So here it is the new chapter, I'm sorry to keep everyone hanging like this, but life kind of happened. But the next chapter will be out in the next few days ;)

I have a Beta now, she's GREAT, so I want to send a huge thank you to kel2kol :D

I want to thank everyone for the each alert, add and review, keep them coming…

I had never thought it through, nor had I planned it out…letting go of Sookie. The idea had struck me when I was nowhere near prepared, and where it hurt the most…

Through the progress of our relationship I became attached to Sookie in the most unsettling way; I never became attached to anyone. I had learned that attachments gave back nothing but disappointment, every time.

If I had to point out what was so enthralling about Sookie, I would have to say it was her ability to read me, to see that I loved her, in the most dysfunctional way… but that I loved her nevertheless.

You would think that a notorious manwhore like me would know exactly what to say and do around women, but the shocking truth is I was always left dumbfounded when it came to women. It was always too easy to get a one-night stand, especially when you were me, the great Eric Northman. It never really took more than a nod and a smirk when it counted…. Never failed.

Thinking back to that point of my life, I was never really cut out to be anyone's boyfriend. I never thought about until I had Sookie in my life and I realized that I needed to step up my game. Only then did I began to see my shortcomings and notice that I had never mastered any of the romantic gestures expected of a guy: I never kissed her when it would count, hold her hands when it was expected, give her comforting words when I wanted to. That art was simply lost on me. I tried though. I would always say or do what I perceived as "stellar boyfriend behavior", but it would always come out all wrong, awkward and poorly orchestrated. Thankfully, she would see right through me and tell me it was cute but unnecessary because she knew, she always knew, that she was it for me… I just did things differently.

But I had improved a lot, or so she said. I was more attuned to her emotions than I ever thought myself capable of. I could read her like the simplest, loveliest open book, and I always took pride in that. I could even see the subtle shock in her eyes when I would comment on something she didn't expect me to notice, or when I answered a question before she asked it. That always got me the sweetest of kisses from her, and if I was really lucky, the best sex.

I loved who I was with her. I was not an asshole or a jerk. I was it for someone… she wanted me and chose me. Every time that thought would pass through my mind I would be left somewhere between grateful and terrified.

I don't know if I could live through it… If one day I ceased to be enough for her, or if she realized that I was a waste of her time and emotions. I was stupid enough to think that if I left her it would hurt less because I would not be rejected. The truth of the matter is, I kind of rejected myself on her behalf, so it messed me up all the same.

It took me a tremendous amount of self-loathing, along side a whole lot of self-pity, to get my act together. So I went about it how a true Hollywood star would; I went to therapy…. I like to believe it really does do it for some people, but it really didn't help me all that much, so that idea kind of died out. So I went away. I disappeared, Sookie-style, for a good 6 months. After a lot online research, I found the perfect getaway, Walla Walla Washington.

After tweaking the details and making arrangements, which included telling Pam (that didn't go down as smooth as I would have liked) I headed off to Walla Walla. I stayed at a vacation rental that didn't come cheap, but it was perfect; distant, quiet, calm, clean and surrounded by nothing but vineyards.

Now, I am not in any way stating that a great 6 month escape helped me get my head out of my ass… No… it just helped. With no work, no company, no obligations to anyone except to myself, I couldn't help but dwell on my own thoughts and emotions… for a longer time than I like to admit. Dwelling always brought me back to Sookie. I had missed her so much. Life had become severely hollow and stale without her; not just because she was brilliant, but because I had failed to notice that she had become the center of my world, my brilliance.

So I started my search for Sookie.

I had found my resolve to find her and I did. Now I needed to find my resolve to get her back! I'm so pissed at myself and fucking tired of my emotional paralysis, my passiveness and most of all… my weakness.

ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

I was standing at Sookie's door feeling like a child standing at the gate of Disneyland. I had missed her SO MUCH in the last few months. I was not used to being out of touch with Sookie. We had been inseparable for so long, and all of a sudden, I felt like an intruder… an outsider. It was a feeling I neither appreciated nor welcomed.

I understood her reaction to everything that had happened and wasn't astonished with any of her behavior. That is why I let her rant and then left in silence without looking back. I knew Sookie too well and I knew she was not prone to angry outbursts, but when she WAS upset, the smartest course of action was to give her all the time and space she needed. Then, when she's ready, give her all the attention she requires.

At first, I didn't expect her to stay away from me for so long… but when I thought about everything that had passed, all the new information that tumbled on her head, I understood. I couldn't help but panic from time to time, thinking about the future of our friendship, so I would call her to let her know that I missed her, and that I was waiting for her when she was ready to have me back. So here I was… standing at Sookie's door…

The truth is, the more I look back, the indecisive I become about my feelings and my thoughts on the matter. Sometimes my guilt for keeping her in the dark kept me up awake at night, fearful of the day she might remember. Other times I was sure I had done the right at the time, but may be in the long run. But there is nothing I can do now to change what happened… and even if I would go back, I'm not so sure I would change my actions. I'm not cruel. At the time, my fear for Sookie (and may be my fear OF Sookie) trumped everything else, maybe even my logic.

As for Eric, my emotions were mixed but not inconclusive. My opinion that he never deserved Sookie still stands, but I'm not sure I can hate him as much as I did, because that night I could see that Sookie had such a hold on him. And she didn't even know it! She literally possessed him and he never hesitated to show it. I don't know how I could have missed that before, maybe because the situation we were in just made everyone's emotions raw and amplified, maybe because losing her really had had it's toll on him.

I was pulled from of my thoughts when I heard Sookie say, almost reluctantly, "Felix…"

But then she broke into the biggest smile I had seen on her face for longer than I could remember. I knew instantly that she was in a better place now, happier than when I had last seen her. Her smile was contagious. I couldn't help but return it, after letting out a breath I didn't know I had been holding for so long.

I opened up my arms for her, she wavered for a moment then inhaled deeply and hugged me back with measured and calculated enthusiasm. I knew then that Sookie still wanted to roughen me up a bit before letting it all slide, but I was prepared. I was ready to take my lashing.

But what I wasn't expecting was for her to whisper in my ear

"I remember."

Tell me what you think…