Everybody Loves Tsuna
Lust Isn't as Fun As It Sounds…
Reborn hadn't even finished his second coffee of the day when Tsuna came barging through the door, out of breath and as pale as a sheet. He looked at Reborn, but no words came out of his mouth, and only showed a look of pure desperation that was swirling in the place that once was his soul.
"…Did you get any milk on the way back, because the coffee has been awfully bland lately" Reborn ask, throwing a deaf ear to Tsuna's obvious despair.
It took Tsuna a few moments to regain some form of composure, and even longer before he had the will power to stare his tutor directly in the face, and scream out the words he never thought he would say in his life.
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME GUYS WOULD BE AFFECTED BY THE BULLET!" he howled, nearly breaking all the glass in the house.
"You didn't ask" Reborn replied, sipping what remained of his coffee out of the shattered mug.
"You said only girls would be affected! Not everyone!" Tsuna raged, falling onto his hands and giving Reborn the most powerful death glare he could muster. It failed. Miserably.
"If you remember correctly, I simply stated that you would attract people around you, I never specified it was limited to one gender" Reborn replied calmly.
"But-!" Tsuna spluttered, but was cut off.
"You were the one who left in such a hissy fit that you never gave me time to explain the details of the bullet, if you weren't acting like the world had suddenly went to the dogs then maybe I could have given you some warning" Reborn replied.
"NO AMOUNT OF WARNING COULD HAVE PREPARED ME FOR TODAY!" Tsuna wailed, slamming his head to floor, moaning in sheer despair.
Reborn gave him a few seconds to sulk, and when he showed no sign of stopping he took out Leon, who had conveniently turned itself into a spiked mace. The Vongola's head went through the floor, and ended up looking right into the kitchen.
Where Bianchi was cooking, but whose attention was immediately drawn to him.
"Uh…Reborn?" Tusna called out.
"Tsu-kun, so glad you could join me" she grinned, licking her lips.
"Did she just call me Tsu-kun?" Tsuna thought to himself.
"I was just preparing dinner, Nana has been working to hard this week - so I decided to give her the day off and send her and the rest of the little headaches away to Ireland for a week" she grinned, stirring something in a pot they resembled a dead weasel mixed with venom found in a tarantula.
"Reborn…" Tsuna repeated, a little louder.
"I was thinking that maybe for tonight, you and I could have dinner alone and get to know each other better…a lot better" she smiled, walking away from the stove and in his direction.
"Reborn, I really need you to lift my head up now!" Tsuna yelled out.
"You promise to stop acting like a child long enough for me to explain the nature of the bullet?" Reborn asked, leaning on Leon's spiked form, not really caring that Tsuna's head was about to be smothered.
"Or if you prefer…" Bianchi smirked, standing on a chair so her face was completely level with Tsuna's, who was now desperately rocking his head back and forth to try and break free.
"Reborn!" Tsuna yelled out.
"I'm still waiting on an answer" The Arcobaleno replied, now playing miniature golf with a transformed Leon-Golf-Club.
"…we could skip right to the festivities" Bianchi concluded, reaching and grasping his face in her hand, shutting her eyes and moving her face closer to his. Very uncomfortably close.
"OKAY! I PROMISE TO LISTEN! HELP ME!" Tsuna wailed, and was consequently pulled out of the ceiling just in time before Bianchi's lips claimed his own.
Spluttering and pleased that his mouth was still his own, he frantically threw the chippings of floor out of his hair and peered back into the hole where his head had once been stuck. He had hoped that Bianchi had been put off, showing that her advances were meaningless as he certainly didn't feel anything of that sort towards her.
She was inhaling the scent of a stray strand of his hair that she had snatched. She caught him looking at her, she then proceeded to put on an apron and began to continue her cooking, swinging her hips from side to side.
This was after she had taken off her tank-top and started stirring the poisonous stew in nothing more than her cotton white bra.
Tsuna immediately veered his eyes away, blood nearly shooting out of his nose like a fire hydrant. Reborn was not impressed by this and delivered another blow with a golf-club Leon to snap him back to attention.
"Now, if you'll keep still for a moment, I'll explain what I can about the bullet"
Tsuna nodded for him to proceed, massaging his now swelling black eye.
"The bullet was one of many developed for the Vongola agents who needed to sneak into an enemy base without infiltration and even in broad daylight. The Infatuation Bullet was created for the purpose of being able to persuade and even seduce all enemies around the single agent"
"I know that much" Tsuna interrupted.
"Do you want me to shoot you in the kneecap, with a REAL bullet this time?" Reborn asked.
Tsuna immediately shut his mouth.
"As I was saying, the Vongola agents noted a few problems down in their report with the bullet. The first was that the bullet's field of control got weaker the further away they were from other individuals, expanding to nearly 36 miles in every direction"
"36 MILES!"
Tsuna wailed as a Leon-Hammer came crashing down on his foot, causing him to fall through the hole once again. Unfortunately, this time it was his backside, and was as helpless as a turtle. Tsuna began to flail his arms around, but there was no point - this time he was properly stuck.
"After further tests, the bullet's properties were much more complicated than first believed. It turned out that other factors came into place, factors that affected how strong a hold the bullet took over the individuals around them" Reborn explained.
Tsuna was half-listening, but was currently preoccupied because felt something that felt like a woman's hand grace their fingers along his backside…
"After severe testing, they came back with six theories regarding the bullet's attributes and it's effects on people, these were considered concrete due to the overwhelming evidence, some of which resulted in the deaths of many agents…mainly due to crushed pelvises"
Tsuna would have practically ranted about that key fact, if it weren't for the fact that Biacnhi's hand was now tracing the rim of his boxer shorts.
"Fact 1: Distance does affect the bullet's properties, to the general population you would still be No-Good Tsuna, and wouldn't' show immediate changes unless they got an arms distance away from you"
Bianchi must have been standing on a chair, because she was currently making circular patterns on his lower back, her ice-cold lips leaving pecks on his spine which caused Tsuna to squeak in fear with every brush.
"Fact 2: This rule can be broken on the condition that people you spend numerous time with are present within that 36 mile radius, in which case they will be affected to the fullest degree, which ranges depending on their own personalities."
She was tugging on his belt, forcing the hole even bigger, Tsuna was now scrambling like a rat through into a well, racking his nails across the floorboards, desperately trying to stay afloat. He could hear her laugh from below, and for some reason it filled Tsuna with a sense of dread he had never experienced before.
"Fact 3: Gender seems to play very little part in it, though after some intense research it appeared that the affected craved the bullet-holder in such a way that they were not aware they may have been pursuing a person of possibly the same sex. This concludes that in their minds, the bullet-holder is on completely a different level of thought and desire"
One arm was reaching up his back, and leaving deep indents in his back. Tsuna was now frantically calling to Reborn to help him, but the Arcobaleno didn't seem to listen…or didn't seem to care. One nail managed to draw a slight amount of blood of Tsuna's back, where he felt her tongue slowly wash over the spot.
"Fact 4: There have been some extreme cases where people who previously knew the bullet holder, who were within a breaths distance from them, and were completely unaffected. On the contrast, some became as rabid as dogs and lost all of their humanity, reverting to a primal stage. In one case, people who were located hundreds of miles away became infatuated and showed the same signs of those who had shared a previous contact with the bullet holder"
Yep, that was her hand on his backside, even through his jeans he could feel her icy touch.
"Fact 5: Those with strong will power, such as myself, people under and above a certain age as well as members of your family will remain unaffected for the duration of the bullet's hold over you"
Tsuna was certain, she was definitely leaving love bites up his back, the mixture of teeth upon his skin and hands rubbing themselves around his stomach left him silently screaming.
"Fact 6: It appears that the effects don't wear off. Ever" Reborn concluded.
"…WHAT!" Tsuna, managing with a might push to escape Biacnhi's grasp and ended up falling flat on his face.
"Sorry kiddo, those are the facts" Reborn shrugged.
"Are you saying that this…curse, could last forever?" Tsuna wailed.
"300 agents were tested, they had to be moved to distant countries just to escape the mob of men and women desperate to bare their children, eventually some became monks, other went to an undersea base…and others simply enjoyed it" Reborn sighed.
"…My life is over" Tsuna cried, falling flat on his back.
"Give it a week, see how you cope, in the meantime I'll try and follow some leads for a miracle cure" Reborn explained, petting Leon whimsically.
"What do I do in the meantime? I've got half of Namimori after me, plus my Guardians won't stop chasing me! How am I supposed to - AHH!" Tsuan screamed as he fell right through the hole and into the arms of the waiting Bianchi.
Reborn considered helping him out of the loving grasp of the nicely-built Italian assassin, then decided he would let Tsuna try and deal with it, and from the way he kept screaming at her to keep what remained of her clothes on, he wasn't having the best of starts.
"Maybe it's time I gave him the birds and the bees talk…" Reborn thought to himself.