AN: Warning! This set gets a bit dark at times.

################################ :D

CHAPTER 3

TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT KIM

################################ :D

1

"And once again, we have proof that Crime Does Not Pay in The End." Hego proclaimed as he stood above the fallen villain.

Dumbfounded, no one knew exactly what to say until one of the Wegos finally stood up and slapped his brother across the back of his thick skull with a hard soled dress shoe. "For gosh sakes, tone it down you ass… this is a funeral and Aviarius died of Bird Flu!"

################################ :D

2

Kim had to laugh at her boyfriend's panicked expression."Oh, don't be ridiculous, Ron; my dad gives that silly 'launch into space' speech to all the boys, but there's no way he'd actually waste millions of the Space Center's funding doing that."

"That's right Kimmie-cub," James Possible smiled at Kim and the latest boy who threatened to soil his daughter, but as they walked out his expression grew thoughtful… there really wasn't any room left in the backyard or the basement, so where was he going to bury this one?

################################ :D

3

The other cheer leaders' eyes were still boggling as, one by one, they each pulled out the twenty Kim had just won…. but at long last, Bonnie broke the silence. "If I hadn't seen it, I wouldn't have believed it."

"Hey, anything's possible for a Possible, especially when you've been in some of the nasty hellholes I've been in," The redhead blushed, quickly pulling her pants back up after finishing using the urinal standing from what the bettors had all agreed was a reasonable 'normal guy distance' of two feet.

################################ :D

4

Kim looked around the table at her fellow graduating Global Justice trainees with growing suspicion in her eyes. "Wait a second… you mean NONE of the rest of you had to go through the MANDATORY 'Advanced Sexual Training for the Purpose of Espionage' course?"

"Yes… well, actually, Agent Possible, the MANDATORY part of that referred to my participation as instructor," Dr. Director replied smugly from the head of the table, a cat that had just eaten the cheerleader smile creeping across her sly lips.

################################ :D

5

"Yeah, yeah, green bitch, shoots fire, it's no big," Kim informed the panicked policemen as she strode confidently forward.

"Or maybe not," She corrected herself, turning tail and running after the rest of the Japanese populace as Mrs. Godzilla came stomping around the corner looking for Minya.

################################ :D

6

Hayden N. DeBushes, paparazzi and professional peeking Tom extraordinaire, laughed even as the two women he'd just caught exchanging favors and flavors (under the fictitious names of Ms. Zack and Miss Cody at the Tipton Hotel's infamous 'by the hour' vibra-bed suite) rose up to grab for the tool of his trade. "Sorry Misses Possible and Shego, but this is a ZapUrZipper camera with a built in satellite transmitter... which means those photos of the two of you getting to grips and lips a flagrante delicto are already being posted on Middleton Muckraker dot com, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!"

The grandfatherly man's eyes were gentle, but concerned. "Well, the bad news, Mister DeBushes, is that surgery is the only way to retrieve a ten pound camera from a foot and a half up your colon.. but the good news is that we won't have to do an endoscopy first because the pictures your office is sending us are fantastic!"

################################ :D

7

"You'd think I'd have learned after all this time," Kim scolded herself as she checked out the latest battle damage.

"When you know someone's going to have you hanging strappado and in an ankle bar for the entire evening, don't tell them 'bite my ass' during cheer practice," she continued, wincing as she applied Mercurochrome to the multiple crescent Bonnie-marks now decorating her Possible Posterior.

################################ :D

8

Glowing with an eerie yellow radiance, the resurrected Monkey Fist came towards Kim with death in his eyes. "It's been a long time, Kim Possible, but I think you'll find that my powers have increased exponentially since the last time we fought!"

"Yeah, and I think you'll find that I've learned a few things as well," Kim replied coolly, pulling out her Ruger SR40c and un-resurrecting him with three well placed rounds through his skull.

################################ :D

9

Kim's face was hard, her eyes glowing in the darkness as she approached the control panel. "If there's one thing I've learned, it's that evil… true evil… is incredibly patient; it waits, hiding in the darkness, until it finds the perfect opportunity to strike."

Of course, Ron couldn't reply… it's hard to do that when your throat, and that of every other person guarding the Alpha-Omega Doomsday bomb site, had just been slit by a demon in a Centurion suit. "Even so, I can't believe you never caught on to the fact that when you turned Ms. Go back into Shego, you flipped ME as well."

################################ :D

10

"After all this time, I can't believe it was this easy in the end!" Shego marveled as she slung the nude, gagged and bound form of Kim Possible over her shoulder, her green head already dancing with erotic visions of all the lewd, crude and most likely socially objectionable things she intended to indulge herself in once the drug that had been sneakily slipped into her Princess' soft drink began to wear off… ooooh yes!

"Well, as we say ma'am, you can get ANYTHING at SmartyMart, and if you need any more supplies for that dungeon of yours, just give our expert here a call," Martin Smarty grinned, popping the fifty million dollar check in the cash register with one hand as he proudly patted Ron Stoppable… SmartyMart's Employee of the Year and probably no longer Kim Possible's best friend since pre-k…on the shoulder with the other.

################################ :D

Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Dr. James Possible, Bonnie Rockwaller, Doctor Director, The Middleton Cheerleaders, Monkey Fist, The Wegos, Hego, Aviarius, Martin Smarty and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…