(A/N: Hooray for Stein's POV in this chapter! Alright one thing before we get started. Stein's thoughts…sorta like his sane thoughts, are going to be in regular text. The voices/subconscious thoughts that speak to him are going to be in italics. Think of it like the shoulder angel and devil lol if that helps you. Enjoy!)

I'm sitting here at home…I feel like some sort of child, being taken care of all the time. Everyone is out working hard to stop the kishin and I'm here at home…sitting on the couch because my sanity is too distorted to be with others. The couch. The giant purple couch…Marie. Little splashes of Marie's warm and fun personality are now all over my home, and oddly enough, the transition has felt natural. Of course it would bother me if my entire home was covered in feminine décor but right now…all of these objects remind me of Marie. It's bizarre, but I'm finding that taking a close look at the new décor is actually keeping me sane because it seems to bring Marie's light…if I were alone entirely and it was just the way it had been when Marie moved in then I think I would be completely lost right now. These little splashes of light have reminded me that I'm not alone.

Not only have I realized that I'm not alone, but I've realized that I have responsibilities beyond myself. Of course I've always known that there's more to life than myself, but what I mean to say is that now I have someone living in close contact with me, so I must be disciplined enough to stay sane in order to protect her. If I lose my sanity while Marie is with me, I know I won't hesitate to injure her or dissect her…maybe even kill her. When I think of how my mind set would be at that time, it isn't hard to picture the outcome…

So that's why I'm home; not just because others have told me to; not just for myself. More than anything this is for Marie. She's trying impossibly hard; she's rather overworked all for my sake, and by rushing out the door and exposing myself to more and more situations that could increase my madness, I am more or less being ungrateful for all she has done so far.

However, it's now not only the madness that frightens me, as I now have a whole new problem on my hands that has been going on for the past week. I am having sexual dreams of Marie. Every single night—no; every time I fall asleep, even during a nap, I have explicit sexual dreams involving her. This is rather cumbersome, disturbing, and frightening.

Cumbersome because I've convinced myself up until now that I harbor no feelings for Marie; no feelings past the point of friendship anyway. So now that these fantasies have entered my mind, no matter how hard I try, I can't stop myself from revaluating how I feel about Marie. Cumbersome indeed…

This recent development is disturbing due to my having never experienced such consistent, reoccurring dreams, especially a dream like this. Other than its emotional disturbance…I suppose there's the physical disturbance of it. It's getting quite old rather quickly, having an erection every time I wake up. Yes, just one more thing I have to worry about; something more to deal with.

Fear; yes fear. I am frightened as well. I've already been filled with the fear of harming Marie, be it cuts and bruises, dissecting her, or killing her…but now I'm terrified of what I might do, should the madness take over me in a compromising moment between us. When I lose my sanity, there's no telling what I might do. It makes me want to puke and stab myself at the mere thought of there being a small possible capability (even if only in the madness) of me violating or even raping Marie. Would I do something like that? Could I do something like that? Should I tell her that I am concerned over this?

I'm trying desperately to overcome this…but it's in vain. I can feel the madness growing more and more every single day, and with the growing madness, my dreams become more and more graphic. It has even gotten to the point where even during my waking hours, I sometimes find myself looking below Marie's face, or not just staring at the back of her head when she walks away. I curse myself for it but I can't seem to stop.

Marie…I HAVE to try harder. I'm trying to get through this for myself, the students, Lord Death, my friends….and most of all, Marie.

No! I can't say that Marie is the most important….I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't! If I do that…..

….?

If I do that then what? No…I can never love Marie, especially as I am now. Yes…I am never meant to have her. Never.

Really? Never? Why chose never when you can have her now? Marie is such a sweet girl like you said…she would do ANYTHING for you. It would be so easy to make her yours. Just ask and you shall receive. Isn't that what you want?

No. None of that is what I want…and as for Marie, I'm sure she wouldn't…

Marie probably still has some lingering feelings for you. Why not take hold of those feelings?

Because it's wrong; that's why.

Wrong? What about it is wrong? Come on…aren't you tired of dreaming it up? Why not have the real thing?

Because IT'S WRONG.

How could something as wonderful as that be wrong? Think of it…you could touch her…kiss her…do as you pleased. It wouldn't be an illusion.

No.

Still arguing?

Marie wouldn't want it….and neither do I for that matter.

Who cares if she wants it or not? You're stronger than her. She'd have no choice but to go along with your desires. How wonderful would that be? Sadism mixed with sexual pleasure…

Stop.

But aren't you having fun imagining what the possibilities are with her? She should be home any minute…you could make her yours right when she walked in.

STOP.

And then after that…you could dissect her…

"STOP!" Stein finally shouted out loud, clutching the sides of his head almost painfully.

"Stein?" Marie said hurriedly.

She had gotten home early.

"Stein? Are you ok? What's wrong?" she said soothingly, as she rubbed his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes.

Now…take her now!

"Stay away!" he shouted.

Marie drew back a bit but not for long. "Calm down…" she whispered.

Listen to me!

"You're going to be alright…" she continued.

No you aren't. Not until you fulfill your desires.

"You're doing great….don't worry…" she said with a smile as she wrapped her arms around him. "Stein…."

Stein's whole body began to relax and his mind began to focus once more…the voice in his head was fading…fading…gone.

"Marie…" he said softly.

She simply kept holding him and rubbed his back. Such a warm embrace…so soft but full and strong at the same time.

"Thank you Marie…" Stein said.

Marie smiled and thought to herself. I love you so much…you don't even need to thank me…I love you…

Stein did allow his mind to slip…yes he did….as he thought "I love you Marie…."

It was out now…it was true. Stein was in love with Marie.

(A/N: Wow I feel like a mega bitch for taking forever to update. This might sound like a lame ass excuse but I just haven't been feeling it. I kept trying to write but just couldn't get it flowing. But I felt good today and was able to write! I like this one )