Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter Nine

"How do you wanna break the news?" I asked Bella in a low voice.

"Exactly which news are you talking about?"

"You know, that we're dating."

"I'm beginning to realize why you've never had a girlfriend." Bella let out an exasperated sigh. "You make it sound like you're about to tell someone that their loved one died."

Nudging her arm I said, "Seems fitting. I feel like a died a little... inside." She rolled her eyes but fought a smile as I asked, for the second time, how she wanted to go about this.

"Are you wanting to make some huge announcement or something?" Bella produced a smirk as I hesitated.

"No. Yes? I don't know. I don't do this."

"I've noticed," she said quietly. "I don't think it's necessary to mail out an announcement or anything. I think everyone will understand what's going on when they see me accompanying you to certain events..." she trailed off, catching the clear doubt on my face.

"I don't think you accompanying me anywhere will convince people that we are in a serious relationship."

"Oh. Right. I keep forgetting that you're a man whore," she said sharply. "Okay, well. Just go with the flow."

"Go with the flow?" I suspiciously asked as I tried to steal a glance of my family sitting in the den, most likely being forced to listen to Rosalie's new shampoo regimen.

I can do this. I mean, how hard could it be? Pretending to date Bella shouldn't make me feel this...I don't even know how I felt.

Bella caught my eye and smiled. "Oh my God. You're nervous! Edward Cullen is nervous."

"No, I'm not," I said with a frown.

"Yes, you are!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"If my being right makes me ridiculous, then yes. I am being ridiculous."

"Fuck off," I muttered under my breath.

"Excuse me? No way. That is not going to work," Bella said sternly, pointing at me with her glass of Cabernet.

"What?"

"You can't tell me to fuck off! It's rude!"

My laughter began to echo throughout the foyer. "If I'm not mistaken, you said the same thing to me less than five minutes ago regarding your dessert."

"I take my dessert very seriously! It's cute and snarky when I tell you to fuck off, but it makes you look like an asshole when you say it. Which is precisely what we're trying to make you not look like, remember?"

Okay, so she had a very italicized point. "Fine. I promise to be nice as long as you're good at Catch Phrase. I can't stand when Rosalie wins."

"What makes you think-" Bella paused as she was interrupted by the sound of miniature dog barking.

"What is that?" I asked as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a cell phone. "Well, well, well. Since when does Bella Swan own a cell phone?"

A slight blush began to color her neck. "I picked it up earlier," she said, avoiding my gaze.

"Sure."

"No, seriously. Charlie paid for it. It's nothing fancy. What..." she narrowed her eyes as I stole the phone from her hands, "...are you doing?"

"I've learned that you like to make the simplest of things difficult for me." Bella smiled triumphantly, ignoring the sound of my own phone ringing from my pocket. "Now I have your number."

"Wonderful," she deadpanned.

"You do know how to work this, right? I mean, it's a very complicated device. I can set time aside to show you how it all works."

"Thank you," Bella said dryly. "I think I'll manage."

"Come on. Let's go kick Rose and Emmett's ass in Catch Phrase."

Edward: sup sexy?

Bella: why the hell are you texting me when you're sitting right next to me?

E: then why did u respond?

B: did you mean to text someone else? smooth.

E: jealous?

B: you wish.

E: 3 wishes & I waste one of them on you being jealous? don't think so.

B: stop texting me.

E: stop smiling

B: stop being an idiot. & stop cheating at Monopoly! I have eyes, you know.

E: do u? I'm usually too busy staring at ur tits

B: your charm is too much for me to handle.

E: that's not all that will be too much for u to handle ;)

B: classy. we're sitting in a room with your family & you're texting me about your penis?

E: penis? I said nothing abt my penis. I was talking abt my skills as the monopoly banker

B: right. okay. the implication of the winking smiley was enough.

E: whats w/ the grammar lesson? u know u can send a simple text, right? u won't be graded on this

B: punctuation in texts is underrated these days. I mean, words deserve to be more than just abbreviations.

E: why r u rambling? ur still thinking about my penis, aren't u?

B: stfu.

E: you abbreviated. I'm shocked.

B: that was an acronym.

E: w/e. is there an acronym for "ur tits look awesome in that shirt"?

B: STOP.

E: stop blushing.

B: I'm not blushing.

E: then u suddenly have a bad case of rosacea

B: ...

E: no, really. don't panic. we have a doctor in the house

E: are u ignoring me?

E: I was joking abt ur rosacea

E: its cute

B: stop wasting all of my texts.

Emmett to Edward: you two gonna text each other all night like a bunch of middle school pussies?

Edward: fuck off. btw, I need u to give me park place

Emmett: why would I do that?

Edward: Bella has a hotel on boardwalk & I have to win. c'mon dude, u cheat for Rosalie all the time

Emmett: she puts out

Edward: asshole

Emmett: I've tried but she's not into that

Edward: that's not what I've heard

BPOV

Bella: I'm here.

Alice: here? as in outside my apt?

B: no! at Edward's uncle's house, er, mansion. whatever. Emmett just randomly punched the shit out of Edward's arm...

A: random? & don't act like you're not impressed w/the mansion

B: I can't believe I'm doing this.

A: believe it. you like him & you're getting paid. win/win.

B: shut up.

A: Bella likes Edward

B: shut up. I have to go partake in game playing now.

A: is that code for something?

B: board games.

A: not nearly as interesting as what I thought

B: it's better than watching you & Jas make out during Legally Blonde.

A: not my fault if your eyes weren't on the tv!

B: who the hell can make out during that movie, anyway?

A: Luke Wilson does things to me. at least, in that movie anyway

B: ew. stop. Edward is glaring at me. I'm supposed to pay attention to him. ttyl.

A: huh?

B: glaring... attention... talk to you later...

A: oh. ppl still do that?

B: do what?

A: type shit like that. "ttyl"

B: omg. you're such a bitch. BYE

A: lylas

B: I hate you.

EPOV

"I have an announcement to make."

"Oh, God." Bella groaned beside me, covering her face with her hand.

"You're gay?" Emmett asked loudly.

Bella snorted behind her hand. I'm so glad my brother and fake girlfriend are so mature.

"No. Actually, Bella and I-"

"Aren't actually dating?" Rosalie said this time. "She's your beard, right?"

"Beard?" Esme leaned over and asked Carlisle, who just shook his head in response.

"No, dammit! I'm not gay, Bella isn't my beard, she isn't pregnant, we aren't getting married and I'm still pissed that I lost in Monopoly!" I fumed.

The room went silent.

"Yeah, so, that's my boyfriend," Bella said quietly, creating laughter throughout the dining room.

Esme beamed. Like, literally, her overall demeanor changed and the color of her skin suddenly became brighter. "That's wonderful!"

I sank back down into my chair. "How the fuck did you do that?" I asked Bella, who was trying really hard not to laugh.

She batted her lashes before tilting her head back to laugh. "Clearly you're not good at this sort of thing. You'll catch on soon enough."

"You look really pretty tonight," I whispered. Not because I was playing a game or because anyone else was listening. I just said it because...I wanted to? Cause it was the truth.

That shut her up. Fast.

"See? You're already better at this whole dating thing than you think." With that, Bella excused herself from the table, disappearing down the hallway.

Well, shit. I'm not sure if I should consider that a good thing or a bad thing. All I really knew was that things suddenly felt different.

I didn't like it at all.

A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update. They are obviously going to fall for each other but who do you think will crack first? Thanks for reading :)