Disclaimer: I don't own AMC's The Walking Dead or any of its characters. Though if they gave it to me I certainly wouldn't say no.
Warnings: See original chapter for a complete list of warnings. This particular chapter will contain significant adult language, makes allusions to possible drug use and violence. It is also pertinent to forewarn you, that this particular chapter marks the beginning of the more 'slashy' bits. So those who don't like even hints of the slashy goodness that many of us know and love, you might want to skitter off around this point. (So in other words, mild Slash)
Authors Note: Please read and review. I am open to comments, advice, and constructive criticism. The encouragement and constructive criticism your reviews provide makes the writing process that much more enjoyable!
*Thank you to all those that reviewed. I am glad there is still interest in this story despite the long hiatus! I was inspired to get back into the spirit of writing this story when I saw the season two teaser. OH-M-GEE GUYS. For serious. Who else simply CAN'T wait till October?
Rotation – Chapter 5
The word that they were planning a supply run spread quickly. The camp-wide scuttlebutt practically buzzing with both excitement, and its fair share of anticipation as the others milled around, helping them prepare and making meaningful sounds about certain items that would be useful around camp. It was like being stuck in an overcrowded hen house, with everyone butting in and overriding each other as they sought to add to an already impossible wish list.
But even he had to admit that the excitement had been infectious. Creating a sort of celebratory atmosphere, with everyone's spirits noticeable lightening as the idea began to take root and hope came to a head. After all, there had been precious little to get excited over lately. Unreasonable hope was better then no hope at all he supposed.
And predictably, like the sole thunder cloud fucking up a perfect summers day, it was around that point that Shane decided to creep out from under whatever rock he had been brooding under since the CDC, and grace the world with his butt ugly face. Things came to a head pretty damn quickly after that.
They had all been in agreement as to why they needed this supply run. It was really that god damned simple. Because while meat might be the general staple in a normal persons life, the nutritional need for vegetables and other food stuffs was getting all too hard to ignore. Variety wasn't just the spice of life, but rather a necessity. They needed supplies and everyone one knew it.
All of them, save Shane, of course.
From the moment the argument started he knew the taller man was going to be in it for the long haul. For whatever reason, the man obviously wasn't about to let this one go easily. Unbidden, the situation reminded him of a mule they once had back when he was a teenager. It had been stubborn, foul tempered, and had a mean streak to match. It had kicked and bit for no good reason, even going as far as to charge the padlock when you went to feed it. Mama had tried her best to butter him up, tempting him with carrot ends and sweet corn, tramping out to the south pasture every day for over three months to win the stubborn little thing over. Cooing softly even as it's beady little eyes followed her every move. It's posture humpbacked, gangly, and practically promising violence.
But even she couldn't save the bad tempered beast from itself. Because one morning when she went out to feed it, she over estimated it's patience and the progress she had made and entered the pasture. The stupid thing charged her, pinning her flat against the hard metal gate and tried its best to chomp down on her struggling shoulder. In fact, despite her yelling had only been when he had heard the commotion and leapt over the fence, charging the thing right back that it had retreated at all.
In the end, Merle had to take the beast out behind the compost bins and shoot it. After that Mama hadn't been able to muster up the heart to go near the paddock again till early spring, her heart eventually enticed to spoil and dote again just in time for the births of four healthy calves. All flicking tails, curious noses and unsteady legs, their pretty little baby coats the perfect mix of speckled black and pure white, standing out like prancing, starkly coloured beacons in the green hued pasture.
It had been worth it just to see her smile again.
But regardless, as of right now, as much as he disliked the deputy, he had to say that he wasn't exactly relishing the direction that comparison seemed to be heading either… All they were doing now was wasting time arguing when all of them could be having full bellies by night fall. Made no sense.
Holding himself in check was something that was remarkably hard to do considering the circumstances. His anger only rising as he forced himself to bide his time and listen to the man's drivel. Unable to ignore how even the little ones were now looking on, their eyes hopeful, yet shielded. Already far too used to disappointment and yet another day with only a few scraps to tide them over. Kids should never look like that. It was one thing for a man to go to bed hungry, but it was an entirely different thing for a child to have to do the same.
Was going out dangerous? Hell yes. But really, what wasn't? A man could get hamstringed taking a bloody piss these days. Was it needed? Absolutely. Food and supplies were becoming just as much, if not more of a problem then their gas gauges. There was just no way to get around it. They needed to eat and eat right, or sooner then later things were going get worse then they already were.
As hard as that was to believe these days…
Everyone was feeling it now. That low, listless, gnawing pain that frothed, hollow and empty deep in the gut, there wasn't a sensation in the world quite like it. Because given enough time it could entirely unman a person, sending one half crazed and vicious against anything that stood in the way of their empty belly and what could fill it. It turned smart, resourceful men into stupid, reckless animals. Hunger is one of the few baser needs that still holds sway just as much today as it did at the dawn of mankind. Because just like the creatures that now roamed through the abandoned cities streets, everything on this earth still needed to eat.
..Hunger was a bitch.
Instead he stood silently, simply watching the argument as it unfolded. Tension rising as he watched as Shane, Mossberg still firmly in hand, idled into a position that blocked the main exit out of camp. The man's trigger finger itchy on the glossy black stock. He raised a brow, eying the man with a withering, but assessing glare as his own fingers ghosted down the length of his crossbow.
That had to be deliberate. Strategic. It was a move that pointed not only to the commitment towards a specific course of action, but also as a conscious decision to place himself at the most advantageous position in camp. Where no one could leave or enter in the quickest most direct route to the vehicles without having to pass him first.
He knew that, because it was the kind of offensive move he himself would have made if he were in the man's place. The man was a smart son of a bitch, he'd give him that..
"Look, the way I see it. This is something we don't really have a choice about anymore. We are out of or low on basically everything. Scrounging just isn't cutting it anymore!" Glenn replied, voice unaccustomedly hard as he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. His eyes clearly imploring as he looked around the rag-tag circle, as if inciting the others to see reason.
But he had no cause to worry, because Shane was the only one that seemed set about arguing against it, palming the Mossberg in a way that seemed to make everyone edgy. Something that was certainly doing him no favours in the grand scheme of things. Because the man just wouldn't quit! Carrying on in a disjointed tirade as the others gathered, ringing the sidelines like they were watching some sort of god damned freak show.
Shane argued that it was too much of a risk to take, especially now when fuel and supplies were so low. The man just didn't seem to get the big picture in all this. All he was really doing was airing his dirty laundry to the whole camp, ego tripping on a level that even Merle couldn't attain without the help of a few lines of nose candy and a trip chasing the white dragon. This wasn't about petty squabbles and pissing matches anymore. This was about survival, plain and simple.
The man was only proving himself to be a damn fool.
Idly, he half entertained the idea of simply strangling the man in his sleep. Sure Shane was a crack shot and a determined little shit when it came down to it. But the fact remained that the fucker was becoming trouble then he was worth these days. There was something not quite right with the man. Or so he reckoned, maybe even a few screws loose up there or something.
Either way, something was going to have to be done about it..and soon. He knew he wasn't the only one that had noticed the change. And while normality was practically a pipe dream these days, everyone knew this was something different. Something that was inherently wrong on an entirely different level. It all came down to that broken, unstable little glint that reflected in the man's wide bloodshot eyes.
But for now the point was that the man didn't want to see sense. And they didn't have time for this anymore! Whether blinded by stubborn pride or a few months worth of misjudgements and regrets, it didn't really matter. It was clear enough that the man wasn't about to let this one go without a fight.
Well, enough of this shit…
The man was still arguing, and by this time the debate had migrated into a heated little huddle off to the side as Grimes, Dale, T-dog, and Glenn all tried their best to sway the man. He didn't know why they even bothered. The time for debate had already past them by. He knew it. They knew it. Everyone knew it. They had past that point weeks back, back with the end of that last can of vegetables, and a few fruitless searches of the closest gas station mini mart.
They had to act now.
Mind racing he chose a moment where the angry voices began rising in crescendo, deciding to cut right into the heart of the matter as he straightened, stepping out from the sidelines and right into the fray. But rather then facing off against Shane and forcing him to see sense, he turned instead toward Carol and her daughter Sophia. Stalking over towards where they were sitting on a log by the campfire, the older woman running a trembling hand through her daughter's hair as they watched the argument from a careful distance.
"Has your daughter's hair always been so fine?" He asked, keeping his tone even, and his words gentle despite making sure his voice carried over to the others. Finally putting to words an observation he had steadily been noticing for close to a week now.
And just as he'd hoped the timing of the move went down perfectly. Inanely gratified to hear the angry voices stutter to a halt as the others turned their attention towards him. Entirely ignoring Shane and his attempts to revive it.
The older woman turned her big doe eyes on him, staring at him for a few long beats in surprise and incomprehension before she seemed to realize that he had actually asked her a question. That big bastard really had done a number on her..
"No…Not since before.." She finally responded, drawing out the words unintentionally as her eyes focused on the light, corn flower blond of her daughter's hair. And only a few moments later her big blue eyes went wide with concern and shock as the information sunk in.
"Oh god. I thought it was just the stress.." She cried, reflectively grasping the confused girl tight to her breast, as if she could somehow protect her from the early clutches of malnutrition and nutrient deficiency. One pale little hand flying to her mouth as a few wordless sounds of dismay trickled out.
"It ain't bad, not yet. But you can bet we are all suffering from a degree of it. Especially the little ones." He spoke over her quickly. Adjusting the heft of his crossbow and catching movement out of the corner of his eye as the others circled closer, concerned murmurs buzzing through the close space like insects hovering just above a ripe smelling corpse.
Now they were all getting' worried? Figures.
Shane just looked murderous.
"Now let's just discuss this rationally I-." Rick began, effectively cutting Shane off at the pass. Forehead bunched in a hard frown as he looked from Shane to himself in quick succession. Clearly thinking fast.
"Ain't nothin' to discuss." He interjected, stepping in closer between the others as he stared the larger man down. "Besides no one is asking you to go anyway." He pointed out sharply, crossing his arms over his chest, as if daring him to contradict him.
He wasn't disappointed.
"You just shut 'yer mouth. This doesn't concern you Dixon!" Shane spat back, the arm still grasping the Mossberg twitching alarmingly as he all but dismissed him.
But that was the moment he had been waiting for, because out of the corner of his eye he watched as the groups posture suddenly shifted, the tension racketing up to a notch that was almost palpable. Shane had finally gone too far. The air was heavy with it. It had almost been too easy.
Someone certainly had a bug up their ass.
"Like hell!" He shot back, unable to let it go as anger got the best of him. His hands curling up into tight fists as he advanced on the man until he was right in his face. Riding that precarious line in between unbridled tension and violence like an unbroken stallion does its very first rider. They stayed that way until both Rick and T-dog moved forward, not quite backing anyone, but remaining close by just in case.
They needn't have bothered. He wouldn't have wasted a bullet on the stupid son of a bitch, much less his own fist.
Shaking it off, he turned around, levelling the group with a cool, but steady stare. His gaze lingering on Glenn for a brief moment as their gazes met. Feeling strangely satisfied when the younger man did nothing to break it. His expression worried but brimming with determination as he bent down and retrieved his abandoned pack, letting his opinions be known right then and there before he moved over to stand closer beside both himself and Rick.
And for reasons he didn't quite understand, something shoved deep down and almost forgotten in the pit of his stomach stirred unmistakably to life. Flip flopping around in his gut like a set of nerves he just couldn't seem to shake. But after a long moment he shook it off, forcing himself to look away as the man's converse sneakers dug into the dry, crackling soil at his side. Trying to ignore the way he could practically feel every movement the younger man made. The air was electric with it. Charged. Dangerous..
"We don't have a choice. It's either get supplies or die. We don't have the luxury of half assing anymore. You want to survive? Well this is a risk that has to be taken. Yeah it's a risk. But what do you care anyway, you ain't goin'." He finally bit off. Breaking the silence as anger and disgust simmered deep and explosive in his gut, body shot full with adrenaline and still itching for a fight.
He held it off with the skin of his teeth.
He had hardly finished when Shane moved forward, expression edging just shy of psychotic as he realized that the battle had been lost. Fingers tightening convulsively around the stock of his weapon until Rick stepped to his side, a steady, calming hand coming up to his shoulder as he made to speak.
"Shane. Shane! Look.. He has a point. They both do." Rick cautioned, tone rapidly deteriorating into a purposefully soothing pitch, as if he were talking to a snarling, cantankerous animal rather then a man.
"Look, Glenn knows a place. Quick, easy, and as low risk as you can get. It's close by, an hours walk at most. They won't even have to take one of the vehicles." He continued. Ignoring Glenn's discomforted shift as he shuffled his feet reluctantly. No more jazzed about the idea of going into the open without an easy mode of transportation then he was. But there was nothing for it. All the tanks were running on empty as it was.
"Right?" Rick prompted. Looking from Glenn back to Shane warily, his face a pockmarked mess of tension, frustration and worry as Lori and the boy looked on. Her hands firm and protective around the kids shoulders, as if she could somehow shield him from Shane's piercing look. And really, wasn't that just a thought?
"Yeah. We past it on the way up. A bunch of farm houses all bunched close together other. Its only a few miles, we can walk there and hotwire something for the trip back." Glenn quickly jumped in, carefully eying Shane as he did so.
"That way we won't have to waste any of the gas we do have. And can probably come back with food, supplies, and whatever gas is left in what we can hotwire." The young Korean continued, clearly warming to the idea as he gained steam. Scuffing his sneakers against the dirt as he swung off his pack and added a few odd ends as he moved away, shoe heels hardly making a dent against the sun baked soil. The rough, Georgian ground as parched as their gas tanks.
Christ, what he wouldn't give for an easy trip down to the old 'Gas 'n Go' and an ice cold beer. Shit.
After the kid had moved away the silence that descended was all but palpable. The moment stretching as the others thought it through. The responsibility pressing down across their shoulders like something thick, vicious and clingy, much like a muggy, south Georgian summer just after high noon. Because unlike Glenn, the rest of them knew this was far from over. And even then, he couldn't help but wonder if he had ever being that unjaded?
With a frustrated huff of breath he purposely turned away from the irate man, showing him his back as he ignored the power of the man's glare. He could practically feel it itching between his shoulder blades. He had no time for someone that wasn't fit to see reason even if it went so far as to strip ass naked right under their nose and start doing the fox trot.
He generally didn't give two shits about what people thought of him. But what he did take offence to was if someone, especially someone whom he deemed as being less capable then himself, started bad mouthing his abilities. Because he damn well knew what was best for him. And for right now, that mirrored what was best for all of them.
Instead he set his gaze on Rick, catching the man's eye from under the wide brim of his Sheriffs hat. The look they shared spoke volumes. It was the assessing type of stare that only results when two strong men, with equally as strong personalities are faced with a decision. A choice. He let his eyes speak for him, and was somewhat gratified to realize that the look in Rick's eyes quickly morphed into agreement. Acknowledgement. And possibly, even that of a grudging, unexpected kind of respect.
In fact it was Rick that finally broke it, running his fingers across the sweaty rim as he readjusted the tilt of his hat, giving him a small assenting nod before he made to speak. Shane simply stood there. Stone faced and cold, as the cords of his neck pulsated rhythmically, as if fit to burst right then and there.
"Well alright. If you both are willing I vote you go. I don't like it but we can't go on like this, that's for sure." The man began, looking over his shoulder at Shane searchingly before continuing.
"For gods sakes be careful. Just come back safe. …Do you need anyone else?" He asked, his words seeming to hold the weight of the decision itself. As if he himself held some sort of responsibly toward their own actions and well being.
"Nope." Glenn piped from across the main fire pit. "Two is already more then enough." He finished, shoving Andrea's gun into his belt as he hefted his pack across his shoulder once again. With the woman herself standing listless and disconnected from her place at the old man's side, unconsciously rubbing at some minuscule spot on her skin, as if there was a stain on them that just wouldn't wash clean.
"Fine. Get your shit kid. We leave in five." He growled, stalking in between the two of them as he headed across the clearing to gather his pack and extra bolts from his tent, scattering the rest of the group with only a few purposeful strides. He had gotten used to it by now..
And vaguely, even as he stepped through the flaps of his tent, somewhere behind him he heard Rick's voice purposely lowering. Head angling down towards the kid as they spoke, obviously warning the younger man about the usual. Don't get close to the brand new wildlife, be careful, and always watch your six. And knowing Grimes, who still sported that cautious little glint in his eye whenever he looked his way.. likely him as well.
Smart man..
Glossary: 'Nose Candy' is a street nick name for Cocaine. The phrase 'chasing the dragon' refers to inhaling vapours of heroin or cocaine heated on tin foil.
A/N: Please let me know what you think? Reviews and constructive critiquing are love!
"An ostrich with its head in the sand is just as blind to opportunity as to disaster." – Anonymous