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Loyal Heart

Ch. 3

Of Things Remembered

The door could not have swung open fast enough to suit him. As soon as there was room enough for him between the wood and the wall he slithered through the crevice and was gone.

I should have known. It was far too perfect. Damn it, I should have known!

But how could he have? The likelihood of her return had been so infinitesimal, so hopelessly small, that even he had begun to convince himself that it was impossible. And now of all times? It seemed not a month before tonight he would have killed to see her one last time. Perhaps the idea had been so pleasing because it was unattainable. Now that it had in fact been attained, the dreamlike quality had fallen flat. The ethereal fog that had made the memories of her so soft had vanished completely, leaving him with only sharp reality and the distinct feeling that he had been betrayed.

She had left the headmasters office in a daze. After gliding down the stairs and out from behind the gargoyle she was once again greeted by the moonlit hall from whence she came. She moved towards the window and stood looking out into the night. The grounds were a carpet of velvet green that swayed slightly in the breeze, hypnotizing her in a way that made her recall the night of her escape. She had awoken to the sound of someone banging so furiously at her door she thought it might come down. It had been Severus, and in a state she had never seen. The look on his face was one of ill-masked panic. He had known they were coming. She could still remember the way she had thrown her arms around him, still remembered the sound of his pounding heart.

After the promise of a swift return she had departed, leaving him alone on the porch. Though she knew the danger of it, she allowed herself a last look back before evaporating into the trees. He stood looking after her, as silent and motionless as the empty house behind him. Though, when she looked back on her last image of him she could have sworn that one foot had taken a step, one step down the stairs, as if he had begun to follow. Had she really thought he would stay still? Unchanged, as if he were some kind of statue? How silly….

Moonbeams fell softly on the stone floor around her, pensive and delicate, hushing the corridor with a lullaby of light. The gargoyle slid aside a second time and she was shaken from her reveries. She turned swiftly and saw him, perfectly still save for the sway of his robes, his face the picture of disdain. The seven year silence was over. It was time to talk.

By the time he heard the heavy oak door close behind him he was already half way down the spiraled steps, his angry strides eating up two stairs at once. He knew she would be at the bottom, waiting. He didn't know if he could stand to look at her. The night she left she had promised she'd come back. Promised him! And now, seven years later…Did she even remember? He had been the one to save her. He had gotten wind in the middle of the night that the Ministry was about to make a move. He had warned her. He had made an escape possible in the last moments before they descended upon her house. Their plan had been to wipe out a certain team of elite Aurors' who were accused of going rogue and killing a dozen muggles. Gelladrin was a prominent member.

There were many in danger, but he had gone directly to warn her. He had apparated through the three well placed layers of defense she had encircling her home, risking discovery and nearly getting himself splinched in the process, just to tell her they were on their way.

He could still see her face when she heard the news, not a twinge of fear. Her eyes held the gleam of a challenge. With a flick of her wand her things packed themselves and vanished. Then she turned and smiled up at him. In that instant he memorized her face. A face he had known since his first year at Hogwarts, a face he had grown up with, grown fond of, perhaps more than fond…And yet somehow he had never grasped its full beauty until that instant.

"Thank you, Severus. You're a good man." With that she threw her arms around him. It was glorious and couldn't possibly have lasted long enough. It would be his last happy memory for the seven years to come. "I'll see you soon. I promise." She ran away then, off into the trees. Words couldn't express how badly he wished to follow her. He took one step in pursuit but stopped as the dark mark on his arm blazed with pain. The Dark Lord called, the Ministry was closing in, and she was gone.

Enough! he thought.

This sentimentality would get him nowhere. The best thing was to keep his mind on the present and nothing else. They were worlds apart now. It's professional, just professional, he told himself. He reached the end of the stairs, prepared himself with his most indifferent expression and stepped around the gargoyle.

As soon as Severus reached the hall again he stopped dead in his tracks. It was as if he had hit a wall. His hasty strides ceased completely as his eyes fell upon her. She was overwhelming, a seemingly insurmountable obstacle to speech. Something about where she was standing, how the moonlight hit her hair, the way she suddenly noticed him, looking at him expectantly. He had seen it all before.

The night when… He stopped himself. Those were thoughts too dark for this damned bright hallway.

As he came out of his recollections he realized that there had been a long, tense silence between them. They both stood staring, waiting with baited breath for the others first words. He wasn't going to budge. Luckily he didn't have to. Gelladrin cleared her throat and began.

"Eh-hem…I eh, seem to be a bit lost. Can't seem to find the welcoming committee." Her remark was punctuated by a nervous giggle that faltered and died in the overpoweringly silent hall.

"Pardon me, but were you trying to be funny?" he retorted with as much spite and as he could muster.

"I suppose. Ya know, welcoming committee, no one knows I'm here but you, they won't know 'till tomorrow so how…could they…ya know?"

"Oh. How...ironic."

"Just thought I'd break the ice."

There was another uncomfortable pause where Snape fixed her with his most bitter gaze before stowing past in silence, heading into the darkness of the corridor beyond. He knew she would follow.

"Aaand I see we're frozen solid," she finished and turned in pursuit. "Severus," she began again, running a few steps to close the lead he had gained. "Severus, might I have a word?"

"You have many, I'm sure. None of which I am inclined to hear at present."

"Really? It's been the better part of a decade and you don't think we have something to talk about?" she pried, trotting another few feet to keep up with the distance his massive strides consumed. "I never said we had nothing to talk about. What I said was I didn't want to hear it."

His eyes flicked to one side, delivering yet another pointed sideways glance. She fell silent, slightly taken aback by the sting of his last remark. A few moments passed where she followed quietly and he thought he had won. But alas, she had just been gathering her thoughts.

"Merlins Beard, so many things have changed..." she sighed.

You wouldn't believe…he thought to himself as they reached the stairs and stepped onto a flight that began to shift upwards towards the fourth floor. He pleaded internally that she would keep quiet. He couldn't talk. Not then. Her voice alone was nearly too much for him. Everything he'd felt in her absence was bubbling right below the service. One disarming smile, one chime laughter, would surely undo staircase connected with the fourth floor and came to a jolting halt. Severus took a moment to freeze her with another withering look before stepping off and heading for the hall.

"I had sort of hoped that you wouldn't be one of those things...that you wouldn't have changed."

He tried to keep walking but her words were slowing him. He forced himself to keep his eyes forward. To walk away from her as she'd walked away from him.

"I came here for you, you know."

He had been in mid-stride when her words had hit him. He stopped. She had found a chink in the armor that was his stern, unresponsive demeanor.

"It took you long enough," he hissed viciously and pressed on down the corridor. Escape was his only defence now. He was not about to allow himself to crumble in front of her.

"Alright, I've had about enough of this," she chided, catching up to him. Thankfully, she was beginning to sound angry. He couldn't take kind words at the moment, not without revealing too much. But anger he could handle.

"I couldn't have come back. If I had they would have found me and come after everyone I cared about as well. I couldn't risk that, Severus. What if they'd found you? It wasn't just the Ministry that was after me you know. It was the Death Eaters. Why don't you understand!?"

He almost scoffed out loud. How little she knew.

"A sorry excuse if I've ever heard one Ms. Grimstone, and please believe I have heard many," he said rounding the last bend towards the Dark Arts office at such a rate she was practically jogging to keep up.

"Ms. Grimstone?" she repeated. "Since when…Severus stop!" she commanded, jumping in front of him and blocking his way. "Since when are we no longer on first name terms? Never that's when! From the second I saw you tonight you have been nothing but hostile. You practically accused me of the Canterbury murders! Which was a blow so shockingly low I can't even...I'm sorry I wasn't back sooner. Is that what you need to hear?"

"You think I need apologies?" he growled and stepped around her. He swiftly made his way to the door of the Dark Arts office and began to open it, but she was upon him. She pushed the door shut again and leaned against it, clamping one hand tightly on the handle next to his so that it would not budge. "Than what do you need? I've kept my promise haven't I?"

His eyes softened a bit. She remembered? Suddenly he became aware of the feeling of her hand pressing against his on the door handle, side by side. Her hand was warm; heating the iron beneath it and spreading across his skin.

"Thought I'd forgotten the night I left? No. I promised I'd be back and here I am. It may have taken me longer than I thought but I made it. You're not the only one that remembers, Severus."

"Unfortunately not," he said, swiftly withdrawing into anger. "If I were, there would be far less for you to bring up for discussion. Discussion which I do not need to, nor intend to participate in for an instant longer," he said with all the harshness he had left. "Now if you don't mind, my orders were to escort you to your quarters. This I have done. Therefore my obligation to you and your inane chatter is not, at best. Might I suggest we say goodnight?"

Confused, hurt, and more than a little angry, she relinquished her hold on the door. Her fingers ran over his hand as she let go, making him shudder ever so slightly, though he wasn't sure if it was from hate anymore. The door swung away and she stepped inside.

They stood there for a moment, one inside the threshold and one out, suspended and unsure of what came next.

"Well, goodnight then." It sounded so cold and matter of fact. She hated to leave him that way.

He said nothing, and haltingly turned to go. Part of him, something deep and hidden, hoped that she would call him back or say one last thing before the door closed. As if she had heard, she indulged the exiled hope.

"I've missed you," she added.

There were not words for the pain that shot through him at the sound. He paused a moment half turned away and reminded himself to breathe.

You have no idea…he thought, and without a backward glance he vanished into the shadows of the early morning hours.