AN:First, if you hit the little symbol from the main menu, be aware that I put this chapter and the previous one at the same time. I've noticed from the hit counts that some folks seem to be coming in to just this one.

Second, most of these are wrong. I mean really, REALLY wrong. They just barely slide inside the M guidelines and I have no excuse for them. Except they make me laugh. And there really is a half one. Literally.

Read at your own risk. Legal At Bottom…

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CHAPTER FIVE

NINE AND A HALF WRONG-SICKS

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1

Senor Senior Junior looked at the green woman in disappointment. "I am sorry you don't do not… how you say… 'do cakes,' as my father finds you quite attractive and my budget for his present is one billion dollars."

Peering out of the hollow cake shell, Shego double checked her 'to-do' list with her boss for the day. "Okay, so I pop out of the cake, do a striptease and a lapdance, and if the old guy is still breathing, a little French polishing, right?"

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2

Back in his own skin again, Ron smiled at his equally restored best friend since pre-K. "Well, I think we came out of that body switch sitch pretty well, don't you KP?"

Kim was not as cheerful. "Besides those nude pictures of me that suddenly appeared on the internet, the bouquets of flowers from Brick, Josh and Shego that arrived this morning, and the fact that my hymen's mysteriously gone, you mean?"

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3

Tara's face was troubled. "Gosh, Bonnie, it's great that your dad's friend is offering me a job, but I don't think I'm qualified."

Bonnie looked at her sometimes slow on the uptake friend with an exasperated smile, "Don't worry, I interned with Mr. Wheeler last year… just buy a good set of kneepads and a purse big enough to carry a full bottle of mouthwash and you'll be able to handle all the requirements of being his Head Secretary, no problem."

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4

Jack Hench watched in amazement as the brazen young woman slid underneath the table, continuing to make her pitch over the unzipping sound and what followed. "Now, you understand Mister Hench, that I've already initiated the necessary motions and could fill this gap using my own resources… but I'd really prefer to have an older, more distinguished partner, and as you can see by this spreadsheet, I believe your market penetration will go up dramatically if you'll agree to enter into the deal I'm offering."

One year later, Forbes Businesswoman of the year Bonnie Rockwaller and the co-founder of WENCHCO, gave this useful bit of advice to other young women starting out in business: "It's vital to know how far you're willing to go, what you're willing to do and when an oral agreement is binding, but most importantly, when an opportunity comes up, you have to be ready to take the bull by the horn."

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5

Kim's smile was shy but genuine. "You know, I think its so wonderful that, after all the issues we've had, we're finally going to be able to just sit down and really get to know each other."

"Mmmghmp!" Bonnie replied, eyes bulging in panic as she saw the riding crop in the other girl's hands, but unable to say much more given that she'd been gagged, bound and hanging upside down in Kim's closet for the last six hours.

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6

After the 'incidents' had increased to nine times in the current month alone, Kim finally decided to open up about her problem to her best friend since pre-k. "I don't know what's wrong with me Ron, I keep having these weird black outs and waking up with these strange pains, um… in a personal spot."

A sweaty Ron creased his brows in apparent sympathy "Gosh, that's terrible Kim, let me have Ruffie, I mean RUFUS, get you another nice cool drink."

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7

"I… I think I broke her," Shego gibbered to Dr. Drakken, hoping he could somehow help fix her favorite toy.

Meanwhile, Kim continued her mad rant as she dangled from the restraints on the stone dungeon wall, singing at the top of her lungs: "One Kim Possible up on the wall, One Kim Possible here, If this Kim Possible should happen to fall… nope, I'm still up here on the wall... One Kim Possible up on the wall, One Kim Possible here, if this Kim Possibles should happen to fall… nope, I'm still up here on the wall... One Kim Possible up on the wal…."

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8

"Go Bonnie, Go Bonnie!" The cheerleaders chanted, their plan to raise funds by setting a number of new world records in jeopardy now that only Kim and Bonnie still looked to have any chance of breaking their chosen records.

At then Bonnie once again found herself playing second best, and it wasn't even her fault because she was BREAKING the record until Tara re-checked the stupid book and spoiled everything: "Oh wait Bonnie, this Guinness record is for the person who can shoot the most ping pong balls across a room with their MOUTH!"

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8 1/2

"Oh snap," the young Drew Lipsky (and future Dr. Drakken) peeped, learning the hard way why it was a bad idea to sneak into the Cryogenics Lab's CryoFreeze Chamber to masturbate.

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9 1/2

"I'm going to kill her,"Kim swore… it being one thing to play the kinky sub and dom games that they both enjoyed, but rather than letting Kim go when it was HER turn, Shego had instead wheeled both her and the table she was strapped on out of the villainess' bedroom in the lair and into the main work area, where the teen hero's naked, ball-gagged and leather-strapped form was now the subject of stunned amazement by a hundred gape-jawed Henchmen in masks and a very aroused looking Dr. Drakken.

Now dressed in a skimpy 'Elvira' outfit, Shego only grinned as she finished dripping a few last drops of hot wax over Possible's quivering naked breasts, then carefully positioned the candle so that six inches of the still burning end protruded between Kim's spread open legs. "Sorry, love, but its Halloween and I promised everyone that I'd bring a Pumpkin for the costume party centerpiece."

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Ye Old Legal stuff: Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Bonnie Rockwaller, Dr. Drakken, Senor Senior Junior, Rufus, Tara, The Middleton Mad Dog Cheerleaders, Jack Hench, Vinnie Wheeler, the Henchco Henchmen and all other characters borrowed from the wonderful KP Universe are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations. Although use in this context may be considered fair under parody law, just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all characters shown should be considered to be over the legal age of 18…