13
I wasn't second guessing myself, I wasn't thinking Jasper would be my boyfriend, I was doing what Joyce told me to do, forget about Edward and learn from girlfriends. Jessica used Mike for sex and then lived her own life. Jasper could be my sex buddy.
When I walked into his house he took my purse and put it in a closet. "Let me take your jacket," he said and I let it drop from my arms onto the ground. He laughed and picked it up. I thought I saw him patting it as if looking for something and then hung it on a hook in the closet.
"Are you going to put away all my things?" I asked him.
"It depends; do you have anything hidden in your dress?"
I walked over to his couch and sat down. He came over and got onto his knees and removed my shoes, tossing them far from the couch and sat next to me.
I pulled him by the shirt to my mouth and he let his hand run from my hair down the side of my entire body. I finally pushed him back and asked, "Are you looking for something?"
"No, darlin, I know where everything is," he said and moved to my neck.
Our kissing got pretty loud as we moaned and panted while removing clothing. He pushed his hand down the back of the couch and felt around as if searching for a condom. I began to wonder if I should tell him I was still a virgin, maybe he would want to move off his expensive couch and into his bed.
He didn't make me have to say it, He pulled me onto his lap and stood with my legs wrapped around him and headed to his room. My dress was around my waist, literally. It was pushed off my shoulders and arm and pulled up to my waist.
As soon as he sat on his bed I pushed him back and began removing his belt. He seemed suddenly hesitant and his movements slowed. "What's wrong?" I asked him.
"Tell me," he whispered, "You have the upper hand, tell me why you did it."
"He doesn't want me like this," I said and tried to forget about Edward.
"It wasn't only a lovers spat, come on Bella, it was too professional."
"What?" I thought we were talking about why I came to him and left Edward, but he wasn't making any sense.
"No fingerprints, no witnesses, it wasn't your first, was it?"
I pulled away from him and leaned against the headboard as I tried to understand what he was talking about. I pulled the pillow out from under me and saw a large knife lying on the bed. Jasper lunged at me, knocking me to the side as he grabbed the knife.
My eyes grew large and I held up my hands, "Don't hurt me."
"Who are you, really?" he asked and I stared at him like he was insane.
A loud knock came on the door and Jasper yelled, "Open."
I tried to pull my dress up to cover my breasts and gasped when Edward walked into the room. I couldn't look at him and we all remained completely silent. "I think I made a mistake," Jaz said softly.
I closed my eyes as the tears fell and I leaned over to hide my exposed body.
"A mistake?" Edward said with voice full of rage.
"I thought you were wrong," Jaz said and I remained totally confused and thought it might be the alcohol playing with my mind.
"I've never doubted you, Jasper, never."
"She came looking for me," he said to defend himself to his best friend.
I looked up at Edward and his eyes turned to me and filled with tears. I pulled the pillow over my chest and sat up. "I called you tonight," I admitted.
"I was working," he said with a tight jaw.
"I know, Norman, I called you at work."
He closed his eyes and his shoulders slumped when he realized our conversation. I brushed away my tears and let the pillow fall. "I didn't want to be your fat girlfriend; I wanted you to love me."
"Bella, it's just an act," he said and shook his head knowing I wouldn't listen to his lies.
"I wanted to have sex with Jasper," I said admitting the truth. "I'm almost twenty-six and you taught me about my body and then only wanted me for cartoon talk."
"I wanted intimacy, not sex with you, because I loved you."
I let a sob escape and looked at him with overwhelming pain, "But you have sex with other women, and men, it isn't how you show love to someone."
"No, I only use lines like in a play. It isn't real and it almost kills me to do it."
At that moment, as if proving my point for me, his phone rang. He looked at his cell and I knew his calls were being forwarded. He looked at Jasper with wide eyes and held up the phone. "I think this is it, come to my car."
I could hear him put the phone on speaker and he answered, "God, I've missed you hot stuff."
I sat there alone in Jasper's bed, half undressed and two men simply walked away. I threw myself at Jasper and professed my love to Edward, but neither one gave me a second thought. I put my dress back on and found my shoes. I got my purse and walked numbly to my car.
I couldn't find it in me to cry. I turned to the only place I knew to find love, the only place where I would feel happiness and acceptance. I drove through McDonalds and bought a supersized meal. I wouldn't look at the young man filling the order. I didn't want him to see my desperation. I pulled into the parking lot which was totally empty at this hour and accepted the only love I had ever known.
The next day I packed a bag and my computer and headed to Forks. I didn't need to be thin and happy to go home; my parents already knew what I was. Showing up as a failure in love wouldn't surprise them in the least. I was sure Jessica had told the whole town about my attempt to pick up men at bars.
I arrived before noon and was relieved to see my father's truck wasn't home. I stood at the door and wasn't sure if I should knock or just walk inside. My mother came around the side of the house and said, "May I help you?"
I looked at her in shock, "Mom, it's me."
She stared for a moment and then covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head. I stepped off the stairs and walked toward her. She reached for me and pulled me into her arms and sobbed loudly. "Are you sick?" she asked in my ear and I wasn't sure if I was or not.
My heart was sick, my brain was sick, my body was sick, but it all had to do with Edward. "I just really wanted to come home for a week or two," I told her.
She led me into the house and sat me at the table. "Let me make you some lunch," she said and I began to cry. I didn't want her trying to fatten me up and then drag me around the state for a doctor to slim me down.
I put my head down on the table and she came over to run her fingers through my hair. "Honey, it is almost lunchtime, I wasn't being critical of you."
I nodded and she walked over and began taking various fruits from the fridge and pulled some protein powder from the shelf to make a shake. She handed me a cup with a straw and I looked at the concoction that looked an awful lot like ice-cream.
"Try it," she said and I took a small sip. It was good and I smiled at her.
"It is loaded with vitamins and antioxidants. It will give you energy and it is really healthy."
I wondered if she meant to say, "Really low calorie."
We sat at the table and talked about everything except Edward. I told her about going out with Jessica and she seemed happy to see I was finally making friends. We were still sitting when my father walked in from work. He was tall and thin, never having to worry about his weight.
He gave me a quick nod and then headed to the other room when he suddenly stopped and turned back to look at me again. "Hi, daddy," I said and watched his eyes widen.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing, I'm just visiting," I said and tried to blink my tears back. He didn't seem happy to see me and wondered if I was coming home for help. If I needed help home was the last place I would come.
He held out his hand and when I reached up to take it he pulled me from my seat and into his big bear hug. The feeling was indescribable and I sunk into my father's chest and let him hold me as a little girl once again. He kissed my head and rocked us back and forth. I understood for one brief moment why Edward longed to be a child again, it was nice to let someone carry all your burdens.
"Are you okay?" he asked and I noticed how he looked at my body and not my face.
"I'm fine, you just aren't used to seeing me like this," I told him and felt a bit a happiness that they noticed I had lost some weight.
He gave my mother a glance and they both looked back at me again. "Is this why you stayed away so long?" he asked.
"What do you mean?" I asked him.
My mother stepped forward and interrupted our conversation. "Get changed Charlie and well grill some fish tonight."
I made some vegetable kabobs and we all took a long walk after dinner. It wasn't far and we walked at a leisurely pace and talked about family vacations and holidays from the past. My little sabbatical stretched into a six weeks stay.
I woke up and ran with my mother, then worked until evening where we would eat as a family and take our walks. Mom was really into health foods and would mention the benefits of different foods or supplements but never mentioned the word diet or weight. I was feeling great, full of energy, and wearing only one layer of clothing when a knock at the door changed my life.
I was on the phone and had to wait until I finished with the customer before opening the door and finding Esme standing on my front porch. I gasped and quickly looked around to see if Edward, Jasper, or God forbid Alice, was with her.
"I'm alone," she said and I began to relax.
"Can we take a walk?" she asked. I was in the middle of a work day, but I walked over and shut off my phone. We walked down the street toward the empty tree lined road and she finally looked at me. "You looked great."
"Thanks," I mumbled and was growing more and more nervous.
"I guess you are wondering why I am here," she said with a smile and I nodded to her. "I put my son in a hotel in Port Angeles and I need you to go spend the weekend with him. I don't care what you do as long as he has his head back on straight by Monday. Then I need you to stay away from him."
At first I stared at her in shock, then I laughed as if it was a joke, finally I shook my head and got angry, "You're serious?"
"Absolutely, you see Edward can't concentrate right now and it is going to get him killed if he doesn't pull his head out."
"Well, maybe Jasper can help him," I said trying to sound cynical but it sounded whiny.
She put her arm into mine and walked for a few minutes before saying, "I read a book once about a pair of brothers. One was tough and macho, the other smooth and very convincing. The smooth man has a best friend, who becomes a partner with his brother."
"Partners, like lovers?"
She moved only her eyes to look at me and continued talking as if irritated by my interruption. "The partners work as cryptographers, meaning they are mathematicians working on codes and encryptions. Of course the macho brother wants something so much more exciting; he volunteers for a dangerous assignment and gets himself killed. The two best friends are determined to find the killer, because much more is at stake than losing a brother and a partner."
I was trying to follow her story and put it together with what I knew was going on with Carlisle. I assumed the bodyguard for the governor was Jasper's brother and Edward's partner, but what else could be going on. Why would they lie to the women the love and why was Carlisle refusing to divulge his informant, unless it was someone they loved, too.
I looked at Esme and shook my head, "You were never a chef, were you?"
She completely ignored my question and continued on. "My son is a mathematician for Elint, which means he gathers Electronic Intelligence and breaks the codes. He is not a field officer and is only going grey for this one assignment. His is not good at doing this, and this part you will find funny, dear, Jasper was convinced you were the confusion agent."
"What?" I asked feeling every bit confused.
"I'm watching my son fall apart at the seams and I need you to stitch him back up or he is going to get himself killed."
"I am so confused and I have no idea what you are telling me. I'm messed up myself, how am I supposed to help Edward," I said and bit my lip as tears began to fall.
"Honey, I'm not the person to hold your hand and tell you love heals all wounds. I'm the person who is going to tell you to get off your ass and grow up. If you think you're fat, lose weight, if you think you're too thin, gain some. I don't care if you run off to Switzerland and change into a man, just fix my son."
I couldn't help but smile, in all my years of working on my weight nobody ever spoke to me in this way. I knew I should have been offended and told her she had no idea what it felt like to have to weigh yourself in front of a camp of teenagers and have them cheer and scream because the scale dipped under three hundred pounds.
"Fix him and then leave him alone?" I pushed wanting her to qualify her statement.
"You're screwed up honey, he doesn't need a lifetime of worry," she said bluntly and I chuckled.
"And I thought you were the perfect PTA mother," I said and this time she laughed.
"If you mean Part Time Assassin, you're right," she said and my eyes almost fell from my head.
"You're the hit man?" I asked with a gasp.
She rolled her eyes at me and said forcefully, "Don't be so stupid, of course not."
"So, where is Edward?"
She reached into her pocket and handed me a hotel card and room number. We headed back to the house and I finally asked, "Is Alice okay?"
"Jasper can talk his way out of anything," she said and I wanted to add, or INTO anything, but I kept quiet.
I didn't continue working that afternoon, I packed up a bag, stopped by the store to buy something, headed to the hotel to save Edward, and prepared my heart to say goodbye to him forever.
14
I knocked after taking a deep breath and giving myself a much needed pep talk. The door opened and I saw Edward walking away, not waiting to see who was standing there. He flopped onto the bed and finally looked up when I stepped into the room.
He jumped up and I noticed a slight smile form on his face so I held up the box of Count Chocula cereal and the Disney DVD of Homeward Bound. "I thought you would need supplies," I said as I smiled at him.
He walked up to me and instead of taking the things in my hands he took hold of my wrists and pulled me against his body. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
I could smell his gum and his soap and I had to inhale deeply as I enjoyed the smell of him I remembered so well.
"I'm here for the weekend," I said without further explanation.
He smiled and I could tell it wasn't a complete smile; he was still too burdened with the mess his life was in to think a weekend with me would work. "Is it selfish of me not to want to talk about anything?" he asked and his eyes looked at me with pain.
"Not at all, I'm not here for any relationship defining heart to hearts; I'm only here because I love you," I told him and kissed his cheek.
His arms tightened around me and he buried his face in my neck and inhaled as if making sure I was real. I let him hold me for as long as he needed before going out to my car to get my bag. When I got back he was sitting on the bed, against the headboard, eating the cereal dry.
"I love this shit," he said with a big smile.
I laughed at his youthful exuberance and the way he was able to let the worry go. I didn't want to remind him of anything painful, I wanted him to remember a happy time in his life and remain there all weekend.
I climbed up on the bed next to him and he reached over and pulled up my shirt, "No layers," he asked.
"No," I said and could feel my face blush.
"You look great, you look…"
"Healthy?" I asked him and he smiled wider.
"Yeah, healthy."
"It's a work in progress," I admitted to him and he nodded as if he understood.
"Why don't we watch the movie and just relax tonight?" I asked him and he nodded again. I put it in the player and he set the box of cereal next to the bed and moved into my arms to watch. I rubbed my fingers gently up and down his arm and kissed his head several times as I relished the feeling of him.
The movie was only half way through when he began to snore softly. The room grew dark and the movie ended as I continued to hold him to me. I didn't have any expectations of sex and knew this would most likely be the extent of our physical relationship, but for now it was perfect.
We woke up as the sun broke through the curtains still embracing each other. He smiled and kissed my heart. "It wasn't a dream," he said with an enthusiastic voice.
"No, it wasn't," I sighed and opened my eyes to see him looking down at me.
"There is a carnival in the park, want to check it out?" he asked and his eyes looked so much brighter than they were yesterday.
"A carnival, I've never been to a carnival," I said and got up to dress. I put on a pair of shorts, still a bit baggy but I didn't have to layer them, and a t-shirt.
Edward did the same and wore flip flops. His hair was long and messy and he hadn't shaved in awhile, but I still noticed women looking at him. We walked to the park, taking our time, and stopped for coffee and a bagel.
He pinched off a bit of his bread and leaned over to place it in my mouth. When my lips moved over his finger he quickly pulled away, not ready for any physical contact that could be considered sexual. We walked through the bazaar and looked at the various crafts. We both had caricatures drawn of ourselves and I laughed so hard when they made Edward a disco dancer.
The best part of the day was riding the carnival rides. I had always been too heavy to ride rollercoasters and Ferris wheels; I couldn't get enough of the various rides. Edward would sit with his eyes closed and hold on tightly, but I wanted to see and feel every thrilling moment.
"You have no fear," he laughed and my cheeks were sore from all the grinning I was doing.
"I'm having so much fun, I missed all of this as a kid, thank you," I told him and leaned over to kiss his cheek.
He pulled me into a hug and kissed me in earnest. The adrenalin mixed with the feel of his body against mine made me attack him inappropriately. I wrapped my leg around his calf and ran my hands into his hair as I pushed my tongue into his mouth. He didn't push me away, but slowed me down by moving from my mouth to my ear and whispering, "I would kill for some funnel cake."
I giggled and finally let him out of my grasp. "You get the funnel cake and I'll get something I need to pick up really quickly. I'll meet you back here."
We separated and I ran back to where I saw a booth selling magic eight balls. I had it wrapped up with newspaper in a square box so he wouldn't know what it was. When I returned he was sitting on a bench holding two plates of funnel cake.
"You're going to join me, aren't you?" he asked and I saw such hope in his eyes.
"Sure, but you have to run with me later," I bargained and he nodded.
I wanted him to see me eating without any fear or hesitation, but after I ate half of what was on my plate I set it down to groan loudly. "This is too sweet, I feel sick to my stomach."
"Oh man, I didn't think about all the rides," Edward said and moved to the far end of the bench. "If you barf on me I will personally throw you in the ocean."
I slowly picked up a piece of the cake and chewed a couple of times and then opened my mouth wide.
He fell over in laughter and dipped his finger in the syrup and held my head to wipe it down my cheek. We were acting like children and receiving condescending stares from people walking by, but this was exactly what we both needed.
I never had the opportunity to attend a carnival and be silly; he needed to feel the innocence of youth, so we were childish and obnoxious and didn't give a damn. We left when it got dark, loaded down with stuffed animals and vinyl toys we paid much too much money to win, and I never even thought about going for a run.
When we got to the hotel I showered first and when he got in, I prepared his present by making a bow out of some streamers on a baton I had won. I set it on the bed and waited for him to return. He came into the room towel drying his hair and wearing only a pair of boxers. I had to force myself to look away.
"What's this?" he asked.
"I never got you a birthday present," I said with a smile.
He picked it up and shook it, making me laugh, and finally ripped off the newspaper and opened the box. "I had one of these as a kid, I didn't know they still made them," he said with a big smile.
"It will help you make important decisions, I mean, it is a magic eight ball," I laughed.
He looked at me through his lashes and brought the toy up to his mouth and asked, "Does Bella love me?"
He turned it over and read, Yes.
"See, it works," I teased.
"Does Bella know how much I love her?"
He held it up for me to read, Without a doubt.
I smiled at him and felt my heart beating quickly. He brought the ball to his mouth again and asked, "Should I show her how much I love her?"
I held my breath, praying the answer would be yes, but he turned it over to show, Outlook not so good.
"Just my luck, I buy the one broken one," I said with a dry mouth and continued to stare into his eyes.
He climbed onto the bed and sat in front of me before taking my hands into his. He appeared to be struggling with how he wanted to phrase his words and I knew it was something he felt would upset me.
I smiled and nodded to encourage him to continue.
"This has been so wonderful having you here. I feel like I am dating you, and getting to know you. I like the feeling," he said and swallowed.
"Edward, if you are not ready for anything between us, I understand," I said and tried not to look disappointed.
"No, you're reading me wrong. I feel like if we move forward physically it makes us a relationship, and it is just what I want, but I'm not really free to…."
"Shhh," I said and put my finger to his lips. "Today was so much fun, and I got to spend it with you. I can't ask for anything more."
"Someday," he whispered.
"Yes, someday," I agreed.
He didn't know his mother asked me to stay away from him. Whatever he was doing she wanted him thinking clearly, but a relationship with me was not something she would sit still for. I was here to show him forgiveness and offer him hope. Would I have sex with him and walk away? I would do anything he asked me to do.
We snuggled into the bed and the busy day caught up with us quickly. We were both sound asleep in a matter of moments.
I woke up first the next morning and snuck out of bed to jump in the shower. I was determined not to cry and make a scene when I left. I was wetting my hair when the curtain moved and Edward stepped in. I felt my hands automatically cover my body and he looked at me and shook his head. I looked into his eyes and knew he wouldn't laugh at the weight I had put on, so I dropped my hands.
His eyes moved slowly down my body and back up to my eyes. I watched as his expression turned to one of agony and thought he was going to leave, but instead he stepped closer and touched me very lightly on the back to bring our bodies together.
He sighed loudly and I responded by putting my arms around his waist and squeezing him tightly. I stayed against him as he shampooed my hair and moved us both directly under the spray. I got the soap and cleaned his body, keeping it innocent and touching him softly.
When we shut off the shower we both got towels and dried off each other. I went to the mirror to brush my hair, but he came up behind me and took the brush from my hand. I sat on the bed as he dried my hair and brushed it smooth.
I got his razor and gave him a shave, which was so sensual for me. He trusted me completely and sat with his eyes closed as I moved the blade over his face and throat. I wondered if Jasper would be so trusting. When I finished I leaned over to rub my cheek across his smooth chin. I closed my eyes and worried how I would ever go on without him. I would remember every curve of his face for eternity.
I watched him continue to sit with his eyes closed for a moment and he finally reached out for me and let his head fall against my stomach. I looked down at his hair and heard him sniff. "No, Edward, no tears," I said and pulled his face up to look at me.
"I need you, Bella," he said with a sad voice.
"I'll be right there, whenever you need me," I promised.
"I wish it could be different," he said. "I wish I could take you far from here, but this isn't something I can run from."
"Is it something you can share with me?" I asked and knew Esme would want to box my ears for even asking. "I know your partner died."
He looked away from my eyes instantly and I worried I had said too much. I didn't want our last day to be tense and awkward so I quickly changed the subject. "Okay Mr. Cullen, what is on the agenda today?" I asked with a smile. "Sky diving, jet skiing, or cliff jumping?"
He didn't respond and stood to walk to the other side of the bed. I was so worried he was mad, but when he turned around his eyes smoldered and his face was absolutely beautiful. He picked up the magic eight ball and held it to his mouth as he stared into my eyes. "Should I make love to Bella?" he asked in a soft voice that sent chills down my spine.
He turned the ball over, but never looked down at the answer and said, "Oh God, yes."
15
I couldn't move and my eyes filled with tears. They were not sad tears, but the way he looked at me, so full of love; I couldn't do anything but cry. He let the ball fall from his hands onto the bed and walked over to take my hands in his.
"Did you already… I mean, have you…God, this is hard to ask," he said with frustration and I furrowed my brow and tried to determine what question he wanted to ask.
"Have you met another man?" he finally settled with.
"Are you asking me if I slept with Jasper?" I said and watched him nod shamefully.
"You didn't ask him?" I asked in surprise.
"No, I wasn't sure he would tell me the truth," he answered and let his head drop.
"Edward," I said and he looked back into my eyes. "The only thing I have experienced has been with you. I might disappoint you," I told him and he smiled.
"I wanted you so badly at first, but the deeper I fell for you the more I wanted to distance us from what I had to do each night. This weekend has taken it all away and the only thing that remains is my love for you. I want to show you how much I love you and want you to be happy ten years from now it's me standing here."
"There is nobody else on the face of the earth I would want to make love to me right now, you're it, you're him, you're mi…"
I stopped because he wasn't mine. I had to walk away forever after today and hope we could both be happy with other people. It still didn't change my mind about him, about right now. I removed my towel and climbed up on the bed. He did the same and rolled over to hover over me.
"We'll go really slowly," he whispered and I smiled at him, bringing him down onto me.
He kissed me and let me lead. I felt like I was dreaming as I deepened the kisses and he responded in every way. His body became aroused and he pushed against me and moaned so I let my hand move to touch him. He whispered something but I was lost in the sensation of holding him in my hand. It was all so new to me and I was mesmerized by the feel and sense of him.
He let his mouth move to my chest and I arched into the motion he used letting my mouth fall open. I could fell his fingers trailing my ribs as they continued to move lower and lower. "Right here, Bella, do you like when I do this," he asked as my body tensed in joy and I nodded.
"Let me show you that spot on me," he said with heavy breaths and placed my hand back onto him, moving my finger into position. He hissed loudly as I ran my finger back and forth on his most sensitive spot.
He went back to my body and I gasped at his manipulations. "More," I cried out, "I need more."
He moved up to look at my face as his hand entered the place I wanted him so badly. "Right there is your hymen," he said and kissed me softly. "I'm going to use my hand and break it, okay?"
I expected some excruciating pain or some major sound, but it was only a small stinging sensation which was instantly relieved by his massaging. "Now, see how it feels when I stimulate both areas," he said and I began breathing in short panting breaths.
"Edward, too slow," I gasped, "I need you,"
He moved back over me and held my head in his hands as he moved very slowly and very carefully. He would wait every time I tensed until my body adjusted to his. His jaw was so tight and his neck muscles were bulging.
"Oh God, Bella," he yelled and his head dropped.
I let my legs come around him and he began slow steady movements. I began raising my hips to meet him and his movements quickened.
It was all new and I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing for him. I let my hand fall underneath us and cup him each time he thrust. He quickly moved my hand away and rolled over so I was on top of him.
"I won't last if you do that," he said and closed his eyes.
His hands held my hips tightly and began moving me to the rhythm he needed. He finally brought his fingers to where we were connected and touched the spot that made me scream out with pleasure. I leaned back onto my palms as he continued moving my hips.
His face was so primal, clenched and determined, and when he licked his lips my entire body screamed out at the sight. He sat up, pulling himself to my chest and held me tightly as he erupted into thrusts and loud grunts.
Our bodies calmed and he continued to hold me to him, kissing my collar bone and shoulders. He finally reached onto the floor and grabbed the towel and handed it to me. I didn't understand why and went to wrap it around my body.
He smiled and pulled it away before pushing me onto my back and cleaning us both. I watched him move with such knowledge and something crossed my mind. I was trying to think it through when he touched my nose with his finger, "Bored of me already?"
I sat up and looked at him. "I don't know what is going on, I mean, I know a little bit from the internet, but I don't know who you are trying to find by what you're doing. I was thinking about how you talk to the women and most of them need your expertise. If someone was brave enough to murder a man, they would most likely look for someone who needed their expertise."
He looked at me for a few moments as if trying to decide if he wanted to respond or not so I kept going. "If a man got caught without his weapon or anyway to respond he most likely was with a woman who was leading, he was submitting to her, right? Or if she had a guy working with her, again the mark would be in a weaker position."
"The mark?" Edward laughed and I smacked his arm.
"When I called you, it was like you became whatever I needed. What if she is a confident woman who wants to be what you need?"
"We need to stop talking about this, okay?" he said and I found the nerve to ask one last question.
"Is Esme the hired hit man?"
"My mom?" he asked and fell onto his side in laughter. I was embarrassed by his reaction and scooted over to the other side of the bed.
"I've seen her with a knife," I pointed out.
"She was a professional chef," he said and broke into laughter again. I had no idea what to believe and really didn't trust Edward to tell me the truth, even after doing what we just did.
"Stop laughing at me," I said and grabbed the towel to take into the bathroom. I was just about to climb from the bed when I said the one thing that stopped all his laughter. "Edward, we didn't use protection."
He looked up at me and his face began to turn pale. "Where are you in your cycle?" he asked.
"I stopped having periods," I said and he instantly let out a sigh of relief.
"Let's go get breakfast and stop by the drugstore," he said and got up to get dressed.
"We're going to do it again?" I asked with a smile.
He walked over and pulled me into his arms to kiss me and spoke with his lips still on mine. "I'll never tire of having you, you were amazing."
It made me sad to hear his words and know we only had today. It didn't matter if he finished whatever he was doing, he needed to find a girl who didn't worry about every bit of food she put into her mouth. I let myself consider the possibility of finding some way to make Esme accept me.
"When are you moving back to your apartment?" he asked and I took a deep breath.
"I'm doing really well at home, I'm not sure if I should go back."
He gave me a soft smile and said, "Do what you need to do."
We dressed and went to the hotel restaurant where we sat and stared lovingly at each other. He ordered waffles, eggs and bacon. I felt anxiety rise up in me and decided to look for a healthy choice and not a diet choice. I ordered oatmeal with raisins and a glass of slim milk.
"I know you can't talk about what you do, and I'm not exactly sure how Jasper fits into the story, but what does Alice and Emmett do?"
"Jaz owns a patent on a certain type of lens used with lasers. He can pretty much do whatever he wants," he said as he ate.
"His spy skills are lacking," I mumbled and Edward smiled without commenting. "Was his brother older or younger?"
I saw Edward's eyes drop and I could tell how much the subject upset him, and he refused to acknowledge my question. "Alice works with a manufacturer developing hair and makeup products. Rosalie supports Emmett; he is the bum of the family and would rather work out than work on a career. She is a web designer."
"And your mom was a chef," I stated and watched for any reaction.
"And I work for a phone sex line," he said and looked away refusing to meet my gaze.
"I thought you were a mathematician," I said softly and his jaw flinched.
The waitress came to our table and his face was full of relief. He assured her we were doing well and changed the subject right away. I decided to stop grilling him and let him have a stress free day.
I dreaded the day I would run into Jasper again. I understood his desire to find his brother's killer but thinking I was trying to purposely confuse the case was, well, just plain crazy. Bella Swan, not double O seven, but double X. I giggled and Edward looked at me.
"So the little toys I saw in your office, what's up with that?" I smiled and saw his face redden a bit.
"Tools of the trade," he said with a chuckle. "I was in need of a little research."
"Do you have any with you?" I whispered after leaning closer.
"You're trying to kill me, aren't you? Like my life isn't in enough danger."
I laughed loudly and watched him break into a big smile. He reached over and took hold of my hand before saying, "I love you so much."
I wanted to beg him to remember me and let his knife wielding mother know he couldn't be happy without me. I wanted him to walk away from the danger and travel the world with me riding rollercoasters all over the world.
Instead I kept my mouth shut and we headed into the drugstore for my first experience at condom shopping. Edward stood in front of the packed shelf and asked me to choose one. I stared in shock at the selection and laughed when I saw each one claiming to be for the larger man.
"Is there a brand for a regular man and his big ass woman?"
"I'm regular?" he asked trying to sound hurt.
"I have a big ass?" I responded trying to sound just as offended.
"We need this one," he said picking up a box for the triple X man and his woman demanding more friction.
I laughed and a mother with a preteen daughter walked passed and glared at us. "Sorry, he thinks he's triple X," I said to embarrass him.
"She had sex for the first time today, so she wouldn't know," he said and I pushed him harshly and wanted to die of humiliation.
"I'm not having sex with you again," I announced, "I'm buying my true love; a pounder bag of M&M's."
I walked off and he grabbed a box and came running after me picking me up off the ground and dragging me to the checkout stand. He set the box on the counter and then tossed a small bag of M&M's next to it. I kissed his cheek and ignored the smirking clerk.
We headed back to the hotel and I noticed how quickly the day was passing. I tried not to think about it and enjoy the moment, but it all ended when we walked into the lobby of the hotel to find Esme waiting for us.