Disclaimer: I don't own Torchwood, nor do I own the characters. All rights to everything Doctor Who or Torchwood related belongs to RTD and the BBC. I still make no profit.

When Jack first got home, he was intent on doing all of the things he'd promised himself he'd do if he made it out alive. He was trepidatious at first – after all, he'd disappeared without even a letter, and his explanation was hard for even him to swallow- but the moment he saw his team, his apprehension turned immediately into relief. It didn't matter how angry they were, or even how hurt they were; all that mattered was that they were. Breathing, and working, and alive. After all those months spent in chains, with no real hope that he would ever lay eyes on them again, seeing them all together, his team, his friends, his loves; that sight alone was worth all the rage they could throw his way.

Gwen's punch didn't take him by surprise, and he supposed he deserved it, but Ianto's silence threw him off guard. Jack had always assumed that he was just a bit of solace for Ianto, someone he could go to when he didn't want to be alone, and that had always been fine with Jack. It had been Ianto he'd dreamed of when locked in those chains, and it had been Ianto he'd yearned for near the end, but he'd always assumed that those were his feelings alone.

Ianto's hushed and formal reception of him said differently, it spoke volumes in its stillness, but Jack couldn't quite make out the vociferously unspoken words. Ianto was still an enigma to him; he kept his emotions tucked neatly away, and rarely showed them to anyone. Jack couldn't get a handle on him, and he wasn't sure if Ianto wanted him as a lover, or as a friend. He wasn't sure if Ianto slept with him out of desire, or duty. When it came to Ianto, Jack was always a bit confused, and never sure.

Gwen was a different story. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and it was no secret to anyone that she wanted Jack. It was obvious in her every glance, her every word, in every gesture she made in his direction. Her desire for him was loud like alarm bells, and Jack felt far more secure with that. He wasn't quite as intrigued, and he certainly wasn't as attached, but security rated higher on his list these days. After a year in hell, spent mostly by himself and his own tortured thoughts, Jack really didn't want to be alone. Gwen was a sure thing, Ianto was a wildcard, and it didn't really matter to Jack who he wanted more, since he wanted them both, in different ways. He just wished the sight of Gwen made his heart beat faster, like a glimpse of Ianto did. But, those things usually settled themselves in time, which he had a surplus of.

His mind made up, Jack approached Gwen to tell her what he'd promised himself he would. He never imagined that it wouldn't go as he'd planned; he never imagined that Gwen would be engaged. The look on her face, and the things she said, told him that he could still have her if he pushed it, but he wasn't overwhelmed with disappointment. He was overwhelmed with relief. Though he did love Gwen, it had been Ianto that he'd yearned for. It was Ianto that seemed to live in his heart.

Jack was always one to take risks, but asking Ianto out seemed like a more terrifying idea than being locked in a room with a Dalek. He didn't think he could take being rejected twice in one night, especially not by Ianto. A large part of him wanted to keep Ianto as a fantasy that came to him in his most desperate times and dreams. Then, he ended up alone with the man, and he couldn't help himself. He really didn't want to be alone, especially when Ianto was close enough that Jack could smell his aftershave. It might not have been 51st century pheromones, but it still sent shivers up his spine.

Jack's voice shook as he talked, and he found himself almost incoherent. He couldn't seem to force the actual words out of his mouth, just vague, almost gibberish – "you, me, dinner, a movie"- as though he was making a list of common nouns. Jack was used to being charming, charismatic and eloquent; they were his strengths, and he played to them well. It was manipulative, he knew, but being manipulative and just a little conniving were his survival skills. He wasn't used to foundering.

"You, me, dinner, a movie…"

"Are you asking me on date?" Ianto sounded flustered himself, and Jack found his confidence slightly renewed. He still couldn't imagine Ianto saying yes, and he had to double-check that he had.

A date. The line in the sand between a relationship, and just a couple of shags. It was proof that Ianto wanted him, desired him, and needed him, in the same way that Jack wanted, desired, and needed Ianto. It was proof that Ianto's silent admonishment had been 'Why did you leave me?' and not 'Why did you leave us?'

In a way, that was comforting to Jack, but it was also scary. Standing in that office Ianto's professional mask had slipped for a moment, just as it had in the bar, and there had been pain written on his face that Jack knew he would have to account for. Ianto all ready knew about his immortality, and the Doctor, but so much had happened to Jack while he'd been away, and Ianto deserved to know about it.

Jack wasn't exactly the same man he'd been when he'd left; he'd lived an entire year that Ianto would never remember, and if Jack wanted to make this work, he would have to be honest about what had happened in his reality. It sounded easy, but Jack's mind ached with the memory; he was sure his throat would choke on the words.

He didn't have to worry about it now though, because 'John", or whatever the hell he called himself, was back in his life, running one of his games, and that took precedence over everything. The faster John was out of their lives, the less damage he could do.

Satisfied that Ianto was quite possibly going to be a large part of his life, and determined to make sure John was absolutely not, Jack headed for the roof, to get this job done with as quickly as possible.

xxxXXXxxx

Things could have gone worse, but Jack wasn't sure how. After spending a year chained up and tortured by a madman, he'd hoped his first day at home would involve far more coffee and paperwork, and much less gratuitous violence. He'd also hoped for just one day when he didn't have to die in a gruesome manner, although the look on John's face had almost been worth it. Then, to top it all off: "I found Grey."

Three simple words that had ripped Jack to pieces; three little words that hurt so much it was almost unbearable. No matter how old Jack got, the grief stayed fresh. Everyday it felt new, and John had to be lying, because Jack wanted it to be true so badly.

"I found Grey. I found Grey. I. Found. Grey." The words echoed through Jack's mind like a broken record that he couldn't turn off. "I, I, I found Grey, Grey, Grey." It was enough to make Jack want to blow his own head off, except he knew he'd wake up with a pounding headache that came with it's own refrain.

What he needed was time to think, so he'd sent everyone home as soon as he could, and sat and brooded in the dark. He knew almost immediately that he'd made the wrong decision, but he was still pissed off when he heard the klaxon blare. It was just too presumptuous for someone to assume he needed help, so he automatically presumed the intruder was Gwen, as unfair and mean-spirited as that was.

Jack set his face into his most disapproving and annoyed expression, which softened only slightly when he saw Ianto walk through his office door.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "I told everyone to go home."

"I was worried about you," Ianto said, folding his coat over a chair and sitting down. "You haven't seemed yourself since you got back. You've actually seemed too much yourself, like you're trying to hide something. Sir – Jack… what happened to you while you were gone?"

Jack was slightly taken aback by the question, because it wasn't the one he'd expected. He'd been prepared for Ianto ask about Grey, but he instantly realised he should have known better. Ianto was a lot of things, and one of them was clever. He knew what had to be pushed, and what was better left alone.

"You were gone quite a while, Jack-" Ianto started in Jack's silence.

"Longer than you think," Jack cut in, and Ianto raised an eyebrow. "It was a year. I was gone a year."

Jack paused to let Ianto repudiate that claim, but Ianto just looked at him expectantly. Ianto was clever, sometimes in ways he had no right to be, and he had faith in Jack. Not because Jack was charming and charismatic, and not because he was immortal and thus, somehow, expected to know everything, but, Jack realised, because Ianto saw him as a man, a good and honourable and ordinary man that had been though extraordinary things. Ianto wasn't in awe of him like everybody else; Ianto respected him, which Jack hadn't had in so long, he hadn't even been aware that he was missing it.

If there was just one moment when Jack knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ianto owned his heart, that was it, so Jack said, "It was a year in my timeline, and I was in hell. I lost count of how many times I died. It started when I found the Doctor…"

Jack talked for nearly three hours, and Ianto listened in that way Jack loved, where you could tell he was really hearing everything you were saying. Somewhere in there, Jack recognised the unidentifiable feeling he'd had watching Ianto listen to Tosh was jealousy, but the way Ianto was looking at him, and lightly brushing their hands together, told him he had nothing to worry about.

When Jack was finished, at well past midnight, Ianto had tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry," was all he said, and then he brushed his thumb across Jack's cheek. It came away wet, and Jack realised he was crying as well, but he wasn't embarrassed. For the first time in recent memory, he actually felt close to someone, and that felt amazing.

Ianto slid his hand around Jack's neck, and kissed him gently. Jack kissed him back, and had his final realisation of the night: kissing Ianto was more peaceful than dieing.

FIN

Special Author's Note: I've realised I can keep this fic going for quite a long time, and whilst I have many ideas, and a planned out story arc, I've decided to take requests. If there is a 'missing scene', or a general idea you'd like to see included here, leave it in the reviews, and if I can make it fit into the story, I'll write it in. Just my way of saying 'thank you' to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, etc. I hope you've enjoyed it thus far. - Amberssister