A/N: So, I could FINALLY finish this chapter. I don't know why it was so difficult….

Ah, BTW, I´m really excited about the rising number of my compatriots visiting my stories. Please leave a comment now and then, ne?

Of course I cherish all reviews, no matter where they come from.

Disclaimer: Saint Seiya is not mine, and all I earn with this is a bit of joy.

8.

What about destiny? I've asked myself that same question, many times.

From the mythological perspective, destiny was as definitive as a thing can get… If something, anything happened, it was because of destiny… And everyone's fate was written in a place highest and above, where no creature could look ahead and had nothing to say about it either.

So, destiny… or fate, if you like it better. Either way the load is heavy for a small word.

Now, if one's destiny is written in the stars, starting from the day of birth, how early in life can someone meet what people would call their destiny? And, more important, it is even possible to recognize one's destiny at the very moment it happens to introduce itself?

There was a time when this kind of question wouldn't bother me at all. I knew I was meant to fight by your side, to die for you if needed. But rarely did I think beyond that, and if the stars had a plan of whatever was meant for me (after I fulfilled my fate of fighting to gory death, I mean), I could never guess.

Goddess, Goddess…

The truth is I still have no idea… and have no way to discern between destiny and mirage.

Some people take things easy. My brothers, for example: Shun and Shiryu married their childhood sweethearts, without a second thought. They were like the soldiers that rush back home as soon the war is over, eager to reunite with the ones whose sole name is good enough a reason to keep going during the battles, giving the encouragement needed to fuel their hearts.

I'm sure Ikki would have made the same choice, if his loved one hasn't died in such an execrable way. He lost the one person that made his days brighter (or more precisely, bearable) and it hardened him so profoundly, that not even you were able to bring him out from the iron shell where he secluded his own heart.

But… You know? I get him. I understand how it is to hurt because of love, and then feel your heart sinking to the darkest of bottoms, believing there's no reason to bring it to the surface, where someone can take it again and crush it and make it bleed until nothing worth anything is left.

However I'm not like him. Not even close to how strong he is, and never as determined. You know I would put my heart in your hands any day of the week, no matter if you give it back to me in tiny pieces.

Therefore, I may be the greatest fool that has set foot in the Sanctuary, but I can't help giving my heart away, time after time. I can't help being just as hardheaded as I am softhearted.

Gods… I'm so glad I'm not saying that out loud, I can't even imagine how lame it would sound.

Yet, true.

I mean, look at me now. I'm idiotically smitten with the woman that used to be a frequent subject of my childhood nightmares. At first, when I was very young, she scared me. As I grew up I started to realize I was getting stronger, and there were very few things that would scare me. Yet I couldn't stop being kind of afraid of her, mainly because I really couldn't figure her out… couldn't figure out my own thoughts when it came to her. When she let me know about her feelings for me, I was frightened by the power she gave me over her. It was a burden I didn't want… it overwhelmed me in a way I can hardly describe.

Nowadays, the only thing about her that truly frightens me is the idea of not having her by my side, of waking up and not looking at her beautiful face… of going to sleep without her voice soothing the pain of my hidden wounds.

The mere thought… it… terrifies me.

I had a childhood sweetheart, too. I'm sure you remember her.

Yes, kind and lovely Miho.

If my life had been different, a life without Sainthood, or Clothes, or Holy Wars... if I were the kind of guy she needs, it would be her… the one I would be with… probably.

In a life without you, my beautiful Saori, my Goddess…

Without my brothers…

Without Shaina.

Empty.

Because, Miho… Sweet as a girl can be, she could never understand my heart. And I would never be able to be there for her, and neither of us would ever know what was missing in our lives. Gods! I would be dejectedly incapable of understanding the 'whys', or envisioning the 'ifs'... and I would make her life miserable.

I understand that, and I thank the stars for not binding her destiny to mine, for her own sake.

Now I see it, but there was a time when I doubted. I had the kind of hesitations any boy of my age would have. It's all part of becoming a man, or that's what I've heard. I doubted, I goddamn very well did, how couldn't I? It's not like I was made of stone. How could I refrain from doubts if I was looking into the eyes of someone I deeply cared for, and found them full of hope and longing… just as I was about to break her heart.

I stopped the car in front of the apartment building where Seika resides, climbed down from the driver's seat, and walked around to open the door on the passenger's side. I glanced at Shaina as I followed her around the car, and wondered if she had any idea of the effect that her high-heeled boots and designer jeans were going to set off in the male population of my native country. I had second thoughts about letting her go anywhere without me, and had to remind myself that she was probably the strongest woman in the world, and that I should be more concerned about the safety of any clueless letch that would be stupid enough to get witty with her.

I kissed her cheek, then leaned to her ear and whispered, "Have fun."

Then I turned towards the back seat and waved my hand. "Good luck, you two, I hope you have twins!"

"Thank you, Seiya… I suppose," Shun said, "but June had sonograms before, and we are pretty sure there's only one ba…"

"Just sayin'," I interrupted, closing the car door after Shaina.

"I will," she whispered back, winking an eye and smiling at me, "have fun too." She seized the steering wheel, and soon they were on their way. While I walked towards the building I remembered I didn't know which floor Seika's place was on. I was there once before, but I guess I didn't put a lot of mind on it. I thought there should be someone I could ask for information, so I went inside and stopped at what seemed to be some kind of reception area. There was no one to be seen, I stood before the counter and called.

"Good aaafternoon!"

I figured whoever was supposed to be there was still enjoying their lunch break or something. I decided to search for Seika's presence and then trace it. I focused on finding my sister, but the second I started to seek I recognized an aura I wasn't expecting. Close, very close… Just behind me. I knew I wasn't mistaken, and I felt my hands and feet getting cold, and then everything else was very cold as well. I turned around, and…

"Seiya."

Oh, Goddess…

"Miho."

She sprinted towards me, and I froze. Next thing I knew, there was Miho everywhere around me. She held me tight, I returned her embrace awkwardly, "Hey, good to see you". I didn't remember how small her frame was, I guess I was too used to hanging out with amazons. She raised her pretty face and looked at me, then she broke apart, seemingly embarrassed. She kept looking at her feet as she tried to speak.

"Sorry, I… it is very nice to see you again, Seiya."

I wondered why the anxiety; we saw each other at Seika's wedding, just about a year ago… Well, at that time we didn't talk much, or at all. She tried to talk to me, I think, but I wasn't very receptive at the time.

It used to be easy, between the two of us, but that was a long time ago. It felt like a different lifetime. Her uneasiness was probably just a consequence of how much I had changed. Now, looking at her, hearing her voice… I never felt more like a stranger. But, she deserved better than that, so I tried my best to be pleasant. "Hey, I'm glad to see you too."

"Really?" she asked, her stare still fixed on the floor.

"'f course! I just didn't expect to find you here, I was… surprised. What a coincidence, don't you think?"

"Oh, I see," she said, "But, it's not really a coincidence. Seika told me you were coming, and asked me to come too."

"Is that so?" It made sense. Now I could take a little advantage of the situation and ask her to come with me to Seika's place, so no one would notice I didn't remember where her apartment was. "Well, then she's probably waiting for us. Would you walk with me?" She nodded, I stepped aside. "Ladies first."

The elevator stopped at the seventh floor, we stepped out and I followed Miho to Seika's apartment. What I couldn't foresee was the possibility of Seika not being home. First I thought she probably had an emergency, because she knew I would come to see her, but after reading the note hanging on the door…

'Seiya: had to run some errands. If you find Miho, please walk her home. See you for dinner. Love, Seika'

…I started to suspect it was a setup. Well, I had not much of a choice anyway. Miho was looking intensely at her shoes.

"So," I said to her smiling, "Seika is not home. What do you say if I buy you coffee and then walk you home? We can catch up!"

She nodded once, but didn't look at me. Neither of us said a word until we were out of the building. Then I figured that unless I did something to start a conversation, we would have a very silent half an hour ahead of us.

"So… It's been what? Three years since we had a chance to talk?"

"Six."

"'s that so?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, we could have had a chance to talk at Seika's wedding…"

"Oh… yes. Sorry 'bout that… I was goin' through a not-pretty moment that time."

"Why? You didn't want Seika to get married?"

"No, nothing like that! It was a… whole different matter."

"Oh… I… I thought you hated me," she said in a very small voice.

"I? No way! Why in the world…" I grabbed her arm to make her stop. Then I stepped in front of her and lifted her chin to make her look at me. "I don't hate you, Miho."

She turned away and started to walk again. I followed but didn't talk. After a couple of minutes she turned to me and asked, "Seiya, why don't you come home? What is in that horrible place that makes you stay there, keeping you from having a normal life?"

Normal… If you could only know how unattractive an idea that is to me… Everybody thinks 'normal' is better, but other people's unthinkable weirdness is my normality, it's what I feel comfortable with. Because that is all I know… that's my reality. You would never understand, sweet girl, no one here can… And that's why I have nothing to do in this place.

"I… don't know?"

"How can you not know? You are lying to me!" She didn't speak loud, but I could see her discomfort.

I better think fast.

"No! I… I meant I don't know how to answer… 's something complicated, ye see."

"Well, if you try, I'll do my best to understand." She said, looking gravely at me, but then she lowered her stare to the floor again. "Of course, if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to… It was out of order to ask in the first place, I'm being too forward. Please forgive me."

Oh, Goddess… more awkwardness. "Er… no! 's ok you asked, just… I don't wanna load you with my troubles." I aimed at a place ahead, hoping it would help me change the subject. "Look! Coffee! I could really use some, and I promised you a cup!" She looked at me with the 'we are not done here' stare, and then nodded.

We asked for coffee to go, Miho giggled when I mumbled in Greek about how 'ridiculously expensive everything is in this country'. I had forgotten we grew up in the same orphanage, and even if she wasn't supposed to go to a faraway land and suffer like hell to compete for a Cloth, she probably had to take language classes, too. I smiled at her, suddenly recalling who she was, how much I cherished her friendship and her support at hard times. Why was I being such an ass to her? It wondered if I had the tendency to mistreat the women that care for me.

We walked a little until we found a bench, and sat. She seemed a lot more relaxed, I asked her something before she could resume the other subject.

"Why don't you better tell me how you've been doing?"

"Well… Seika persuaded me to give college a try, and next thing I know, I´m studying pedagogy. I guess I just want to be a school teacher, after all."

"A very educated school teacher, you mean."

"I guess," she placed her paper cup on the bench seat at her side.

"I think that's great!"

"Really… I'm glad," she said, blushing a little.

Oh-oh, she had that kind of smile in her face… It only meant things were going the wrong way. I had to bring up the 'I'm no longer available' subject, but I did it the best way I could think of at the time: the roundabout way. "So, there's a special someone in your life? I bet there´s a legion of college boys trying to take you on a date."

She opened her eyes wide, then blushed more and fixated her stare on her hands on her lap, holding and twisting nervously the fabric of her skirt.

"I…. I…."

Was she shaking? "Miho, are you alright?"

"I can't."

"You can't? What'd you mean?"

She closed her eyes and breathed deep. "Sometimes boys ask me out… and sometimes I accept, but… I rarely go on a second date."

"But, why don´t you?" I thought I knew what she meant, but I figured it would be better if I just feigned dementia.

She looked at me as if I were really stupid. "Because of you, of course! Every time I think things are going well with a guy, I start to think about 'what if Seiya comes back now? What if he needs me? What am I going to say to him if I'm going out with someone else?' And then… I … push them away."

Well, I guess I didn't expect her to put it like that, or to be such an important 'unfinished matter' in her life. Her eyes told me she had hope that I would return her feelings, but her anxiety showed me she didn't really expect me to. Goddess… I wished I could forget how to talk, so I wouldn't have to hurt her with my words. For a second I wondered how it would be… to tell her what she wanted to hear, that I'd come back… to lie to her. To put a smile in her face with words that would quickly fall under their own weight… And hurt her even more, just because I was too much of a coward to tell her the words she feared.

She was being honest with me and the least thing I could do was to do the same, so she could let me go and keep on with her life. I hoped.

"Miho, I… I'm not coming back."

Her eyes narrowed sorrowfully. "Never?" she asked in a tone of resignation.

"I don't like that word… but yeah… you shouldn't be waiting for me."

Then, what I saw in her eyes was not realization; I believe it was more of a confirmation. I knew I was causing her pain, but she wasn't surprised.

Dear Athena… what is in me that makes women suffer? I´m not even that cute or anything!

She was breathing unevenly, closing her eyes as she gathered the strength to speak with an almost inaudible voice, "Because you have someone else."

I nodded, even if she wasn't looking at me.

Then it seemed like words started to flow from her with an eloquence I had forgotten she had. "It's the woman you came with, that drove away after leaving you at Seika's place… the one that looks like a movie star. Am I right? Because, I can see she is very beautiful. I would understand if you don't want to come back if you're with someone like her."

A movie star? She would like to hear that. I smiled, moved by the bravery of her statements. I hadn't given a lot of thought to what would become of her life all these years. I only supposed the best thing I could do for her was to stay away. My Goddess… how could I be so thoughtless? No, don't answer.

"I'm sorry, Miho. I've been very inconsiderate, I should've been aware… or at least I should've tried to be aware of how you felt. I never thought… "

"Don't apologize, Seiya," she interrupted. "I understand, in fact I can see how much you have changed. You're not the same little boy I used to know. Well, in a way you are just the same… But now your life is completely… exotic to me." She turned to look at me, her eyes shimmering as she fought back her tears, but her voice remained calm. "And, I knew it in my heart, long ago. I knew there was someone in your life. This afternoon I saw you with her, but… I needed to hear it from you."

"Miho, I…"

I don't deserve your kindness…

"So," she said when I failed to put three words together. "Are you going to marry her?"

I wish I could, yet…

If I only knew… if it's even possible to think like that…

How can I tell you, my dear friend, what I really don't know myself?

She is my star, indeed… my beautiful, shining star. But it is not her beauty or glow that draw me to her, it is her generous and compassionate heart that has conquered mine. It´s her faith that has become my creed, the only bond I have left with my Goddess. How can I explain to you that she's not only my guiding star but also the anchor that keeps me from going adrift?

"Maybe."

She smiled, somehow condescendingly. "Well, I think you should be more certain about it. It's ok if you want to be erratic now, because you are very young, but remember you aren't going to be this young forever. You shouldn't live by decisions –or lack of decisions- you will regret when you realize there's no way back." I widened my eyes and paled a bit, her spontaneous admonishing was starting to make me feel more self-conscious than was comfortable. Although she continued, "Besides, you have to consider her feelings as well, you shouldn't be so self-centered…"

Now, that's the Miho I know.

I wondered how she could be so strong and brave. Gods… I wouldn't think for a second if I had to risk my life for you or for humanity, but this kind of courage, the one that lets you be heartbroken at one second and moving on the next, going on with your life, I seriously lack of. I understood she was much fitter to this world than I could ever be.

"…and, it´s not like you are the first person to go through a difficult time…"

While she kept with the prattle for another ten minutes, I thanked in my mind all the Gods for letting me go through all this without further damage… on any side. I blessed my luck, or my stars… or what is written in them. I smiled at her dumbly, just thinking about the family and friends I do have in Japan, and it really wasn't so terrible to spend a couple of days there now and then.

Then pleaded so I could be sitting on my couch, watching a soccer game ´till midnight with Shaina snoozing with her head pillowed on my lap; as soon as possible.

"… so, please always remember you have people that care for you, and ostracizing yourself will do no good to anyone."

I guessed she was right about pretty much all she said to me, but since I lacked the skills to explain myself, I gave her the infallible answer. "Yeah…well. I guess you're right."

She gave me a definitive nod. I stretched and jumped on my feet, then suggested we should get going while offering my arm. She took it and stayed at my side as we walked, talking about everyday things of our lives like good old friends would do.

You are a wonderful woman, Miho. You are the reason why Athena believes human kind is worth dying for.

She is my reason, and you are hers.

Funny thing, how purposes end up being bound to one another…

…or maybe it's fate.