Nearly eight hours later, Steve stood at the window of PICU watching his partner cling tightly to his daughters hand. His mind ran through everything that had happened since arriving in the ER with Danny.
/
After Grace had been carted off to surgery and the necessary documents scribbled with Danny's shaky signature, they were led to the triage area where Rachel had been pronounced dead. Danny had quietly gone in and stood by her side for what seemed like an eternity, hands stuffed tightly in his pockets, head bowed. Without saying a word he turned and walked past Steve toward the restroom and proceeded to throw up the contents of his stomach for the next ten minutes. Steve had steadied him, crouching beside him, one cool hand on the back of Danny's neck while his head hung over the toilet, providing him with a wet paper towel and a cup of water when he had nothing left to offer.
They had spent hours in the small waiting area outside the doors of the operating rooms. Steve had alternated between pacing and sitting. It was unnerving how silent Danny had been. The only movement he made was to turn his head towards the heavy wooden doors every time they opened, anxiously waiting for Grace's surgeon to appear. Steve hadn't tried to reassure Danny with words, he knew nothing he could say would soothe the other man's fears and refused to lie to him. He knew the severity of the situation and there was no way he would look Danny in the eye and tell him everything was going to be alright. He could only hope that his presence beside him, a firm hand on his shoulder every now and then would at least offer him some small comfort of knowing he wasn't alone.
So they sat. For over 6 hours they sat in silence. Steve finally settled into the chair next to Danny, leaning back and resting his head against the wall. His eyes fell on his partner once more. Danny was slumped forward, elbows resting on his knees, his head hanging low. Steve swore he saw a lone tear drip freely to the floor, causing a deep ache to settle in his chest. Just as he was about to lay a comforting hand on Danny's shoulder the doors leading to the OR slowly opened. This time Danny didn't make any indication that he heard the familiar sound. A middle aged man walked slowly toward them. Steve tried desperately to read what the doctors tired eyes were saying, wondering if he would soon be picking up the broken pieces of his partner, praying silently that wouldn't be the case.
"Danny" Steve's voice was hoarse and quiet after not having spoken for so long. It was enough though, to cause his friend to stir and raise his head, quickly swiping a hand across his face to erase any evidence of tears. When Danny didn't rise to his feet to face the doctor Steve knew instinctively it was because his partner was so paralyzed with fear that his body wouldn't react. So Steve remained seated beside him while the doctor pulled a chair over to sit across from them.
Danny felt a weight so heavy in his chest he was sure it would crush him. He had a fleeting thought, wondering if it were actually possible to die of a broken heart. It must be true, because if his daughter, his beautiful baby was gone then there was no way he would survive. He knew he could very well drop dead right there in the dreary hospital waiting room from what would be a mind numbingly, stroke inducing loss. He didn't know how much time had passed, how long he had been sitting in these God awful chairs. What he did know was that Rachel was dead and his sweet angel was fighting for her life, and there wasn't a goddamn thing he could do to help her. He felt utterly useless, he wanted to go to the morgue and shake the body of his dead ex-wife and ask her why. Why did she let this happen?
He felt terrible for thinking that way. He hated himself for blaming her when at the same time he was shaken to the core by her death. Pictures of a life they once had as a happy family flashed repeatedly through his mind and he asked himself for the thousandth time since they split what had he done wrong. That's when he realized he had no one to blame for this nights unfortunate events but himself. Had he fought harder to save his marriage then maybe they never would have come to this damn island, and in turn Rachel wouldn't have lost control of her car while driving Grace home from ballet class. But he hadn't fought, not hard enough, and now they were all paying the price.
At the raspy sound of his own name, Danny lifted pain filled eyes toward the doctor. He silently willed his body to move, but it remained uncooperative. A deep sense of dread washed over him, petrified that he was going to be told that his little girl was gone. As the weary doctor settled into a chair across from him he felt a strong hand rest on his back. He met the doctors eyes and in a shaky voice asked the question he just didn't want the answer to.
"Is she...did she...is my baby alive?"
/
Steve's stomach turned as Danny's words echoed in his head. The sound, the tone of his voice more than the words themselves. He was sure he would never forget the desperation and fear that was behind the words. He never wanted to see that look on his friends face again. And the immense, heart stopping relief he felt (and if he felt that than he could only imagine what Danny had felt) when the doctor informed them that Grace had made it through surgery. The relief was somewhat short lived, however, when they were also told that Grace was in a coma and they could not say if she would ever come out of it.
Danny had either been so overcome with relief that he didn't process what the doctor had said or he chose to not entertain the thought of Grace never waking up, because it was as if a fire had been lit under him. On his feet in an instant he demanded to see her, a fierce look of determination on his face.
"Steve?" Kono's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts. Sighing deeply he turned to find her and Chin, grim faced, watching Danny through the window as well.
"How they doin' brah?" Chin sounded just as concerned as Steve felt.
"Uh, well there's no change in Grace's condition. They don't really expect there to be for a while" The cousins nodded in unison.
"And Danny? How's he holding up?" Kono asked as her eyes darted to the figure sitting idly beside the tiny prone body in the bed, clinging to her small hand for dear life.
"I'm not really sure. He uh, he hasn't said much in a while" Steve replied sadly as he watched Danny gently run the back of his fingers over his daughters cheek.
"Is there anything we can do?" Chin asked.
"Yeah actually, you think you guys can stay here for a little while? I wanted to go grab a few things for Danny but I don't want to leave him alone"
"No problem boss. Maybe you should get some rest while your at it"
"I'm fine..." At their look of disbelief Steve rolled his eyes and began walking down the corridor "Seriously, I am. I won't be long"
/
"...and I've already told you that it's not a good time"
Steve rounded the corner to find Chin staring down a man he had never seen before. The tone in Chin's voice indicated that he was losing his patience, something that very rarely happened. A quick glance towards the window to Grace's room revealed Kono sitting quietly by Danny's side. Danny looked as if he hadn't moved in inch in the hour Steve had been gone.
"Chin? Is there a problem?" Both men turned to face Steve.
"Steve this is Stan Edwards" Steve hesitated when Stan held out his hand for a shake, but relented and reached out his own.
"Steve McGarrett, Danny's partner"
"Stan is insisting on going in to see Grace but I've asked him several times to come back..."
"I just want to see Grace, spend some time with her"
"I don't mean to be rude Mr. Edwards but you can see her just fine from here"
Steve knew, just as Chin had, that the last thing Danny needed right now was the man who stole his family and uprooted them all to Hawaii, disrupting his time with Grace. He worked hard to keep his cool, knowing full well how Danny despised the man and all the reasons why. The man had, after all, just lost his wife. The thought made Steve nauseas because Stan wasn't his concern, Danny was.
"Look, I'm sorry for your loss but you need to keep in mind that Grace is Danny's daughter. It is his choice whether or not you get in to see her and right now he has enough to worry about. I won't allow you to add to that stress. So like Chin, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Stan opened his mouth to protest when Steve cut him off.
"I can arrange for you to be escorted out of the building if necessary Mr. Edwards, but I'd rather it not come to that"
"That won't be necessary" Stan sighed in defeat. "Please extend my well wishes, I pray that Grace is ok"
Steve almost felt sorry for the man as he watched him walk away, but then his attention was brought back to his friend who was currently crouched over his comatose daughter laying light kisses on her cheek, and Stan was no longer on his mind. Kono stepped out of the room, discreetly wiping away a tear.
"How's he doing?" Kono shrugged.
"He barely noticed I was there, didn't take his eyes off her" She shook her head.
"Steve what if..."
"Don't say it, don't even think it" Steve chided.
"It will kill him"
That was a fact and they all knew it. But Steve couldn't bear thinking of the 'what if's'. He couldn't even imagine what would happen if Grace never came out of this.
"She's right Steve, we have to prepare ourselves. I've spoken to Malia, she reviewed the files on Grace's condition. It doesn't look good"
"I don't care what the doctors say Chin. Please don't tell me you're both giving up?" Steve whispered harshly, not wanting Danny to hear any of their conversation.
"God no Steve, never" "Of course not" Chin and Kono said in unison.
"Good, because the last thing Danny needs right now is to think we have given up hope"
"That's not what we're doing Steve" Kono promised.
"Not to change the subject but have you gotten in touch with Danny's parents?"
Steve ran both hands over his face.
"Yeah, they're devastated understandably. They're worried about Danny but they can't come out here right now. His mom has been sick and his father won't leave her alone. I promised to keep them updated" Steve left out the part where he swore to take care of Danny. That there was nothing else in the world more important than being there for his friend.
"We'll all help with that" Chin informed Steve.
"I know, thank you guys, really. Listen, you think you can go check in at work? I left a message for the Governor but she hasn't returned my call yet"
"We're on it. We'll be back later, if there's anything you guys need just call" Steve nodded his thanks and waited for them to go before picking up a bag he had dropped earlier when he heard Chin and Stan arguing and pushed open the door to Graces room.
/
Danny had heard Stan's voice, had known Kono was sitting beside him. He knew when Steve left earlier and when he reappeared. He knew by the sudden absence of Stan's voice that his friends had forced the man to leave. He couldn't bring himself to care. He knew Stan was grieving over the loss of Rachel, he was too. Stan wasn't his concern. His focus was on his daughter. The little girl that the doctors were saying may never wake up. Danny just didn't believe that. He refused to believe it. It wasn't denial. It was a father's intuition. His baby was going to wake up. She was going to pull through this and have a long wonderful life.
Over the course of the past 2 hours he had been silently praying. He whispered words of love and encouragement, hoping somehow Grace would hear him. She had to hear him, she had to come back to him because if she didn't...no, he wouldn't think like that. She was coming back. He would make sure of it.
It was destroying him to see her so still. To see her attached to all these machines, breathing for her, keeping track of her vitals. He would anything to hear her say 'I love you Danno'. And he would give the world just to be able to say 'Danno loves you' and have her throw her arms around him.
He heard the door open, a quick glance confirmed that it was indeed Steve.
/
"Hey" He kept his voice quiet, but saw Danny's eyes flicker in his direction before turning back to Grace. Steve took a deep breath and placed the bag on an empty chair. Stepping to Danny's side he placed a strong hand on his neck and squeezed. Looking down at the little girl he had grown to love so dearly he felt tears spring to his eyes.
She looked so small and fragile beneath all the wires, tubes, bandages and blankets. It seemed the only part of her body exposed was the tiny hand that Danny so delicately held and her beautiful face. White gauze wrapped around the expanse of her head, almost covering her eyes. She had several small cuts across her face and a thin tube poked out of her mouth leading to a respirator.
"I stopped by your apartment and picked up a few things" Danny didn't acknowledge what Steve was saying so he pulled over a chair and turned it towards Danny. He knew he was being heard.
"Listen, I need you to do something for me. You do and I swear that I will never say that you should take a break and get go some rest. I'll never ask you to leave for any reason because I know you won't. But Danny, I need you to take care of yourself." Danny turned his head slightly away.
"I'm serious Danny, you'll be no good to Grace when she wakes up if your falling over your own two feet from exhaustion and hunger. So I won't hassle you about it, but, if I bring you food...eat it. If you're tired, tell me, I'll sit up with Grace while you catch a nap on this really uncomfortable chair. I also spoke to the nurses and they said there is an employee lounge down the hall that you can use to shower and wash up. I brought you some clothes and a few personal items to get you by"
Danny turned his gaze back to Steve and for the first time in the last 14 hours of being together, Danny looked him in the eye. What Steve saw broke his heart. Danny's eyes were red and bloodshot, but beyond that he saw unadulterated sorrow. Steve cleared his throat and pulled his eyes away. Standing, he grabbed the bag he had brought and unzipped it.
"I also brought a few things for Grace"
Danny's watched him in bewilderment when Steve pulled a small, worn stuffed monkey from the bag.
"Grace told me about this once. She said you won it for her when she was 4 on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights. She said you gave it to her when she had bad dreams and told her the monkey would chase them all away"
Pausing to draw in a deep breath he stole a glance at Grace.
"She said that she gave it back to you when you moved here because she didn't want you to be alone, and that you slept with it next to you every night. Anyway, I thought she would like having it here"
Steve smiled at the memory of Grace telling could see the tears welling up in Danny's eyes. The story was so typically Grace and Danny. He adored their relationship. He leaned forward and placed the monkey by Grace's feet as to not disturb any of the wiring around her. Danny followed his every moment with his eyes.
"I also brought this.." He pulled out a hard cover copy of Percy Jackson and The Olympians. "...Grace told me a few weeks ago how she couldn't wait until bedtime because you read a chapter to her before bed every time she stayed with you and you were just up to the part where Percy had arrived at Camp Half Blood and she couldn't wait to see what happened next. Not that I have a clue as to what any of that means but she seemed really excited about it so...I don't know...I thought she would like it if you read it to her"
Steve shrugged sheepishly. He hoped he hadn't crossed a line. Danny was still watching him with a very strange look on his face. Steve suddenly felt like he should explain himself.
"They say that people who are in a coma can hear you when you talk to them, that it sometimes helps. I just thought..." Steve stopped abruptly when, for the first time since Danny had been allowed to see Grace, he let go of her hand and stood. At first Steve thought Danny was going to hit him but as he came closer he let out a relieved sigh when Danny opened his arms. Steve leaned into Danny's outstretched arms and wrapped his own around Danny's trembling body.
"Thank you" Danny's voice was so quiet that Steve barely heard him.
"Really Steve...thank you" The raw emotion in Danny's voice drew a tear from Steve's eye. He felt it roll down his cheek until it landed on his friends shoulder. Steve had no words so he simply held on tighter.