"Anders, have a seat. Once I have finished healing Nate he will give both of us a full report," Lillah instructed.
Anders did as he was told and he patiently waited for Lillah to finish; what seemed like years later, but in reality was only several minutes Nate was completely healed. Lillah and Nate joined Anders in the chairs by the fire.
"What happened?" Anders demanded.
Nate took a deep breath then began. "Two weeks ago, Sebastian gave up waiting for Rylee. He said he was needed in Starkhaven so he said his farewells to Alistair and left. Rylee waited a week after his departure before we headed back to Vigil's Keep. She broke us up into two different groups so that it would be harder to track us. Alistair also gave us a handful of knights to accompany us. The first group consisted of Rylee, Zev, Isabela and four Denerim knights. Rylee was going to lead the group along the Hafter River pass. The second include myself, Bethany, Cullen and three Denerim knights. We were to take the North Road to Soldier's Peak, spend the night and then meet Rylee's group where the North Road and the Hafter River cross each other. When we reached the rendezvous point it was obvious that Rylee's group had arrived and that there had been a skirmish. The Denerim knights were dead and Rylee, Zev and Isabela were missing. We were there only a few minutes ourselves before we were ambushed."
Even though Anders knew that Rylee was very capable of taking care of herself and that she would already be scheming and plotting her escape, he couldn't help the fear and panic that was rising up for Rylee's safety.
"Were they Starkhaven Knights?" Anders asked.
"They weren't wearing the Starkhaven armor, but they had that Starkhaven brogue."
"It's strange, they really weren't much of a match for us and we quickly killed most of them,"
Nate observed.
"Hmmm, I smell a set-up," Lillah said.
"Yes, it has a very distinct aroma of bullshit dressed in a bright red bow," Anders agreed.
"Well, you will be pleased to know that we managed to keep one of knights alive and we brought him back with us."
"Excellent. I just wish Zev was here to interrogate him," Lillah said.
"I would be happy to persuade the vermin," Varric said from the door. "With Anders' assistance, I do believe we can get him to talk."
Lillah grinned, "Well then he is all yours."
Several hours later, Anders and Varric walked back into the Commander's office. "Well, it would seem that our good Prince has taken up residence at an abandoned Orlesian castle in the foothills of Dragon's Peak that was built during the Orlesian occupation. I do believe that is where Rylee and the others are being held," Varric said.
"Good work, boys," Lillah said. "We need to devise a plan and I need to inform Alistair what is going on before we head out."
A/N – I must give credit where credit is due, the code phrase, "Big Monkey has acquired the fat vulture; still need to obtain the drowning baby. Meet by the Crown in twenty to break your heart," was inspired by Grand Theft Auto.
*Several of the spy names that I used were taken from either TV or movies; a piece of chocolate to the person who can tell me which names and which show or movies they are from.
* A huge thank you to those of you, who have favored, alerted and reviewed this story. You make my day so much brighter. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.
**I also want to thank my fantabulous beta, Jinxy, for her rad, mad beta-ing skills, for her support and for being a great friend. I appreciate your help turning my ramblings into cohesive sentences. You're the best!