Chapter 8
Prompt: What I Meant Was
Title: What I Meant Was That I Love You So Dearly
Alexander felt a knot in his stomach. He had never been nervous before battle; excited, being psyched up, yes, but never nervous. However, this time, he was anxious, almost to the point of panicking. He knew that even a minor flaw in the plan would cause him to lose the battle. He could not let it happen, as Hephaistion's life depended on it.
He had analyzed and dissected the strategy, and then reviewed the plan over and over again. When he was sure that he had thought about everything, he gathered his generals.
"But, Alexander, don't you think that attacking the enemy before dawn would be the best, since we are so outnumbered?"
Parmenion was the first one to protest as usual.
"No, I do not think the Persians would make the same mistake they did at the battle of Granicus."
"What do you mean? We did not attack the Persians at night in that battle either."
"No, Philotas, we did not. But we attacked right before dawn, and the Persians struggled, because they could not move until they finished the sacrifices to the rising sun. So my guess is that Darius would have his soldiers up and ready all night in the battle formations."
Alexander spread the map in front of them. The formation that Alexander presented was not anything they had seen before. The units were placed not directly facing against the Persians, but it shaped almost like a wedge with slopes.
"This is absurd, Alexander. How are we reacting if we do not see the enemy's movement?"
"Look, Parmenion. This is the only way that we can see the end of the enemy line."
With this, Alexander drew a diagonal line from one of the unit to edge of the enemy line.
"Besides, this will prevent the enemy from wrapping us around and coming from behind, since they would have to advance a great distance to do so. We have a better chance to break them."
"That might work, but the scythed chariots would be still a threat."
The generals winced with the chilling memory that Ptolemy's remark brought.
"I have a solution for that as well. Tell your infantry to box in the chariot for opening the path just wide enough for a chariot to go through."
"That is crazy! They will be all crushed!"
"How long have you been a cavalry officer, Philotas? And how many times did your horse crash into people?"
Philotas looked down and bit his lip.
"Exactly! The only time the beast crashes into people or anything is when he has nowhere to go and cannot stop in time. If you open the space for him, he will go in. All you have to do is to step aside and let him in. Do you have any more questions?"
"No, Alexander."
"Are we clear?"
"Yes, Alexander."
"Good. Rest well, and be ready at the dawn."
oooOooo
Darius' mind was rickety. When Hephaistion was by his side, his mind was made up. He was content to hand the victory over to Alexander and perish in the battlefield like a great warrior. Now, Hephaistion was gone, and his mind swayed. He was not sure if losing the battle was the best solution.
'Bessus told me that Hephaistion left to return to Alexander, but I cannot believe that he would do such a thing without even telling me. The more I think, the more I believe that something had happened to Hephaistion. He is a warrior; he would not run away like a coward. I need to find out the truth.'
Troubled with his own thoughts, Darius walked to the field where they kept the warhorses.
"Who saw Hephaistion leave with his mare the other day?"
The grooms looked at each other in confusion, but finally the head of the grooms replied to Darius.
"Nobody, Sire. We noticed his mare was gone one morning, but nobody had seen them leave."
"And nobody came to talk to you about Hephaistion and his horse, either?"
"No, you are the first one who asked about them."
Darius' face paled. He knew that he could not trust his cousin, but now it was evident that Bessus was behind of Hephaistion's disappearance. He thought about going to Bessus, and confronting with him, but he reassessed the situation.
Darius was certain that Bessus had not taken Hephaistion away to kill him. He must have kept Hephaistion as a bargaining tool just in case they lost the battle. Bessus was the kind of person who would try to make a deal even with a devil. Furthermore, he had caught his cousin looking at the young Macedonian with lust more than once. Bessus was also the kind of person who would not waste anything that would give him pleasure.
The only way that Darius could get Hephaistion back now was to win the battle against Alexander, and bargain with Bessus. He would offer his cousin safety in exchange for Hephaistion. One thing that Darius did not have to worry about was that Bessus might die in the battle, and he would lose the connection to Hephaistion. His cousin was too cowardly for that. He would run away at the first sign of danger.
oooOooo
As Hephaistion came closer to the battlefield, he could see the Persians' left wing pulling away to follow Bessus' plan. After it seemed like it was taking forever, Hephaistion finally arrived at the open field. The battle was at the peak of chaos; yellow dusts enveloped the whole field making difficult for him to have a clear view.
The screams, roars, and neighing mingled with the metallic rings of the swords along with the urgent calls of the trumpets and drums. He ran his horse straight to the center where Darius was supposed to position himself. His blood froze in the veins seeing Alexander and Darius who were just about to combat face to face.
"Alexander!"
Hephaistion screamed at the familiar figure while Darius froze. It all happened so quickly. Although Alexander had ordered his generals to tell his men to watch for Hephaistion, not every soldier was familiar with him; especially those Peltasts who had never seen Hephaistion closer. It did not help that Hephaistion was dressed in Persian outfits either.
Seeing a Persian calling their king's name and charging at him, one of the Peltasts drew his javelin aiming at Hephaistion. Alexander did not see this because he was on the same side of the Peltast, but Darius clearly saw the javelin pointed at Hephaistion's heart.
Darius' mind worked with a lightning speed. There was no clear shot to the Peltast from where he was, and there was no time to get to Hephaistion. So, Darius did the only thing he could do. He threw his javelin at Hephaistion to knock him down from his horse, so that the Peltast would miss his shot.
As the blade of Darius' javelin cut into Hephaistion's upper arm, he fell off the horse barely missing the other javelin. While Alexander rushed by his fallen friend, Darius turned around and moved out. He could not take a chance for his soldiers to charge and finish off Hephaistion.
The squeezing of his hand was the first sensation that Hephaistion felt. He met with Alexander's worried face when he opened his eyes slowly. He was lying on the cot in Alexander's tent.
"Oh, Hephaistion, you are back."
Alexander's voice trembled. He had taken off his armor, but his chiton was still tainted with blood and grime.
"Darius?"
Hephaistion could barely make a sound.
"He has fled again. No, don't say anything. Abdalonymus told me all about it. "
"No, Alexander …"
"We can talk later. You need to rest. Go back to sleep, Hephaistion."
Alexander did not let Hephaistion finish. His hand lingered at the side of Hephaistion's head as he raked his hair to push it away from Hephaistion's face. Hephaistion was too tired to argue, and he soon slipped back into the absolute darkness.
Hephaistion's recovery from the injury was rather slow. Alexander was worried, and wanted to stay in Babylon until Hephaistion was fully recuperated, but Hephaistion seemed to be in so much pain staying here. Alexander's mind produced all kinds of terrible things that might have happened to Hephaistion while he was in the captivity of the Persians in this city. He concluded that Hephaistion's pain was due to the bad memory that this place brought to him.
Consequently, Alexander decided to leave the city as soon as Hephaistion could ride on a horse again. They marched to the east chasing Darius and Bessus. Alexander was determined to catch the Persians, especially Bessus who had used his Hephaistion as a bargaining tool.
Hephaistion's mind was heavy, worrying for Darius who was with cunning Bessus for one thing, but more so, he did not want to keep a secret from Alexander. He wished to confess what had happened between Darius and him, but Alexander would not listen.
Each time when Hephaistion tried to bring up the subject about his life in Babylon, Alexander stopped him by using the excuse that it was best not to talk about the past that they could not change. He also told Hephaistion that he was content and grateful. All that mattered was having Hephaistion back by his side, and he did not need to know anything more.
Hephaistion was never been a loud one like Cleitus or Nearchus, but he became even more quiet. Alexander felt fingers of ice grip his heart whenever he saw Hephaistion's melancholic profile; his eyes full of pain were focused on the distant horizon. He understood that his Hephaistion now had a place in his heart where Alexander could not enter.
Alexander tried very hard to hide it, but at the bottom of his heart, he knew that he was afraid to find out the truth. He was afraid that he might lose Hephaistion again in the nostalgia for Babylon if he let Hephaistion relive the memory by telling the story to Alexander. He could not afford to take a chance.
- Epilogue -
It had been six months since they left Babylon, and Alexander sensed that they were getting closer to Darius. On one late afternoon in that summer, a very excited scout captain returned from his mission.
"Alexander! I think we found Darius."
Alexander's face lit up while all the colors drained out of Hephaistion's face.
"How many? Are they resting at the camp or getting ready for battle?"
The captain's face clouded.
"No, sire."
"What do you mean by no? This is not a question of yes or no!"
The captain stammered, overpowered by Alexander's temper.
"Wha…what I meant was that Darius is alone, and he is dead."
A stunned silence fell over the Macedonians.
"Take us to him!"
Alexander's order broke the silence. After a short ride, Alexander and Hephaistion found Darius' body abandoned at the side of the dirt road. One clean cut in his abdomen did not show any signs of struggle. It was obvious that somebody he had trusted had murdered him.
His lifeless eyes were looking up at the clear summer blue sky. The king's face was so implausibly calm that it looked almost like smiling. When Alexander knelt by Darius to examine him better, he noticed a letter tucked in deeply in the robe over his chest. The seal was still there, and it was addressed to Hephaistion. He carefully slipped it out from the corpse, and handed it to Hephaistion.
Hephaistion also knelt next to Alexander, and opened the letter with trembling fingers.
My Dearest Hephaistion,
I suppose that I am dead since you are reading this letter. Please do not weep, because I have no regret. Ever since I had seen you at the battlefield of Issus, I fell madly in love with you. I could not wipe off the beautiful image of you from my feverish mind. I prayed to the gods every morning, afternoon and evening that you would come to me. So it was just a miracle to me when the bandit brought you to my palace. I could not believe my luck, and I felt as if the gods had brought me the fate.
Do you remember about the story of camellia I told you when I confessed my love for you? It is true in a country of Far East, but in another country, camellia represents not love but an ominous event. They think it is suicidal since the whole head falls off when the petals are ready to fall. How fitting it is to my fate!
Please do not misunderstand though. It is not sarcasm. As I said, I have no regret especially after the stormy night we spent together in the summerhouse. I was content, and was just happy to have you around. My heart swelled and became warm whenever I could see your beautiful face, hear your soothing voice, and smell the unique scent of yours.
Yet, the gods were kind to me. When I saw the gold band on your finger glow that night, my mind was at the height of ecstasy. I understood that your heart belonged to Alexander, but I knew that I had a part of your heart at that moment. How am I so sure?
Well, you had asked me what was the meaning of the symbols on the ring. And I replied to you that I would explain it to you when the time came. And, I think now is the time. It says;
"Wear me and thy lover will know.
The warmth of thy love makes me glow."
Now you can imagine how happy I was when I saw the ring glowed in the dark between the white flashes of the lightning. At that moment, I abandoned everything; my kingdom, my family, my throne. Yet no regret.
The only wish I have is your happiness and safety, and if I could have one more wish, then I wish a clear blue sky to look at when I die. I would not be happier if the blue sky were the last thing I would see as it reminds me of your stunning eyes that I love ever so deeply.
Your guardian,
Darius
Tears were streaming down on Hephaistion's pale cheeks. He handed the letter to Alexander in silence. As the king finished reading, he gathered Hephaistion tightly in his arms. He did not feel jealousy, but he felt guilty that he had not given any chance for Hephaistion to explain even if his friend had tried so many times. How selfish he was! He had been so afraid of being hurt himself that he had not thought of easing Hephaistion's pain. Alexander had had no idea what a heavy burden Hephaistion had been carrying all by himself.
"I am so sorry Hephaistion. I had no idea. I should have listened to you. I promise that I will do better, and I will never hurt you again. I know that you will not forget Darius, but with my love, I will make you remember him less and less frequently. "
Alexander pulled Hephaistion to his feet with him without breaking the embrace.
"Darius gave up everything for you. And I, Alexander, would give everything to you. I would win the whole world, and dedicate it to you, my Hephaistion."
"Alexander, you do not need to compete with Darius. I do not need anything as long as I have your heart."
"I know, but I would like to prove my love to you. So, I will win the world, then give it back, and we will live a quiet life in a place where we can be only the two of us."
"Alexander, I have missed you."
Hephaistion's smile was the best reward for Alexander. He slipped his hand into Hephaistion's soft hair and pulled him close. Their lips met half way. Their souls were finally together again after the long parting.
End
A/N: This is the final chapter of this series. Thank you very much for those who gave a chance to this unconventional paring. It had been such a fun ride for me, and I hope you all have enjoyed as well. I am sorry Leonhart that I could not end this story as you wished, but this was the only way I could conclude.