Carly threw open the doors to the high school and ran down the street. It was cold outside. October hung in the air, the smell of rain and chimney smoke all around her. Her lungs filled with air as she rushed towards the bus station. She felt mixed up. She was excited and scared at the same time.
Excited to go to Sam's apartment?
But why? she asked herself.
I don't know. I just am. She's my best friend. Why wouldn't I be excited to see her?
Then why are you scared?
Oh shut up. You know exactly why I'm scared. I'm afraid she's in love with Brad or somebody else. Jealous much?
No.
Ha. Yeah right. You're jealous of Sam.
Wrong. I'm jealous of whoever she's in love with. I want that to be me.
I see. You know you look crazy on this bus mumbling to yourself right?
Yeah, I know, but I don't care about that right now.
An old couple stared right at her as the bus stopped one, two, three times before the stop near Sam's apartment. Carly could hear them whispering but couldn't make out what they were saying. She caught a snippet of their conversation as she exited the bus in a hurry at Sam's street.
"I just don't understand these kids. Why do they think they need to do drugs and get high to enjoy themselves?"
She laughed as she jumped off the bus, skipping the stairs. Drugs! HA! They have no idea why I'm elated and high right now. Sam Puckett is my drug. I'm addicted to her. I need her. I'm insane and I don't care!
Carly said hello to the doorman at Sam's apartment as he opened the heavy door for her. The lobby wasn't as nice as Carly's, and she had been to Sam's enough times to know that the apartment itself was about the same. Sam's mom drank too much, spent too much of her money on alcohol and not near enough on Sam. When Sam's mom was home, she was planted in front of the TV with a glass of gin and tonic. She rarely had time for her daughter. This was one of the reasons Sam and Carly got along so well from an early age. Neither of them had stable parents at home. There was Spencer, but he would always just be a big brother to both of them. Carly's mother died when she was young and her father was a military man. Carly and Sam had been natural best friends.
As the elevator carried her up five stories to Sam's floor, Carly smiled at the memory of their small group growing up together. She, Freddie, and Sam had been friends since before any of them could remember. Sam and Freddie always butted heads of course, and Carly was the buffer between them. She remembered fondly, holding Sam back as she tried to rip Freddie's eyes out for attempting to sneak a few morsels of food from Sam's plate. The feel of Sam's surprisingly strong arms straining against her sent chills down her spine.
Wow. I need to get a grip.
The elevator doors opened and she turned left on the landing, heading towards Sam's apartment. She knocked on the door, wanting to just walk in like Sam always did at her place. She knew, though, that Sam's mom might be home, sitting on the couch, drunk and moody. She didn't want to risk a confrontation between Sam and her mom, because God knew, both women were hard-headed. After several long seconds of standing outside the still closed door, Carly knocked again, this time harder. Mid-knock, the door flew open.
Sam stood there, her long blonde hair a bit wild, with her face dark and hard to read. Carly smiled brightly at her, hiding her shaking hands in her jeans pockets. "Hi," she said quietly.
"What do you want?" Sam asked. Carly frowned. Not the response I was hoping for.
"Uhh… I just wanted to come by and check on you. You left school in such a hurry, I was worried about you."
"Well, I'm fine." Sam avoided Carly's eyes.
"Sam," Carly said, dipping her head to make eye contact with the shorter girl. "Look at me. Tell me what's bothering you. We're supposed to be able to talk about these things, aren't we?"
"I don't know Carls, I just want to go to bed. I don't feel like talking right now."
"No, Sam. You're gonna tell me what's wrong. I'll bribe you if I have to. We'll go get a meat lovers pizza down the street and you can tell me all about it."
Carly could see the slight twinge at the corner of Sam's mouth. She was about to smile.
"Come on, Sam. If it's about today with the MoodFace app, it's no big deal. You can tell me whatever it is that's got you all worked up."
Sam snapped back into her guarded state at Carly's words. Her face clouded over with anger. "That noob Freddie and his big mouth. I'm not talking about that with you. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, she shut the door in Carly's face, leaving the brunette standing with her mouth open. Carly couldn't believe Sam had shut her out like that, both out of her home and her personal life. Whatever excitement and elation she had felt about Sam on the journey over was long gone. She got back on a bus to her own apartment, dejected and feeling alone.
Sam leaned back against her front door after she slammed it in Carly's face.
Shit.
She comes over here, all bright-eyed, beautiful. She has no idea. Just making eye contact with her drives me crazy. I can't stand to hold her gaze for more than a few seconds.
She walked past the couch where her mother was sprawled, watching some new cable drama.
"Sam!" her mother called over to her. "Who was at the door? Why did you slam it?"
"No one, ma. Don't worry about it. Go back to your show."
"Whatever." She turned her attention back to the TV.
No surprise there. My own mother won't even push to find out what's wrong with me. Who am I kidding? She doesn't even know something is wrong. She could care less.
A tear rolled down her face as she entered her room and shut the door behind her. She blinked back more tears and buried her face in her hands.
What am I gonna do? I know what I feel for her, but I know I'm going to fuck everything up. I'm going to ruin our friendship over my stupid hormones. I can't let her any closer to me now because I know I'll hurt her, and that's the last thing I want to do. God. I just want to be with her. I just want to make her feel good.
A sudden vision flashed across her mind.
Carly's bare skin pressed up against hers. Heated skin sliding together. The sensitive touch of a tentative girl.
A wave of something that felt like pleasure coursed through her body. It felt like the first drop of a roller coaster, her stomach falling. It felt like nervous butterflies tickling her fingers and toes. It felt like an invisible warm hand clenched over her crotch. Shit.
Sam had seen her fair share of sex scenes in movies. She had read enough articles in Cosmo to understand how things worked. But the movies and articles hadn't prepared her for something so foreign and intense. It was strange, to think of being with a girl, her best friend. Foreign yet familiar.
She crawled up in her bed and tried to push away her conflicting thoughts. The morning would probably come quickly, and she knew she wouldn't be able to sleep well. The guilt that plagued her for her feelings was not a comforting thought as she drifted off into a fitful sleep.
She woke up the next morning and everything was alright. Until she remembered. The events of the previous day flew back to her mind as she replayed them over in her head. The PearPad MoodFace app revealing her true feelings. Her fights with Carly about who she was in love with. Her most recent fight with Carly in her hallway. Her thoughts on what Carly might feel like naked and pressed up against her.
Ugh. I have GOT to quit doing that. She's just your best friend. Nothing more. Anything more and you'll ruin what you have. Those types of relationships just don't work out.
She dressed quickly for school, mindfully spraying on the perfume that Carly had once complimented her on. Sam smiled at that memory. They had hugged after Carly had been away for a week visiting her grandfather, and Carly had inhaled deeply.
"Mmmmm…. You're wearing a new perfume. I love it," she said, pulling away from Sam and smiling.
Sam wore it only on occasion, noticing whenever she did the exact moment that Carly would catch her scent.
Thinking back, it almost seemed like she really was enjoying that smell. Could it be? What if she actually is attracted to me? Nah. Snap out of it, Puckett. There's no way.
Wearing the perfume now felt a bit strange to her now with everything that had happened yesterday, but she barreled out the door anyway, wary of school, wary of Carly, but still hopeful.
Carly got to school on time, but she realized walking in the door that she forgot her history homework at the apartment.
Darn. Where is my mind today?
You know exactly where your mind is. On Sam Puckett.
Shut it! I'm not thinking about her. I'm mad at her for closing me out.
Sure you are. That's why you dreamed about her last night. You probably called her name out in your sleep.
All right, crazy voice, that's enough. Time to focus on school.
At that moment, Carly rounded the corner and ran headlong into none other than Sam Puckett. Sam's ham sandwich fell to the ground and Carly's books slid across the hall. Sam's smell enveloped Carly and she froze for a split second.
"Shit. Sorry." Sam said, keeping her head down as she picked up the remnants of her sandwich.
"It's ok… I . . " Carly started, but it was too late, Sam had already taken off down the hall towards her math class. Freddie, from his locker, saw the exchange and walked up to Carly.
"Hey," he said. "What was all that about? How did it go last night? Did you find out anything about Sam and her new love interest?"
"I don't know what that was about. Sam is still being difficult. She slammed her door in my face last night because I brought up the MoodFace app and asked her to tell me why she was acting that way. So, no. I didn't find out anything."
"Oh," Freddie said, averting his eyes and looking nervous. "Well, in that case, what are we going to do about tonight?"
"Tonight?" asked Carly. "What about it? Oh!" She slapped herself on the forehead. "Nuts! I forgot all about tonight. The webshow."
"Yeah. How are we gonna do a webshow if the two stars are pissed at each other?"
"Ummm…. I'm not sure. Maybe you could try talking Sam into it? She doesn't seem to want to talk to me."
Freddie rolled his eyes. He had an idea what was going on, but he wasn't going to be the one to broach the subject. "All right. I'll give it a shot."
Try as he might, Freddie couldn't manage to find Sam alone long enough to talk to her. They didn't have classes together for the remainder of the day, and every time he saw her, she was hurrying to another class with her head down. He gave up as he saw her rush out of the building at the last bell. Pulling out his phone, he decided to send her a text.
-Sam, I tried to talk to you all day today, but didn't get a chance. We're still on for the webshow tonight? –
He hung around his locker waiting for her reply.
-I don't know Freddie. I'm not really feeling up to it today.-
-We can't have the webshow without you. Come on Sam, it'll make you feel better, take your mind off of things.—
Her reply took a few minutes. Freddie walked towards the bus to meet up with Carly. They lived in the same apartment complex and rode the bus together from school. His phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the text from Sam.
-All right, I'll be there."
Carly walked up next to him then, said hello, and they both got on the bus together. They sat down together in a seat near the back, and Carly immediately turned to him and said, "Did you talk to Sam?"
"Yes," he said, "But I only texted her, I didn't see her all day. She said she'd come over for the webshow though."
Carly let out a sigh of relief and smiled. "Good," she said. "What all did she say?"
It was Freddie's turn to smile now, he knew she was pressing for any information she could get about Sam. Just like she always did here recently. "Not much. Just that she didn't feel much like coming over, but I convinced her to. I'm pretty awesome, you know."
Carly shoved him playfully. "Yes you are, Freddie Benson. Yes you are."
She sat back in her seat and looked out the window, choosing her words carefully. "I still can't help but wonder who it is that's getting her all worked up, you know? Sam usually isn't like this."
Freddie turned away from her, not wanting her to see him grin. "Oh, I think I've got an idea, " he said cryptically.
Perplexed, Carly looked away from the passing buildings and cars and stared at him, trying to catch his eye. "What do you mean you have an idea? You mean you knew who it was this whole time and didn't tell me!"
"I just said I had an idea, not that I knew for sure. Besides, I think you should find out for yourself who it is."
Freddie didn't say anything more and his thoughts went back to the past few months. How could he not notice the interactions between his two best friends. They had, after all, known each other since before they could remember. He saw the lingering eyes and the just a tad too long 'friendly' touches. It was a no-brainer for him what was going on; he had been in love with Carly himself there for a while. How could you not fall for her? he asked himself. She's beautiful, funny, probably the nicest girl you'll ever meet. She's got it all.
He had realized soon enough that Carly wasn't the girl for him. She had never been attracted to him, so his feelings were never reciprocated. He felt much more comfortable being himself around her once he stopped trying to impress her and convince her to date him.
The way he and Sam had interacted all these years finally made sense to him too. They had a rivalry. They were both infatuated with Carly and had sort of an unacknowledged competition going on. He and Sam fought constantly. He knew enough about how he reacted when Carly was around to see that Sam was going through the same thing.
As the bus pulled to a stop near their apartment complex, Carly was still lost in thought, looking out the window. Freddie nudged her and motioned towards the door of the bus. She snapped out of it and suddenly remembered something.
"Hey, Freddie, I forgot that Spencer and I had planned to go to the grocery store this afternoon. So you and Sam, whenever she gets here, can just go on up to the studio and get set up for the show."
"Oh," said Freddie. "You guys ran out of food?"
"Yeah, Sam ate all of our meat," Carly said with a hint of a grin.
"All right. I'll be up there in a little bit once I've put my all my stuff down."
Freddie used his spare key to open the door to Carly and Spencer's apartment. He walked inside and plopped down on the couch, turned on the TV, and propped his feet up on the coffee table.
He had only been watching the television for about 10 minutes when he heard the door open. Turning around to see who it was, but knowing already who it would be, he watched Sam come inside. She threw her bag down next to the door and walked immediately towards the kitchen, as usual. Freddie called over to her.
"Hey Sam. How's it going?"
"Eh," she said, not looking at him. She didn't find anything appetizing in the fridge, so she shut the door and grabbed a box of cereal. The blonde walked over to the couch and sat down next to Freddie. She sighed and munched on a handful of Lucky Charms.
"So," Freddie said, "How much longer are we gonna beat around the bush here?"
Sam almost choked on a rainbow marshmallow. She looked over at him, the irony, she thought, coughing. "What?"
"Seriously," he said, "I know what's going on, Sam, I'm not an idiot. I think I might even know you better than you know yourself."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Come on. Let's quit playing games and talk about this. About you and Carly."
Sam didn't say anything. She looked down at her hands, a sinking feeling developing in the pit of her stomach. He knows. How does he know?
Freddie turned to face her. "Sam, I know what's going on between the two of you. I've seen it happening, developing over the past few months. I know what it's like to be in love with Carly, I've been there."
Still Sam didn't say anything, she just kept looking down at her now shaking hands.
"Alright, I'll just talk then. You're miserable Sam. You have to do something about how you feel."
At this, Sam looked up at him, a mix of emotions playing across her face: fear and anger chiefly among them. "What the hell am I going to do about it? Yes, you're right." She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the eye. "I fell for her. I don't know how it happened, but it did. Now I'm stuck in no man's land. How can I act on my feelings for her? She's my best friend. I'll ruin everything we have."
Finally. A response, thought Freddie. Now if I can just get her to see what she's so blind to.
"Sam. Yes, she is your best friend. But that's not all she is. This attraction that you've been feeling is not one-sided. You just can't see that she's been acting the same way towards you because you're scared out of your mind."
"Since when did you get to be so Dr. Phil-ish, Fredward?"
"I've always been in touch with emotions and had a sense for relationships and love," said Freddie with a smile.
"Yeah right."
"Ok. So maybe that's stretching the truth. But seriously Sam. She has it bad for you too. Carly was jealous of whoever it was you were supposedly in love with."
"She was?" asked Sam incredulously.
"Yeah, she really was."
"Wow."
It looked to Freddie like Sam was in a bit of shock. She looked happier than she had before, but still confused and unsure of herself.
"Let's go set up for the webshow before Carly gets back," Freddie said, standing up.
"Where is she by the way?"
"She and Spencer went to the grocery store."
"Ah yes. I did eat all of their meat."
"Yeah. Come on."
They walked up the stairs together, Sam tripping Freddie halfway up.
Sam was lost in her thoughts as Freddie checked the microphone, camera, and internet connections. She couldn't help but think of Carly as she paced around the room nervously. A noise to her left distracted her momentarily. The door to the studio opened and Carly walked in with Spencer in tow, carrying a platter of deli cold cuts.
Jeez. I didn't even have time to process what Freddie just told me! Not fair!
Sam looked at her. Her breath caught. She realized she hadn't felt this way about anyone before. She just thought she knew what a crush felt like. Hell, maybe those were crushes, this was lust. Sam wanted her. More than she could even wrap her mind around. But she wanted more than just the physical; she wanted it all. Maybe it was love. Maybe Sam Puckett had fallen in love.