Though my wish may change nothing...

I knew I needed some time to get used to being who I was again, to the extent that is possible. I wanted to find some of the artifacts of who I was. In No. 5, I was only considered a missing person. I've found some of the people I knew here. My bank account is still active. It was the right choice for me to start again from this place.

But even now that I've found a place to stay and regained some of my old possessions— grandma's knitting needle in particular— even though I'm getting a sense of who I once was again… I feel loss. Like I've lost another mother, and a part of myself.

We'll truly be separated forever? It's so hard to believe. Almost like imagining what it would be like to be dead. And yet now I live again. Our memory is fading… but I don't want to forget her voice. If I can at least remember her voice…

("Safu…")

I thought it was my own voice. It used to be my voice.

("Your wish may be granted now, Safu. In full. You have a choice, child.")

But then my voice separated from hers:

"I know my answer… Elyurias."

I had another voice before; the one I have again now. I'm returning to how I was… before. I wanted this. I'm grateful. But I want to remember your voice…

("There will be consequences.")
"I know this. My answer is the same."
("You will be mortal.")
"I accept this."
("You will lose my knowledge.")
"As long as I retain our memory."
("Your appearance will not remain as it was before.")

Of course, right now, I am a perfect match to what No. 5 has kept on record. My abduction story is supported by No. 5's records for the rough dates of my departure and disappearance. I've only had to fabricate a reason I was gone for so long.

I seem to have no symptoms of dissociation. (Though I may still require an examination.) I believe my reunited mind and body have accepted each other well. I just feel… small. I've become such a small existence. I wonder what changes will mark me once the last traces of her presence leave me forever.

("People you knew will have changed and scattered. Many are no longer alive.")

There is only one living person who I long to see again. And I don't think I ever cried so much in the 17 years that I lived as I am now that I live again. I'm scared, excited in anticipation, saddened, hopeful, even proud… and I'm so angry at No. 6.

My specialisation in cognitive functions has allowed me to understand and pinpoint the stimuli causing the release of the precise hormones and neurotransmitters. I've logged all the physiological responses that they trigger. I know why I feel this way. The external causes and the biological processes involved are easy to identify… but…

"Safu, what you just said is all armchair theory. Humans have complex emotions. They're not like lab rats. I don't think you can explain how emotions influence people's actions that easily. It's arrogant to believe that science can explain everything about human nature."**

Shion… you knew something I did not. Though I can explain what I feel, and why I feel it, I have no adequate words to describe how I feel; this… gestalt.

("Living people you knew have now lived longer, but your mortal body has not.")
"…I will bear this."
("I recognise your resolve, Safu. You understand the extent of my power.")

Final warnings were embedded in those compliments: Once I have my own body, we can never be one mind again… and she'll never change a person's feelings. She hasn't controlled mine, she won't influence Shion's, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

("I am ready to grant your wish, Safu. Never regret it.")
"Thank you for everything, Elyurias. I'll never forget you. I won't regret this."

I remember the feel of your maternal warmth and presence. I remember your voice. I will always be grateful you're granting my wish as promised, despite the long wait. Even if nothing else changes, if I can just be close to Shion, that will be enough to make living again worthwhile.

Author's Note:

**Shion's line is quoted from No. 6 volume 1, chapter 2, as translated by 9th Ave.