So here is the new chapter, I'm sorry for not replying to the reviews, I'll try my best.

I want to thank my awesome awesome Beta Kel2kol, she really did magic on this chapter ;) it was a mess…

And I want to thank you guys for the reviews and alerts, you rock!

Want to send out a thank you to a friend who suggested the idea to this chapter ;)

I was sitting on the porch swing, in Eric's arms, it was an early winter morning, and the weather was simply divine; you know that perfect morning weather? The weather that makes you want to curl up with a warm blanket and a steaming cup of cocoa, not because it's cold, but because it just fits, because your soul just needs the cliché of it all.

Everything was so silent and still, including us, Eric had always been the silent type, not the same could be said about me, though. But here I was completely silent and still.

Breaking the silence, he asked,

"Is everything alright? You seem so quiet"

I took in a deep lazy breath, just because I could and then shrugged with an apathetic smile.

"Just calm is all, just calm"

"I love you. You know that, right?"

As I responded, I was still calm; there was no bitterness in my tone, no malevolence, just…calm.

"No you don't. I don't think you really ever loved me"

"Don't say that. Don't even think that. Everything is going to be different. It's going to be better.I'm going to be better. I'm going to take care of you from now on."

I had an urge to sit up and look into his eyes to understand what he meant by that 'take care of me', I wanted to probe the deep feelings behind his words, but his voice was loaded with so much emotion and passion, I didn't really need to.

Besides, at this point I'm not sure if his words were of any definite value to me, sincere or not. I was so over everything. Instead of putting any of my indifference in words, I decided to remain silent; I was just not in the state of mind for any profound declarations now.

"Say something Sookie"

He almost sounded like he was pleading.

"I have nothing to say Eric, let's just savor this, please?"

Clearly he was unsatisfied with my reaction; I could sense it in the way his body tensed below me. I knew then that a discussion, a long and tiresome discussion was around the corner. Fuck.

I sat up with a huff, he completely ruined the mood, and there goes all that calm…

"You don't believe me"

It was a statement not a question. I wanted to say something about his poor track record so far, but held my tongue, knowing that I would regret it as soon as I let it out. So I just answered as honestly as I could and as passively as my feelings would allow me to.

"Well, not really. No Eric I don't believe you"

A look of hurt haunted his face, I didn't like seeing him hurt. Honestly, I never have. But he asked for it, he just had to go there.

"It all happened because I love you, all of it…. the good and the bad decisions I made. I thought you knew that now"

And he was right, he had explained to me his twisted logic, and I swear part of me completely understood where he came from but the rest of me was just NOT so convinced.

"It's so much bigger than that Eric. It's so much more than your old insecurities and your good intentions"

He remained silent and attentive, waiting for me to elaborate. I held back as much intensity from my voice as I could before I continued.

"Eric, can I trust you to be the man I need? I don't want alibis and excuses, and God only knows that I don't need your good intentions. I need something solid Eric…just that…solid"

He nodded his head with fervor, I had never seen him like this, tense and edgy yet so aggressive and insistent with just enough intensity.

"I know, I know, I get it, I do"

He responded with heat.

He ran his fingers through his hair. It's such a familiar action.

He looked away for a moment then turned his gaze back to me His eyes were so tender; it made my heart ache a little.

I decided to plunge forward and ask the question that had been lingering unanswered for so long.

"What brought this change on? This sudden shift, what happened?"

I needed to understand why he was here, why he was willing to fight for us after walking away one too many times, I needed a good solid motive, not a shifty emotional wave that would subside all too soon, bringing us back to where we were.

Still holding my gaze, he ran his fingers through his hair again. Eric chose his words carefully, wanting me to understand him clearly. He exhaled heavily…

"It was there all along, you were there all along, but I was just pushing it all down. When I decided to walk away Sookie, it was all clear and sharp, I didn't even give myself a chance to hesitate, I just set my mind to making you hate me. It seemed flawless. But as soon as I let myself think of you, it was like opening a fucking floodgate. I was so angry with myself for not trying harder, for allowing my insecurities to make me so fucking selfish and greedy"

He sighed heavily. I knew this was taking a lot of energy out of him

"I'm not here to redeem myself in your eyes Sookie, or to seek your approval of me, I'm here because I want to love you and honor you the way you should be"

"I will take what I can get Sookie, I will take anything you are willing to offer me, I will work from there, whatever it takes"

He put both hands on either side of my face and said it straight out.

"Don't you see, Sookie, you are so perfect, so beautiful in every way, you have no idea what it feels like to be around you again. How good it feels. I want to make you happy, I want to give you everything, I want to be yours, I want you to have me in everyway possible, I will be what you want, just let me"

I didn't know what to say to that, and I didn't want to acknowledge any of it so I just rested my head back on his shoulder. After a long heavy silence I said the first thing that came to mind.

"Do you think about our baby, Eric?"

We had never spoken about having a family, I never knew how Eric felt about it, and I barely knew how I felt about it. I mean sure, I wanted to be a mother at some point, but that was about it, before the accident I had never given the topic more thought. But after, it had become almost an obsession; it became a concept that followed me like a shadow.

Eric stayed silent. I wasn't sure if he was reeling from the abrupt change of subject, or if he was trying to put together an answer.

"Every day, Sookie. All of the time."

His voice was thick with emotion and his tone was that of resignation as if he had been waiting for that question.

"Our past will always be there, it won't go away, no matter where we go from here, we can't move around it like so many other things"

I wanted to ask so much more, I wanted to hear so much more but somehow that statement gave me more serenity than I expected it to, and so I decided to just bask in the peace it gave me.

He was running his fingers through my hair, and I found myself giving in to sleep, it was the first time in such a long time I had not resisted my body's pleas; I just wanted to sleep, here, next to him.

He stood up and pulled me up in his arms and walked slowly and smoothly towards the door, walking inside and then to my bed placing me there softly, he gave me a tender affectionate kiss on my forehead.

After covering me up with the comforter, he slowly walked away then out of the bedroom, I wanted to ask him where he was going, if he would be here when I woke up. But my body was not catching up to my mind, and I found myself drifting off into the deepest sleep.

ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖ

I woke up so distorted, physically and emotionally, with the vivid dream I just had. I didn't know how I felt about it, I didn't know what to make of it, and I didn't know what I wanted to make of it.

I looked around towards my alarm clock to see that it was 6 am; I did not want to be up on a Saturday at 6 am, I wanted to get under the covers and sleep but my body was already buzzing and my mind was in overdrive…. And then it hit me….crap. Eric was coming over for coffee today, coffee my ass. It was never just coffee with Eric. Never. And I had to face him after that dream…double crap.

I gave myself a pep talk. I refused to overthink things; it was just a dream Sookie! And I refused to allow my inner teenage drama queen imagine a perfect scenario where I said everything I wanted and Eric kept to script…that would never happen. Things never go according to plan, people never kept to my fictional script. I had to put the dream behind me, and I could not allow myself to elaborate on the script my dream was coaxing up.

I headed to the kitchen to get the coffee brewing, then straight to the bathroom for a shower, a Scottish James Bond shower; alternating between hot and cold water. It was heaven. And I had a feeling that was as good as it would get this morning. I was so right.

I got my cup of coffee, picked up my laptop and headed to the porch. I just wanted to salvage whatever peace I might be getting out of this Saturday.

As soon as I stepped out into the porch I almost spilled my coffee all over myself, not to mention my precious MacBook. There was Eric, sitting on the porch swing, looking like he had just stepped out of a GQ magazine.

All I could think of was: God not so early!

Would love to hear your thoughts on this