Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended.
A/N: Surprise, surprise. I wasn't going to post another BPOV for, well, I don't know how long. But the girl wouldn't shut up.
I wanted to beat the shit out of Tanya.
That was the only thought that kept replaying in my head after Edward dropped me off at my apartment. I probably could've taken her ass, too. I mean, I've never actually fought anyone before, but how hard could it be? A little hair pull and a few clawing motions. The sluts on TV could do it and I highly doubted they even graduated high school.
Limited history of cat fights aside, I did take a free Krav Maga class once and that shit was hard. I was paired up with some twelve year old boy who packed a mean fucking punch, accidentally kneed me in the vag and busted one of my knuckles. The only thing I did learn from that class was elbows are a good weapon. Compared to a gun? Not so much; shit out of luck. Compared to a one-hundred pound, bottled blonde with acrylic nails? The bows would definitely be in my favor.
What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn't actually going to fight anyone. Especially not over Edward. Especially not over Edward with his stupid smirk and concerned eyes.
Asshole.
I called Alice and managed to almost spit out ten words before she decided she needed to see me in person for this sort of rant. Yeah. I was that type of ranting over a guy. Over Edward.
"He's a dick!" I screamed out loud before I even opened the door. Alice didn't look surprised. She could handle this.
Alice walked past me, barely even blinked and said, "Heard he's got a huge one."
Slamming the door helped. So, I slammed it again. For good measure. "Such a fucking asshole!"
"No, but I'm sure he wanted to put his dick in yours," she smirked.
"I can't believe how big of a douchebag he was," I muttered as I began to simmer down.
"Please don't make me come up with something for that one," Alice said with wide eyes. "I draw the line at douche, okay?"
"You are absolutely no help." I sighed as I sat on the floor, pulling my knees into my chest. "Why are you even here?"
"Because Jasper is having a Counter-Strike LAN with some buddies at our apartment."
Glaring, I said, "Oh. Good to know."
"No, I mean..." Alice smiled sweetly. "I'm here for you, obviously. But actually, I don't see why you're so upset."
"Did you not hear a single word I said? Leggy blonde who was purring like a fucking cat in heat, waiting for big dick douchebag."
"Yeah, I caught all of that. You have no evidence to prove him guilty," Alice said as she jumped up from the couch. "I need vodka. Do you have vodka?"
"Yes. Freezer. And it does prove something!" I said louder as she disappeared in the kitchen.
Peeking her head around the corner, Alice smiled widely and said, "Proves that you're jealous and, fuck, now I owe Jasper ten bucks and a blowjob. He said you'd be the first one to get jealous."
"I can't even- you're such a bad friend!" I snapped. "And who uses the word blowjob, anyway?"
She flipped me off. "No, you're the bad friend. Who the hell buys Svedka? This is a shit choice of vodka."
Rolling my eyes, because I hated agreeing with her, I said, "It was on sale."
"Shit sale vodka is better than no vodka."
Jumping to my feet, I produced two glasses and found an old bag of gummy bears in the pantry. This definitely needed to happen.
"What's up with you, anyway?" Alice said, not even wincing like I did as the vodka burned its way down my throat.
"Nothing is up." I swallowed hard, already feeling warmer. "I just thought it was rude that he would have a skank waiting for him after he invited me over for a movie."
"You're super stupid." Alice giggled. "Edward is supposedly some asshole, douche, blah blah, who fucks a lot of girls, right?"
"Right!" My nod was way too enthusiastic.
"Except, if he were trying to play you and fuck that skank tonight, wouldn't he have planned it a little better? If he's supposedly good at his game?"
"I-"
Alice poured us another shot and said, "Wouldn't he have just taken you home and then proceeded to fuck the, alleged, bottled blonde?"
"Okay, well-"
"And isn't it true that you told me Edward revealed he pulls some duck and fuckery on females? How could he do that at his own place? The logistics of that even working-"
"Fuck and fuck," I corrected, head spinning from her mouth moving a mile a minute. "I mean, wait. Fuck and duck."
"Whatever. And isn't it true that you, Bella Swan, are doing a horrible job at hiding your feelings for my client, Edward whateverthefuck?"
"Why is he your client?" I pouted.
"Come on. Just say it," Alice pushed, trying to hide a smirk.
I shrugged. It was better than any answer, or lie, I could have come up with.
"Fine. You don't like him. You win. Good job."
Why did it feel like I had lost?
Picking out the red and green gummy bears, because they were the only bears worth eating, I shook my head. "Way to turn things around, Al."
"Way to screw things up, Bella."
"Way to get me tipsy on a Sunday night when I have class tomorrow."
Alice punched my arm and said, "Who says tipsy?"
"Apparently, the best friend of a girl who uses the word blowjob. Oh, and rappers," I pointed out. Definitely rappers.
"Listen. Yeah, you have a point. But, listen."
I was listening.
"You like him and he likes you and I like that he makes you laugh."
A smile broke out on my stupid, warm face. Because she was right. He did make me laugh and I made him laugh, I think, and I was over thinking all of this. I think.
"He played gin rummy with Gram today," I blurted out.
Why had I forgotten that? One thing goes wrong and I forget all of the good? I was becoming those girls I hate on tv. You know, girls like Summer Roberts from The OC, and I'm sure one of those bitches from Laguna Beach. Never knowing what they have until someone else has it.
"He did what with your who?"
"He dropped me off to visit my Gram but then he had to pee or something, and then we were like, playing cards with my Gram. And Charlie was there. And he made Charlie laugh. And...I think he actually had fun."
"Isn't that a good thing?" Alice perked up.
"Maybe? I didn't want him to know about Gram, though. And now he does."
Alice leaned against the couch and asked, "What's the big deal? You met his family. Now he met yours."
"I guess..." I trailed off.
"What's the problem here? You need him to prove something to you?" she asked seriously this time. When I didn't answer, she stole the bag of gummy bears from my hands. "Go on a date with someone else then. See how he reacts and then you'll have your answer."
Biting my lip, I thought about it for a full half second.
Maybe she was right. Maybe I should do a stupid, girly move and see how he reacts. Games weren't really my thing, but maybe that's what I needed to do to see if, well, anything was actually anything. That probably made no sense, but it also somehow did.
But maybe she was wrong. Maybe this would backfire, and in the end I'd be dating some loser just to make Edward jealous.
"Are you sure?" I asked warily.
"When have I ever been wrong?"
I didn't want to say, so I poured another shot and nodded.
"Okay. Okay, well. I guess I'm going on a date."
"Yep. Now we just have to find another guy who will pay to go out with you."
I laughed because yeah, it was weird and funny. But Alice totally deserved the vodka that I poured down her shirt.
A/N: Yeah. I don't know. It had to happen. Thanks for reading!