I'm seeing a pattern…

It's after midnight, and I'm tired, but I don't feel like sleeping, and I know that since I'm up, I should do something productive.

…

Geometry is not productive-it's a stupid waste of time.

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For the coming weeks, my insides were caught between a war of opposite feelings; one side was terrified of the thought of Licorice coming back to finish what he began, yet my other side was excited and bursting with happiness over Jacks proposal.

My mind tried to rationalize between the two, but I couldn't find a compromise, and so I was twisting between elation and paranoia, both emotions consuming my thoughts, as well as Gramma's.

Naturally she had been furious of finding Jack and I asleep on the sofa together, but couldn't stay long after finding out that Jack had 'finally got around to asking.' Apparently Jack had asked Gramma for my hand some time ago, but there had been far too much confusion and panic for trifles like marriage between people who love each other.

But as of late, she and I, as well as the matrons of the community, were all involved in the planning of the wedding. They easily welcomed me back as Genny, never treating me with the polite airs 'due' to a lady of my 'class.'

Always it seemed that there was a pack of women fluttering about the house, always with some new ladies magazine heralding ideas, and all trying to swap their own wedding stories, making it nearly impossible to get anything done, which must be the reason for proper long engagements.

Jack and I, however, couldn't afford such a lengthy engagement, never knowing where exactly our lives may take us. For example, the Queen and King could both suddenly drop dead of poisoned dinner, and I would have to be swept back to the palace to take my rightful position.

And of course, the matter of my parentage posed a tremendous problem…by strict conduct rules, should the Queen or King die, I could not bring Jack along as the King, him being but a peasant.

We discussed this thoughroughly, and came to the agreement that we could smuggle him into the palace and resume our lives, but as myself posing as the widowed bride of Licorice, a title that kept me praying furiously that the Queen and King stay healthy and well alive.

It was only days away from the set date of the wedding, and it was a rare day of quiet when the matrons stayed home with their families, allowing Gramma and I time to plan for ourselves.

We planned to use her wedding dress from so many years ago, which was a pale lavender silk gown with delicate flower embroidering scattered at random, and a pretty little train. Jack had my ring, and I had his, both bands of gold, only mine thinner with a tiny silver heart inset into it. We would marry outside, providing the unpredictable spring weather be nice, and on the edge of the orchard by the little pond.

The old farmhouse barn had been fixed up into a little house for us, and it had even been furnished for us, thanks to the generous families along the countryside.

I sighed contently, idly rinsing of a plate at the sink, dreamily staring out the window, imagining myself on the alter again, this time without the sinking feeling of dread.

There was a rap at the door, and I heard Gramma heave herself off the sofa to answer it.

I set the dish down gently in the sideboard and reached for another, but froze at the sound of a gasp from the door. My body went rigid, and I strained my ears to hear what was being said, if anything.

Even with every fiber of my being focused on trying to catch what was going on, I couldn't make out anything.

Quickly I searched for something to use as a weapon, and I seized a vase, gripping it tight behind my back and I crept to the corner to where I could see.

The air struggled in my throat as I fought not to gasp or scream…Licorice had finally come back.

Now I could make out his hushed words, and they frightened me to the core.

"Tell me where she is or I swear by God that I will strike you down…" He growled, and Gramma's pale face was hard and immobile as stone, her jaw set defiantly.

His hand rose suddenly as if he were about to strike her, and I let out a scream.

"Don't you dare lay a hand on her!" I leapt out of my hiding place and launched myself at him, smashing the vase against his head.

He crumpled instantly, and shards of porcelain fell to the floor making little tinkling noises as they landed.

I gasped and my hands flew to my face. "I think I killed him!"

Gramma looked from him to me, and then back at the still Licorice.

Ever so carefully, she knelt down next to him and put her fingers to his neck, and held them there for a long moment. Then finally she looked back up at me, removing her fingers.

"Yes, I believe you did, and," she looked up towards the ceiling "forgive me for saying it," she looked back at me, like she was trying to hold back a grin "I believe I'm glad you killed him."

I looked down at the body, horrified, and my hands covered my mouth.

I killed him!

And yet, I felt a surge of triumph, even though I had just broken the fifth commandment-thou shall not murder…

But surely God could understand that some people, formerly Licorice, just needed to be dealt with justly…and Licorice received what he deserved…surely He could understand…

Even as I thought these things over though, I felt faint, and I was positive my face was white as the shattered porcelain. I swayed slightly from side to side, but Gramma took hold of my hand and led me to the sofa. I sat down hard, my eyes still on the body of Licorice.

How was it possible that murder could be so exhilarating and liberating? Perhaps it was the knowledge that Licorice couldn't be a threat again, but it didn't feel quite right.

All of my moral judgments were confused with my actions…was I glad he was dead, yes, but was I glad that I had done it?

I wish I had an answer. Was this sick joy allowable?

"But what do we do with him…" I heard Gramma mutter under her breath, more to herself than anyone else, but I answered anyway.

"Jack." I said simply. "He'll know what to do."

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Short? Yes…

But hey, at least Licorice is dead….

Sorry for any mistakes…

Please review!