Chapter 4: Fourth day

" A loser is nothing more than a failed try of a winner.

It's easier like this, isn't it? "

* Wednesday

Everything passed fast and I didn't know what to do. In what seemed to be seconds, Gai held Lee in his arms and was screaming his name. Like a zombie, I was dizzy and terrified staring at Neji's unmoving body.

"Come on,Tenten! We have to get out of here! "– I heard Neji moan and that made me wake up for the words Gai was saying.

There were too many enemy clones and Gai's kage bushins wouldn't last more than just some more minutes. As if I was a machine on the automatic mode, I grabbed Neji and followed Gai immediately.

I don't know where my strength came from nor how I could carry Neji until the big doors of Konoha. My body was hurting,I was sore and my heart was desperate foe seeing Neji the way he was. I saw some ninjas coming closer to us and Gai explain them the situation.

"Gai," - I called weakly, but he heard and looked at me. – "Take care of Neji." – I fell unconscious.

The sun was already up in his place and, one more time, my constant nightmare came to wake me usual, I was breathing heavily and the feeling of guilt was suffocating me.

Today, the pain in my muscles were worse. Even my eyelashes seemed to feel it. I think I got in the bottom of the well. I wonder how long I will stand my miserable situation.

Maybe I should finish this. Make all of this go away. Save myself and everyone else from watching me falling slowly into the endless darkness. Suddenly, suicide looked like a good idea for me.

"… pushing you away from me would set you free…" My lips turned into a bitter smile with the memory of what Neji had said. I think he does not have to set me free from anything, actually I think I am the one who is squeezing him.

What would he say about my suicide thoughts? He would probably call me stupid and tell me to do whatever I wanted.

I guess I should have stayed in bed today. It seems like the hole in my chest became bigger and it's sucking me into a so huge emptiness, that gets me to scorn my own existence. It's so ridiculous and absurd.

Honestly, I'm tired of pretending. Pretending to be conformed while I'm not; pretending to be strong while I'm not; pretending to have a life I do not.

I'm going to see Neji now, face his mute judgment once again and let his lack of vision take my own. And, differently from the other times, the melancholy I always carried around was explicit and anyone could see it just by looking at me.

His house was as it has always been: as him. Now I realized… everything is so Neji. From the furniture to the smell in any inch of the place.

He was there in the same chair, in the same position, his head was facing ahead and he had a closed book in hands. One day without seeing him and I feel how much I need it, how much I need to see him. It's weird to think that, maybe, I need him more than I think he needs me.

In silence, i got closer to the chair and had a sit by his side, as usual. I was quiet but my head was boiling with many different thoughts driving to many different directions: first to say something, but then to stay quiet. Later, to run away, but then to stay there…

" You didn't come yesterday. " – his voice came inside my ears, breaking all of my tries of thoughts.

I closed my eyes and took a deep and long breath. I thought it was impossible for a voice to have a taste, but Neji's had. His voice had a sweet taste.

I let his voice travel in my mind for a moment. All the bad feelings I had, seemed to disappear facing the comfort I felt when I heard his voice.

" I had to try one thing. " – I replied with a tired sigh.

" Try?" – he asked with no change in his expression.

" Yeah, try. Yesterday I didn't come because I went to practice, I mean, try to." – I answered simply.

" And…?" – he rested the book aside and moved his feet just a little bit in my direction . That meant I had his total attention.

" I'm a loser, a fail… and I'll never be able to touch even one kunai itself." – my eyes went down looking at the ground and Neji seemed to become tense.

" Don't be such a fool." – his fast reply scared me. – "You are not and you had never been a loser. I don't make mistakes, Tenten. I don't pick losers to be by my side."

I didn't know what to say. I felt dumb. My fingers were dancing nervously in my legs and I lost my voice as I always did when I went to see Neji.

I stared at him for a while.

" I... think i missed you, Neji."– i said more to myself than to him.

" Im' sure you did." – he said with a deep and serious tune.

" Thank you."

The place was fulfilled by silence, until Neji called my name and i looked at him. He seemed to be absolutely sure about what he'd tell me, he held the book in hands again, catching all my attention.

" We are going to practice tomorrow." – my eyes were wide open and the images of my last try popped in my mind.

He seemed to believe in my potential, but his idea was ridiculous. Did he listen to me when I said I failed?

" It won't be possible, Neji." – I got up harshly. – "Are you stupid? Don't you understand I can't?"

Neji got up too, following my action, and still facing straight ahead, he turned his head in my direction, not giving a thing to my lack of calm and control.

" If you're still that petulant to go against my words and call me stupid, you can control a simple kunai, Tenten." – in his face there was a smile I couldn't recognize. A mix of derision and victory.

It seems like he was daring me. He knew that the old me would accept, but this me had no intention to do that.

" Do not count on me, Neji." – his face left mine and he started walking away from there.

" Okay then. You know where I'll be, see you tomorrow. " – the confidence he had in his voice made my throat squeeze itself and I couldn't say anything to complain.

I had no idea about Neji's intentions. I hadn't heard about him training after the accident. Even if he was the Hyuuga prodigy, he had limitations…

Neji was blind.

To be Continued..