Disclaimer: See chapter 1.….I'm still assuming you guys aren't dumb
A/N Sorry guys for some reason the hang man message didnt want to show up in the last chapter but you'll find out in this one...enjoy
"GINNY! Your breakfast is going to get cold if you don't get your bum out of that bed right now!"
Ginny grumbled incoherently to herself as she stumbled around attempting to make herself presentable, in her mother's eyes at least, to go downstairs to breakfast. She grabbed a pair of jeans she found crumpled in the corner and wiggled into them. She smiled to herself as they slipped comfortably over her hips, fitting like an old worn glove. Her mother might call them old and dirty, she preferred to call it broken in. Without using a brush or a mirror, she threw her long hair up into a messy bun as she plodded downstairs barefoot. She started to move a little quicker when she remembered that she could expect another letter from Harry today.
They had been writing each other for over two weeks now and since he always answered her the day after she sent him a letter it worked out that they could each expect a letter from one another every other day.
Ginny said good morning to everyone as she sat down next to Tonks, who was joining them for breakfast. As she snagged a couple pancakes off the platter that was sitting in the middle of the table, her thoughts drifted back to Harry.
So far everything seems to be going as planned, Ginny thought to herself. If I keep talking about nothing and writing silly little jokes hopefully he will relax and open up. I mean he is already writing me longer letters and more often than he is to Ron and Hermione, even if only by a few sentences and it's because I write him first. And I know he is enjoying the jokes, in his last letter he said the first one was his favorite, Actually I think it was mine too. Remembering her joke Ginny couldn't help but break out into a grin.
"What's so funny Ginny?" Tonks asked as she popped another strip of bacon into her mouth.
"What?" Ginny was jerked out of her thoughts, when she realized someone was talking to her.
"You're smiling like you thought of something funny." Tonks said, bringing everyone's attention over to Ginny.
"Oh," Ginny was surprised. She didn't realize anyone was paying attention to her, "It's nothing, it's just a dumb little joke I remembered. Nothing important."
"Well then, lets hear it," Tonks requested. "Come on every one can use a little joke now and then, no matter how silly it is," she added in reply to Ginny skeptical look.
"It's really not that funny," she tried again but seeing that everyone was still looking at her she shrugged. "Okay, but don't say I didn't warn you. How do you make a tissue dance?" She paused for effect, "Put a little boogie in it."
"Ginerva Weasley! That is highly inappropriate when people are trying to eat!"
Ron and the twins laughed out loud, more at their mother's indignation than at Ginny's joke itself. Even Tonks had to hide her smile behind her coffee cup.
"Come on Mum, what's a little mucus humor between friends, right?"
Fred's cheekiness got himself a smack on the head from his mother's wooden spoon, thus causing Fred to choke on the piece of toast he was eating, which only made Ron and George laugh harder and Hermione to look up from the book she was reading with vague concern.
Usually Ginny would be proud of herself for causing a little commotion, but this morning she had other things on her mind. She knew that Harry was probably able to figure out her message yesterday and she hoped he took it well. She just had her fingers crossed that it wouldn't stop the little progress she had already made with him.
Ginny wasn't quite sure why she had taken it upon herself, as her personal crusade, to get Harry to open up. Perhaps, she thought to herself, it's because I know what it's like to feel alone and alienated from the rest of the world. I know what it's like to have that feeling, like something is eating you up inside and have nobody there to talk to who will just listen and not judge.
Once again Ginny was jerked from her thoughts, this time however, not by a person but by the snow white owl that had just flown in through the window. Hedwig flew directly to her and landed on her shoulder allowing Ginny to retrieve the letter from the bird's foot. Then, after a sampling of Ginny's pancakes, Hedwig flew up to wait in girls' room to rest, knowing from experience that she would soon have a letter to take back to Harry.
Ginny looked up when she realized that Ron had stopped bickering with Hermione over the proper way to peel an orange and was now staring at her expectantly.
"I make a slice in the peel with a knife to start it and then peel the rest of it using my fingernails." Ginny stated simply, pretending not know the real reason her brother was staring at her like she had suddenly grown a second nose. She looked at Hermione hoping she would save her from what she knew was about to happen, but was disheartened by the look of curiosity peering out at her from behind a mass of messy brown hair and knew Hermione wasn't going to change the subject. A quick glance around the table confirmed that the same curiosity was shared by all who were eating there morning meal.
"That was Hedwig…. Again!" Ron said accusingly, as if instead of receiving post he had discovered that she had been making counterfeit galleons in the basement and hadn't given him any. "Why does Harry write you every other day when all I get from him is a I'm fine, don't worry, see you next year."
Ginny chose to flatly ignore his outburst and nervously opened Harry's letter as a million thoughts ran through her mind. Did he figure out my message yet and if he did will he listen to it or just ignore it… I hope he figured it out, but I don't know if I'm ready for him to… She pulled out the top sheet of paper which held their game of hang man, and her hopes and fears were realized at the same time. She saw his square letters filling the holes between her loopy ones. He had figure out her message.
I M/ H E R E/ F O R/ Y O U/ W H E N/ Y O U/ A R E/ R E A D Y/
This, she saw was followed by a smaller I think I'm ready.
Ginny's stomach fluttered when she looked back into the envelope and saw a lengthy letter. She shoved the hang man message into her pocket and quickly asked her mum if she could be excused. But before her mother could even open her mouth to say a word, Ginny was already at the foot of the stairs and heard her brother shout to her retreating form. "What does it say!" She didn't stop, but continued up the stairs skipping every other one.
She threw open the door of the room she and Hermione shared. Her eyes darted quickly as she scanned the room, making sure no one else was there who could some how see her letter. She felt a little silly as logically she knew that everyone was still downstairs in the kitchen eating.
Sitting down at her desk, it was with a shaky hand that she nervously reopened Harry's letter. She wasn't sure what to expect.
Dear Ginny-
Hedwig flew down from the top of the bureau where she had been resting, and landed softly on Ginny's knee. It is as if she knows what I am about to read and she came down for moral support. Ginny thought to herself as she stroked Hedwig's feathers absentmindedly. That's probably exactly what she is doing, she is an exceptional bird. She concluded and with that she turned back to Harry's words.
Dear Ginny-
I know what you were trying to do with your riddles and jokes and pointless stories. And I want to thank you because well, it worked. Your letters are the only thing that I have to look for forward to in my life right now. Your silly stories give me a much needed break from reality. When I read your letters I actually feel something, even if it is only a mild amusement or a small chuckle. The rest of the time I don't feel anything.
No matter what everybody keeps trying to tell me, the simple facts are that I know that I caused Sirius's death, I know that I led my friends into a trap where so many, including yourself, got hurt. I know that it's my fault. And even though I know all this, I still feel nothing, I'm hollow, I'm an empty shell. I lie in bed every day staring at my ceiling thinking about what happened, playing it over and over in my head. Yet the only emotion I can manage to muster up is guilt, but not for what I did, but for my lack of other emotions. I want to feel awful and scream or cry or break something or just do something that would prove to myself that I'm still alive, that I'm still a person. Then maybe I could face my future that I now know is inevitable. Ginny I know my future, I know my future and I feel nothing.
I'm sorry for rambling, but I feel like I can talk to you, that I can tell you this because I know you will listen. I know that I don't even know you all that well, before this summer you were always just Ron's little sister and a member of the DA, but through your letters all summer I realized you're a lot more than that. I know that I can tell you this without being judged. I know I couldn't tell Ron this because I don't think he could understand or even if he did he wouldn't be able to handle it. And Hermione is to busy telling me what to feel, to listen to how I feel and even so she would just try to analyze me if I did tell her. I wish I could tell you everything Ginny but I can't get myself to put on paper. I'm sorry for burdening you with this and I'm sorry if this was too much and I'll understand if you don't want to write back. Really, I wont hold it against you, you've done so much already.
Harry
Ginny stared at the letter in her hand for a long time, turning it over again and again as if she was expecting more to suddenly materialize. A hot tear rolled slowly down her cheek and she made no motion to wipe it away.
Her breathing suddenly quickened and she felt as if the walls were closing in. She had to get out of her room and she had to get out quick. She jumped off the bed and crossed to the window, sat on the sill and swung her left leg over the side. She then hoisted herself onto the roof and crawled up, staying low so that no one could see her from the ground. She continued crawling until she reached the spot on the backside of the house that leveled out, but where she was hidden from view. She had found this spot last summer and it had been her refuge when things got too hectic, when things got to be too much, or when she just needed to think. Much like right now.
Her heart physically ached in her chest, she felt Harry's pain emanating from the page or was it his inability to feel pain? She was glad he had opened up to her, but now she didn't know what to do. His letter had only left more questions for Ginny, questions that she knew she couldn't ask in a letter. She wanted to relieve some of his torment, or at least give him a hug and reassure him that she was there for him. But she knew that he was determined to spend his summer in solitary confinement at the Dursley's in penance which he felt he deserved, well out of hugging reach.
She read Harry's letter again and thought as she lay on the roof, while the morning summer sun rose and she could feel the warmth envelope her from both the sun above and the warming shingles pressed against her back. She didn't know exactly how long she had been out there, but by the position of the sun it had to be at least an hour before she had finished formulating her plan. She shimmied back towards her window with a look of determination upon her face. She had a letter to write, but this time it wasn't to Harry.
A/N I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter…. It's a little bit longer than the first…I'm already working on chapter three so keep a look out for it…..I would love it if you guys could review and tell me what you like and what you don't like…. It will only help me write even better chapters for you guys to enjoy! Love Always
REVISED 4/18/12