Chapter 13: Panty Thief

Jiru's Entry:

Today is the day that future King of the Pirates will die. I have him and his accomplices (there are two others that shall perish oh so terribly) cornered in the crow's nest. I am still killing them with my gaze of doom as I write. It is NOT a pretty sight. The future Pirate King is currently hanging off his long-nosed partner in crime; begging to fed. The third unlucky criminal is running around aimlessly; panicking over something I cannot hear. The trio of victims will soon be out of their misery. I pause in my writing; and hold up the sign of instructions they will have to follow to the letter as punishment. It is as follows:

1. You shall be my slaves for the next month; in doing my chores, guard-duty and protect me from any nasty bugs, pirates or animals that are dead and/or have more than four legs.

2. You shall do my laundry for the next month, as well, since you are so fascinated by my clothes.

3. You shall call me Captain Jiru and allow me to order you about at my whim.

4. I get to wear 'Wara-san' for a week.

The reply of the long-nosed criminal remains the same as his first 50 answers: NO! NEVER.

Monkey D. Luffy howls and manages, somehow, to sink his teeth into Usoppu's leg. Chopper squeals in faux horror as his captain gnaws on the leg.

Sanji, Nami and Franky all call up to me and ask if I had calmed down yet. I inform them I'll hold the criminals in the crow's nest a few more minutes before releasing them. The sleeping-not-sleeping swordsman manages to wake up and order me to release them now.

I ordered the swordsman to 'bite me' and blew him a birdie. Sanji, of course, laughs and compliments me – thus causing the swordsman to become angry and volatile. I head this fight off at the start, telling the two idiots they are free to join the trio in the 'air-box' I have formed around the crow's nest. I inform them that Luffy has missed lunch by three minutes.

They shiver in horror and cease fighting; physically parting ways. Nami just shakes her head and moves on; stepping over a still-immobile Brooke on deck. The new pirate was still stunned at the article of clothing Luffy and Usoppu had been flailing about. Robin, however, finds the whole situation hilarious as it had played out three hours earlier.

XXX

I was minding her own business, floating comfortably on one of the two large trees that Franky had planted on the lower deck. Luffy had called out my name to get my attention.

I wake up; propping myself on my elbows, look down at the male who had called out my name…and shriek like a harpy.

Standing before me is Monkey D. Luffy – my estimable, rubbery pirate captain – with various pairs of my underwear placed on his head, shoulders; pulled onto his arms, legs and tied around his waist, face and hips. Behind him, stands Usoppu, holding his vaunted weapon, Kabuto, like a trophy of war – even more of my underwear fluttering on Kabuto in the wind like a pennant. On top of Usoppu's head sits the adorable, yet just as guilty, brown-furred rein-doctor. A pair of my 'under-clothing' tied around his neck and draped down his back like a cape - and what I am guessing – the last two pairs of my panties, decorating his fuzzy antlers.

My screaming brought the rest of the pirates deck-side; allowing them to witness the crime. It was most embarrassing. Nami screamed in rage, Sanji keeled over from the sight of female panties, and was quickly/instantly joined by Brooke. Robin managed to hide her laughter behind her hand – wily her. Zoro's face went several shades of red, while Franky gave the stunt a thumb's up and a Supah label.

It's true that everybody had different reactions, but I suppose mine was the most dramatic – and severe. I chased the trio, shouting for their heads and didn't stop. Three hours later, I managed to pin them in the crow's nest and use my Reiki-Reiki Aura to effectively seal all means of escape.

XXX

Ah, now there, I have released them anyway and Luffy, jumping up into a frenzied excitement, comes bursting out of the window – I hope that comes out of his expense, not mine – and careens into the galley; shouting at the top of his lungs: MEAT!

I don't suppose Sanji will be too happy at all about that. Oh well. It should teach the cook to keep a better reign on his captain.

Usoppu slumps to the floor of the crow's nest; relived to be free of Luffy's obnoxious presence and groans. Chopper lies on the floor; panting, trying to catch his breath.

I propel myself forward by willpower and offer a sincere apology to Chopper; since he is the least guilty. Poor guy just wants to fit in and be accepted by his heroes. (Usoppu and Luffy) I then turn to the pile of Usoppu and lean forward, a smug smile on my lips.

'I hope you've learned something today, eh, Usoppu?' I say.

'Please forgive me.' He groans out.

'What was that?' I faked not hearing him.

'I-I-, I beg for your forgiveness, oh wonderful and masterful Captain Jiru!' Usoppu sputters out.

'I forgive you.' I nodded sagely, having won. 'Since you groveled at my feet so quickly, your punishment will be less painful.'

A groan emitted from the sniper.

'I shall allow you to collect the pieces of clothing you used for your prank – every single one of them – then go and wash them twice. Especially the pair that was on Luffy's face.'

'Is-is that it?' The sniper sits up straighter, now making eye contact with me. 'Why are you still writing in that book?'

XXX

Jiru looked up from her writing and stared at the sniper. Blushing, she snapped closed the diary, slipped it into her side-hanging backpack, and muttered.

"Damn it, I'm not weird, I was just writing in my journal!" The semi-furious gold-thief looks away from the smirking sniper.

"Right. Seriously, Luffy and I had you so pranked!"

"Yea, whatever, I don't think it'll happen again, right?" Leaning in closer to Usoppu with a glint in her eye, Jiru smiled evenly.

"No-no, not on Captain Usoppu's watch!" The black-haired sniper stated. "I don't want to ever be with Luffy again when he's that hungry."

"And you, Chopper?" the treasure hunter turns her attention to the doctor. "No more planning to steal my panties?"

"NO! No more panties!" Chopper stutters out, sitting up on the wet-with-drool crow's nest floor. "Luffy was going to eat me!"

"Oh not really, I wouldn't have allowed that."

"Really, Jiru?" Chopper made doe-eyes at the floating woman.

"Honestly really."

"Wwaaaaaahhh!" Chopper cried out and leapt into her arms; still remaining in his small form.

~You guys better get down here for your lunch before Luffy eats it all.~ the inter-ship speaker system rang with Nami's voice. ~And Jiru…you owe Franky 10,000 beri for the windows.~

"DAMN!" The Golden Thief cringed in annoyance. It wasn't going to be Luffy's fault this time.

"Well, let's go before the idiot eats it all." Usoppu stated, picking himself up and moving to the exit.

"Nope, not before you pick up my panties and put them in the washer." Jiru smirked as she held Chopper with one arm and pointing to the articles of clothing on the floor with the other.

"See you at lunch!" she called before floating out of the busted window. "I'll be sure to save you some."

XXX

The two criminals spent the rest of their day cleaning laundry, fixing windows and avoiding the newly dubbed 'Mean-Queen'. Luffy was still laughing about when night fell and the Mugiwaras went to sleep.