Marie's P.O.V
I'm just watching him…all I can do is watch. It's tearing me apart and I don't know what to do. I thought we were just going to retrieve Brew but now this…Stein is in so much pain. I tell him that he needs to get a hold of himself but he's just so…I can't understand it. It's like something is eating him from the inside out. The way he's talking right now. The way he's choking out his words…it makes me feel like I'm dying. I need to be strong for him but to see Stein like this is killing me. I love him so much. Why can't I do anything? What can I do now? I just want to make whatever is tearing him apart, go away. I want Stein to be free of this agony forever. Stein please…whatever you do…just know that I love you…please…
Stein's P.O.V
I can feel it. I can feel myself drowning….slowly slipping away. No. I'm rapidly slipping away. The madness is taking control of me…it has me. Everything is flashing before me; spinning around; making my brains scramble even more. All I can feel is the madness but all I can think of is all that is important to me being flushed away. I can see it…Lord Death…those I've come to know as friends…my students who have become important to me…Marie….my Marie…no; she's not mine…but out of all people I don't want to let her go the most!
I want to hang on to all of my memories but the madness is screaming to abandon it all in favor if simply losing myself and dissecting everything! It would certainly be so much easier….just to let go right now…some of me wants that. However…even in this moment I find myself being surprised that a greater part of me wants to fight back against this madness.
I want to stay this way; sane. I want to…what is it…what do I want…what is making me fight so much? Why am I staying right now? Is it the fear of what I might become? No, that's not really it. Not completely. There's more to it! My brain. My head….fuck! Why can't I just figure it out? Why can't I sort out my feelings? I can hear someone speaking to me right now…it's loud in my aching ears but at the same time so distant due to my swirling thoughts. But I can tell who it is…Marie…Marie. Perhaps…yes…it is…if I'm honest with myself…that's what is motivating me right now. It's not just the fear of what I might become…it's the fear that I might lose Marie. I might lose my memories of her or not be able to be around her anymore. I need her! So maybe I'm also frightened….frightened that I might hurt her. I need to warn her. I have to warn her that there's no telling what I might do!
Marie's P.O.V
He's telling me to watch him and that there's no telling what he might do. Stein…even though you're going through all of this suffering, you've still managed to look out for me and consider me. You're still trying to make sure I'm safe…I could never do that if I were in your shoes…how can you be so strong? Stein…I don't want you to go mad! It scares me! It's not the fear of being hurt; it's the fear of just…just losing you. I want to be with you always. I want to be able to talk to you and touch you….I want to be with you when things are hard or when things are good. I want to eat with you, laugh with you…cry with you. I don't want those things to end! I've finally reached you again! I finally got to come back here from Oceania. Stein…stay with me!
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Stein's P.O.V
Now I'm angry; not a pleasant emotion but at least it has snapped me out of the insanity. Maka, Kid, Black Star, and their weapons have followed us in. I told them NOT to; they didn't listen; they disobeyed my orders…but now I'm noticing that the person who is really upset by this…is Marie. She's angry that the students followed us and she's terribly upset that we're going to have to leave them behind; we have to get out of here…but Marie can't leave them. She loves them too much. It amazes me how much Marie can love someone she has just met. She adores the students and would do anything for them, as if they were her own children….but no; we have to leave…and even now I can feel the madness beginning to climb again.
Marie's P.O.V
I honestly have never felt so terrible in my life. First, I had to watch Stein succumbing to the madness and I couldn't do anything. Then I had to leave the students behind and couldn't do anything. Now Kilik, Ox, and their weapons have gone in too. I couldn't do anything! Why? I'm an adult…I'm someone who's supposed to be able to look out for them and I can't do anything…nothing…I don't want to lose anyone else! This reminds me of my mother and father. I don't want to lose anyone else I love! I had to watch my parents leave me…my father drowned and all I could do was stand on the beach and watch it happen…a stupid ten year old girl who couldn't do anything. And then my mother got sick and couldn't get better…a stupid fifteen year old girl who couldn't do a thing. And now I'm still as pitiful as I was then! Why? I'm a death scythe now…an adult…have I gotten nowhere? Can nobody rely on me? I feel so useless…great and now I'm crying. But I can't hold my tears back anymore…this is all too much!
…Stein…..
I…I'm still horribly sad at the thought of losing my students but now something I never expected is happening….Stein is holding my hand…gently. He's not strangulating my hand but he's not loosely grasping it either; it's perfect…the kind of touch I've been waiting for. You're the one I've been waiting for Stein; I've been waiting for you and loving you since the moment I met you when we were twelve, and since then I've only grown to love you more.
I wish you would hold my hand like this all the time….I wish you'd tell me you love me and make me your girlfriend. I wish you'd hold me and kiss me and make me your lover….I wish I could be your bride. I would do anything to be with you always. I'm trying my hardest to help you with a smile and some days I feel like it's helping and other days I don't…I love you so much though and this time we've spent together, no matter how crazy it might be, has been…wonderful. And I have hope, Stein. I have hope because I have faith in you…even if you do go mad, you have a heart and you care for those who are important to you…you'd still come back out of the madness…wouldn't you Stein?
Stein's P.O.V
I'm holding her hand…I care for her. I care for you Marie. I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to think that everything is your fault. I wish I could do more for you Marie, but I'm mad…and I don't know how to comfort someone like other people know how. Marie…you're special. I know I shouldn't feel that way, but for some reason I can help it…but now it's coming back…heh heh…it's coming back…the madness inside me….
Marie's P.O.V
The students just got back, telling me the enemy got brew. Like that's what I care about! I'm so angry!...but…no…I was terrified! I love them so much! I didn't think twice about hugging them….I'm going to take this chance to wrap my arms around them and hold them like this for a while. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to hold them again or talk with them…I just didn't want to lose them. They're like family to me! My own children, practically….to see them all safe…it's making me cry right now. I love them…but they're going to be in big trouble when we get home! I'll make sure of that!
Stein's P.O.V
Marie…so kind, sweet, selfless, and full of love. Watching her hold these kids…even I can't help but smile. It's amazing; Marie must be amazing. After all that's happened today, just seeing Marie hold those students has made me smile. The amount of love she has in her heart for people is almost unbelievable. Marie…she will make a great mother when she gets married…
That…Marie getting married and having children…being a wife and mother. I'm smiling watching her right now and that thought has made me smile but…then why is there this tensing in the bottom of my heart? It feels…unpleasant. It feels like…no…well…longing mixed with anger. But why those two feelings? Such feelings would suggest that I desire Marie; at least in theory. It would imply that I long for Marie to be in a relationship with me and for…more than that. But that's not possible. I couldn't possibly want to date Marie, let alone MARRY her; no, I don't have the capacity for that. There's also no way that I would ever have children….no…I just wouldn't…and I don't desire Marie intimately…no those are all…it's just WRONG. I don't have those feelings. I don't feel that way. This pain in my chest must be something else….yes…I just can't think straight right now is all…because there's no room for me to have feelings for Marie…
A/N:
Ugh, sorry for the long ass wait for an update guys…I feel like a bitch for that. Boy, this was an angsty one, but ya know, Stein's madness isn't something light and laughable…so this was bound to have some angst to it. There will be some other chapters that are sweet though ^_^ especially the ones I plan to add near the end of this fic. I hope you are all still enjoying this! :D thank you all for reading so much and I will try to update faster this time!