I am heartbroken they are ending the "real" stories of Goren and Eames. I will miss them so much – more than any I have ever watched. From the bottom of my heart, I thank the amazing Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe for bringing life to these exquisite characters.

Thank goodness there is fan fiction. We will be able to keep them "alive" for as long as we are in need of them.

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6.

Re-assurance

With tears streaming down her face Alex nestled in as close to Bobby as she could get, trapping his left arm in place. Lying on her side, she carefully stretched her arm across his broad chest and placed her hand gently over his heart, spreading her fingers so she could feel the rise and fall rhythm of his breathing. She laid her head slowly and carefully on his shoulder, almost as though she was afraid she would wake him. That's silly, she thought, when that was the thing she wanted most. She became very still as her tears slid down and began soaking his hospital gown. Her irregular breathing was ragged as unstoppable tears of regret and fear welled up from….. she didn't know where. He was wonderfully warm. As comforting as it was to feel that, she was terrified that she was too late and it was only a matter of time before he would grow cold at her side. She forced herself to be calm, telling herself this was all due to exhaustion. But within seconds another wave swept her and she became rigid as she tried to stifle a silent sob. She finally gave in, turning her face straight into his shoulder and buried it as a spasm shook her. His hospital gown gathered and puckered over his chest as her fingers clutched the fabric.

Beep… beep… beep…

The monitor beeped its indifferent rhythm, but when she closed her eyes and forced herself to relax, its solid steadiness spoke to her almost as if he was speaking and it reassured her. Muscle by muscle she began to relax. Let it go. What will be will be, she thought numbly. It was a philosophy she always fought and worked against, except there was nothing she could do now to change what was happening. It was up to Bobby.

The nurse came quietly into the room and her face softened as she saw the unlikely couple pressed so tightly together. Faith hoped things improved for them over the next few hours. Nights like these could be hard for the staff, too. Alex was so small next to him. Mind you, he was rather a large patient… They must make quite the picture standing beside one another. Faith hoped she would be able to see that happen, but she would likely be off duty by then. She knew Alex was exhausted and strained far beyond capacity, just like many of the family members she saw in Intensive Care. The reactions of loved ones could range from wailing concern to the exact opposite and Alex was certainly at the reserved end of the deep caring scale. These two must be a very interesting couple. They were both partners and police. And then Faith realized that the cover-up of feelings she had witnessed as Alex bathed her partner was not to hide emotion from Faith, it was a practiced response to feelings. These two were not lovers or domestic partners, she smiled to herself. But they should be. Now she really did hope she'd be back on duty when he regained consciousness – it would be very interesting. She picked up the blanket from the chair and covered Alex without covering Bobby. With a compassionate rub on her shoulder, Faith tucked the tube of ointment in Alex's hand and left the room.

Alex was unable to thank her as she continued to struggle with silent sobs. Faith's touch had set her off again.

As more moments passed Alex relaxed once again and it occurred to her she may be unintentionally overheating Bobby. She took her head off his shoulder and laid it next to him on the bed in an attempt to leave a bit of air space between them. That was as far away as she was going, for purely selfish reasons. With her hand, she meticulously smoothed his hospital gown where she'd gathered it.

This was her fault. And another silent sob wracked her.

She'd been Robert Goren's partner for over 8 years, longer than she'd been with Joe. It just couldn't end in this stupid, stupid way. More tears slid across the bridge of her nose, down into her other eye and joined the rivulet running down her cheek onto the bed. She couldn't remembered the last time she'd cried this much. She scrunched her eyes closed trying to squeeze all the tears out at once and be done with it.

Alex opened her eyes and looked at Bobby's profile. She was never this close to his face and if she was, it was purely by accident. Sometimes when she'd be leaning over his shoulder at his desk, he would suddenly whip his head around to say something to her, not realizing she was so close. She had backed quickly away from that numerous times. But sometimes she could predict when it was coming and she stood her ground. It was he who "retreated", but not always…. How can you smile and cry at the same time?

The novelty of their closeness distracted her from anxiety. Lying beside him reinforced the huge discrepancy in their respective statures. Her toes barely touched his knees and if she completely extended her arm, she could just cup his far shoulder across his full broad width. His hands, with those exquisitely long fingers dwarfed hers. Bobby's right hand lay over his abdomen and she reached down to run her fingers from the base of his thumb across his anatomical snuff box and up to his bandaged wrist. She remembered rolling her eyes the day he'd told her there was a name for that part of the body between the two tendons which were so pronounced on his hand. As irrelevant as it seemed to anything in her world, she'd never forgotten it, along with so many other trivialities he'd shared with her. I only look like I'm not paying attention to you.

It annoyed her that she was so small and she worked hard to stay in shape should she need to keep up with the boys. Still it was handy to have a partner whose sheer size discouraged a lot of crap when they were on the job. They very rarely needed to "get physical" in their jobs. Perhaps it worked to their advantage that she was so small, Alex mused. She helped him look even bigger and less inviting a figure to tangle with. She sometimes worried that it also made him an easy target.

He never made reference to her height, or lack thereof; never made a big deal if she wasn't tall enough, he just reached up and grabbed the coffee cup. He often stooped or sat on the edge of a desk so they could converse eye to eye. He would catch himself from automatically holding a door open above her head to allow her to go under his arm. He seemed to have an instinct for downplaying their comparative sizes. She briefly rubbed her hand on his chest with sad affection.

Alex's level of fitness had served her well when she had been kidnapped. Except she still felt stupid at being overpowered by the similarly sized Jo Gage. She had been fooled by the unexpected and that would never happen again….

Too bad her shoulders had not fully recovered from being hung by her wrists for so many hours. Bobby would still notice her frowns of discomfort when she did something that strained a shoulder. At least she no longer winced. He would say nothing, just look elsewhere and retreat into quiet thought.

She knew how hard he'd tried to find her those awful days. She'd seen the tapes. She'd watched them one day while he was following up some paperwork – she was determined to know the details of her kidnapping on her own terms and she had felt strong enough to watch. She had been shocked to see what Bobby had gone through. She was puzzled as she viewed the footage taken by the camera in the patrol car. As they'd arrested Declan Gage in the street Bobby had looked bewildered, had tried to stay calm and then exploded and physically shaken Gage. Bobby had been soaked in sweat – soaked right though his suit jacket. In other tapes she watched him struggle between rationality and torment as he interviewed Gage in the interrogation room. Alex was dumbfounded. She had never seen him in that state, holding his head in his hands, being consoled by Gage. He'd been so calm and in control when he'd arrived at her bedside in the hospital. He had given no sign of the torture he'd endured other than looking like he'd slept in his clothes for three days. You look like hell, she'd told him. What a stupid thing to say. He'd obviously been working with no sleep, no shower, no shave or change of clothes. In some ways she felt the whole ordeal had been easier for her than him. Watching him had disturbed her more than knowing many of the events surrounding her kidnapping. She had left work early the day she viewed the tapes, avoiding Bobby while she digested these revelations - revelations which began to weave their way into her nightmares.

When she returned to work after her kidnapping, she and Bobby had mostly fallen back into their usual patterns, except almost right away she had learned of Frances Goren's cancer. And Bobby had started his slow unravelling.

Beep… Beep… Beep

She closed her eyes, but heard the nurses quietly coming and going, continuing their night time duties. They didn't ask her to leave his side and did not show any concern over his condition, so she guessed she was doing him no harm. She sighed. Lying so close to him she would immediately know if he was in distress and she didn't need to keep her eyes open.

The steady rhythm of the heart monitor beeping continued to soothe her. It was much slower than it had been when he was brought in. But not too slow…. He was so much cooler. But not cold…. His breathing was deeper and more regular. These had to be good signs. Every once in a while she would open her eyes and reach up to gently feel if his lips needed more ointment. The steady flow of oxygen couldn't be helping re-hydrate him. After a while, she could reach up to touch his lips without even opening her eyes. And yes, just once, she placed the full palm of her hand on the side of his face and swallowed the lump in her throat. You're safe here. She was there to keep him safe from the outside world – she would be more assertive making sure she did the right thing from now on. But she couldn't keep him safe from himself.

With a spark of hope, she decided she would make sure he had a full sponge bath. Not that she had any plans of doing it herself….

Perhaps a shave…..

Beep… Beep… Beep

And now it's time to waken the sleeping giant…