The ceiling had slowly meandered its way through a deep charcoal grey, all the way back to a light bright cream, and as Bella thought about how long she'd actually laid in this position, she knew the process had taken a little under five hours.
Two days had passed since her enlightening discussion at the cabin in the woods and still she found herself reveling in moments of disbelief, pure snippets of the old reality where black was black, and wolves didn't morph into friends in front of her very eyes. Sometimes she tried to convince herself that she liked the new world, the one where anything seemed possible, but mostly she just stared, eyes blank in a distant world as she moved little and thought a lot.
"Are you ready yet, Bells?" Charlie called, knocking lightly before peeking his head around the door, a look a disappointment flashing unseen as he noted her unchanged position.
"You don't have to come you know?" He'd taken her lack of movement to mean she was hesitating, not knowing that time had simply swept by under a distracted gaze.
"No, I want to. I'll be two minutes, I promise." Throwing her legs over the end of her bed she bid the sunlit creams of the ceiling goodbye. Throwing open her wardrobe, she picked out the only formal clothes she actually owned and quickly threw off her pajamas to make herself a little more presentable. Charlie had surprised her the night before when he'd asked if she would like to accompany him to the remembrance ceremony being held for Emily Young, and she'd surprised him a little more by actually saying yes. She wasn't quite sure of her motivation yet, but when she'd thought over the invitation, something in her gut had told her it would be the right thing to do, and that was enough for her.
Pinning her hair back in a neat bun, she threw on a thin coat of mascara and tinted lip-balm, before rummaging through the bottom of her closet for a pair of black ballet flats, something she'd bought with her mother and then only worn once. They would go well with her knee length black dress, and so she began digging through her endless sneakers. Just as Charlie reappeared in her doorway she pulled the second shoe free, tumbling back slightly with the momentum. After quickly righting herself she stood proudly, slipping the shoes on and then turned to her father for his assessment. His eyes looked weary, but he smiled through the truth of his emotions just for her. "You look beautiful, Bells."
Not being used to compliments, and not being sure if this day was the best to be receiving them, she thanked him politely and then rushed them both out of the house, grimacing slightly when she realized that they would inevitably be taking the cruiser.
As they edged closer and closer to the north, Bella felt a strange patter of nervous energy build in her stomach. She didn't know or understand the source of it at all, and as her father snapped his finger upwards to activate the cruiser's blinker, she knew they were close. The traditional Makah burial had occurred earlier in the day, a private affair for the tribe only, but after spending a lot of time with the grieving family, Charlie had been personally asked to join them in the afternoon. She understood that it was a slightly unorthodox request, but she also knew that her father was touched, especially given the amount of energy he had poured into the unfortunate dramatic extermination of such a young life.
"We're here." Charlie said, his voice filling the silent space between them as he pulled on the handbrake, stating the obvious.
They were sitting high over a cliff-top, looking out over an ocean that expanded as far as the eye could see and as Bella trailed her eyes over the throng of dark bodies below, she was a little surprised to find one or two that she recognized.
The thick thud of metal on metal set her heart racing as her father stood waiting for her to extricate herself, she forced herself to gather her nerves. It was only seconds later that she was by his side and they walked together down the slight gradient, a few pairs of eyes were drawn their way.
She smiled slightly at Embry, keeping the question of his attendance from her eyes. She knew that his mother was Makah, but she'd never heard him mention any familiarity with Emily or her family. She felt a further stirring of confusion as her eyes moved to his right. Jacob was standing firmly by his side, his expanded shoulders held high with a new inner strength, but it was the girl tucked under his arm that left her mind puzzled. Her stare was so intent that she didn't see Jacob turning to look her way, the intensity of her focus making his fingers tighten a little on the soft flesh of Leah's arm.
The action made the older Quileute girl turn to see what had him riled, her head flirting back and forth until she noted the pale figure heading their way, the light pallor of her skin even more pronounced under the dark tones of her dress.
"Hi Bella." Leah said softly, welcoming the girl whether she understood her presence or not. It wasn't time to question whether she belonged, no matter how much Sam had tried to drum it into their minds that the pale face wasn't ever going to be one of them.
"Hey." Bella almost whispered back, nodding to her father that he was fine to leave her be, that she would be safe here with her friends.
"I didn't know you were coming." Embry interrupted, and she stepped a little closer to him, finding the way Jake was looking at her a little intimidating.
"Charlie was invited by Emily's family and he asked if I wanted to come with him." She shrugged, not completely comfortably as she attempted to justify her presence in her own mind. She was beginning to feel a little like she was intruding and Jake wasn't exactly doing anything to help that feeling fade away.
"I'm sure Emily would be happy so many people came." Leah offered, her eyes heavy with sadness even though she wore a light smile on her lips. Bella knew this was her way of telling her she was welcome and it gave her a little confidence to turn to Jake. Holding his eyes, she watched him visibly soften, but then something over her shoulder caught his attention and his whole body seemed to lurch upwards, the tension written all over his face.
She couldn't help her curiosity as she turned her head. The two men walked with an assured ease, their strides long and clean as they drew ever closer.
Bella would be ashamed if she knew that her eyes had glazed over, and possibly even mortified if she realized that she had actually taken two steps forward, her instincts pulling her to him as if by magic.
He'd already known she would be here, his wolf so sure of her that he could sense her wherever she might be. He was angry that she was standing with his little brother, the possessive part of his pride knowing that while Jacob Black might not care anymore, both the boys in front of him had wanted her for more than friendship.
"Black." He heard Jared say, but he was already watching the baby Alpha bristle. It brought a smile to his lips when he reached out and pulled his little imprint into his body, and the bristle morphed into an all-out hatred inspired tremor. Paul knew that Jacob would do nothing to pull her from his arms and from the way he could feel her heart relax to be near him, he was fairly sure that she wouldn't be moving away from him of her own accord.
"This isn't the time or the place for this, Paul." Jacob gritted out, his teeth clenched to hold himself back. The strength of his wolf was pounding in the Alpha's skull, telling him that he was wrong to be at odds with something that his gods had chosen for one of his own.
Hearing her friend's voice seemed to shake Bella out of her Paul filled daze and while she could clearly recall being pulled into his arms, the warmth of him filling her so quickly and completely had left her losing track of everything since. The forfeiture of control was highly unsettling and though it was a struggle to do so, she drew herself away slightly. The space gave her the clarity to remember where she was, and as a light blush graced her cheeks she stepped back to Embry's side.
Paul didn't look particular impressed with her decision and though she was only moments away from running back to him, to the place where she found her peace, she forced herself to look away. Finding the watchful eyes of her father, her blush deepened, wondering if he'd seen her wrapped in the arms of a stranger.
It took all of her control as the ceremony began to keep her feet planted where they stood, and unaware of the feelings it would invoke around her, she unconsciously began to grip Embry's hand, physically using him as an anchor to keep her body in place.
She understood that there was something more here than a simple attraction and as she distractedly listened to the Makah Elders talk of how Emily would now be free to swim alongside their ocean gods, she finally figured out the answers were standing right by her side.
Shamed by the trail of her thoughts as they stood to celebrate the life of a girl she'd only come to know in death, she dropped her head. It wasn't right, she concluded, to be so self-involved and silently she apologized to the spirits and to Emily.
Finding a moment of acceptance in her honesty, she decided to step away, knowing it was wrong for her to be lingering now that she'd made her peace. She didn't notice the eyes that watched her step away, but she did feel the presence on her shoulder as she loomed ever closer to the cruiser.
"Are you okay?" Embry asked, his dark eyes looking her over even though he already knew that she was physically fine. It was hard for him to hold back from embracing her, but she had already closed herself off to him, her arms folded across her body.
"I'm fine, Emb. You should go back." Her words were spoken with a certain amount of finality, because though she'd chosen to walk away for her own reasons, she also wasn't too eager to let him know that he wasn't the man she had hoped would follow.
"Why'd you leave?" He asked, cocking his head to the side as he tried to figure her out.
Biting her lip, she looked over his shoulder at the solemn bodies below, knowing that while it might have been selfish to leave, it would have been more so to stay.
"I was thinking about something and I didn't think it was right to stand there if I couldn't respect the moment." Bella mused, pausing to formulate the question in her mind that she really wanted to ask. She opened her mouth to speak, but a movement in her periphery caught her attention and as she turned to look, she caught Embry doing the same.
His huge body stood on the edge of the forest, and though he was too far away for it to be true, she thought for a moment that she could feel the deep rumble of his anguish pulse through the air. She was completely incapable of pulling her eyes away and she didn't notice Embry striding quickly from her side, back down into the crowd below.
Embry might have been discrete in the words he mumbled into Jacob's ear, but he couldn't hide the man standing above them all when Jacob turned obviously.
Bella watched with fascination as Leah powered up the hill, pushing back Jacob's hands as he grabbed at her, begging her to stop. The thick air seemed to still as en masse five dozen people turned to watch as little Leah Clearwater rose up on her toes, bringing her delicate hand back before it snapped loudly across Sam Uley's cheek.
An audible gasp floated across the land, but was quickly drowned out by a loud shriek. "Get the fuck off me Jake, let me go." Leah's feet were kicking wildly through the air as Jacob lifted her away, her loud exclamations of anger turning into something inaudible and dark, as shouts turned to gut wrenching sobs.
The grief pouring from the girl was enough to distract everyone as two pairs of thick hands wrestled with the giant, the scuffle turning dangerous as fists began to fly back and forth. Bella found her heart jump out of her chest when she noticed blood flowing from Paul's lip. Something primal sparked within her and it was only when a strong arm lifted her from her rushing feet did she even consider what she was actually going to do.
"Leave him, Bells. He'll be fine, I promise." Embry whispered in her ear, and though she struggled slightly against his hold, she knew he was right.
"We're going now, but I think Billy is going to invite you both back to Jake's. We can talk then if you want." Embry settled her back on her own feet and waited for the moment when he knew she wasn't just going to go running off on some suicide mission to save a man who didn't need saving.
"Okay." She concluded, but only because her father had just moved to Embry's side, his eyes questioning why her friend was still gripping firmly around her shoulders.
"Everything okay with you two kids?" Charlie asked, unable not to, even when Embry stepped back.
"We're fine, Chief. I was just making sure Bells was okay," Embry offered, but her father didn't lose the speculative look from his eye until she confirmed that everything was in fact fine.
"Okay, well, if you're sure. Come on Bells, I told Billy we would join them for dinner, no doubt you'll be there too kid." Charlie concluded, his voice lighter, the only gesture he would make to let Embry know everything was back on its usual track.
"Do you think I could ride with you and Jake?" Bella asked cautiously, but from the way Embry's eyes darkened when he turned around to find a very upset Leah wrapped up in Jacob's arms, she already knew the answer before he said a word.
"Sorry Bells, but I don't think that's such a good idea. Anyway, we brought the truck and unless you want to sit in back, we just don't have the room." Embry grinned at her apologetically before jogging away.
Bella watched him go, watched him all the way until Charlie cleared his throat and she folded her body up into the passenger seat of the cruiser.
"So Jake finally got himself a girlfriend. She got over that Sam guy pretty quickly, didn't she?" Charlie asked, making conversation, not knowing at that moment, Bella was thinking exactly the same thing. They were the last words spoken between them as the evening shadows began to fall around them, the cruiser's headlights beginning to cut into the angles of the forestry as they meandered back to Jake's.
Her father parked behind Jake's truck, the true darkness of the day settling in as he stepped out into the bitter night. She followed him all the way to the Black's front door, but when Billy let her father in and announced that Jacob and his friends were already out in the shed, she turned on her heel and headed that way alone.
Their voices were louder than they realized, of that she was sure. They were so loud that they stopped her dead, her body standing hidden in plain sight.
"…you can't lie to her, Jacob; she'll find out. Anyway, don't you think you're being a bit of a fucking hypocrite?" Leah's voice was a little hoarse, but it didn't seem to be holding her back at all, the angry energy from her voice slicing right into Bella's curiosity.
"I'm not having this conversation again. Don't worry, when she finds out I'll make sure Bella knows you weren't happy with my choice, just like I told Embry." Jake sounded firm and sure of himself as he spoke, but her name had drawn her body in just a little closer. She'd thought they'd sworn to her that the secrets had stopped, that they were on her side.
Striding forward, she flung open the little slice of tin, revealing herself and the fire that was burning in her eyes.
a/n: Ooops, I almost forgot to post this! Here is chapter 13 and while I'm working on 14 right now, I'm ridiculously busy for the next few weeks, so I'm going to do my very best to post on Sunday and Wednesday as I've been doing, but if I am a few days out, please don't hunt me down with your pitchforks! As usual a big thank you to my beta Twiticulate and to all you lovely readers for joining me for the telling of this tale. xxx