AN: And 31! But a word of warning, this chapter fully deserves the M rating! Legal at bottom!
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CHAPTER 2
FIFTEEN KIMS ON A SHEGO'S CHEST
(Yo ho ho and a bottle of Wrong!)
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1
As one, the entire cheer team… and everyone in the stadium… turned and stared at Tara, who took in all their expressions and, like a deer in the headlights, managed to eek out an incredibly tiny little "what?"
Bonnie took the bull by the horns. "Tara, the cheer is 'Let's trash 'em, Mad Dog Style,' NOT 'Let's do it Mad Doggy style!'"
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2
"And then, Shego, with my amazing Futa beam, I'll give Kim Possible a penis, making her a social outcas… now what in the blazes?" Drakken's bravado abruptly went limp as the Phallus Propagation ray (or P.P. for short) that he had been proudly displaying suddenly petered out, emitting nothing except a tiny putzing sound as the puzzled inventor inverted the weapon and stared down the shaft with a baffled expression.
The big bang that followed was almost inevitable, and as Shego stared at the aftermath of the amazing colossal boner that her now radically altered employer had just pulled, there really was only one thing that she could possibly say: "Way to go, Dickhead."
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3
"What do you mean, you understand now why DNAmy's so fixated on Monkey Fist?" Ron asked Kim while they went through the evidence left behind in the villainess' latest lair.
Kim's face was green as she looked up from the crazed geneticist's journal. "Because this is a record of his operation, and his real full villain name is apparently Monkey Fist, Donkey..."
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4
Justine Flanner stared dumbfounded at the woman who had not only had the temerity to interrupt her explanation of a complex physics equation, and the gall to point out an 'error," but had the even more irritating virtue of being CORRECT! "We went to school together and I don't remember you ever getting anything higher than a C, so how could you have possibly known that?
"Because in High School I was a C student who slept with the entire football,
baseball, soccer and chess teams, AND both my math and science tutors," Hope replied with a wink.
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5
"But why won't you come to the pool hall with us?" Henchman #17 asked plaintively.
Ignoring the obvious answer that the current batch of Henches were all losers, Shego rolled her eyes and decided to be honest as she counted off the REAL reasons: "Because every time I do, I end up getting drunk, getting naked, falling asleep on the pool table and waking up with an 8-ball in my 'corner pocket' because some drunk cowboy didn't notice me lying there!"
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6
Senor Senior Senior smiled in admiration at the numbers displayed on the spreadsheet in front of him. "Brilliant and truly evil, my dear, but how did you ever come up with such a magnificently diabolical scheme?"
"Oh, I'd realized that she always wears the same type a long time ago, so it was easy for my partner to break into her locker every time Kim changed for cheer-leading practice and swap her old ones for new," Bonnie cackled evilly as she looked at the nearly ten million dollars she and Yori had made so far selling Kim's used panties to the Japanese Fanboy Market.
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7
Kim's forehead wrinkled as she puzzled over this latest mystery. "I don't get it Wade, why would someone have broken into every single hardware store in Middleton and only stolen the electric screwdrivers?"
"Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby rrrrrrrrrrrOH!" chorused a hundred bebes at once, having finally discovered what that that lower access panel that perv Drakken had installed was for… and SCREW conquering the world… Rrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
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8
Kim stormed out of the ancient grind-house theater where she and Ron had gone to see HIS choice of a date movie, Cannibal Bikini Girl Nude Car Wash of Blood and Severed Body Parts."Ron, that was awful, the worst taste ever… what were you thinking?"
"Okay, okay, next time I'll remember to wash it before we go in!" Ron promised, almost falling flat on his as he hit door to the parking lot while still in the process of trying to zip up his pants.
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9
"Wh… what are you going to do with them?" Ron trembled, unable to believe that somehow Drakken had finally got the upper hand, mind-control chipping both Kim AND Shego.
With an evil grin, Drakken gestured to the large sex-toy littered bed in the middle of the room with the camera in his left hand. "Make a bazillion bucks with the hottest amateur lesbian video ever... KiGoing All The Way!"
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10
Shego's eyes snapped wide open as the knock-out drug wore off and she realized that she not only wasn't in the Global Justice holding cell that she had expected, but that her new jailer and predicament were scarily familiar. "Princess… why am I naked and manacled to a bed?"
Kim's smile was at once sublimely innocent and subtly terrifying… the later most likely having something to do with the metal studded black leather dominatrix gear that she was almost wearing. "Oh, that… well, it occurred to me that while I've always enjoyed banging the hell out of you, knocking you flat on your back and handcuffing you, I might really get off on it if I tried the process in reverse order."
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11
"I don't understand why they aren't making any sound," Tara frowned petulantly at her music instructor.
"That's because those aren't me bagpipe's that yee've been blowing on, lassie," 'Maestro' Duff Killigan returned with a satiated grin.
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12
Bonnie looked down at the VERY abbreviated new cheer uniforms that Kim had insisted they wear today. "I don't know… I think that weird green 'friend' of Kim's is giving her even weirder ideas."
"Well, I think they're awesome," Tara gushed next to her, admiring the way the polished metal studs on her black leather 'Mad Dog' leash and collar glittered in the light of the strange little off-grounds practice area that Kim had found… though she DID wonder about the whips on the wall.
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13
"Damn it, how could you have possibly lost ANOTHER doctor so soon?" Mego demanded of his big blue and almost completely un-insurable brother.
Hego drew himself up with all the haughtiness he could muster. "Hey, I didn't hurt this one, but he kind of freaked when he found the finger of the last doctor who tried to check my prostate!"
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14
"Oh my God, what in the hell are you doing with my hairdryer?" Kim Possible screamed in horror.
"Go away, I don't need a girlfriend anymore," Ron drooled deliriously, having finally discovered that the pink device could work in reverse just as well as it could blow.
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15
Shego's glare attempted to shoot daggers, but the truth was that she was wearing down. "You know, I'm really getting tired of hearing how 'similar Kim and I are,' and how 'good the two of us would be together if we could just get over our personal issues.'"
The object of her glare simply grinned, leaned in close and lit the usual post-coital cigarette from her ear. "Hey babe, as someone who's done both of you repeatedly, I think the Ron-Man's speaking from a position of authority… and a three-way would be so BONE-diggity awesome!"
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Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Dr. Drakken, Yori, Tara, Hope, Justine Flanner, DNAmy, Monkey Fist aka Lord Montgomery Fiske, Mego, Hego, Duff Killigan, Senor Senior Senior, the Bebes and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…