Chapter 3 : Third day
* Tuesday
"Gai ran in our direction screaming Neji's name, but it was too late. I had already done that. My eyes couldn't believe in what i was seeing.
' Neji! No...' – my voice failed when i tried to call for him.
My heart stopped when I realized what I've had done. Immediately I threw the weapon in my hands to anywhere far from me.
' You stupid. Do I have to do everything by myself here?' – a bitter smile on his face – 'It's fine now,Tenten.'
'- Neji! Neji! Neji...' – he couldn't hear me anymore. His unawake body was over mine already."
They came back worse than ever. The day was coming and I was sitting in my bed, breathing hard and all sweat. My hands were shivering while I passed them through my face and hair, trying to erase the images of the last nightmare. The responsible for my panic.
Damn mission. If i could go back in time...
One more time I tried to relax with a warm shower, letting the water take those terrible sensations away from me. But unlike the times before… the water was freezing. The shivering I had in my hands were now through my entire body. I squeezed the towel hard, trying to calm myself down while I walked to my room.
I decided: today I wans't going to see Neji.
" – A scared and weak little girl."
Everything seemed to look at me and repeat what Neji said: scared and weak little girl, scared and weak little girl, scared and weak little girl…
Blocking my ears didn't work. His words were in my mind. The freezing shower made my skin cold and my finger were almost purple because I spent too much time under the water.
I was on the floor, sitting and hugging my knees, starring to the many weapons on my bed telling me: scared and weak little girl… scared and weak little girl…
I haven't touched them for so long. I couldn't stand even looking at them. But when I realized, I was already out of the bathroom, wearing just the towel and putting all the weapons I found there.
Now, it was not just my skin that was cold, my inner self was cold too. I could feel the air coming through my nostrils until my lungs.
With urge and anger for my cowardice, I got up and threw all of them on the floor. Like an animal in a cage, desperate to run away, I attacked the weapons laying in the floor of my small room. My harshness gave a cut in my hand, my sheet was slowly turning red by my blood.
I looked at my hand, I was mad and breathing tiredly, watching my blood leaving my body. I smiled, a strange smile. How did I get here? What have i done to myself? Neji was right, i was fading.
I took the sheet and put tight around my hand to stop the bleeding. I went to the bathroom and the sheet follwed me, crawling through the ground and bringing some weapons with it, making a nose that seemed to yell at me how ridiculous I was.
The water became reddish in touch with my blood and also some tears. My medical abilities were not good as Ino's or Sakura's, but they were enough to keep me away from the hospital, to save me from unnecessary explanations.
I went back to my room and looked at my mess. I've had been really angry. Now, calmer , I could see it clearly. I felt my hair falling over my shoulders, it was still wet. I took a long breath and looked for a towel to dry my hair and got dressed.
If Neji saw me now, he would certainly give me a lecture about how ashamed I should be. Stupid idea. He wouldn't see me now and neither later, because I took Neji's vision away. I made a mistake, a crime, taking the Hyuuga genius out of work. I screwed Neji's life. I screwed my own life.
Anxious, i started putting all my weapons in a bag and took some scrolls too. I'm not going to see Neji today, but I'm going to see how deep I am in this shaft.
I'm going to a place I forced myself to forget.
XXXXX
The training field was totally different from what i had in my memories. The grass was high and it was dirty and dark. It looked like an evil forest.
It was here where I confirmed my sensei was nuts and that his copy, aka Lee, was an extreme hard worker. It's was also here where I showed how marvelous I was with weapons; and it was right here where I saw with my own eyes the geniality of Hyuuga Neji, The Hyuuga Genius.
I remember perfectly the first time i had the chance of seeing byakugan. That was amazing. I spent some time imagining if someone incredible like that could be really real.
This same training field also reveled me how Neji could be stupid with all his thing with 'pre-destination' and how noble he was for admitting his mistake. I couldn't help but smile with those memories.
In his old belief of pre-destination, I bet he never thought of himself blind and with a loser ex-teammate. I think the old Neji would freak out.
It was ironic that, even with his tireless talk about "you can't change your destine" , he changed his own every day, working harder to overcome any member of the Head Family.
I ran my eyes around the place. Except for the high grass, it was exactly the same. I took a deep breath, trying to force myself to keep calm. I needed to be bold to control my weapons again. I cleaned the targets up and got a place in front of them.
I closed my eyes, trying to sip the energy from the forest I had around me. I went to the bag I brought and held a kunai. My hands were sweating because of my nerves, while many different emotions ran here and there thought my entire body. I never thought that, from anyone in this planet, I would be so in panic just by holding a weapon.
I opened my eyes and the targets seemed to be dancing in front of me. I tried to concentrate, but they were still moving. It was like they wanted to attack me, they were laughing at me, they were laughing because I was scared. I held the kunai tighter in my hand and closed my eyes again.
When I opened my eyes again, I threw the kunai with a mix of anger and fear. The weapon went cutting the high grass and got stuck in a tree, making some birds fly away. It was expected that I'd miss the target. My failing was not any news.
The anger came hard and got the control of my body and soul. I wasn't scared, all I felt was anger. My hands went to the weapons in my bag and I threw them into random spots in the forest. I did the same with the scrolls, as if it was the only way I could get my freedom. When I had nothing else to throw away, I fell on my knees, tired and desperate.
I had sweat in my forehead and tears all over my face.
I had never felt so empty before. I wanted to run ahead to wherever Neji was, I missed his presence. Even if it was to criticize me, to tell me how pathetic I was. At least I wouldn't be so afraid if Neji was there with me.
Once again, Neji was right: "scared and weak little girl."
To be Continued...