So Genny is no more…now it's poor Lolly again.
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I numbly sat on the low footstool that hadn't moved in the year or so of absence, staring a hole into the daintily embroidered cushion next to the Queen, who was sitting ever so regally on the settee, for once at loss for words.
We had been sitting like this for some time, each one of us stiffly waiting for the other to speak and break the silence that rang through the parlor that reeked of how rich the Crown was.
Mother and Father had come in, happy and hugging me, but when I refused to even acknowledge they were touching me.
They had quickly sat back onto the couch, the Queen biting her lower lip, something she did only when she was thinking about family issues, the King just shifting his eyes from me to the Queen.
"Lolly, are you still upset over being taken?"
Evidently the King and Queen had truly thought that I had been kidnapped, and I hadn't bothered to explain how I had run away; it wasn't as though they would listen.
"Yes." I answered truthfully. Hadn't I been taken from my home?
"Dear…we were wondering if you'd like to…talk about it?" the Queen ended in a question, as though she wasn't sure what exactly to say, something she wasn't familiar with.
"What more is there to say? I was taken from my home with no mercy or thought for what I wanted." I said bitterly, wishing that my knees hadn't been trembling like pudding so I could run…run until my lungs burst…until I was safe from the Royals.
"I know you are upset…but it was over a year ago, darling." The King said.
Now see, if I truly had been kidnapped I think that would just be rather rude. I mean, if HE had been the one taken would someone say essentially 'hey, it happened a year ago, just get over it'?
I thought not.
"A year? I thought it was only a day ago." I said before I could hold myself back.
'Whatever do you mean?" the Queen asked, confused.
"I refer to my kidnapping as happening but a mere day ago. Is it not just that I was to be taken without first questioning if I wanted to stay or come back here?" I spat the word here as though it were a venomous poison.
The King and Queen were speechless for a moment.
"You cannot possibly mean that you had grown accustomed to your purgatory?" The King asked, eyes wide.
"I had grown familiar within one night of sleeping in the bed Madame Nutt offered." I said, remembering fondly how I had been so terrified of where I had ended up.
"She offered you ward?" the Queen asked "How were you to pay…as servant?"
I bit back a scoff "She offered me place to live…free."
"And she treated you as you deserve?"
"She treated me as a daughter…" I stopped before I added 'better than you two.'
"If she treated you as a lady of high station was the question." The King said and I smiled bitterly.
"I woke with the sun, and began the chores she saw fit." I said, my smile faltering, remembering how each morning the anticipation rose within my chest, propelling me to work faster as to sneak away on picnic with him…but I couldn't think of that…that would make me remember his eyes when I left, hard and cold as when I accepted a walk with Joseph.
The King and Queen exchanged horrified glances, both of them appalled that the Crown Princess was told to do farm chores.
"Didn't you try and refuse?" the Queen gasped, and I laughed out loud for the first time since before I was taken.
"Why would I want to?" I asked after I ceased my laughter after realizing that my laughing sounded hollow and empty. Had it always been that way before Jack?
Oh the mere mention of his name sent wild tremors through my chest and I wished that I could block him from my thoughts.
"Because you are the Crown Princess! Crown Princesses do not work!" the King said, sounding outraged.
"I imagine that she let you run savage as any other country wild-thing, disregarding all form of manners?" the Queen said, and I stood abruptly, angry that she had dared insult any of my friends that way.
"Like any other country Wild-thing" I demanded, my hands balled into fists. "I cannot believe you speak so low of your subjects! You cannot rule those people by their lifestyle! Had you lived among them for almost two years you could fairly rule them whatever you please, but you haven't lived with them, or known them in any way except when they rarely do wrong and must appear in court for judgment or come with a question!
"I can tell you personally that they are the most proper gentlemen and ladies I have ever had the fortune of meeting, and I know for a fact that their way of life is more civilized than this Palace Parliament will ever be! At least they held their judgment on people until they had at least met them!"
I strode out of the parlor before they could stop me, my silk skirts swishing impatiently.
Had I been back home I could have run to the orchard or wood where I would find…him…and could tell him what had made me upset, but now I had no one to confide in, least of who the servants who would report to the King and Queen faster than I could say 'don't tell anyone.'
The soft soles of my slippers padded softly against the cold marble, all the while whilst I walked I wished I had my regular wooden soles so I could stomp and vent my frustration through noise, but I could only let my noisy skirt do all the rustling for me.
Servants gave me bemused looks as I stormed past, but I ignored their gazes, seeking out one room in this damned place where I could be alone.
I opened the door to the Maple Room that had been styled after the Alexander Palace, and sighed to find it empty.
The door shut noiselessly behind me, and I climbed the winding stairs to the second landing, gratefully sinking into an armchair that looked south to the Gingerbread orchard.
I could barely see the tops of the pale mauve trees that marked the Gingerbread trees against the bright morning sun.
My hands held my chin as I rested my elbows on the sill, imagining what Gramma and Dodu would be doing now.
Would they be going on with life without me? Wondering if I had welcomed the leisure of doing nothing again? Did they think that I was glad to be away from their humble patch of land?
Or were they concerned if I was unhappy…miserable ever?
I knew Gramma might be, but not Dodu or Jack or anyone else there. They probably thought that I was glad to be back in the lap of luxury, back to the world where all my wants were taken care of before I could even think of them.
But how could they think of me that way? I mean…could I be perceived that way?
I dug the palm of my hand into my eyes and rubbed, trying not to let any tears wet my hands, but as my thoughts strayed to Jack and how his face betrayed those very thoughts I was trying to reassure myself that no one thought of me as a terrible person, I couldn't help but feel the wet that threatened to make my face red and puffy.
But who cared anymore? What more was there to live for if I couldn't be with the one who I wanted most, even if he loathed me?
I sobbed into my arms, my crying disturbing the quiet in the room, a cruel hurt sweeping through me as though it could tear me to pieces.
A soft tap on my shoulder made me jump, and I whirled around, surprised to find Cecilia who I hadn't seen when I first got back.
"Miss Lolly!" she said, her Yorkshire accent making me think about when I had tried to mimic her at the Solstice. "What's brought this fuss on?"
"Oh…it's…nothing." I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands, knowing that I was making my eyes redder and more swollen.
"Now, I may be your maid, miss, but that doesn't mean tha' time not knowing when my Miss is upset. What's the matter, child?" She said, squatting next to the chair and taking my hand in hers.
"Cecilia…if I told you…I…I don't think that you could possibly understand." I mumbled, looking down at my skirt.
"Now miss, there's a lot of things tha' time evidently not able to understand, but 'tis you who is judging now." She said, putting a finger under my chin and lifting it to face her. "Now you tell me wha' tis on your mind."
I pursed my lips, unsure if I should tell her. Sure she had been my mother for all of my life pretty much, but compared to Gramma she could be near as bad as the Queen.
But again…what did it matter? My life was already over anyway.
"I hadn't been kidnapped; I ran away." I said simply, and Cecilia nodded.
"I figured as much, remembering how you carried on after your Mother and Father told you about be'n engaged to Lord Licorice. Not that I blame you o'course. But something tells me that you aren't going to pieces over just having to be brought back…"
It was my turn to nod.
"You read me like a book, Cecilia…no, you're right." I agreed "While I was there…I sort of…sort of…"
I just couldn't bear to say the words…it would confirm that I had fallen for someone who couldn't have even looked me in the face when I revealed my true colors…
Cecilia seized a bit of parchment and a quill and handed it to me, and I gave a weak smile.
I fell in love
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Well this just confirms it all!
Please review even though I only used spell check.