I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read, alert and review this I swear I jump up and down whenever I get an email for a review! :D:D

I'm sorry for the delay, I had exams this week and this chapter was very difficult to get together.

This is an EPOV, I hope it explains a bit more, and answers some of the questions.

Disclaimer: not mine, It's just fun

I will tell her. I will be the one to, what is the correct phrase, enlighten her of our history.

I will tell her because that is only fair; she deserves to hear it from me and only me, not from Felix or anyone else. I will tell Sookie everything because I owe her the truth, the truth about what she never knew and what she forgot.

I will not have her at a disadvantage because of her amnesia or anything else.

To be completely honest, I did consider not telling her at all, and starting fresh with Sookie, I knew that was my closest chance of having her back. And still is.

I am well aware that telling her will only push us farther apart, and that my chances of having her back will be slim to nothing, but I cannot have half of her, I can not live with that type of lie between us, I would have her all or nothing at all.

What I really want to do is just have her back with me, here next to me. I want to tell her I'm sorry, that I will never hurt her again, that I am nothing without her. I want to tell her I love her over and over again, till she tires of it. I want to give her anything and everything she wishes for, everything she deserves. Everything I didn't give her before.

Sookie is it for me, I cannot believe I am saying this, But I will always belong to her, whether she will have me or not.

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To really fix everything I guess I would have to start at the turning point in our relationship, or THE turning point of our relationship.

Right from the first day Sookie had taken the lead in our relationship, in other circumstances this may have had made me running and screaming, but it didn't.

She took everything so slowly, never pushing me into something I was not ready for. She was so patient and understanding, it made me feel like I was almost completely normal. Like I was actually a good boyfriend.

You see before Sookie I had never been part of a couple, to say I was too emotionally crippled for that would be an understatement.

I was well aware that I had deep commitment and intimacy issues, so I was completely satisfied with my one night stand/no strings attached policy, right until she came into my life demanding her place and calling me on my bullshit. She was such a force.

Sookie had kissed me first, asked me out first, everything first. I was like a child in her presence; I never knew where to start, I never knew how to really love her or be what I was supposed to be for her, but she never made me feel like I was lacking. I think that for a while there I made her as happy as she made me. At least I hope I did.

The 'first' that did not go down as smoothly as the others was the 'I love you' first.

She said it to me on her birthday when I gave her the present I knew would make her smile from ear to ear; I arranged for a full trip to India for 2 weeks, I had put effort in planning each and every detail, I wanted it to be perfect.

Sookie had wanted to go to India for as long as I could remember, and I always wanted to give her everything. She was my Sookie.

She was so happy she jumped up and down and threw herself at me putting her arms and legs around me in a death grip.

"I love you Eric! I love you so much! Thank you."

Shit

I was not ready to say it, I may have felt it, but I was far from ready to sound out my feelings.

I was afraid of whatever would happen next, the air was thick with my hesitation and her anticipation, we were standing there with her wrapped around me, both of us waiting for the other to chase away the awkwardness in the room. As if reading my mind, she looked down at me and tilted my head up to look at her. She had the warmest smile on her face, chasing away all the fear in my head.

"Eric baby, you don't have to say it if you are not ready, it's okay, I feel it and I want to say it, and I want you to know it, I don't want you to say it because you feel like you should, you know we are not like that, now give me my birthday kiss"

She leaned down and kissed me. And I kissed her back, telling her with my kisses what I couldn't tell her with words, I spent the whole night giving her that birthday kiss. I truly did adore this woman.

Weeks passed by with nothing worth mentioning, we fell into our comfortable routine and everything went as smooth as usual. Or I thought so.

We were having dinner together at my place, I always loved to have her cooking in my kitchen, and I loved her in every aspect of my life.

She was extra silent that evening but I didn't want to think too much of it, so I just let it go. I knew if there were something on her mind she would eventually just up and say it, besides I was never one to open those cans of worms.

I realize now that it was selfish of me, I should have always encouraged her to tell me what was on her mind, I should have given her what she always gave me, She knew me well, she knew everything about me, she just took me in the way I was without thinking twice.

I should have been available for her that way. I may have been as emotional as a log but this was Sookie, I could always make an exception for her.

A couple of days later while lying in bed she was looking up at the ceiling like it held the answers to all the world's secrets.

She took a deep breath and let it out as if bracing herself for a disaster, I knew something was coming up so I just kept looking up at the ceiling, I knew whatever this was going to be about, was something better done sans eye contact.

"Eric, what do you think about moving in together, I mean I'm here most of the time anyway, half of my clothes are here, it would save us money and time, what do you think?"

The hesitation in her voice was evident, she was afraid of my rejection.

I was trying to look calm, but I knew she would see right through me.

"Look, you know what never mind, it was just a thought, it's silly, Good night baby"

She gave me a quick peck on my cheek and turned around to sleep.

I couldn't sleep that night, not because I was afraid of moving in together, not because I was afraid of what would come next. But because I had let her down, I had disappointed her. I made her feel unworthy and trivial. She was anything but.

When I look back on that night, I know that it was then I started losing her, that night was the turning point. I knew then that I could never be enough; I had failed her one too many times.

The funny thing is she didn't give up on us, far from it she kept fighting to keep me next to her, but I felt unworthy, I knew that sooner or later she would tire of me, and all the effort she put into us without getting much in return. I knew that the day would come when she would know she deserved so much more.

She deserved someone who would never hesitate to move forward with her, who would say all the right things at the right time, who would take care of her for a change, but I could never be that, so I just pushed her away. I closed myself off; I knew it was a matter of time now. I just wanted to leave her before she left me.

I was falling apart but would never let it show, Felix was right. I simply wasn't good enough for her.

I don't know if it's irony fate, or simply God having a good laugh. I missed her so much.

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I had a project coming up so I knew that I would be away for some time, I thought it would be the perfect break for her to think everything over, evaluate our situation and leave me.

The only person who knew what was going on inside of me, and knew that I was literally breaking down behind my cool façade was Pam.

Pam was my manager, publicist, childhood friend and everything else.

She was the only person that truly knew what I was going through.

She got me this project knowing that I needed to get away, I needed to occupy my time with work, I didn't want to have time to myself thinking about Sookie, thinking about what was to come, what would become of me without her.

Then Sophie Ann came into the picture; I knew then and there that this was simply God having a good laugh.

Sophie Ann was one of my ex -um- fuck buddies, She was a nut case, no really, I had been avoiding her like the plague after our last night together. I knew Pam had put me here on purpose, I could bet my next big fat paycheck on it.

She was all over me, I mean really some women have no self respect, she was on me like white on rice, wherever I would go she would be there, In the beginning it was a bit uncomfortable but then it just became extremely irritating.

Pam of course was having a field day with this; the press coverage was enough to make me sick, I wish I could say I was taking it in strides, but I was just pissed off, ready to lash out at anyone who came near me.

"You know Eric, this is the perfect way to give Sookie her new start, right? If you play your cards right, she will be over you and under the next guy in no time."

Just the thought of my Sookie with someone else brought bile to my mouth. I couldn't stand the image Pam's words had put in my head. My chest tightened at the thought of her getting over me, I was all bark and no bite.

"Eric, give her that at least, if you are going to leave her, give her a clean fresh start, you can only do that by giving her a clean break"

"Shut up Pam"

At this point I was just livid, I was about to throw myself at Pam and kill her if she wouldn't shut up.

I knew she was spot on, I knew that she was right, but I couldn't take it that easily.

She looked at me in utter disgust.

"No Eric, you let her go months ago. You know, before I thought you were just being a fucking emo, but you were right, you don't deserve her, you do what works for you when it works for you, now that reality is caving in on you, now that you actually see that she will belong to someone else you want her back, you are just a fucking pussy, man up and give her the clean break she deserves, you have already messed her up enough"

And I did just that.

What do you guys think?