"That's easy; all you have to do is think of the place you're supposed to be." The small silver haired boy stated calmly.
"The place I'm supposed to be…" Stein said, almost to himself.
What did that mean? Where was that place and why was this kid lecturing him…? The laboratory? Is that where he was supposed to go? Maybe he should go back to that door that was guarded…
"Who are you?" Stein asked, but when he looked up, he realized the child was gone.
Great…now what was he supposed to do? Finally, he decided on passing through that guarded door. Sure he was told to not go through it but maybe that was just a way of keeping him trapped in his current lost world.
Walking up, he noticed the guard hound that resembled a mutated grotesque Spirit, was asleep. Good; this was the perfect opportunity for him to leave. Making his decision fully, Stein made his way through the door. He could hear the call to return from behind him, but the door closed; he was safe. Looking up, he felt a small sense of relief.
His laboratory…he actually felt somewhat glad to be home. Ah yes, he had violated the curfew; what excuse should he make?
Slowly, he made his way to the front door but was stopped when an object fell from above, in front of him. A boot? It was familiar…
Looking up, his face turned into one of sheer terror.
"Marie!" he cried.
What on earth was she doing? Why was she standing there? She was going to get hurt! Stein had never felt so frightened in his life. He found himself bolting though his house and running up to the top floor as quickly as he could, before heading to the roof. He was panting in fear. What if when he arrived, he was too late? Finally bursting up to the top, he rushed forward.
"What are you doing, Marie?" he asked.
Really? What the hell was she doing? This was…so unlike her. Then she proceeded to go on about something so bizarre…what the hell? Marie never talked like this. She never said things like this and in such a dead voice. She wouldn't even look at him. Why? Why? He needed to see that eye of hers. He had to! Her emotions were always on clear display in that eye. He needed to know what was going on.
Then his wish was granted; she turned to look at him. What an odd expression…it looked so distant and like something else he couldn't put his finger on.
"Goodbye Stein." She said simply.
What? She fell…
"Marie!" Stein hollered, running forward.
Looking down he stared on….she was lying down crumpled up. Lifeless.
No….no…Marie…she couldn't really be… No! No way! She couldn't be gone! He needed her! He couldn't live with himself if he knew that he had watched Marie die and hadn't been able to save her. But….maybe she was still—
"Awww; looks like she died…" a childlike voice said in a rather uncaring way; it even sounded a bit amused.
Stein choked. No…not dead! She couldn't be. She was his friend, his weapon partner…the girl he cared for. No; he loved her! Fuck! And he hadn't even told her! There was still so much he had hoped for with her. He had wanted to endure the madness and defeat the kishin so that he would have to opportunity to…
"That's what you wanted though; right?" the girl said again, but this time the voice was different. It was cold, cruel, and empty. "You never cared about her, the way she cared about you."
Yes he had! He had! He…never said anything….Marie….
The next thing Stein knew, he awoke with a painfully bright light shining in his eyes, strapped down to an operating table.
"Looks like you took the wrong exit."
Spirit? What the hell was going on…wait a minute!
"What happened to Marie?" Stein asked aggressively.
Sure he was strapped down to this table with the possible threat of being hurt, but Marie was so much more important than that. He needed to know if she was ok.
"No need to worry. You'll forget everything once I'm done with you."
Fuck that! He could never forget Marie. She was etched into his mind and into his heart…into his soul. If there was one thing he was going to always remember, it would be her!
Wait…done with him? Just what was he going to do to him? That scalpel…how horrifying this was. Stein never imagined himself being on the other end of that blade.
Then somehow, just like that, Stein found himself running; running as fast as he could to escape everything. Though he was confused, frightened, and still hurting, all he could think about was one thing. Marie. She was gone. He had lost her. That was it…he had lost the one thing that was truly worth anything in his life. She was the one thing that he wanted never to lose…and he had lost her.
Then here he was again…that silver haired child; this time Stein recognized him. How foolish could he have been? Or perhaps it was just how damn crazy he had become…it was him. That child was him…
"Just then, when I went through that door, I was lost for a moment. I wasn't sure if that's where you meant; the place I'm supposed to be." Stein said, still not facing his younger self.
"Weren't you satisfied with your life?" the young Stein asked.
"Yes; I was, even in a world governed by morality, I made it a long time without feeling guilt…" Stein answered.
The child version of him looked on, actually smiling; he seemed contented by the fact that his older self was discovering his own feelings. How odd that he couldn't recognize his full self when he was sane…
"But now…" Stein began again, but soon lost his words. What was going on with him? Why couldn't he answer?
"But now what?" the child asked, still anticipating Stein's realization.
Stein didn't answer; what was he supposed to say? He didn't know…
"You finally feel guilt but you don't understand why." The small Stein began again.
Stein stared off into space. His head hurt. His chest was aching. He felt like his entire body was a wreck…was this how it felt to die? Was it possible to be dead…while living? If it was, then that was his case.
"Because instead of fulfilling your own desires, you found something more important." The child said with a smile.
Stein nearly cried at the thought…that had answered it all. He had found something more important than doing whatever the hell he wanted. He had found something more valuable than getting his way. He had discovered something of more worth and fulfillment than any amount of dissection.
My friends…and my students…and….and Marie. Marie….why were you the one to die? If I could have it my way….I WOULD RATHER LOSE 100 OTHER PEOPLE IN YOUR PLACE!...Marie, you were the only girl…the only person, I was ever able to love…my Marie…even if I make it out of this, I'll never forgive myself for not telling you how I feel. I'll never stop hurting from the thought that I didn't hold you every day I was by your side.
"The world that I'm seeking…" Stein said blandly. His younger self had told him to go to it. He had said that that world was waiting for him.
Even if there was a world that was waiting for him, it would hardly be worth going to…not if it was without Marie. He decided. Whatever was beyond that door, he would follow it. He would follow whatever was laid before him, without emotion. He had no need for a heart anymore; the one thing that held his heart was gone now. The remainder of his pitiful life would be spent mechanically making his way through each day. Nothing he did past this day would matter anymore…nothing.
He couldn't think about it anymore; none of it. Marie's beautiful eye, silken hair, darling smile, lovely voice….he couldn't think of it anymore…he would shut those things away forever.
I'll always be with you, Stein. I'm going to be here for you. I love you…
Those words of hers echoed in his mind.
Stein allowed a pained chuckle to fall from his lips. There was no way you could have kept such a promise...I needed you though...so now that you're gone…..my life has ended.
Finally, after walking for what seemed like an eternity, Stein found himself noticing a light…a light at the end of all this. It was hardly a joy for him though; it was just an objective. Go toward whatever the hell that light source was. Perhaps it was a way out. Whatever it was, he would pursue that new world awaiting him, no matter what it was. Everything was worthless without the woman he loved…
Then….she was there. Medusa…
Stein stood perfectly still for a moment but soon began to laugh insanely. Fuck it all! So this was his new world huh? All the same! Just as well! Damn it! Who cares now anyway? Yes…he had said it himself…
I'll follow this new world…because I no longer care about anything….before I shut it away forever…just once…I love Marie. I love Marie Mjolnir….
(A/N: Well even though this was sad, I totally had fun writing it. Poor Stein…well things will get better! :D hope you're enjoying this fic!)