Everybody Loves Tsuna
Cutting Down Fangirls
The truth? You can't handle the truth!
The movie line perfectly appealed to Tsuna in his current situation. Now don't get the wrong idea, Tsuna had no problem with people having an interest in the same gender, he wasn't that kind of person. What he did have a problem with is that his bomb-happy friend was currently confessing love to him in a broom closest due to the effect of an experimental bullet.
Tsuna's worst fears were confirmed; the Infatuation Bullet affected men as well as women.
"G-G-G-G-G-Gokudera! You have to get a hold yourself!" Tsuan declared out, feeling like a cat that was about to be attacked by a mammoth armed with a gun rack.
"…You're right" the Storm Guardian whispered.
"R-Really?" Tsuna asked, a wave of relief washing over him.
"Yes…I shouldn't have rushed this!" he yelled out, grabbing his own head in shame. Not the reaction that Tsuna was hoping for, as he felt that familiar sense of dread come back with a vengeance
"I…I should have kept my cool and should have displayed my affection in public!" Gokudera cursed, banging his head against the closet wall.
Tsuna promised himself that he would go to the funeral of this broom closet when it was destroyed, because it had managed to keep this hideously embarrassing confession secure within its walls. For that, he was eternally grateful.
"I'm sorry Tenth, but I just had to tell you!" he declared.
"Gokudera, you have to listen to me! You aren't actually in love with me-" he desperately tried to explain.
"I know, it's just a crush that I've acquired form all my long years in service to you! But I promise you that feeling that burns like an Italian pepper hot feast pizza in my stomach stems from a love stronger than even Turf Head's head!" the Storm Guardian ranted.
"…How does that make any sense-"
"Trust me Tenth! I will prove to you that my love is genuine! Ask me to do anything and it shall be done! I shall fetch the hair from your mother's armpit! Sunbath in the Antarctic completely naked! I'll even eat one of my sister's life-threatening cookies!" he promised, no hint of regret.
Tsuna didn't know what was worse, the fact that Gokudera somehow knew about the hair around his mother's body or that he was deadly serious about every word.
He had to get home and speak and Reborn, he probably knew of a way to get out of it. He hoped.
"…Could you let me out of the broom closet?" Tsuna asked meekly.
"Consider it done!" Gokudera declared, letting his boss step through the oak door. Not wasting a moment, Tsuna dashed out in the corridor, eager to put some space between himself and his Storm Guardian.
He didn't get further forward than five steps.
A whole squadron of school girls now stood between him and freedom, each one had an annoyed and lustful look in their eye. They had formed a semi-circle around the broom closet, where they had obviously heard Gokudera's ranting and had created a blockade.
A blockade made of love crazed teenage girls, who would not allow their primitive desires to be ignored.
"We've got you at last, my beautiful play thing!"
"I'm going to smother him in chocolate an whipped cream!"
"I'm going to dress him in a panda and make him eat bamboo!"
"I'm going to serve him a romantic dinner…then tie him to a pillar and take naughty pictures!"
Tsuna's screams of terror were muffled when the wall of female anatomy came crashing down like a hungry swarm of locusts. Locusts that were hungry for love…and whatever part of his body they could grab.
Tsuna splashed his face with cold water, and winced as he looked in his reflection and tried counting the number of love bites over his face. How they had managed to turn his nose purple and leave lipstick marks on his earlobe remained a mystery.
He had managed to escape through the ring of delusional fangirls through their legs, refusing to dare look up. He had fled to the most obvious place in the school, which should be the last place they'd look according to his knowledge.
In fairness however, his logic had been pretty crappy lately.
The boy's bathroom was deathly quiet, the silence making Tsuna nervous as he tried to get rid of the lipstick marks along his chest that somehow formed themselves into the shape of a butterfly…pinning him to the floor while a ladybird tried to conceive children with him.
He had rubbed enough soap on his torso in that five minutes then he had his entire life previously.
"This is bad, this is really, really bad!" Tsuna muttered. He looked at his pale reflection in the mirror, and tired to formulate a plan of action.
"I'll jump down the fire escape, if I don't break both my ankles I'll hop my home and force Reborn to undo the bullet's effect. After that; everything will be fine!" he thought aloud.
The plan sounded so much better in his head.
"Sounds like you're in a lot of trouble Tsuna" the only child of the Sawada family nearly had a heart attack (another one) when he whipped around to see none other than his Rain Guardian standing in one of the bathroom stalls, with a a very out of character smug look on his face.
"Oh hell" Tsuna thought to himself.
"Y-Yamamoto? W-What are you doing here?" he asked. A question so blatantly obvious he felt like slapping himself moments after he had said it.
"Taking a five minute break form baseball practise…and watching you" the tall teenager smiled, his face looking much healthier since his encounter with those rival baseball fanatics.
"…Pardon?" Tsuna stammered, blinking a few times.
"I like watching you clean yourself, there's something pure and serene about watching you wash department store products off of your face, don't you think?" Yamamoto asked, the smile never leaving his face.
"…No Yamamoto, I don't that pure in the slightest…in fact its just down right creepy" Tsuna retorted, taking several long steps back.
"You're right, why beat around the bush? We're alone and should speak out minds" Yamamoto replied, hands in pockets, walking towards him.
"D-Did you even hear what I just said?" Tsuna barked out, back to the door.
This was the second time that Sawada Tsunayoshi had found himself cornered by one of his male friends who seemed to have turned romantic overnight.
He felt twice as terrified.
"Tsuna…you have really pretty eyes, did you know that?" Yamamoto asked, bending down to his height.
"This is not happening, this is not happening" Tsuna kept yelling at himself inwardly.
"L-Listen to me Yamamoto! You're under the effect of a bullet! You have to fight this!" the Vongola boss begged, but none of his words seemed to be reaching the baseball enthusiast.
"Oh Tsuna, you and your little metaphors" Yamamoto laughed, patted him on the head and roughing up his hair.
"Metaphor? What metaphor? When did I ever mention a metephor? When did metaphors enter this one-sided conversation?" Tsuna thought as he frantically reached for the door handle.
"I just want you let you know Tsuna…I'm here…if you ever want me" the Rain Guardian whispered, touching his chin with two fingers.
"If you ever want company beyond that of a friend…if you ever want to feel loved…if you ever want someone to-"
Okay Yamamoto I think I hear my psychiatrist calling! Goodbye!" Tsuna practically screamed as he dashed out of the boys bathroom.
Yamamoto stood up fully and smiled.
"He's really pretty when he runs away in pure Hollywood-esque fear"
Tsuna was running so fast you would have thought that the Grim Reaper was on his tail. Well, technically his own version of death was laying just around the corner. Fear of fangirls, whose gender seemed to bleed over into one another, frightened Tsuna more than the prospect of being shot by rival mafia families.
"Almost to the exit! Almost to the exit! Almost to the-"
Tsuna's voice ceased when he was met by a wall of fangirls, doubled in number since his last encounter three minutes ago., and this time some of then had ropes with them. Some of them had tossed away their uniforms to wear more…revealing clothing, causing Tsuna's blood to rapidly heat up.
He may just have stopped there and stared…if it weren't for the fact that Gokudera was at the head of the crowd.
"Tenth! I think I've figured out a more subtle way to show my affection!" he declared.
Tsuna said nothing, he thought nothing. He simply did what anyone of his background and moral standing would have done in a situation like this.
Run. Run like hell.
And that's just what he did, he turned tail and ran faster than any road runner or coyote could hope to imagine. A resounding cry of disappointment came form the crowd of girls. Quickly followed by a primal howl of immediate sexual intercourse from their chosen prey.
"He's escaping!" one of the fangirls yelled.
"Tie him down and shower him with love!"
"And chocolate syrup!"
"And donuts!"
"And sprinkles!"
"And eatable underwear!"
The crowd lunged after Tsuna like a rabid dog, Gokudera being lost in the waves of hormones and blouses. The Vongola heir dashed around any corner he could find, not caring where it took at him, so long as he didn't reach a dead end, he would run until he found a way out of the cursed building.
Then he ran into a dead end.
"Who built this school!" he wailed, and slowly turned around to see a monster made up of more than twenty pairs of exposed legs and upper assets, each deprived of love to the point where some were actually foaming at the mouth.
Tsuna doubted like he would survive the next five seconds.
Actually, he survived to see the next six. Tsuna heard their cries, but not of pleasure or immense fear from his end of things, but instead of pain from the girls in front of him. Tsuna opened his eyes for a second to see that some of them were on the floor with bruised faces caused by impact of a set of steel tonfa.
Tsuna's knight in shining white armour turned out to be a teenager in a Namimori school uniform. In his hands a pair of tonfa that weren't afraid to beat around fangirls if the situation called upon them. Tsuna had to strain his eyes to make sure he wasn't having another panic-induced hallucination.
The man who had preserved his life as well as virginity was none other than Hibari Kyoya.
"H-H-Hibari-san?" Tsuna gaped.
"Hey!" Gokudera's voice roared, as he worked his way through the crowd of underdressed girls until he was at the front of the would-be army.
"Back away form the Tenth! I have confession of love to announce!" he howled.
"You're all…going to be bitten to death" Hibari responded, weapons in hand.
"You fool! You are but one man! ATTACK!" Gokudera ordered, the legion of Tsuna lovers following close behind.
"You win this round Hibari! But I shall be back! Just as soon as my arms get lodged back in their sockets!" Gokudera yelled, limping through the sea of unconscious fangirls most of which suffering from concussions.
Hibari snorted and sheathed his weapons, not even battering an eyelid. Tsuna gaped, he had never seen so many women getting tossed around like that before, broken noses or otherwise. Though, he felt it was a bit eccentric when Hibari had started to beat Gokudera with the unconscious bodies of two fangirls.
"Wow…um….thanks Hibari-san! If it weren't for you I would-"
Tsuna was silenced when Hibari stood him up and began to brush off any dust or excess blood that may have been splattered on him. Afterwards he sorted out his collar, made sure his sleeves were parallel and even was kind enough to inspect his nostrils for unwanted hairs.
"Uh…thanks for everything, but I'll just be going home now" Tsuna replied with a half-smile.
Two firm hands landed on his shoulders, that was the first landmark sign. Hibari's smile was a wicked one, one that spoke of dark deeds and nights watching Sex in the City while eating ice cream. He leaned down and whispered a series of precise and sharp words into his ear.
Words that drained all colour from Tsuna's face.
Afterwards, he left Tsuna alone to carry on his duties. Tsuna stood in silence for five minutes before making his way out of school and very slowly making his way across the courtyard. Tsuna could have been mistaken for a walking ghost, the fear evident in his eyes.
Hibari had told him he was going to bite him to death…in the literal sense.