WOW! The reviews I got for the last chapter, were so flattering thank you to everyone that put in the time to read, alert and review my story and a shout out to all my new readers. :D :D

I wanted to reply to all the reviews but I thought an early update would be more interesting, I hope you guys like this one, send me your feedback.

Disclaimer: not mine, only the mistakes are

As soon as it left my mouth I regretted it, not only because I could see the shock combined with deep pain drawn all over Eric's face but because saying it hurt me, it felt like there was a deep tugging inside of me that caused me so much anguish, I just couldn't deal with it. I knew that I had to say it; I just wish I had taken a softer approach. This was not me, I am never this nasty, I know that Eric stirred up a mania of emotions inside of me, I knew that he was capable of bringing out the best and the worst of me, but that was no excuse.

I turned to look at him, he looked like a man on fire, I wanted to run up to him soothe his pain and apologize for the way I hurt him with my crude words. But my mind held me back, where was he when I needed soothing? Where was he when I needed to be consoled for all the loss that had come over me? There it was again that unfamiliar harsh side of my nature that I couldn't adjust to, though it was a protective mechanism that would serve to spare me much unwanted pain in the future, I was unhappy with it, it was too foreign for my liking.

"Eric, listen, I…."

I was lost for words, I didn't know what I wanted to say, But Eric just shook his head, and raised both his hands in front of him in a 'please not now' gesture.

"Sookie, I will leave now because, I think both of us have had our share of revelations for one night, we both need to think all of this over and, and just see what we want to do next, I…"

He looked so distressed; he took a deep breath and passed his fingers through his hair several times. It was something he did as a nervous reflex.

Don't ask me how I know that.

"I just want you to know that I never, I never meant for this, you have always been everything to me, you always will be Sookie."

His voice cracked on the last part.

"Yes, there still is a lot to be said, but not tonight."

I chose not to acknowledge his final statement because I could not handle it now, that was just too much. So I just repeated what he had said just said for lack of better words. Plus he certainly did have a point; both of us needed space to deal with all that was said tonight in more ways than one.

He just nodded his head, stood there unsure for a moment, part of me knew that this was very unlike his nature to be so hesitant and reluctant. He took a step back towards the door, but then took two large strides in my direction, I was very confused, and I'm sure it showed in the way my eyebrows furrowed. What happened then and the effect it had on me was just baffling.

He kneeled down and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I looked up at him to see his eyes full of tears.

Just then I remembered how much I had loved this man.

ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

As soon as I stepped out of the house I was on the verge of breaking down right there at the doorstep, but I pulled myself together, got into my car and drove for as much as my weak limbs would take me. When I felt like I had reached my limit I pulled up at the side of the rode and then I broke down.

I cried, I wept, I cried for the love I had thrown away, I cried for the baby that we would not have, I cried for Sookie's pain and torment, I cried for what could have been, I cried for everything I should have given her. But the crying didn't give me the release that usually followed, it only reminded me of my weakness, my inability to function or communicate in our relationship. It simply reminded me of why we were in this situation. My weakness.

Tonight when I went to see Sookie I knew that it would be quite the evening, I knew that she would welcome me into her home like the southern belle she always had been, but I also knew that she would be less than warm about it. I knew that she would listen to me with as much tolerance and patience as possible, but I was well aware that she would be measuring me up with every ounce of focus and finesse she had. I knew that she would try to be as understanding and gentle as possible, but I also knew that she would not think twice about giving me a piece of her mind with rough yet well deserved words.

But this, I did NOT expect.

My mind was bombarded with visions of a pregnant Sookie, so beautiful. She always had this amazing maternal streak that was so part of her. She had always been one of those women that would make a brilliant mother; I knew that right from the get go. And I also knew that the loss of our child must have hurt her to no limit, knowing what I know now I am surprised at how strong and resilient she can be, then again Sookie was never weak, she had always been the one to fight for us, long after I had given up.

Thinking back on everything, in light of the new information I had come across I felt more pain and regret than I ever thought possible. If I thought losing Sookie was the height of emotional downfall, knowing that I had lost our child really was a much greater plunge.

For the first time in my life I was wishing I were father.

Admitting this to myself put so many thoughts and feelings in perspective; The mere idea of fatherhood had me running and screaming as far as my legs would take me. I knew that any child of mine would be simply getting the short end of the stick.

Not because my father was as shitty a father as they came, I mean he was a patronizing drunk son of a bitch that never thought twice about showing me who's boss. Not because my stepfather could never find it in himself to care for me as much as he did for Max and Felix, I really couldn't blame him, I mean I wasn't his son, I was my mother's baggage. I mean really, almost all my friends have divorced parents and fucked up childhoods one way or another, I actually had it quite smooth considering everything. Pinning any of my failures to that was just asking for it.

No. I avoided the idea of family because I simply felt like I was not made for it, I felt like I had nothing to give to anyone in my life, nevertheless a child, I always felt like that was a catastrophe waiting to happen. I had always been too selfish and self-centered to give anyone the time of day, and I would never deny that.

Up until Sookie came into my life I never though I could stand to be around anyone more than a few hours. But she was different, I could easily marry her, I could easily share my life with her and start a family with her, but of course, too little to late. Asshole.

God I missed her so much, just being away from her for a few hours had it's toll on me, all I wanted to do was to drive back and be with her, in anyway she would take me, but I knew that at this point she would not take me at all.

But I now see how much I need to fix this, how much I want to fix this, I want to be the man, the partner, the husband and the father that Sookie deserves, the man that she always saw in me but I could never bother to muster the courage to be. I would change that, I would fight for us this time, I would fight for everything I had lost, and I could make her love me again. I had to.

ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

" Felix, I need for you to leave, I can't even begin to deal with you right now, I can't be around you now, please leave."

He looked disappointed and a little shocked even which only pissed me off more, as much as I was too tired to deal with his lies and falsehoods, I thought giving him an Idea of what was coming his way would do no harm.

"Felix, don't look at me that way, you were the only person I had, I woke up with nothing but you, I trusted you unconditionally, I begged you day in and day out to tell me everything about my life, but you chose to drag it all out and tell me what suited you and made you sleep at night, you had no problem lying to my face, you had no qualms about leaving me in the dark, only to have my whole past come tumbling down on me."

I saw him open his mouth to start talking, whether he wanted to defend himself, explain his actions, or apologize, I had no idea, but either way I was really not up to listening to him, just the thought of hearing his voice right now had me cringing. I just needed for him to leave.

Before he could say anything, I cut him off. I gave him a pointed look, and arched my eyebrows.

"Felix, please!"

I was this close from losing it, and I had already lost it once tonight and come to regret it, that was enough.

Thank God, he nodded, sighed and turned around to leave with his head hanging in shame. Good.

I needed to be alone now. I needed to rehash everything; all that happened tonight from the moment they knocked on my door till that kiss he planted on my forehead, and all the memories that were flooding my mind. It was overwhelming.

Sooooo?